Withdrawal

Namjoon- “Yo, Yoongi.”

Nothing good was going to come out of this day, I knew that for sure.

Jin- “Come on Yoongi, get up.”

So knowing that, would it kill them to let me sleep just a little longer.

Yoongi- “ whaaaaaattttt”

Light broke through my eyelids forcing them open to see blurry Namjoon and Seokjin hovering over me.

And so this horrible day begins.......

Jin- “You fell asleep in the studio again.”

Yoongi- “errrr do we have a schedule?”

Jin- “No, we are on break, remember?”

I covered my eyes with my forearm not bothering to get up.

Yoongi- “Then why did you wake me?”

Namjoon- “Cause it's two in the afternoon”
His voice was at that ‘ I’m a leader and this is serious’ level.

Jin- “And we need to talk about what happened last night.”
And even worst and more unusual, Jin was at the same tone.

I peered over at them both before slowly sitting upright to face them. Both took a seat on the swivel chairs Minnie and I sat on. I wasn’t in the mood for eye contact.

Yoongi- “You know?”
Namjoon- “The whole building knows”

I felt my stomach sink with the idea that outside the studio door, the world now knows me for what I’m truly am.

Jin- “the stylists had a hard time putting makeup on her cause her eyes were so red and puffy, what the hell happen?”

Yoongi- “what did she say?”
Jin- “that you left in the middle of the date.”

Well, I’m not sure if that's worst than what really happened, but that little bit of information with no back story does make me out to seem like an .

Namjoon- “Yoongi, I know you’re not a social butterfly but that is not like you. What really happened?”

Yoongi- “Does it matter, whatever story is told, I ed up.”

Namjoon- “I think you have the right to explain yourself, or are  you alright with people believing that story?”

I made a loud exhale and lace my fingers together, pondering on if telling the truth was a good idea or if it would even make a difference. Namjoon was right though, I don't care what most think about me but my members are my family, I really don't want them thinking that I’m the type that would just leave a girl like that.

Yoongi- “The date was actually nice. We got along real well. But things got a little....ummm... you know heated....”

Both rose their eyebrows

Jin- “In this room Yoongi?!”
Yoongi- “On that chair.”

Jin quickly got up and cleared his throat.

Namjoon- “Continue.”

Yoongi- “I realized I didn't like her in such a way so I rejected her.”

Namjoon- “Ah, so she was embarrassed to tell the whole story and that's why she said that.”

I shrugged.
Yoongi- “I thought it would be wrong to sleep with her if I didn't feel the same as she did about me. At that point, I’d just be using her.”

                    And I’d NEVER do that

Jin- “Did you try telling her that.”
Yoongi- “She wasn't having it.”

Namjoon scratched the back of his head and grumbled.
Namjoon- “This is why they say don't sleep with those you work with.”

Jin- “Or in this case, he should have.”

Me and Namjoon both glared at Jin for his inappropriate time for comical relief.

Namjoon-” Well Yoongi, I dont think its right that people know the false story, but considering the nature of the truth, It's your decision whether you want to tell the real story or not. But expect some major awkwardness out there.”

Yoongi- “I’m expecting it. Just not prepared for it.”

I laid back down on the couch.

 

 

Yoongi (Text)- Can we talk

Before when I type this out on my phone, I didn't press send because I didn't know what to say to her.
               
                          This time isn't the case.

This time there were so many things I needed to tell her. Like asking her about her date with Hoseok, telling her the truth about my date with Minnie, but mainly I wanted to tell her the real motive behind me not sleeping with Minnie....that I didn't want to break our arrangement.

The more I said it in my head the more I knew that there was no way I can tell her that without it sounding like I......

Five in the evening before I left the main studio, trying to avoid any unwanted stares and attention.

.....I failed

There goes piece of Yoongi

I wonder if that's what everyone was thinking.
The stares were so uncomfortable in the halls on my way out of the building. Stylist, managers and just general staff, some who knew me from when I just started in the agency as a kid. To think that they would take some story from Minnie so easily.

Hoseok- “Don’t let it bother you too much Yoongi.”

Hoseok said fast approaching from behind. Finally a friendly face.

Yoongi- “So I’m assuming Namjoon told you”

I asked as he started to walk along side me.

Hoseok- “He doesn't have to. We know it isn't true, but I got to tell, you working with the girls is going to be reaaaaal awkward.”

Yoongi- “Sorry.”

Hoseok shook his head.
Hoseok- “Don’t be, but if I can ask...”

Yoongi- “I refuse to have with her...”

As the words flew out, I thought maybe I came in a little strong.
I can see Hoseok’s wide eyed in my peripherals. He had no words for me.

Yoongi- “How was your date with 
Y/N?”

It was stupid that I asked. Whatever the answer could be, it was going to piss me off. What is the word for this feeling?

Hoseok- “ It went well. Me and Y/N are defiantly closer than before. You know there’s so much we don't know about Y/N.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw a small smile of joy on his face. As a friend, I truly wanted to be happy for him, but...

Ah...jealousy....that's the word.

The conversation made me take a quick glance at my phone.

No new messages

Damn it Y/N
Is she mad at me?
Wait, mad at ME?!
Does she really believe what Minnie said?
Does she really think I’m some sort of jerk?.....oh

Yoongi(text)- I know what you might have heard, but I think I should explain myself to you

Yoongi- “Hey Hobie, where are the girls at right now?”

Hoseok- “They should be finishing up filming for their MV. Then they will come back here for a couple hours of practice.”

Full schedule, which means to catch her alone would be impossible, but talking to her via text is not ideal since she always have the option to just  not reply.

Yoongi- “Hey Hoseok, Do you think the rest of the girls believe her?”

There was a stinging sensation in the thought that Y/N saw me as the guy that would leave Minnie like that. My eyes followed my steps on the ground as I awaited Hoseok answer.

Hoseok- “I think we are going to find out.”

My head leaped up in panic by Hoseok warning to see Yukina approaching us.
The temperature of BigHit’s Hallway dropped as the ice queen herself stopped in front of us. Passing me a fatal glare before bowing. I had my suspicion Yukina didn't care for me, but now I was certain.

Yukina- “Hoseok, I came to asked if you can excuse my group from practice today. It would seem one of our members is not well.”

Hoseok- “Uh, Um, yeah sure. I understand.”
Hoseok seemed flustered. I wasn't sure if it was her undeniable beauty or her intimidation. Either way, I will not let her have the same effect on me. 

Yoongi- “How is she?”
Since it was clear who she was referring to, I thought it wise to keep her nameless as well. 

Her glare shot at me when she spoke.
Yukina-” she doing fine considering her....ailment. But I assure you, that tomorrow our leader will be back to herself and will perform as she always does.”

Yoongi- “And the other girls?”
The fact that I asked this, without knowing the repercussion of my action astonishes me.
She barely wanted to tell me about Minnie, why did I press any further?

Yukina rose a brow and spoke with little respect.
Yukina- “Is there a specific member you are referring to?”

I stern up my face with a return glare.
Seldomly I was one to use my positional power to retaliate but I wasn't going to let her use her tactics to make me feel any more guilty than I already did.

Yoongi- “Considering my position as contributor and manager of YOUR group it's in my best interest to know the well being of the group as well as there individuals. So generally speaking, how are they?”

Yukina was nothing like Y/N. she didn't scare easily. She continues to mock me with a disrespectful grin and informal speech.

Yukina- “Then leaving Minnie during a date and not apologizing for it, was that for the well-being of the group as well?”

Hoseok- “Yukina!”
Hoseok roughly spoke but kept his volume at a minimal not wanting to create a scene. 

My blood boil over. Rage tighten my chest.
Hoseok grab a hold of my wrist, perhaps to refrain me from losing my temper. It was unnecessary though.

With a deep breath and a swallow of my pride, I bowed to her. I lost this fight.

Yoongi- “You’re right, this is my fault, which is why I feel more incline to ask about your members. And I do have every intention of apologizing to Minnie as well as you. I’m sorry for the trouble I have caused.”

I returned from the bow with Hoseok and Yukina shocked faces. I’d probably do the same. This wasn't normal for Min YoonGi. Then again, there’s a lot of things I’ve been doing that's out of my norm. Quite frankly, this one seem rather minute.

With no more words to exchange, Yukina walked away. I pulled out my phone again. And again no response from Y/N.

If Yukina was a representation of how the other girls veiw me, then I’d imagined Y/N was no different.

Yoongi(text)- Meet me at the old studio now

Hoseok- “Yoongi?”
He said with a tap at my shoulder.

I turned towards the opposite direction from where I was headed. 

Hoseok defiantly was the more loving type but at the moment I couldn't stand his face of pity. After that apology, I felt pitiful enough.

Yoongi- “I think I’m going to stay here. I need a moment to myself. Go to the dorms without me.”

Still sad eyed Hoseok nodded and ask the all too predictable cliche appropriate for this type of mood.
Hoseok- “You okay?”

I started to walk away with a false reassuring grin and a nod.

No. 

 

I waited for an hour.

She had me waiting for an HOUR!

I started my wait calmly on the couch, but 48 minutes in and a couple of yanked hairs later, I was angrily pacing. I would rage even more everytime my phone went off and it wasn't her. I did, however receive a few messages from the members.

Taehyung (Text)- Hey! Kookie is buying food!

Jin(text)- You’ll sleep better in your bed

Jungkook(text)-Skewers?

Hoseok(Text)-Everyone is looking for you

Jimin(Text) come home Yoongi

Namjoon(text)-you cant hide forever yoongi

Namjoon made me cringe with the last text. Another lecture. One I was in no mood to have, but since Y/N wasn't going to show up, I figured I should dish it out with Namjoon instead.

I grabbed my phone and other belongings, about to leave when I saw a silhouette on the privacy glass on the door.

My heart stopped and started up again at twice its speed.

My fear was unwarranted, I wasn't doing anything wrong, and considering my disappearing act, it could have just been one of my members looking for me or considering it wasn't too late at night, a staff member.

But after a moment, I knew very well who it was. The hesitation....it was her hesitation. Even her shadow was shy and awkward, probably debating whether she should come in or not.

I came close to the door and hovered my hand over the knob. Knowing the building was still open and staff members still around, I needed to be cautious that we didn't get caught together, especially in this room. So in one swift move, I opened the door and grabbed her, pulled her in, and shut the door.

There she was, this infuriating woman. The cause of all my rage, pinned between me and the door behind her, which my arm rested on after shutting it. 

I’ll admit, I was so happy to see her.

Y/N- “Yoongi?”

Her voice with my name brought me back to life. But I would not show her the joy in my voice.

Yoongi- “You had me wait for an hour.”
I moved away from her and back on the couch. Both of us avoiding eye contact.

Y/N “I had to tend to a member.”

I instantly became aggravated and my teeth. We have so much to talk about, but why must we start with that?

Y/N- “You didn't give Minnie a chance.”
She quietly said after what seems like an eternity of silence. I jot my eyes up angrily.

Yukina and the other staff members can think and say what they want and I’ll be apathetic to it. But not her...

Yoongi- “So believe her story?”
I couldn't raise my voice, but I couldn't hide the anger in my tone.

Y/N- “Should I have not?”

Yoongi- “You shouldn't have told her I asked her out?”

Y/N looked down at the floor with an ashamed look.
Y/N- “She wouldn't have agreed otherwise, plus she was so happy.”

I my hair back and rolled my eyes. Trying to keep myself level.

Yoongi- “ She wanted to sleep with me Y/N.”
Y/N looked surprised. Clearly this was a part of the story Minnie failed to mention.

Yoongi- “Because I refused, she got mad and left me. She couldn't understand why I would reject her if I was the one who asked her out.’

I calmly turned to Y/N.
Yoongi- “do you see the problem?”

Y/N looked down again letting another moment of silence pass.

Y/N- “Why didn't you?”
She didn't look at me when she asked, but I wish she did. My face would have asked the question for me.

Yoongi- “Are you serious?”
Finally she had to nerve to face me. And from the looks of it, she was serious.

Y/N- “Isn't that what you wanted?”
Her voice sounded as if she was challenging me like Yukina’s did. But this time I wasn't going to concede.

Yoongi- “Do you hear yourself? You and I have an arrangement but Minnie have feelings for me. She wanted something from me I can’t give.”

Y/N- “You didn't even try! I just don't understand why! Why wouldn't you do things the right way?”

Her voice seem to plea, but I had no sympathy for it. I was pissed. Too pissed to realize how  regrettable the word I was about to say were.

Yoongi- “The right way! I don't particularly see you going to rehab anytime soon, so don't talk to me about the right way.”

My word stunned her, but my unleashed temper only gave my words momentum. Y/N voice started to crack, and yet still tried to continue the argument like my attack didn't hurt her.

Y/N- “I know you hate the arrangement Yoongi, I see your guilt. I was only trying to help.”

Yoongi- “There is no guilt Y/N. I don't need to love someone. I don't have time for it nor do I want it.”

In a back and forth conversation like this, mix with the feelings that lingered since the date with Minnie, I released something ugly on Y/N. I wanted my words to hurt her. Hurt her like Minnie hurt me when she called me a piece of or like the hurt when the staff members coldly stared in the halls. Or even more so, like the hurt I felt when she believe Minnie’s story over me.

Yoongi- “What I need is the occasional to get the edge off. That's what you are to me Y/N. That's what the arrangement is for.”

Y/N- “so you're just looking for someone to use?”

Yoongi- “Exactly, and I was just fortunate enough to find you and your drug problem.”

My words were fatal. Very little difference from a sharpened blade piercing through flesh. I stopped her cold, leaving a couple tears to stain her cheek. 

I wanted to hurt her, but now that I did, I'd do anything to reverse it. I wanted to apologize, but it would seem the very same sharpened blade had cut my tongue.

Y/N- “You’re right. It was my fault. I tried to escape from this arrangement by selfishly passing it on to Minnie. I wasn't trying to help anyone but myself.”

This clearly wasn't true. Like how I pushed people away as a defensive mechanism,
Y/N took in all the hate and pain in hope thar everything would go away as long as there was someone to blame.

Y/N’s face freeze frame at a shock expression, letting the tears free fall. I helplessly watched, wanting to do anything, apologize to her, hug her, kiss her, anything. I couldn't let her leave like this.......But I did.

In slow motion, she bowed to me.
Y/N- “I will tell Minnie the truth and fix everything.
.....I truly am sorry.”

And she left.
Leaving me to stare at the door till my vision blurred with tears.

Even if villains could feel remorse, it wouldn't matter if they continued to act like villains.