Jaehyun opened the box, the one hidden under his bed, dusty and untouched for months. All of the memories of her were there. Everything about her was noted, remembered and kept in this box. All this time, she was the memory that kept Jaehyun awake, alive and going. But as the days dragged on, her memory became a significant sign of pain he wanted to forget. She became the painful memory he wants to bury deep down so he can never remember her again. He wanted to laugh at the irony of his situation. The person he wakes up for is the same person who brings him pain and he badly wants to forget.

His room is dark and the sound of the city is heard through his thick walls. He reached for the lamp and switched it on, illuminating his whole room.

Inside the box was her photographs, the random shots taken by him, all candid and rare. There was the friendship bracelet he made for both of them, the one that symbolize their friendship. The bottle caps from the first soda they drank together. And the book, the book she made, for him, for their memories.

The book is all about him. How she met him, how she thought of him, and how painful it has been to be left behind. He read the first page and his heart started hammering and pounding. He doesn’t understand. It has been eight years. She was long gone. Yet, she still has the very ability to make him feel that way. He doesn’t know how and why he felt it.

POLARIS

To my North Star, the one who guided

My ever wandering journey.

I am glad I found you, JJH.

Jung Jaerin

He traced his fingers to the writings of the book, all written by the hand. JJH. Just three letters, who seem to have not much sense in it, means a lot to him. It was his initials. The book was dedicated for him. The book is about him, about them. He eyed her signature. It was beautiful, the kind of hand writing you can hardly decipher but still understand after reading it one more time.

Jaehyun doesn’t know why every time he held the book, just merely pieces of paper tied together with a string, he feels anticipation and excitement. He has read the book a lot of times but the feeling was never different.

He flipped the next page and saw the first sentence she wrote, “It was a Thursday when I first met you, Jung Jaehyun.” He felt that familiar pang in his chest again. He sighed and closed the book. He cannot do it anymore. She has turned out to be a painful memory, a memory he wanted to escape from. A memory he doesn’t want to remember. After all this time, he doesn’t know, was the pain he is feeling a sign of remorse? Guilt? Pain? Heartbreak?

He doesn’t know the answer. But all he knew was he was wrong. If only he could go back eight years earlier, he will choose her. He will save her if that means they could still be together now. If he only he cou