Title : Words don't come easy
Prompt-# : 9
For : coffeeinseoul
Pairing : Onew/Minho
Author : Anonymous until reveals
Word count : 2,049
Rating : PG-13
Warnings : mentions of
Summary : Jinki wants to initiate ual activities, but Minho has a hard time telling him he is aual.
“What movie do you want to watch tonight?”
“It’s movie night already? This week’s been crazy,” Minho said, shaking his head. He was leaning on Jinki’s chest, drawing imaginary figures on the back of his hand. They were both sitting on the living room couch, catching up after their hectic day. “Let’s watch Mulan!”
“Minho,” Jinki whined, “we’ve already seen it ten times! I know all the songs by heart at this point!”
“All the better, you can sing with me!”
“Fine, what don’t I do for you?” Jinki grumbled getting up to set up the TV and prepare the popcorn. Even though he had seen the movie countless times, he didn’t mind watching it again. He could cuddle Minho without missing any important parts.
He still remembered the first time he had watched Mulan with Minho. They were in college and Minho had called him over for a few movies because he was lonely. Jinki had butterflies in his stomach when he knocked on the door. He knew Minho from the Art History class they had together and they got along really well, but Jinki wasn’t sure if his feelings would be reciprocated. Hell, he didn’t even know if Minho was into guys.
They watched some action movie first, then Minho asked if they could watch an animation.
Jinki didn’t mind, so Minho played Mulan. Halfway through the movie, Minho was curling up into Jinki’s side, tears streaming quietly down his cheeks. When Jinki asked what was wrong, Minho told him why he was really in university. He wanted to have his own flower shop and make bouquets for all the happy times in people’s lives, but his parents wanted him to study. He had chosen arts because it was closest to what he truly wished to do. It broke Jinki’s heart to see him like that.
“Jinki! We’re out of cheese!” Minho yelled from the kitchen. Jinki was buttoning up his shirt in front of the hallway mirror, getting ready for work.
“I’ll get some when I come back. Do we need anything else?”
“Maybe some orange juice, it’s getting low.”
“Okay, baby, I’ll take care of it. See you tonight! Take care!”
It was later than usual when Jinki came home that night. Minho had already eaten and was reading in the bedroom. Jinki sat down on the bed and kissed Minho’s cheek softly.
“Sorry I’m late, one of the photoshoots got delayed and then everything was messed up afterwards.”
“It’s alright, love,” Minho said, kissing Jinki’s lips. “Are you hungry? The soup should still be hot, I made it today.”
“I’m starving. Come with me?”
Minho was sitting at the table across from Jinki, chin on one pulled up knee, looking lovingly at his boyfriend. The way he was holding the spoon, the tiny bites of bread he was taking, his slight hunch over the bowl, Minho was falling in love all over again.
“I love you, Jinki,” Minho said in a small voice.
Jinki raised his head in slight surprise at the sudden declaration, but the corners of his eyes were creased in a smile.
“I love you, too, Minho.”
Later that night they were curled on the couch, Minho leaning his head on Jinki’s shoulder, Jinki running his hand through Minho’s hair, talking about their day and simply enjoying each others’s presence and warmth.
“Remember that batch of roses I got the other day? I’ll have to order more next time, they sold out so quickly, it’s incredible!”
“I assume they were as pretty as you.” Minho blushed at Jinki’s compliment and hid his face in the crook of his neck. Jinki had always had a way with words. Even before they became a couple, he always knew what to say in any situation. “What about that wedding at the end of the week?”
“The flowers should be arriving tomorrow and I can start working on the arrangements. Thursday and Friday should be enough, and Kibum promised to drop by and help, too.”
“How has he been doing? I haven’t seen him in a while,” Jinki asked, remembering the smiling face of Minho’s friend.
“He’s travelling a lot with his band, but he’s excited about the tour.”
“Tell him I said hi.”
“Minho, do you have a moment? I want to talk about some things.”
“I have to finish this invoice, it should only take about 10 more minutes, is that okay?”
“No problem, it’s not urgent.”
Before long, Minho was sitting next to Jinki on the couch.
“So, what was it?” he asked, a soft smile on his face.
Jinki took a long breath before he spoke.
“It’s...about us.” Minho’s face turned white. “No, no, I don’t want to break up!” A relieved sigh was heard. “It’s just, we’ve been together for three years now, and we...we’ve never had . It’s not something vital to me, but three years is a long time, and I’ve been thinking if you’d want to do things more ual in nature. It doesn’t have to be from the start, we can start slow, experiment and see what works for the both of us, but it’s something I wanted to discuss with you.”
Minho knew this moment would come at some point, but he hadn’t expected it like this. He imagined Jinki would simply initiate it one night and he would have to deal with it at that moment. He had lost sight of how respectful Jinki was of him.
Minho looked into Jinki’s eyes and could imagine how disappointed he would be if he told him he was aual. He was saddened by the fact that Jinki would never be able to physically enjoy their relationship, that he could never give Jinki what most other people could. So he settled on a lie. At least until he figured how to tell Jinki about it. Until he came to terms with the idea of Jinki leaving him.
“I… I appreciate that you didn’t just jump on me, Jinki, but I’m not sure. I’ve had some experience with this, but none of the occasions had been very pleasant.” Minho lifted his knees and rested his chin on them. “In my junior year of high school I was with this one guy. He had been sweet for a while, yet after we started having , he didn’t really care for me, and I don’t think I’m entirely ready to do it again. I know you’d treat me right, Jinki, but I wouldn’t fully enjoy it. I’m sorry.”
Jinki didn’t press the matter any further. He knew better that to twist the knife in people’s old wounds. “It’s okay, baby, everything at its time,” he said, putting his arm around Minho’s shoulders and bringing him in for a warm hug. Minho was already dreading the moment he would have to tell the truth.
A few days after, Minho was sitting in the flower shop, perfecting a flower arrangement, when the thought came to him again.
What will Jinki say when he finds out? Will he break up with him? Should he even tell Jinki?
Maybe everything would be better if he didn’t tell him at all. But knowing Jinki, he would notice. He would notice Minho is not enjoying the , no matter how much he’d try to fake it.
Now came the question, how should he tell Jinki? He couldn’t follow his original plan anymore, Jinki would not try to make a move on him, not after the lie he’d told. He let the thought sit for a while, let it develop into an idea.
It was two weeks later that Minho finally decided to tell Jinki. He was sitting in the living room, tapping his foot nervously. He was still worried about the outcome. As gentle and as understanding as Jinki was, he didn’t expect him to want to stay. Not when he couldn’t offer such an important part of a relationship.
When Jinki finally entered, Minho’s anxiety spiked. His voice almost cracked when he called Jinki in the living room.
“What is it, Minho? Did something happen?”
“It’s more about what didn’t happen.” Minho was looking down and twiddling his thumbs.
“Minho, what are you talking about, you’re worrying me!”
“It’s nothing to worry, it’s just...remember when you asked me if I was okay with having ? What I told you wasn’t exactly true. I did have a boyfriend in junior year, but it was for a short while, and we didn’t have . Truth is, I’m aual.“ Minho was holding his breath. Jinki was blinking rapidly and tilted his head slightly.
This is it, this is where it ends. Minho could feel his world collapsing inside of him.
“I’m sorry, Minho-” this is it, he’s gonna break up “- I don’t know what it means.”
What?
Minho was speechless for several moments. Jinki didn’t say he hates him. He didn’t break up with him. There was still an inkling of hope, but there is a reason hope is at the bottom of Pandora’s box.
“You’ve never heard of it?”
“They told us about aual reproduction in Biology, but I’m pretty sure it’s not that.” Jinki took one of Minho’s hands between his. “Can you explain to me what it is?”
Minho expected Jinki to be in shock, yet he was the one having a hard time taking it all in.
“Well, the short explanation is that I don’t feel ual attraction, but...” Minho tried slipping his hand from between Jinki’s, with no success.
“But?”
“Please don’t misunderstand me, Jinki, it’s not that I don’t love you, I literally don’t feel ual attraction, I don’t know why, or how, or-”
“Minho, Minho, take it easy, I can’t understand what you’re saying.” Jinki was looking in Minho’s eyes, trying to figure what was going on in his mind. Minho’s eyes were b with tears, and when they spilled, he was shaking harder than he ever had. Jinki took him in his arms and he could feel the tears seeping through his shirt.
“I’m here, Minho, I’m here, it’s alright, let it out.”
When Minho calmed down, Jinki looked him in the eyes and spoke softly.
“Can you please explain it to me slowly? I’m having a hard time understanding what you say when you rush.”
Minho wiped his eyes one more time and took a deep breath.
“I’m aual. I don’t feel ual attraction. I can get aroused and have , but I don’t particularly enjoy it.”
“Is this why you lied when I suggested having ?”
“Yeah, mostly. It’s just, it seemed quite important to you, and I didn’t want to disappoint you,” Minho said, looking down.
“Minho, I…you wouldn’t disappoint me! I like , but it’s not everything there is.”
Minho curled up in Jinki’s chest, speaking even softer than before.
“I thought you’d want to break up with me because I couldn’t offer you something so important.”
Jinki couldn’t believe his ears. He hadn’t seen the turmoil in his boyfriend’s heart and it led to this.
“I’m sorry I caused you pain, Minho. You mean a lot more to me than just , and I’d never dare to even think about breaking up because of this.” Jinki was running a comforting hand through Minho’s hair, trying to convey his feelings as best as he could. “Did my actions before make you uncomfortable? The kissing, or my hands wandering?”
“Not everything. I like the kisses, but not when they get very heavy. And the touches…the warmth is nice, but I’m not always in the mood for it.”
“Should I avoid them?”
“Not altoghether, but you should ask before doing anything, though.”
“What about cuddling?”
“That’s free game,” Minho smiled. “As long as you don’t slip your hands in places they shouldn’t be.”
Jinki giggled at Minho’s choice of words.
“I promise not to.” A pinky was raised. “May I kiss you?” Jinki asked, placing his forehead on Minho’s.
“Please do.”
Jinki tilted his head slightly to the right and placed his lips soflty on Minho’s. He didn’t do more. They could feel each other’s breaths, and even with their eyes closed, they could see the love; and it was enough. They didn’t need the to feel complete. They just needed each other.
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