A/N :

italic = thought

red = flashback

As I thought, I love her. Such things are running through SinB’s mind while Yerin was holding her hand.

Yerin turns to her, a slight grin. “Cold?”

SinB shakes her head, signaling no. Yet, Yerin is still hugging her anyway. SinB grins to herself because as she has thought before, Yerin is warm.

SinB grunts a bit and Yerin is tightening her hugs. It makes SinB’s heart filled with happiness.

The little strolls they takes for a little break from their schedule, SinB loves it. Because, some days, Yerin just looked like cloud are thundering above her head, some days she looked like rainbow is appearing there. This Yerin who was smiling happily is the one with the beautiful rainbow above her head.

--

While they browse through the things on the flea market, SinB takes a doraemon shaped piggy bank. Yerin is still smiling happily and SinB too, feels happy.

“Say, unnie,” SinB turns to Yerin.

“Hm?”

“Do you think it’s possible to love someone or something too much?” SinB asked.

Yerin freezes at that. Her palm on SinB’s hold grow a bit colder. Some kind of dread is filling up SinB’s heart. Maybe she has been asking the wrong question. Because Yerin’s smile seemed to be frozen.

SinB watched Yerin takes a deep breath before she smiles at her, that tired little smile she often wears these days. “Yes, it is possible, Eunbi. It’s possible to love too much until it becomes sadness.”

It makes SinB frown, her eyebrows touted together in confusion. “Why? I don’t think it is possible, unnie. It isn’t possible to love too much. It’s either you love or not.” SinB looks at her foot. “It’s borderline addict if it’s like that. And it isn’t healthy.”

Yerin smiles again. So, SinB smiles as well.

--

Yerin inwardly sighs. Because as SinB’s warm hand envelops hers, her mind. Her traitorous heart remembers another pair of warm hand, the slightly bigger, and slightly rough hand, but still so warm, so kind. Yerin remembers the pair of hand which belongs to their leader. The warm hands that will never belong for her to hold the way she wanted to.

Because of this, because her traitorous heart keeps on reminding her of someone else. Keeps on making her wishing that it’s that person instead of who’s being with her right now, here in this flea market. Yerin sighs inwardly because she knows that it’s possible. It’s possible to love too much when you wish for that person instead of the one you’re being with.

--

“Unnie? What do you think about?” SinB asks.

Yerin looks at their intertwined hands up to SinB’s smiles. Yerin shakes her head, she smiles and ruffles SinB’s hair. “Nothing, I just thought that the stars are beautiful and you are under it. A beautiful human who shines under the stars."

SinB blushes and whines.

Yerin wonders if sometimes she could actually move on completely. What if she’ll never be able to love anyone else like how she has been loving—

Then SinB turns to her and laughing and pulling her forward.

“Yes, Yerin…you will definitely find it someday. Someone who you’ll love more than you ever love me,” Sowon said. All sad and kind.

Yerin has decided to hang onto that. She doesn’t know whether it’s just a desperation or real hope. But, she would like to believe that it’s hope. That it’s possible for her to look at Sowon, to think about Sowon and not feeling any butterflies anymore.

She knows too that she has been threading this thin line between desperation and hopeless hope. She also realizes that she has been making that promise to herself to stop looking at Sowon—to stop all of those butterflies—yet, yet Yerin is just a girl who couldn’t forget her first love, even if that love isn’t hers to begin with. Even if that love will never be hers.

--

a/n :  ｡◕‿◕｡

and some of you might be wondering why yerin doesn't move on quick to sinb. because while this is just a fic, and everything is just a fiction, i want to write something that's relateable and i don't know, something about real thing. because first love is not something that you could just easily move on from. if you could forget them that easily, i believe that it isn't love in the first place. you can't stop loving someone or something as easy as you turn your palm upside down. at least that's what i believe.

and also because unnie line are always so playful with each other ;)

enjoy and thank you for reading and commenting~