“You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”

 

― J.M. Barrie

 

 

~

 

The october air filtered against the ruddy windows of the orphanage, calling to Seungkwan who had just moments before opened his eyes to the new day. A sweet smell invaded his senses, almost sweet and honey-like yet he knew it was not food for food had been scarce as of lately. A thin arm draped across his chest lazily and he slid his fingers gently into the spaces between Hansol’s hand.

In the morning light everything was simple and quiet, almost like he’d been trapped inside a beautiful dream. The haze of sleep drowned him in a blurry mess of scent and happiness as suddenly the windows shook against the strong winds, and the stray droplets of rain pattered against the distant rooftops.

He breathed in the cool morning air and his side to bury his face in Hansol’s chest. The warmth he exuded nearly caused him to fall back to sleep but he didn’t. With his eyes closed he could hear the small heartbeat and the gentle whisper of his breath.

They have things to do today, he knows, but just for once he wished to forget about the day full of work and hard labour. Unfortunately for him, their headmistress was a very strict woman.

“Up, boys! We’ve got a long day ahead of us!”

Her voice traveled all throughout the half-empty house. Starting from the bottom of the stairs, Seungkwan traced her steps in his mind. She’d first pull her black shawl over her pristine but fading dress and wrap it tightly around her body to defend against the sharp morning air. She’d stop at the bottom of the stairs where there was a hanging mirror and check her reflection, patting down her smooth but somehow frazzled hair and rounded, silver-rimmed glasses. All of this while shouting over the stillness of the house, “Up, now children we needn’t be late for the start of the day!”

Click, click, click, stumble, click.

Miss Kim, for that was the headmistress’ name, climbed the stairs dutifully and stopped at the first door to the left. It was the small room where all his older brothers slept with the exception of their youngest: Haeil (accompanied by Sanha), Soonyoung, and Jihoon.

He shut his eyes tighter when he heard a shatter come from their room where--no doubt--Jihoon had thrown something fragile against the wall in a sleep-induced rage. This half woke Hansol up who turned away from Seungkwan to bury himself inside the cocoon they had made for themselves.

“That’s quite enough, Mr. Lee. Clean that mess up immediately while I wake up the others. You hear me?”

A loud groan came from the room next door.

“Haeil you make sure that boy does what I say.”

Seungkwan saved himself the trouble of getting yelled at and sat up in the bed he shared with Hansol. He could hear Miss Kim clatter the few steps to their own room, where all of them were shoved in two beds, partly to keep warm, and partly because lack of resources.

Minhyuk and Chan in one, and Hansol and himself in the other.

Had it been any other day, maybe years and years ago like it’d once been, they would all have their own room and their own beds but things hadn’t been easy for the eight kids with their personal world on the brink of war. Their empty house now only served as a good hide-and-seek space during playtime. However, with only the eight of them, the games never did last too long.

The creak of the door opening shook him out of his thoughts and he eyed the woman before him. Her neat hair with the frazzled ends and the black shawl hugging her body made him snort a little to himself at how right he had been.

“Oh good, Seungkwan you’re awake. Please make sure your brothers get up.”

She took a quick look around the room and then disappeared.

Seungkwan knew she’d be back in less than five minutes so he threw himself on Hansol and hugged him tightly.

“Wake up!” He whined, with extra emphasis on the “up.” He nuzzled Hansol’s bare neck with his cold nose, making the other jump.

“Seungkwan!” Hansol shrieked, pulling the blankets up as a shield.

“Up, right away! You hear me!? Right away!” Seungkwan mocked their headmistress while ticking Hansol awake.

“I hear ya!” He laughed loudly.

Seungkwan threw his thin legs over the right side of the bed and settled his feet on the cold hardwood in one swift motion, shutting his eyes tightly and counting out loudly to three. The freezing temperature zapped his skin and traveled all the way up to his neck and made the hairs raise up together. The cold floor on his bare feet was a better wake-up call than a splash of water to the face.

“One, two, three, four, five!” Hansol shouted his victory and Seungkwan peeked over his shoulder to see Hansol holding his own feet to the ground. “Beat you!”

“Perfect, your prize is ice blocks for feet.” Seungkwan crooned and stooped low to slip on his boots, he whistled at the other two boys in the room who were half awake. “Wake up, the both of you! Miss Kim is gonna come check if you don’t get downstairs.”

“What’s the schedule today?” Chan drooled out, the words sloppy and messy on his tongue.

Hansol glanced back with a small smirk ghosted on his handsome features, “It’s pronounced sched-ule.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Nuh-uh.” Minhyuk shoved him before climbing out of their shared bed.

Seungkwan shrugged into a threadbare button down and opened up his side drawer where a stack of papers was shoved in. He squinted and read the tiny hand-written script of their work times. “Hm, looks like all of us are headed up north today.”

“To the village again?” With a giant groan Minhyuk threw himself back on the bed, covering his red ringed eyes with his thin, bony arm. He stupidly neglected to wear nightwear to bed and Seungkwan could easily count all of his ribs. He looked away with a pinch in his lips and he closed the drawer. “I was hoping to go to west town today. Did you see the soldiers have been filtering in and out again? God, if only I could join them for one day they’d see how great I was!”

Chan cackled in the corner as he shook himself into his clothes, his shoulders jumped up and down with laughter. “You couldn’t even carry a gun with those tiny arms of yours!”

Jihoon suddenly peeked his head in from the hallway, joining in on the jest. “I bet the helmet alone would snap that thin neck of his.”

“I hate you both. This is the one thing I want to do and none of you support me at all!”

“He means it’s the only thing he can do, since he has no brains.” Jihoon’s whole body shook with vicious laughter as everyone in the room rolled their eyes at his bitter humor.

“Be careful or I’ll slip one of Miss Kim’s pins into your mattress!”

“I can’t be threatened by someone who tells the tormentor his plans of revenge.”

Minhyuk frowned at Jihoon’s words as Miss Kim peeked her head in behind Jihoon. She tsked at the scene and then snapped her fingers and left once again.

“What’s a tormentor?” Chan sounded out the word and took his Dixon pencil out and scribbled the new vocabulary out on a piece of paper.

“It’s a very handsome person with a good personality.” Jihoon lied and then left the hallway soundlessly after wreaking havoc once again. Hansol and Seungkwan shared looks of disbelief while Chan looked pleased with himself at having learned a new fact.

“We’d better get downstairs fast. When Miss Kim starts to snap you know it’s time to go.” Hansol led the way out as the rest finished their business and met the others in the bare dining room downstairs.

The dining room had once been a pretty place but long gone were the beautiful rugs and the nice decorations on the walls. Now there was just a few old desks pushed together where they ate a small breakfast of rice and boiled potatoes. Together they prayed, Jihoon holding his hand out to Soonyoung on his left, then Haeil, Sanha, Minhyuk, Chan, Seungkwan, Hansol, and finally Miss Kim.

“God protect my kids’ journey today to the north village and allow them to bless the elders there with help so that they in return will bless these innocent children. Amen.”

“Amen,” everyone echoed.

That was the agreement, Seungkwan thought. They’d all be sent out together to help the elders in cleaning, cooking, farming. Then those same elders would give them food to take back to the orphanage and sometimes other essentials or even a few bronze coins.

Hansol held out a piece of potato in front of Seungkwan, waving it back and forth between his unfocused eyes. “Eat, we got a lot of hard work to do today.”

So together they shared each other’s food and made sure they both had enough to eat. Even though it was hardly enough to fill their stomachs, they lied to one another and said that they were full to ease the other’s worries.

 

~