EUNJI'S POV

Have you ever wished yourself to be swallowed by the flatform you are standing whenever there's an embarassing situation? 

 

Of course, you do! And I do, too!

 

Like right now. My class are teasing me because yesterday lunch at the office, one of my class here silently sneaked and she saw the dessert I prepared which has 'I love U'.

 

"Miss, I think I know who's that person!" One of them yelled. 

 

Ugh my class is totally noisy now. 

 

"Quiet! Or else all the male performing group will get a score of 70!" I threatend them but God, they don't mind.

 

"It's okay, Miss." One of the boys said.

 

"YAH!"

 

I shout really loud for them to stop and it works. 

 

"This is not the right time and place for us to treat each other like this. I am still your teacher, so I must be the one you all follow." Since then none of them starts talking about yesterday.

 

So I took that chance to start our class and proceed to the male performing group. 

 

"Title of the song?" I asked to first group.

 

"Can U Smile." 

 

"Why?" 

 

"Eh?" They exclaimed.

 

"I meant... why are you guys so good? This song is great!" I tried to reason but they don't seem to be convinced. "Proceed!"

 

Of all the songs this world has, why 'Can U Smile'?

 

I don't mean to hate the song... it just reminds me of something which makes me sad.

 

Cos there's a lyric that says, "I want you, I want to hold onto you, but being by my side your smile will only disappear."

 

I really want to hold onto him. I don't wanna give up. I want to tell him how I feel. But if I did that, I could lose his smiles. Because right now, even if I am not sure what feelings he has for me, I am sure of how he feels for Chorong. Because, it may hard for me to accept but, it's the first time I see Howon this happy and he worries nothing. 

 

"I said to go, I said I'm okay

You can only be happy when you leave by my side."

 

The performace has ended but I didn't managed to focus. Now how am I supposed to grade them? I need plan B.

 

"Very good!" I stood up and give them an applause. But I heard the class murmered. 

 

"Minjoo forgot his lines, Jingoo cracked twice, how is that very good?" Says the student, sitting near me, to her seatmate.

 

"I know, I heard it. But whatever the result of every performer they deserve a praise. Why? Because they worked hard." Okay nice reason, Eunji.

 

"So, Minrae, you have the highest grade and I acknowledged you as the most outstanding performer we had last month. What can you say about their performance?" This is the best way for me to grade them and since I can trust Minrae's judgement.

 

"Well, their voice are good. They distributed each lines well. It's just that two of them made a bad impact. Maybe because they are nervous. But all in all, it's okay."

 

See? She's great! She has a future to be like me. Except the trait of not being attentive cos I think too much.

 

After all the group has performed I announced something important.

 

"Tomorrow Friday is our last meeting and next week will be the start of your winter break."

 

They all shout their excitement. 

 

"What are your plans on this winter break?" I asked them cos I'm curious how would they spend it. Thinking I might get an idea too on what I will be doing this winter break.

 

"Me, I'll just stay home. Since it will be cold." One of them shared.

 

"Eh? That's boring! Me, I will ask my Mom to go to our town and be with our relatives." 

 

Hmm... that's a great one.

 

All of them shared all their plans. It was all exciting and a great way to cease the stress we had. But one plan caught my attention and made me changed my previous plan.

 

"I will help my Mom to volunteer on a orphanage overseas. In which there are kids who doesn't have a family. We will give them a temporary family for Christmas, prepare gifts for them and celebrate Christmas with them."

 

I remembered the orphanage in a town I once lived.

 

When I dismissed the class I called right away my contact on that orphanage.

 

"Ahjumma, does the orphanage has plan for the kids this winter?" I asked as soon as she answered my call.

 

"They are planning to give the kids a field trip."

 

"Field trip? But it will be cold, they might get a cough."

 

"I know. But the kids will like it."

 

"Does the orphanage need some volunteers to help? Cos I'd love to!"

 

"Of course! It will be a big help! Aigoo, Eunji-yah please come. You can bring Howon with you."

 

"Yay! I'll be there, Ahjumma. And I will ask Howon if he can come."

 

"Okay. We'll all wait."

 

"Ne."

 

I doubt Howon will come. I'm sure he has plan with her fiancee. 

 

But I still try asking him, hoping he will agree.

 

I went to the office and luckily he's alone.

 

"Howon-ah." I sit next to him.

 

"Yes?" He asked while looking at his laptop.

 

"You know the orphanage I took you last year?" He nods his head. "I volunteered to help this winter. They have plans for the kids!" I am almost shouting because of excitement. "Ahjumma, asked me if---"

 

"I'm sorry, Eunji, but I can't come with you this time." He cuts me of. When I look at what's been keeping his eyes to the monitor, I saw places, beautiful places. "I already has plan for this winter break with Chorong." As expected.

 

That's what explains what I just saw in the monitor. He's choosing for a perfect and beautiful for them to visit.

 

"I am not asking you to come. I am just gonna ask if you can support the orphanage?" I asked denying the fact of me asking him to come.

 

"Sure. I will just send it to their account." He said, still without glancing at me.

 

I was about to leave when he called for me. 

 

"Eunji." I turned my head but now he's looking at me. "Can you recommend me a place perfect for winter?" He asked, then turn back his eyes to the monitor.

 

At least you look at me before I answer. 

 

"The place is not the most important, but the person you will be with is." Finally he took off his eyes totally and just look at me. "And the memories you're gonna have."

 

He just look at me without even blinking. I don't know what's on his mind right right now while looking at me. 

 

"Waa! You learned a lot from me, huh?" He exclaimed showing me his graceful smile.

 

I just gave him a smile too and then left. 

 

"The place is not the most important, but the person you will be with is. And the memories you're gonna have."

 

Yes. I learned them from him. 

 

I onced asked him during our first year as friends where is the perfect place for us to celebrate our friendship. I am already having feelings for him that time, so I want it to be special.

 

Then he told me those words, which really made my heart flutter.

 

I chose the orphanage.

 

I thought it's the best for us to celebrate our friendship with other people, by helping them. We volunteered, we helped and we played with the kids. We had a lot of fun, we made lots of memories of us, with the kids, it was totally a healing and brings the meaning of happiness. Since then, it's our routine every year, during or before or after our friendship anniversary.

 

But not anymore. Cos this time, it's just me. 

 

"Ahjumma, I'm sorry to inform you but Howon can't join me this time." I informed them right away.

 

"Will it be okay for you to go here alone?" She asked.

 

"Of course! I'm Jeong Eunji, right?" I said with pride.

 

"That's our Eunji! Our bubbly Eunji! Okay then we'll see you next week!"

 

"Ne~ can't wait to see you all!"

 

Then I hung up.

 

"Eunji-yah!" Just then Chorong called for me. 

 

I bowed, "Ey, they might hear you and mistook that I'm being easy on you." 

 

Chorong is a transfer music teacher from the other school, but even if I stayed here this school longer than her, she is still my senior, because she's been teaching for 5 years while I a still at my 3rd year.

 

"Don't worry no one is around and it's okay, you know." She then link her arms into mine. "Guess what!"

 

"What?"

 

She smiled so wide and it tooks a few seconds for her to be able to spill, "We're going at Jeju this winter break!"

 

"Wow! Jeju is a paradise!"

 

"I know! That's why I am so happy."

 

"Park Chorong!" Howon got our attention. "Let's go?"

 

Chorong just nods and link her arms to Howon. "See you tomorrow!" She waved at me, same with Howon.

 

"I want to go to Jeju but it's too far."

 

"Distance is not important. After all, all the hours spent on travelling will be all worth it."

 

"Okay. Let's go there together someday?"

 

"Sure!"

 

A flashback then runs in my mind. I guess even that plan I made for the two of us is going to all just by myself now. 

 

As I was watching them walk away arms to arms, Howon look back and smiled at me. 

 

But I can't seem to smile back.