It must have been the early morning hours when Sanghyuk woke up again, only one small candle still burning in the otherwise dark room. For a moment, Sanghyuk had no idea what had woken him up, and he quickly settled down again, ready to go back to sleep.

He was on the border of unconsciousness when he heard it again: a quiet whimper, followed by a choked sob.

He was instantly awake again, listening into the darkness and trying to figure out if he’d really heard what he thought he’d heard and where it came from.

He heard what sounded like sniffling, but the sound following it might as well have been the wind howling in some open window somewhere else in the castle. The following noises, though, were definitely the sounds of someone crying.

Sanghyuk frowned. Who could be crying in the middle of the night when everyone else slept, and why could he hear it so clearly in his room? Was Hongbin crying?

Quickly, Sanghyuk hurried out of his bed, shivering in the cold night air and wrapping a blanket around himself before grabbing the single candle and venturing towards the other side of his suite where a door led to a small room that was Hongbin’s.

He knocked lightly before opening the door and peeking inside, but the flickering light of the candle showed a peacefully sleeping Hongbin in his bed. As quietly as he could, he closed the door again, listening again to see if he could still hear the sobs and muffled whines.

He could, and wrapping the blanket tighter around himself, he headed towards the door to the hallway. He’d barely made it outside when the whines turned into a wail, and the door-handle slipped out of his fingers as he jumped. A passing gust of wind slammed it shut with a loud bang as it also blew out Sanghyuk’s candle, and Sanghyuk was just glad the bang of the door muffled his own frightened scream as he was left in the dark.

Feeling blindly along the wall and then the wood of the door, Sanghyuk tried to find the handle in the darkness, but his hand kept finding nothing and he became more frantic in his search. He didn’t want to spend the rest of the night in the cold hallway!

Luckily, the door opened moments later, eliciting a surprised squeak from Sanghyuk before he saw Hongbin’s face in front of him.

“Sanghyuk-ah? What are you doing out here?” Sleepily, Hongbin blinked his eyes as he tried to focus, his hair sticking out in every direction and not much of him reminding of his impeccable servant status.

“I… There were… I just wanted to check… Never mind.” Sanghyuk stuttered, giving up half-way. He didn’t want to explain that he’d woken up from the sound of someone crying and had decided to investigate but had chickened out as soon as his light went out.

Hongbin hid a yawn but accepted Sanghyuk’s explanation anyway, following him as he led the way to his bedroom again and climbed into his bed. Hongbin exchanged the blown out and burned down candle Sanghyuk had taken with a new one, lighting it and placing it back in its original spot while Sanghyuk watched him from over the edge of his duvet.

“Do you need anything else?” The servant asked tiredly, but Sanghyuk shook his head.

“No. Go back to sleep. Sorry for waking you.”

Hongbin just inclined his head, turning around and leaving, and no doubt fell back asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Sanghyuk wasn’t as lucky. He spent quite a while still listening into the darkness, trying to hear the crying again, but it had stopped.

The sky was already lighting up again when Sanghyuk finally found sleep again.

***

Sanghyuk ate breakfast alone after waking up fairly late that morning. Hongbin had barely been able to conceal his desire to return to the kitchens where his friends were to be found at this time of the day, and Sanghyuk dismissed him early to allow him to spend his time there. The result was another meal taken in solitude, since apparently his host was unavailable again (“Lord Hakyeon left early, not mentioning when he’d return. He just instructed us not to wait up for him with the meals.”).

Despite the sun shining brightly outside, the breakfast salon was half shrouded in shadows, making it hard to see as far as to the back wall from where Sanghyuk sat. The curtains had only been pulled back from one of the large windows, bathing the head of the breakfast table in warm light but leaving the rest in the dark.

He quickly found out that the breakfast salon wasn’t the exception as the butler showed him around the house after he was done eating. Only here and there the floor length curtains were pulled back or even just parted, allowing sunlight to stream into the dark hallways and rooms.

Sanghyuk couldn’t help himself as he followed the animated butler around the castle; even in the daylight, he didn’t see the beauty of the castle Hongbin had promised. He still found it exceptionally creepy. It didn’t help that whenever he looked closer he found traces of dust everywhere, even spider webs in the darker corners, unevenly faded colours when he moved pillows even just a fraction, dried out lamps and candles that had molten in their holders a long time ago.

The whole castle looked as if it hadn’t been lived in in years and only just hastily been given a quick, rushed superficial touch-up to make it look at least a bit more presentable at first glance.

While Sanghyuk wasn’t superstitious, he wouldn’t have surprised if it was haunted, too. The memory of the crying he’d heard at night didn’t help dispel that thought. Sanghyuk shivered, and when the butler declared the tour over, Sanghyuk was all too happy to dismiss him. His upbeat nature didn’t fit the somber atmosphere of the castle, only heightening it with the stark contrast it provided.

He didn’t bother ringing for Hongbin and made the way up to his chambers by himself to get a jacket against any possible winds before leaving the castle through the garden salon, deciding to explore the vast gardens in hopes of finding a more alive environment there than within the castle walls.

He was lucky. The gardens were well-kept, not a single leaf out of place on the sculpted bushes and hedges, the sand of the walkways freshly swept and no dead leaves to be found on it. A multitude of different flowers bloomed in beds everywhere, marble statues of pristine white, black green and rosé stood on pedestals bar of any traces of moss, and little fountains splashed freezing cold water into basins so clean they looked as good as new.

What the insides of the castle lacked in cleanliness and traces of life, the gardens made up for tenfold.

What fascinated Sanghyuk the most, though, were the many hidden nooks with benches and other seating arrangements, some under the open sky, others inside of little pergolas and garden pavilions. Tall bushes, strategically placed statues and fountains and expertly grown hedges hid the secret hideouts, making Sanghyuk wonder how many there were as he was sure he’d only just found a handful of them, most of them purely accidentally.

Exploring like that, he managed to forget the time completely, and if it hadn’t been for the bell announcing both lunch and dinner he would have missed both meals. Not that it would have made that much of a difference to him, since he was left alone for both.

When the evening became night and his host had yet to return, Sanghyuk decided to retreat to his room. The salons and library weren’t all that nice on your own, even less so when not a single fireplace warmed the cold rooms, and way too few candles refused to properly light them.

While Sanghyuk’s good mood from the day spent out in the beautiful gardens fled out of one of the many rattling windows fairly quickly, Hongbin was in the best mood Sanghyuk had ever seen him in.

He asked the servant to tell him about his day, and Hongbin prattled on animatedly while lighting a small fire in the fireplace of Sanghyuk’s bedroom.

“…so Wonshik kept stealing and hiding the marzipan leaves behind his back every time Taekwoon turned around, and the poor guy just thought he’d misplaced them! But Wonshik forgot that his back was facing the door and didn’t hear Jaehwan –you know, the butler- come in, and of course he ratted Wonshik out. I bet the boy isn’t going to get anything edible from the kitchens for at least a week, the way Taekwoon glared at him! That is, if Lord Hakyeon doesn’t interfere again. If it wasn’t for him, Wonshik would have gone to bed starving tonight!”

Sanghyuk sat up straight at that.

“Wait, what? Is he here?”

Hongbin looked up shortly from the small flame he was nursing in the cold fireplace to give Sanghyuk a confused look before returning his focus to what he’d been doing.

“Who, Lord Hakyeon?”

“Yes! The butler told me he’d gone out!”

Hongbin nodded without looking up.

“He did go out, this morning. But he came back just before lunch. He’s been here ever since.”

Sanghyuk let himself fall back into the armchair he’d been sitting in, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing.

“He must have been really busy, I assume.”

Hongbin shook his head distractedly.

“Not really. He spent a good time after lunch in the kitchen just chatting with Taekwoon and Jaehwan. He went up into his chambers for a while, but I remember him mentioning he was ‘bored out of his mind’ when he came back into the kitchen before dinner. He even helped Taekwoon decorating the desserts and clean up afterwards.”

Sanghyuk’s mood darkened even more.

“Well, then he must have forgotten I’m here…”

Hongbin shook his head again.

“Hardly. He asked me about you on multiple occasions… Wait. Haven’t you two met yet?!” Hongbin finally looked up from the fire that was resisting his attempts to keep it alive, staring at Sanghyuk with wide eyes.

“Well, no. But I’m so very glad the good Lord has acknowledged my presence at least in front of his staff.”

Hongbin was taken aback by the bitterness in Sanghyuk’s tone.

“Sanghyuk-ah… I’m sure there is a reason why he hasn’t talked to you yet… Maybe you just kept missing each other…?”

Sanghyuk leveled a disbelieving look at Hongbin that made the servant shrink back a little.

“With a house full of butlers, servants and maids that know exactly where I’ve been all day? Carrying food and dishes between the rooms we were in, probably with nothing more than a single wall between us? I find that hard to believe.”

“There must be another good reason then…”

“Of course there must. Like him just not wanting to even say so much as hello to me, maybe?”

Hongbin shook his head.

“No, that’s not like him…” He trailed off, swallowing whatever else it was that he’d wanted to say upon seeing the glare Sanghyuk directed at him.

“Excuse me if I fail to see your good reason. I find it extremely disrespectful and worrying that he doesn’t even bother to see me when he has the not unimportant task to decide over my future; important for me, that is. Who knows how much importance your flawless Lord Hakyeon even gives that.” He spat, getting up from his seat. “You can stop bothering with the fire. I’m going to sleep. You’re dismissed.”

Hongbin gaped at the young Lord, never having witnessed an outbreak like that from him.

“I said you’re dismissed, Hongbin. Leave!” Sanghyuk repeated when the servant didn’t move, and he quickly followed the order, though not without hurt flashing in his eyes.

He’d never been treated like that by Sanghyuk, who usually tried to pretend they weren’t Lord and servant, but more equal; friends, even. But right now, Sanghyuk was nothing but cold.

Hongbin bit his lip; Sanghyuk was really bothered by the fact Lord Hakyeon hadn’t so much as talked to him yet. He sounded hurt, actually.

He furrowed his brow, too, as he debated if he should leave and return to the kitchen, or stay in his own room. He could understand Sanghyuk, though. It wasn’t easy for him, being that he couldn’t decide over his own life himself and having to trust others to protect him at all times; and when his supposed protector didn’t seem to show any interest in his existence…

***

Sanghyuk didn’t want to admit it even to himself as he climbed into bed, forcing down the tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes, but he had no choice: He was scared.

He had no choice but to trust Lord Hakyeon to keep him safe until he was married, and for him to make sure he married someone who he was safe with, too. But how could he trust the other with that if he never even met him, and even more so if the other didn’t even show any interest in him?

He couldn’t.

And since he couldn’t trust him, all that was left to him was fear. Fear for his safety during his stay at Lord Hakyeon’s castle, and even more fear for his future.

How he managed to fall asleep with that fear choking him, he would never know. Maybe he’d passed out as it increased its choking hold and he didn’t remember it.

What he was certain of as he woke up in the middle of the night again, though, was that the crying was back. It was quieter than the night before, but without the noise of a storm outside muffling the sounds, the sobs sounded way clearer.

Instantly awake, Sanghyuk climbed out of his bed, wrapping the blanket around himself and lighting a lamp with the candle on the dresser opposite of his bed. Careful not to let the door fall shut, he left the corner of a towel stuck between it and its frame, and ventured down the hallway from where the sobs seemed to come. They didn’t sound like a child or a woman’s sobs, but… Sanghyuk shook his head. It didn’t matter how delicate the crying sounded, it sounded distressed and hurt first and foremost, and he wanted to find and console whoever was crying.

Returning to the present from his thoughts, he paused and listened out for the sobs to guide his way. He couldn’t hear anything, though. He waited a while longer, but nothing.

Annoyed at himself for getting lost in his thoughts and losing his trail that way, he walked back the way he’d come, attentive to any sounds the whole way, but he didn’t hear anything. Not even when he found himself back in front of his own door. Again, he stood still and waited, but the sobbing had stopped.

Sanghyuk sighed, hoping that whoever had been crying had had someone to comfort them and were feeling better now.

He climbed back into bed and was fast asleep in no time.

***

Sanghyuk was about to curse as he stood in the breakfast salon the next morning. Alone.

The butler, Jaehwan, had informed him that Lord Hakyeon had already eaten and was currently busy.

With next to no appetite, Sanghyuk barely ate anything before storming outside. The morning was extremely windy, but he steered his steps towards a part of the garden where the bushes were big enough to keep the wind away and laid down on a stone bench that the morning sun had warmed up already.

For hours, he kept looking up at the clouds, until said clouds became one massive one, covering the sun and every bit of blue sky. The wind picked up and forced him inside, and as soon as he’d stepped into the empty garden salon, big rain drops started falling from the now nearly black skies.

So much for the single nice place he’d found he enjoyed staying in. Sighing, he climbed the stairs to his chambers through the dark hallways and darker staircases to sort his windswept hair before lunch.

Eventually, the bell sounded and he made his way down to the dining room, where Jaehwan was already waiting for him.

“Lord Sanghyuk. Lunch is served. Lord Hakyeon sends his best wishes, hoping you are enjoying your stay so far and asks you to excuse him, as something came up and he can’t share the meal with you.”

Sanghyuk huffed, ignoring the butler’s words as he sat down and ate with little appetite.

Unfortunately, it was still raining heavily when he finished his meal, and he only debated for a second if he should risk venturing outside anyway. It would be foolish, and he wasn’t a fool. So he trudged to the library instead, gathering a few books that sounded at least somewhat interesting and holed himself up in the reading room. At least here the curtains were pulled back, even though it was pretty much useless since the weather didn’t allow much light to stream in anyway.

He rang the bell and a maid came to light the candles and lamps in the room, giving him enough light to read. He couldn’t really focus, though, and all the books he’d picked bored him. Still, he forced himself to remain occupied with them until it was time for dinner, and almost heaved a sigh of relief when the bell rang.

Any kind of relief left when he once again only found Jaehwan with an apologetic look in the dining room, though.

“Let me guess: Lord Hakyeon can’t make it?” Sanghyuk tried not to spit the words with too much venom, but the expression on the butler’s face told him he’d failed.

“Unfortunately. He sends his apologies, Lord Sanghyuk.”

Sanghyuk was about to tell the butler where Lord Hakyeon could stuff his apologies, but reminded himself that it was not the butler’s fault and not to take it out on him. Instead, he took it out on the meat and potatoes on his plate, and later scolded himself that it was also not the maids’ fault that their boss was a crappy host, but that it would be them who would have to pay for it when they had to put more time and effort into cleaning the tablecloth Sanghyuk had accidentally spilled sauce all over during his attempt to murder the innocent and quite dead already asparagus that came with the meat and potatoes.

He called it another early night.

As he didn’t find Hongbin already waiting in his room, he debated for a moment if he should bother ringing for him at all, but ultimately decided to do so anyway. He needed a bath and to send some dirty clothes to be washed, and damned should he be if he made the way down to the kitchens himself, and possibly ran into a hiding Lord Hakyeon there.

He was the guest, he’d already made it all the way here to Lord Hakyeon’s castle; he’d done his part. It was his host’s turn to make it out of hiding and meet him, and not Sanghyuk’s duty to turn the castle upside down to look for his host.

Hongbin was winded when he appeared in the doorway, looking as though he’d run up here from wherever he’d been before.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you to be up here so early.” He apologized, catching his breath quickly.

Sanghyuk ignored his excuse.

“I need to take a bath and those clothes over there washed. And I don’t want to sit in the cold while taking my bath.”

Hongbin flinched at the monotone order, bar of any emotion whatsoever.

He took a step after Sanghyuk when the Lord made to leave the room.

“Sanghyuk-ah-“

“That’s Lord Sanghyuk for you.”

The reprimand hit Hongbin like a slap in the face.

“L-Lord Sanghyuk, I’m sorry that Lord Hakyeon hasn’t talked to you yet-“

“Has he told you that, or how did you find out that much?”

Hongbin grimaced behind his back.

“I figured. And I’m sorry-“

“Everyone seems to be sorry for something these days, yet no one does anything to avoid having to be sorry; isn’t that funny? I’m sorry I was born a way that makes me nothing but a nuisance or a collectible for others, but does that help any? It doesn’t. So what good is being sorry, then? My bath, Hongbin. And a fire to warm up these freezing rooms. Today, if possible.”

With that, he shut the door behind himself, slowly stepping out of his clothes and wrapping himself in a warming bathrobe.

He knew he wasn’t being fair to Hongbin, but it hurt that his supposed friend was so quick to defend and apologize for the shortcomings of the other Lord instead of taking his side in this. It made him feel not only not welcome here, but also incredibly lonely.