/scumbag author comes out of the woodworks for the first time in 4 months/ I am so sorry for the delay! I had major writers block and everything I was writing looked like it'd been forcefully excreted from a camel's . GOOD NEWS IS, I have the rest of the fic planned out and a bunch more written, so the updates will actually be (semi) frequent now.

also the spacing is weird in this chapter sorry??? idk why its weird

So here's the thing. Girls are pretty. This is an established fact in Jeon Jungkook's mind. Girl's have nice legs and smiles and they smell good. Jungkook likes girls.

He like likes girls. 

Which is why the whole fiasco with Taehyung and The Couch was merely a strange occurrence that definitely won't be happening again.

Hell, Jungkook's going to blame it on the beer because he's still new to this whole alcoholic beverage life okay, and maybe that beer was stronger than he'd previously expected which caused him to get a semi, because that's totally what happens. He's heard it from Hoseok and Taehyung one too many times that as soon as a drop of alcohol touches their tongues their need to increases exponentially. It just happens. It's normal.  

What's not normal is that he and Taehyung haven't spoken for approximately two days, twelve hours, and forty five minutes.

Approximately.

When they were forced into speaking for a performance review, they didn't catch each other's eyes. Taehyung had just stared at his feet like they were the best thing since sliced bread, and Jungkook kept a firm gaze on top of Taehyung's head. They had resolutely not brought up what'd happened and had scuttled away like crabs from a blasting tide when Namjoon had called an end to their meeting.   

Jungkook likes girls. So why is it weird?

He briefly considers the fact that Taehyung might be interested in men as he mopes at the kitchen counter, holding a mug of hot chocolate that's 90% chocolate and 10% milk, but flicks the notion away. He's confident that his hyung would've brought it up to him at some point if that were the case. They're best bros, and best bros don't hold out on that kind of information with each other.

Plus, it's almost physically impossible for Taehyung to hold in a secret for longer than six hours. Jungkook has heard some unfortunate stories that he wishes he could erase from his mind because of this.  

"Why're you looking like a cat just pissed in your cup?" Yoongi grumps as he stumbles into the kitchen. He's still got his shoes on and a face that looks like it hasn't seen the sun in months so he must've been out all night at the studio again. 

Jungkook glances down at his cup and grimaces, he really doesn't need to be thinking about cat piss as he drinks, thanks. "Ew, hyung." 

Yoongi just stares as he waits for an answer, not looking remotely sorry that he's just callously spoiled Jungkook's drink. 

"It's nothing," he mumbles. 

"Cats are green," Yoongi says and Jungkook just stares blankly until Yoongi throws on a theatrical voice, "oh, I thought we were talking about things that weren't true." He glares for effect, the charade over. "Spit it out kid."  

Yoongi's sassy on a good day, and when he's not slept it elevates to immeasurable levels. But he's always been a good hyung because even though he probably hasn't had a wink of sleep he's still trying to help him out. 

Jungkook pokes his index fingers together around the mug and pouts. "It's Taehyung." 

Yoongi grunts. "I figured as much. You two've been dancing around each other for days now." 

Jungkook looks morosely at his cup. "Something happened and now it's weird even talking to him? I mean, it's Taehyung, we're never weird together. I just don't know how to fix it and make it like it used to be."   

Yoongi pinches the bridge of his nose and begins to shuffle towards his room, calling over his shoulder. "You want my advice? Perhaps add the word sorry to your dictionary, test it out on Taehyung, and move the on. I'm going to sleep." 

Sorry. 

Jungkook thinks about this. 

'Hey man, sorry that our touched and things got awkward haha. Anyway, what's for dinner?' 

Yeah, that isn't going to fly. 

Maybe if Jungkook ignores the situation for long enough it'll just disappear.  

Taehyung feels like the world's most terrible person on the entire planet of anywhere and everywhere of all time.

It was just a joke. The whole thing was, and still is, one massive joke but now he's gone and gotten Jungkook uncomfortable. It was a little weird, the whole grinding thing, but it's not like it should be a friendship breaker. At least in his eyes it's not that big of a deal but now he thinks that Jungkook's pissed at him for taking this all too far.

It wasn't even that gay.

Taehyung can't even count on his hands anymore the amount of times he's accidentally and or intentionally grazed one of the member's . happens when you put seven guys in one small living area. Sometimes you run into each other, sometimes your bump, it's whatever. But Jungkook apparently doesn't just see it as whatever if the way he's skulking about the house whenever Taehyung comes into view is any indication.

From his astute observations of being around him twenty-four seven for the last few years, he's almost certain that was Jungkook's first grind. Maybe it was sacred to him and he wanted to grind his for the first time against someone he loved and now he's pissed at Taehyung for ruining it.     

Thing is, Taehyung's not really good at the whole apologizing thing.

It's not that he doesn't want to, it's just that whenever he opens his mouth to say 'I'm sorry please forgive me, please take me back as your best friend' his throat decides to constrict and his lips suddenly forget how words work. He kind of wants to punch himself but he's mostly not a masochist, so he just sulks in his room instead. 

He just wants his best friend back. 

Seokjin has had enough. 

Watching the two kids dance around each other for the third day in a row since he'd caught them is driving him so far up the wall he's transcended the ozone layer and is now peaking into the black void of space.  

He thinks about what he knows. The kids obviously have something going on. They sleep with each other (he'd overheard this juicy piece of information from Hoseok when he'd been recounting their apparent bedroom activities to Jimin in the practice room), and whether they sleep together or sleep together, he's not sure, but they've definitely seen each other's . Seokjin's willing to bet on sleep together considering what he'd witnessed on the couch.  

The thing is, he just doesn't understand why they're suddenly avoiding each other like the plague. 

Maybe... they're embarrassed? They're trying to hide it?  

Maybe the fact that Seokjin had caught them started some kind of terrible argument about having to keep their relationship on the down low. He can understand why seeing as maybe not everyone would be all that pleased to find out about their arrangement (their manager would have a damn heart attack), but he's not quite sure why they're hiding it from the members.

They're all of the opinion that Gay is Okay. They'd had a group discussion once and everything was really nice and supportive until Namjoon had made it awkward by starting to cry and wailing about how he'd love them all the same no matter what.   

Maybe it's about the nature of their relationship, he muses. They might be stuck on the middle of a -buddy turned -feelings type of situation. Perhaps they've not yet figured out where they stand with each other and were forced to confront their potential feelings for each other, but because they're both so emotionally constipated they decided to ignore each other instead.  

Whatever the reason is, Seokjin has had Enough.  

Capital E Enough. 

That's why he's presently got a chair up against the door to block the makane and Taehyung from escaping his bedroom that he generously offered up for their peace treaty. It was a genius idea really, luring them into the same room and locking them in.  

"This isn't funny, hyung!" Jungkook squawks for the eighth time, banging his fist on the door.  

"I heard you the first few times Jungkookie," he singsongs, grip on the chair unrelenting.  

"Why are you doing this?" Taehyung's muffled voice demands and he kind of sounds on the edge of tears. Seokjin really, honestly doesn't feel all that bad about it. Seeing as the two can't get their heads out of their asses it's up to him as the Adult to step in. He's problem solving.  

"We're never going to escape," Taehyung wails in despair. His back is against the wall, hands in his face, and he's sliding down dramatically because it's been forty minutes since jin had pushed them in this room together with absolutely no explanation and an evil cackle to boot as he barred the chair against the door. "We're going to die here. We'll die of starvation and they'll only find our bodies a month from now when they start investigating the strange smell. Oh my god Jungkook, we're going to die!"  

Jungkook pauses his door bashing to look down at him, face pinched. "We're not going to die. Get off the damn floor and help me push!" 

"But Seokjin goes to the gym!" He protests. "I can't beat someone who goes to the gym." 

"I go to the gym," Jungkook points out, offended. 

Taehyung looks him up and down and sighs. "Yeah, but you're kind of, you know." 

"Kind of what?" he demands, eyes narrowing and hands finding their way onto his hips. 

Taehyung gestures at his body insistently. "Like, beanpole-ish. You've got muscle but you're sort of—" he's cut off by a sharp pain in his gut. Jungkook just—he just karate chopped him? What the ? "What was that for?!" 

"Not a beanpole," Jungkook grumbles, looking very much like a four year old that just had his candy taken away. "Okay honestly this is getting ridiculous. Are you going to help me or what?"  

Taehyung stands on shaky legs. It's been four hours since he's last eaten and he can feel his stomach turning into a monster that's consuming him from the inside out. "Fine, but we're not going to push our way out of here. If we're going to escape we're going to have to use this thing called brain power, you understand?" 

He hasn't even registered the fact that they're talking normally now. He doesn't have time to be thinking about things like that when he's actually starving to death. 

Jungkook lets the thinly veiled insult go and drops himself onto Seokjin's bed with a huff. A pink plushie that looks like it could be some kind of cow—sheep—gopher crossbreed flops off the bed and onto the floor and Jungkook gives it a death stare. This is fine with Taehyung, as long as said death glare isn't directed at him and instead the cow—sheep—gopher he can deal. He makes a note to ask Seokjin what is is, because what in the fresh hell?

"Well what's your brilliant plan then?" he snips.

He makes a note to take him down a peg in the future because he's getting too brave these days with his words. Taehyung links his hands underneath his chin and tilts his chin down, switching to business mode. "What's the one thing that Seokjin loves more than life itself?" 

Jungkook ponders this for a second. "Food?"  

"Well, yes, but the other thing."  

Jungkook's eyes widen slowly in realisation and his body turns to the object in question. "Oh. Oh no I don't want to die today. I'm too young to die."  

"I wouldn't be suggesting this if we had any other choice, Kookie." The endearment slips off his lips and it hits him then just how much he's missed the other boy. He's missed him so much that he's gone half mad without having his partner in crime to talk to.

Jimin's great, he is, but even he has a Taehyung Stupidity Quota that he often surpasses within two hours of being awake. He's missed him like crazy and being able to just sit here and plan stupid with him is getting him all mushy. 

He clears his throat. It must be the lack of food that’s getting him all emotional, but he can't break now. They've got a mission to accomplish. 

Jungkook, too, links his hands underneath his chin and leans his elbows upon his knees. He heaves a great sigh. "I hate to admit it, but you're right."  

Taehyung nods. "We have to sacrifice Mario for the sake of ourselves."  

They share extended eye contact in which they both see the fear of death in each other's eyes and stand. Taehyung climbs onto the bed with wobbly, nervous knees and reaches for a toy. He goes for one that doesn't look too old or too new, something plain that looks like it could be replaced. This may be a dangerous game he's playing, but he's not suicidal.  

Taehyung presents the toy and Jungkook nods. They scuttle to the door and Taehyung just marvels for a second that Jungkook knows exactly what his plan is without them even saying a word to each other. They're like, bro soulmates. Bromates.

Taehyung's got his hand on the toy. 

They're too far into this now. They're balls deep and there's no pulling out.  

He stuffs Mario's arm under the door and half of his face. Mario looks like his head's been squished by a car wheel and he feels sort of bad about it because one of his beady little eyes is looking directly up at him accusingly, but desperate times call for desperate measures. 

They take a few steps back.  

"You tell him," Taehyung says and Jungkook shakes his head vigorously. 

"Um, this was your idea so—" 

"You agreed!" 

"You can't throw me under the bus like that!" 

"What about me?!" Taehyung huffs, chest puffed up like a cheese ball. 

He can see Jungkook deliberating this. "Okay, fine, we both do it. Seokjin can use one fist for each of us so it's only half the punishment." 

"That's fair," he acquiesces.  

Jungkook looks at him then looks away, then back at him, then back away. "Hey. Uh. That was a weird few days for us. Lets not be weird again," Jungkook says, now staring resolutely at the crushed Mario that has somehow brought them together again. 

Taehyung understands this is his way of saying sorry, so he nods. "Yeah, weird doesn't suit us." 

They fist bump and Taehyung's chest feels like it's soaring with how light it feels.  

"All right, three, two, one, we tell him to look down at his precious Mario." 

They count down and shout out, "look down at your precious Mario," but Jungkook, the total , tacks on "er!" at the end. Taehyung gives him a look and he shrugs. "I just got kind of into it." 

They hear a scuffling behind the door and the crack of knees bending. There's a beat of silence. Then, "you sick bastards! You sick—get out here, I'm going to make you two wish you were never born!" 

The door flies open to reveal a red faced Seokjin who looks to be on the verge of tears, the wooden chair flung an impressive distance behind him.  

They make a dash for it under both of Seokjin's arms, but Jungkook's faster so it's Taehyung that gets trapped in Seokjin's hold. A palm is slamming down on his at lightening speeds and his precious posterior already feels like it's caught on fire just from the first few spanks.

"Jungkook! Kook! Save me!"

Jungkook looks back, and Taehyung can pinpoint the exact moment of weakness where Jungkook seriously considers leaving him behind and saving his own . 

But Jungkook reaches back and takes his hand, nearly dislocating his shoulder with the force it takes to disengage him from Seokjin's death grip, and they're free. They sprint like they've never sprinted before, straight out the front door with no destination in mind other then 'Out! Out!'. Hand in hand. 

What they don't see before they clear the front door is Seokjin slowing his run, a smirk of triumph sliding its way onto his face. He holds the plushie in his hands and feels his heart shed a tear for his now scraped up Mario. It's a terrible sight, but even Mario Summer Fun Edition Model #23 was worth seeing the two make up. The things he does for his kids. 

When Taehyung and Jungkook choke on their breakfast the next morning because it's got half a cup of salt in their soup, he cackles. 

Revenge is a dish best served salty.