10 Words never mean what we want them to mean

Irene didn’t know what she was expecting as she sat up on Taehyung’s bed, the events of last night washing over her. But there was definitely a bit of anxiousness and a bit of anticipation. Taehyung was standing by his bedroom door, with his messy hair and half with only his shorts on, wearing the expression that she had been so scared to see.

She was almost too afraid to look properly but she couldn’t turn herself away from looking. It was definitely a look of remorse washing over him at the sight of her. Her heart dropped immediately. She felt ashamed. She felt embarrassed. She felt dirty. All she wanted to do was run away.

Was she wishing that Taehyung to proclaim his love for her after their one night together? No, that was a foolish thought. She should have known better. Boys could say anything they wanted to get you into bed with them. Why would Taehyung be any different?

But she had let last night happen. She had let him in, when she knew that this would indeed happen.

“I’m sorry Irene,” Taehyung muttered, in his deep toned voice.

The moment he had said “I’m sorry”, Irene felt her heart shatter into a million fragments, as she had lain bare skinned still in his bed. She felt so vulnerable and exposed like her feelings for Taehyung were lying on top of an examination table for everyone to point and look at.

She couldn’t stand it any longer. But she wasn’t going to show him her tears so she held it all in as best as she could.

And it was like nothing he said afterwards mattered to Irene anymore. Maybe it was more that she could no longer listen to Taehyung’s words anymore. Because no matter if they were warm or cold words, they still felt a thorn stuck on her side.

She chased him out of his own room with the most controlled voice she could muster, put her underwear and pajamas that lay spread out on the carpet back on and headed to the bathroom. Irene stared for a long moment at her own reflection in the mirror, the memory of last night replaying over and over in her head. She had to keep reminding herself that she chose this. It was herself who let Taehyung hurt her.

Irene took a long morning shower, trying to erase everything. She scrubbed herself red and raw. But she still could remember it all, Taehyung gently her face, him kissing her chest, legs and everywhere. Why did she let him in like this? When she knew that he didn’t feel the same as her? The realisation of everything hit her hard again and she lost all feeling to her legs and collapsed on the floor, the water from the showerhead still flowing over her head and mixing into the tears now streaming down her face.

She was such an idiot. Maybe it was from the accumulation of hiding and denying her feelings for him all this time and she had finally reached breaking point. She cried silently, knowing that the sound from the bathroom would echo throughout the apartment if she made any sound.

When she finally was able to put herself back together and left the bathroom, Taehyung came up to her, his wide eyes looking at her with concern that made her feel a hundred times worse.

“If this is pity Taehyung. I don’t want it. Leave me alone.” Irene said coldly without sparing Taehyung a single glance and before Taehyung could say anything. And she locked herself into her own bedroom, leaving Taehyung in the hallway without looking back.

Irene noticed that her phone was on her vanity table and a cup of water next to it. She knew it was Taehyung. Her phone started ringing and she almost wanted to slam it against the wall, thinking it was Taehyung but when she notice that it was Yoongi’s number, she hesitated for a moment before answering.

“Hi Yoongi,” She said as brightly as she could.

“What’s wrong?” He asked immediately, Irene wondered if it was because he could hear the quiver behind her overly bright voi