It’s Monday again. Another morning off early to school when Yoona would rather play with Sooyeon at the park and roll around in the mud (with Sooyeon not necessarily in the mud pit). But for a driven, academic achiever like Sooyeon, Yoona is condemned with that kind of mundane childish behavior of slacking. She could say she’s torn having a strict and unswayed babysitter that’s sometimes - just sometimes, had its peeving moments but easily won over by a bigger factor that someone actually cared for her studies or in that general sense, her entire well-being, more than how her parents are biblically and naturally obliged to do.

She opened her eyes, blinked twice, thrice until she’s rubbing her eyes to ward off the striking heat of the sun against her face that woke her. Sooyeon didn’t tuck her in last night which have left the curtains of her room not drawn close.

She pushed the duvet aside and rose from the bed to a sitting position on its edge, almost wanting to fall back again. A few jumps and shaking of her arms, copying what Sooyeon always did in their afternoon naps, helped ease away the sleepiness.

She’s gonna surprise Sooyeon so once the older girl arrives to ready her for school, she no longer had to do anything like nudge her to get out of bed or wake her up from falling asleep in the tub. Sooyeon will probably give her a hug and tell her how proud she is because Yoona is showered and dressed and she did it by herself. Sooyeon had been giving her this reality talk that she isn’t gonna be young forever and that a babysitter isn’t gonna be around for her keepsakes. She better start learning how to wear the big girl pants. It’s a simple concept that a seven year old like her can easily understand. All Yoona needed is to remember the exact way Sooyeon taught her.

She shimmied her pajamas, folded them neatly and disposed them on the laundry basket. A thirty minute dip in the tub with her yellow duck and pirate ship followed. After drying herself with the towel, she brushed her teeth thoroughly, combed her hair and dressed in her white blouse and plaid skirt. Doing her tie in front of the mirror is the tricky one.

In the living room area downstairs, her backpack sitting on her side, Yoona waited for the double doors to fly open with Sooyeon behind them. She always arrived at 7:15am sharp even though class starts at 8am or sometimes 8:30am. Fifteen minutes is the time Sooyeon would allot to get Yoona up and running, and the remainder of it is spent bickering on what Yoona should bring for lunch when the girl practically wanted to haul out the entire fridge to school and there’s running around the kitchen too because Yoona did want to bring the fridge to school.

Yoona waited and waited. Sooyeon is gonna come. Yoona prepared that morning surprise, hoping Sooyeon will get to see it and that she just had to be patient enough. Jessica is in college to become a doctor and Yoona heard a lot of bad stuff in college from Sooyeon and the whispers from several of her college friends that wore frowns whenever they do a quick visit. Yoona did hear about Sooyeon leaving. The kid thought it’s just a temporary arrangement, that it’s probably what upcoming doctors do. There’s no way Jessica’s gonna leave her like that. Until sometime after a month or so, Yoona told Alfred that it’ll just be the two of them driving to school from now on because Sooyeon is chasing for her dreams.

Yoona pretended to read through the page she's gone over more than ten times already, she have memorized the dialogue and can draw the graphics herself. It's seven in the evening, nobody normally hung out in the library at this extent of hour with the exception of the infamous hell week that happens thrice per semester.

Yoona is a regular visitor during night time along with that English Major geek, Yoona's acquaintance when she's in need of less pricey good comics, who sought to break record for the most books read from the thousand collections catered by the college library.

Juhyun is five tables away and alone. She hasn't left since she arrived for two hours now. Two hours when Yoona could finish reading the comic later and make a move instead. She's laid out her plan to Sooyoung and it barely panned out last week. Juhyun took the honors submitting their hardbound work and afterwards, nothing. No friendship is ever established or whatsoever after two weeks of discussions, arguments and mutualities over the material they tried to create concerning Sigmund Freud and his ual driven approach to the human psychology. Yoona still hasn't figured what it’s got to do with Literature. Probably the logic most characters are influenced of - desires, , satisfaction, so on and so forth.

Their pair up disbanded, parted ways and minded their own previous lives as if they're from different worlds. Yoona wanted to try again.

Yoona is relentless and a huge risk-taker, qualities she's best known to be but are toppled by her cold feet and anxiety. She isn't everyone, and by everyone, Yoona isn't in similar pedestal like those tall and handsome college boys falling at Juhyun's feet. Boys, like the amount of testosterone surrounding Juhyun everyday isn't telling enough that the girl Yoona is crushing on is as straight as a pole, a clear warning sign of steering clear and dropping off from this conquest. But Yoona is Yoona, she doesn't easily give up without a fight.

Seeking her out happened in a snap. Yoona bumped into Juhyun at the drop off station earlier where books are deposited for return. Almost falling face flat on the floor kind of bumping. For Yoona, that says something like the universe giving her another chance.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I di-" Juhyun took in her vicinity where Yoona clutched the comic books she's due for return today. Jane Avery Museum and Library is one of those rare prestigious authorities that considered comic books as work of art. Yoona managed to find her footing back with the help of her crutches, right after Juhyun brushed past behind her.

"Yoona." The way she's spoken of her name the past two weeks, there's an accent of fondness given to only exist when two people have known each other for a long time. Yoona shook away the observation because as if.

"Hi." It isn't the first time they acknowledged each other. They said hellos once in a while. Yoona remarked that as an improvement.

Juhyun chuckled dryly. The girl relaxed against the wooden frame and scooped up a bunch of academic books out of her bag, dispensing it to the Humanities Section drop-off hole.

"I didn't know you're a library person."

Yoona returned with a moderate laugh. "We were just here last Wednesday." And the other times where Yoona is only a few tables in distance behind Juhyun in a non-intentional and non-stalker but pure and completely coincidental setup because Juhyun happened to frequent one of the few places where Yoona killed time.

"I never really see you around here."

What else could she expect? Yoona didn't exist prior to her team winning the city championship. That's a fair conclusion.

"I'm quite a reader."

"What were you reading then?"

Yoona grinned, if that even distracted Juhyun from seeing that she literally shoved the comics in her hand into a random hole. "Just...stuff." Comics are great and everything, and because they're so great, Yoona can't just namedrop it to kickstart a conversation or impress a girl. Comics aren't built for that.

Juhyun left her the same way she walked into her, fleeting and briefly passing. Yoona went to her same old spot and as usual, Juhyun's back faced her. She's plucked out the Lucifer comics she newly bought from Max (the English Major geek and Max is a girl) and herself in it, simultaneously glancing at Juhyun to make sure she's still there (and ignoring how creepy it appeared).

Two ing hours passed. Yoona is stalling no more. She gathered her things, grabbed her crutches and stood up. A year and a half's been wasted pining for the same girl and Yoona has never done a single thing while quarter of the school's male population have and repeatedly. Nothing very ideal about the last one though.

She went forth, chanting I can do this, I can do this in her head. Shen she's past Juhyun, Yoona stopped, spun around and hovered Juhyun's table.

"Would you mind if I sit with you?" She asked nervously and it's a case of faux pas for not waiting Juhyun's consent for her solitude to be disturbed. From the corner of her eyes, she noticed some heads turned and craned to eavesdrop and probably witness Yoona make a fool of herself. Their little school work is simply school work, she didn't suffer from any unwarranted envy of jealous boys and the whole arrangement is kept and tied in professional terms. Yeah, Yoona is surely making a fool of herself for thinking there had been perks.

Yoona eased her way and occupied the chair right next to Juhyun, her crutches set aside. She shifted, body leaning solid to Juhyun as she's about to tell her what she’d suspect as something the girl had to hear for over a hundred of times.

The realized invasion of Juhyun's personal space didn't stop Yoona nor did it scare Juhyun, or so it appeared to Yoona. Juhyun didn’t react like her privacy had been utterly violated.

This is gonna happen once, she may never get to do it again out of spite, embarrassment, rejection, just the few reasons Yoona would need to finally back off. But if she's going to confess, she wanted it done in a hushed effect, foretelling that such confession matters to Yoona, that it's something she didn't take lightly or for fun.

"I like you." She went for a direct-to-the-point approach, tossing off a preface speech that could only lead her to not saying the point at all while half-staring to the very same eyes she's fallen for at first day of college when Juhyun inquired if Yoona happened to know where the faculty office was and that she seemed to have a friendly face who'd be kind enough to tell her. Obviously, Juhyun didn't remember that. "Feelings announced to you is an everyday occasion which clearly doesn't make mine any special, besides the fact that I'm a girl and I just came out to you."

Juhyun put down the book faced up and placed her pencil case above a page she's reading to obstruct it from flipping close. "For a record, this is a first."

"Really?" Yoona forced a smile and gauged through the expression playing on Juhyun's face. What a way to pressure her by guessing what's running in her mind now. There's a gist of intrigue. Yoona couldn't exactly put a finger on it but she didn't look the least bothered by it. "This should be freaky on your part then and I'm sorry for doing this."

"Is this before or after our Freud paper?" Her eyes squinting.

"Before. Way before." The honest answer came quickly. "It may have looked like I lied to you the entire period that we partnered up where half the time, I saw you more than just a partner in class. I did try to tell you. I mean, the window is wide open for me. I just didn't want you to think that I'm abusing the position I was in."

"It's alright."

"Is it?" Yoona isn't convinced. There's too much tragic that's gone down in the history of confessions and this one is going along too smooth and too well like it's only been a walk in a park.

Those arms previously just lying on the table are now crossed against Juhyun's chest. The sleeves of the low cut sweater Juhyun is wearing are pulled as she hugged herself. "If I translated your tone correctly, you're accusing me of whether I'm telling the truth or not."

"No. God, no." Yoona cringed at the conclusion. "I'm grateful that you didn't find it offensive or immoral, as others would describe it for the sake of argument."

"I'm not homophobic, Yoona." Juhyun laughed subtly and it resonated so soft to Yoona's ears. "For the record, again, that comment is what I'd find more offensive than your declaration of liking me. Definitely doesn't border immoral, if that should help you."

Maybe this is just how Juhyun is. Kind-hearted and considerate beneath the silliness she's showed to Yoona.

"I screwed this up, didn't I?"

"Not exactly." She answered teasingly.

"I'm pretty sure I don't stand a chance and the odds do not weigh heavily on my side. It's clear with how I'm ruining myself in front of you or even if I pulled this one off perfectly." Yoona bashfully smiled at the surprisingly funny situation she got swallowed into. "But I can't stop this, not yet, which explains why I haven't stayed on my lane and why I'm here. I wanna try before I give it up. I wanna tell you. I wanna let you know before I ultimately decide to move on like every other gay person who likes a straight. And now...now you do."

Fundamentally the life of an adolescent disgruntled lesbian in a nutshell.

There's conflict of interest in this funny situation. Given the expected dose of angst and a few thorns on the road while Yoona is baring a part of herself like this, she remained incapable of taking away a sliver of hope to hitch that ride to the sunset and all the while aware how sad it's supposed to end.

Unrequited feelings are often associated with pain and a slight martyrdom. It didn't matter whom the feelings are from or whom the feelings are for. Arguably, it's more difficult for someone like Yoona, the seared knowledge in an anticipated outcome of a hopeless adventure. Yoona liked Juhyun but such feelings are found pointless and she still went for it anyway, that's the grey area where the conflict rests.

It isn't the first time Yoona is honest with her feelings. She may have never fallen in love but she's not inexperienced. She's had relationships and developed adoration prior to the exceptionally strong romance she has for Juhyun. Mostly were flings that didn't work out but ended amicably, a few that concluded before it even started and the rest were of similar case with Juhyun. What all of those had in common is, Yoona didn't stop at nothing from trying.

She knew it'd still hurt like hell yet, she kept going on, like having to relive the worst day of her life over and over by jumping into that blazing hole with open eyes without harboring cynicism.

Nobody liked to be hurt, especially if it's the same thing causing that emotion to keep on resurfacing. She's sick of it to be honest, wishing it's easier, wishing she could roll with the punches, turn her back on the feelings budding in her heart because that would hurt less, but as much as Yoona wanted to stop her pursuits, how would she do that if she can't help who she is? What if she's stricken herself with random luck and Juhyun does reciprocate her affection? That's where the relief comes in amongst the bitterness of it all. Getting her feelings out of her chest and acquiring an answer, it's brought closure that this isn't gonna work out and she can quit bothering herself with the what ifs. A sense of acceptance that whatever Yoona is looking for, she's no longer gonna find it on Juhyun and that she's going to have to look away and find it elsewhere.

"I should go." Yoona is ready to take her crutches and do a walk of shame until she felt a hand that rested on her elbow. Her eyes glanced at that hand then to Juhyun's gentle face.

"You don't have to, Yoona."

Yoona pushed herself up altogether quietly. "I actually do."

Juhyun is looking up to her, her lips parted as she meant to convince Yoona that she really didn't have to go but she resigned on her attempt. She didn't know how, and Yoona appeared to have already made up her mind of going.

"I'm sorry that I..." Juhyun's features have fallen.

"It's okay. I promise." Yoona reassured her, somehow half-lying through her teeth. Yoona is strong. She might not be used with the pain brought about but she can take it. After everything, Yoona has covered herself with an outer shell growing thicker and more formidable. Although sometimes, she had her doubts it might not be enough. "You've been beyond nice for not pushing me away."

Juhyun laughed at that and Yoona is more than content with that alone.

"Don't be a stranger."

"I'll try."

"Really. I'd like us to be friends."

Even with a broken heart, Yoona left with a smile.

When it came to her parents, there are times when Jessica didn’t know what to do with herself around them despite the predictability of their behaviour towards her.

She’s lived more than half of her life under her parents’ roof until she moved out on her own to know what ticks them, what taunts them and what favors them. But Jessica never liked singing the tunes of her parents which is why the dislike is returned with equivalent degree. The distance drawn didn’t shed the aloof and taut dynamic that’s only particular between them. Her parents are unchanged and she remained to be this enigma of disparity in their presence.

Encounters with them involved reliance on knowing the right things to say and in stark contrast, Jessica lacked incredibly. Her acquired knowledge can only service her that much.

Is there ever a proper way to paraphrase that she’s having divorce without giving away the exact meaning of what it entails? Jessica didn’t think so.

“Jessica, you should stop mumbling now ‘cause we’re here.” Sunny cared to lean and point from the backseat. Enzo’s driving Jessica’s car just to give this illusion that they’re still married when they no longer quite are. Sunny is pretty sure her mumblings got something to do with that.

Jessica’s face flicked more relax and less of fret. Thanks to Sunny calling her out. “I’m just coming up with ways of telling them about the divorce-”

“Without really telling them that your marriage has gone bad.” Sunny interfered.

“It didn’t go bad.” Argued by Enzo who swore fifteen minutes ago that he will lay off from broaching the topic to not exert Jessica’s thoughts into dwelling.

“Because a divorce is ninety percent a positive thing for marriages?”

“It is a positive thing for us.” Enzo insisted as he pulled the handbrake to park. Sunny must be mistaking them for a couple with support and custody problems and issues of abuse and assault in all forms. They’re marriage is without question a failure but they’re a far cry from those madding crowd of disastrous, bitter and convoluted couples.

Sunny rolled her eyes repulsively. “And her parents won’t see it that way because they actually like you, Enzo. They usually don’t like anything that has to do with Jessica and this is just going to be another proof why Jessica will eternally be in their bad books.”

Jessica shifted to turn her body a bit to the back. “I really hate you right now.”

“That’s a misplaced thinking. It’s the words coming out of my mouth that you hate, not me.” Sunny told her so in a matter-of-fact. “Just relax, okay? This was formerly your life years ago. Getting scathed and coming out alive and mentally stable, still. You’ll get by it. And Enzo is with you and he’ll use his charm that won your cold stone hearted parents and I’m here to drink the booze and do weird stuff to distract them from your divorce bomb. Plus, your parents don’t bite as to what I can recall.”

Jessica shrugged violently to shake Sunny’s hands off. “ you.”

Jessica wouldn’t admit to the word scared to describe the forever impression she has for her folks, as to what Sunny would mock that she is. Yes, they’ve disagreed to many things that are even needless to be spoken of, therefore the absence of scenarios where they fought or exchanged hostility. It’s probably the only trait they like about Jessica, the civility she possessed since her teenage years that both her siblings didn’t have.

She had this strange notion once that drawing a bigger divide would help her in whatever way that would mean she can take a cool off from her parents breathing under her neck. It sat at the back of her mind for longer than she expected like a small weight that tugged on her attention and resulted her into moving to Oxford for a good four years. It was both an escape and an ugly reality that it’s her form of attempt to please them, but that bit her on the back. She got way more than she bargained for, eventually revealing a discomforting truth.

Compared to her siblings who are ostensibly the stars of the family, she realized she’s more arrested to their untrampled power that