The hospital is usually slow in the evening.   Sunny greeted some nurses that passed by the hall, strolling carts contained bed sheets, fresh and sterilized from the laundry, and wheeling admitted patients who are too susceptible for walking.   She sat crossed legs on of the waiting lounges outside the ER. There’s an exit which is the closest one to the parking area.   Enzo came approaching Sunny, he’s scowling and his pace doubled. “Are you sure Jessica’s coming?”   “I’m sure.” Sunny confirmed for what felt like the hundredth time already. She snooped on Jessica’s shifts and she’s cleared for the night. “Is that doubt that I just heard from you? You live with her. You’re the first person who should know she’s not home yet.”   “I’m sorry if I’m asking too much. Jessica isn’t exactly here yet and they’ve been waiting half an hour.” He flicked his wrist to show his watch, stressing on the time. “And she moved out, remember? I’m the last person to ask of her whereabouts.”   Jessica isn’t always an early bird, but often, she gave heads up if she’s going to be late. She didn’t like people waiting on her, sensitive to immediate guilt. Enzo had been checking his phone and there are zero message or call from his ex-wife.   Sunny decided to take action to avoid ruining everybody’s anticipated fun. She went to the nurse’s station and borrowed the telephone located behind the counter. Jessica is out of reach on her mobile and Sunny is sensing she might have done it deliberately.   “Jessica Jung’s clinic, how may I help you?”   “Hi, Martha. It’s Sunny. Uh...is Jessica there?”   “She left two hours ago.”   “What? Where did she go?”   “She said she’s on rotation. She hasn’t returned since.”   Sunny flexed her jaw, choking back a curse she’s about to spat to someone who’s just a dummy extension to the person who truly deserved to hear it. This is unacceptable.   Jessica is gonna bail on them and she better have a damn good explanation.


  She couldn’t believe it.   Jessica is flashing her signature timid smile to a young boy, looking like an angel to the many eyes of other kids inside the children’s ward, while seemingly forgetting she had friends waiting for her to show up. Except that she won’t.   Sunny buried her hands in the pockets of her jacket, blowing air thru her nose before marching to Jessica’s way and becoming a wrecking ball that will smash the boy in his swoon, much to her dismay.   “Hey, Kevin.” She bounced and brought her fists up expectantly. Kevin, sitting with his legs criss-crossed beneath him, lifted his small hand from under the duvet that bumped with Sunny’s knuckles.   Sunny heard the faint but sharp pitch coming from Jessica. Busted.   The stark difference is there. Kevin was livelier that he had Jessica all to himself prior to Sunny swooping in to the scene.   “How’s the fever?” Sunny asked, ignoring that Jessica’s four eyes are shooting lasers at her.   “Terrible.” He blandly answered.   “Does the medicine still ick?”   He nodded, both his eyebrows screwed together that sent a vivid message that he wanted Sunny to leave. It should hurt Sunny’s feelings that nobody is jolly with her presence in the room.   “What are you doing here?” Jessica hugged her patient’s board tight against her chest.   “I don’t know. Maybe you could tell me.” She played no fool under the innocent scheme of Jessica, lips curled in a sneer. “It’s past the hour and it looks to me that you’re overworking your off, and when you do-”   “Not in front of the kid.” Jessica softly pleaded, ushering Sunny by grabbing her on the elbow until they reached the far corner of the room where the cabinet for bedding essentials is found.   Something must really be up with Jessica.   “What’s wrong?” Within seconds frame, Sunny is stricken with worry, folding both her arms together.   Jessica’s eyes dropped to the pale floor, her glasses perched down the bridge of her nose and her hand automatically readjusted it. Sunny honed her patience to wait until Jessica collected herself into speaking.   There’s not even a fracture of glow in Jessica’s face that had gone missing once they both turned their backs from Kevin. Heck, Jessica didn’t look this bleak and worn down when she opened up about her divorce.   “I’m so sorry. I-I can’t go to Enzo’s party.” The timbre of her voice became clearer in secluded space. Sunny noticed it sounding raspy as if she’s either been crying or shouting loudly into nothingness. Jessica is a sturdy one. Always so contained and in check of her emotions, not letting it rise to surface and break her articulate mode of speaking. She seldom lost herself like this. “It didn’t feel...right. For me, I mean. I don’t think it will...help me in anyway.”   Sunny put a tentative hand on Jessica’s shoulder in normalcy, but really unsure of how’s that going to ease the girl since she had no idea what Jessica is bearing right now. “You could tell us, or just me or Enzo. It’s never gonna be a problem.”   “That too, I’m sorry.” The second streak of apology came too quickly. “I don’t want you guys to know. Don’t you guys get sick of my problems, especially you.”   Laughing might be off the table for now. Jessica’s favorite subject of conversation is me, myself and I, but Sunny literally just listened to her implicit admission that she’s getting sick of talking about herself.   “Just...look,” Jessica moved her free hand around then returned it to clasp the edges of the patient’s board. “the first question you already asked me is what’s wrong, and it’s very complicated to explain it because even I, I don’t know if it’s really a problem or I’m just…” She closed her eyes, chin dipping, trailing off helplessly over the lack of word to describe the muddled thoughts going through her head right now.   “Whatever that is, it’s not going to solve on its own. It’s alright if you wanna ask for help because you feel incapable of doing it.”   “But-”   Sunny held a hand that cut Jessica off while the other maneuvered to use her phone, pressing the device to her ear. “No buts.”   “Where the hell-”   “Go ahead, Enzo. We’ll catch up to the party.”




  They retreated somewhere quieter but still close to the children’s ward because Jessica had committed to finish her rounds. The cafeteria is the least occupied area during the evening. The food ladies are out at 9pm and only leaving light delicacies like sandwiches and salads.   Sunny is having her favorite bottle of juice. Jessica chose hot coffee, keeping it warm on the table.   Sunny realized, beneath Jessica’s white coat, that she’s still wearing her blue scrubs from this morning. By the end of the afternoon, Jessica habitually changed to her casual clothes since there are only a few remainder of her work hours.   “So,” Sunny prompted, raising an eyebrow. She allowed Jessica enough minutes to arrange her thoughts and she’s still busy playing with her fingers lying her lap. “are you going to make me repeat the question or you’re gonna-”   “Do you think I’m a good doctor?” Jessica asked, not looking up. The question didn’t come off right to Sunny’s perfectly hearing ears. It felt tricky like Jessica is making her walk into a trap. Is Jessica really asking her about her repertoire?   “Yeah, sure.” Sunny shrugged exaggeratedly, for the sake of rushing this ambiguity.   “You just hesitated.” Jessica finally looked up.   “I didn’t--okay, I may have.” Sunny didn’t want to add up on whatever that made Jessica feel this bad. “You are a good doctor, but your extensive knowledge involving internal medicine downplay your chosen field.”   Kids are the world’s future. Jessica would reason. Sometimes, Jessica isn’t a big fan of how forward Sunny is.   “I don’t like slicing human skin and I don’t like blood.” Jessica’s tone is as obnoxious as her disgust.   “Right. Ironic because you’re profession conventionally involves a lot of blood, needles poking and opening a body part in half.”   “Just answer the question seriously.” Jessica practically begged.   “You’re a good doctor. A great one, in fact. Now, what’s the point of the question?” Sunny no longer controlled the urgency in her voice.   Jessica’s face turned gray again and the edges are softer. “Will it be worth it then if I, somehow, stirred up a small mistake trying to be the great doctor that I’m hoping to be?”   Sunny is just utterly clueless where the conversation is heading and what this is even about exactly. Jessica is holding off too much information as if to create build up. But the question is easy though. People stumble upon making bad decisions that lead to mistakes because they’re much too oriented in achieving their goals and pleasing the people with too much expectations from them. Jessica happened to be one of those people.   “It depends. Did you do it on purpose?”   “Yes and no.”   Her eyes narrowed. “H-how?”   “I left this girl behind-”   Sunny’s eyes broaden, thrashing her body closer to Jessica’s undaunted figure. “You were pregnant?” She whispered to observe confidentiality of the potentially huge story. “Is this one of those slip ups at Oxford? Wait, does Enzo know?”   “God, no. I was never pregnant.” Jessica thwarted the allegation at instant.   “Oh.” The expression left her in a breath. She fell back to her chair. “It sounded logical if you ever had a living thing inside you since you’re all mysterious about this.”   “Which I didn’t. Maybe if you just let me finish…”   Sunny gestured her hands over to Jessica, giving her back the floor. They should have gone to the church because they have a clandestine and wise aura. Maybe someone up there might have provided answers for Jessica instead of false assumptions and second guessings that Sunny have conjured to offer so far.   “This girl, their family is a friend of ours and they used to be our neighbor before we moved in. For two years, I was her babysitter. It was easy money to buy some stuff my parents think are trash.” Jessica paused, thinking for a second. “I think you might know what and who I’m talking about.”   Sunny pursed her lips, pondering. It’s such a long time ago, not that her brain has dulled, but her memory is quite fuzzy because she hasn’t reminisced college unless someone brought it up, especially that those periods were full of things, conversations and moments many people would prefer to have drifted far away. Everything is scattered all over the place and at random occasion, she had to organize them chronologically.   A girl that Jessica watched over years back. And somewhere in her mind, there’s a mental image of that girl. Not a name but that would do. Sunny’s face lightened up. “Is that when we were still in college? The pretty girl with pony tail?” Jessica nodded vigorously. “You were  babysitting her, fetching her from home to school, then you get paid a good sum enough to afford those rock albums you bought.”   “You do remember.” That made Jessica smile and squealed a little.   “And she ate most of your time back then too and always ditched us because of her.” Sunny could have stopped, but she didn’t, receiving a kick on the shin from Jessica. A hard laughter has bubbled in her chest, letting it out serenely. That really bit back on Jessica.   “I didn’t bring this up so you could take out your vengeance because I refused to leave outside the premises of our old subdivision.”   “Well, you started the whole trip to the memory lane.” Sunny corrected her form and sat upright. Before this conversations goes a different road, she asked Jessica again, “What about that girl now?”   “I went to medical school in Oxford, as you know.”   “They mailed your acceptance letter, you couldn’t wait to leave the country pronto, you had a goodbye party afterwards, a lot of crying and all that jazz.” Sunny supplied, knowing the story like she’s just idly reading it at the back of her hand.   Jessica is bobbing her head as Sunny went on. Sunny had anticipated that Jessica would say a word next, but she’s just staring at her, wide eyes, silently telling Sunny that she’s close to figuring it out. What is it that she’s supposed to figure out?     There’s nothing more to that event, Sunny thought through. She had gone over it many times. It’s one of those great moments told by Sunny herself over drinks or dinner repeatedly because she was proud of Jessica that time, up to this day. But Jessica is compelling her to fill gaps she isn’t aware of existing.   For someone who liked brain games, Sunny is grilled to foil this one. She didn’t even see the connection between Jessica’s question about becoming a doctor, the throwback of her part-time nanny days and her move to England that took abundant guts (and few years) to seek permission from her parents so she could navigate her own life.   Sunny opened . Nothing came out but just air. She slightly parted them open again. “.” Her eyes are briefly immersed on the floor, raking Jessica from foot up to her head, looking at her friend full of prejudice and also empathy, both emotions simultaneously waging at her. “That’s one move you did.”   Jessica didn’t start rationalizing herself right away. She stayed still, head even lower than it was. It’s more than enough for Sunny to know that she’s right.   “I didn’t like her expressively, but she’s just a little girl and you were so very close, but you left her. You freaking left the girl behind.”   “I did.” As though that fact hasn’t been established since.   “Without saying goodbye.”   Jessica pinned her elbow on the table and a hand pressed on , croaking, “I know.”  over her palm. Her shame isn’t any less obscured.   “Wow. Why am I just hearing this now?” Sunny lipped, familiarizing herself with Jessica’s not-so-honorable deed. “What else is going on with you besides your divorce? I mean, who would have thought? Children worship you and bam, you abandoned one of them a decade ago. That totally puts your divorce with a lighter regard.”   Abandon is too strong for a word to use, but Jessica is of no volition to oppose that.   Apparently, Sunny had moved her chair, pushing the monoblock closer to Jessica and nearing to the wall Jessica put up in front that hid all of that. It suddenly made sense why the girl wasn’t present at the airport to bid goodbyes with Jessica. Of all the people Sunny had expected to be there, the girl came first on the list.   “Did you like see her somewhere or did she come back to haunt you?” It’s supposed to be a foolish jab, lift up the mood that seemed to weigh Jessica down and off her seat. Instead, there’s a mix quality of horror and desolation beneath the steam of her coffee that screened over face.   “I actually met her.” Jessica said. The sound of her voice felt miles afar like she finally found the girl after a long search and a long wait. But she didn’t. Jessica simply found her and coincidence should take credit for that.   She asked herself again and the other entity living among the stars the same question looping in her mind that sought for an answer for it to stop. How the hell did she miss it when almost everything she had memorized about that lit