Luda lay awake in her bed for hours. She replayed her interaction with Xuanyi and her girlfriend over and over. Each time a new detail jumped out at her, she felt her cheeks get hot at the smirk Xuanyi’s girlfriend gave. She kind of enjoyed it. But that was weird, she’d only had similar feelings with her best friend Dawon. Maybe it was a potential friend thing she felt, because earlier with Eunseo she felt it too. Luda stared up at the ceiling. She asked E’dawn to help her put the Troye Sivan poster above her bed. Sometimes she’d pretend he was her celebrity boyfriend. Troye was, in a way, one of Luda’s lyrical mentors.

She first discovered him with Dawon. Home life for her best friend wasn’t the best, Luda remembered countless stories of Dawon’s parents screaming at each other and her. She remembered the bruises too. Luda hated it, to see her best friend surrounded by violence. Her favorite night was when Dawon had called crying, and Luda acted like a secret agent to sneak the girl into her bedroom on the 2nd floor. They played Troye’s music and laid on the ground. Luda held Dawon’s hand trying to give the girl comfort. She wasn’t sure if the butterflies in her stomach were from adrenaline or the romance that came out in Troye’s voice.

    Dawon was everything to Luda. She’d never smiled more than when they were together. For her, having a best friend like Dawon was the world’s simplest pleasure. She didn’t need anyone else. That night was the last good memory of Dawon she had. The girls were supposed to become roommates at University when summer ended. She still hated it, when Dawon explained that her father had gotten an incredible job opportunity, she hated it because they’d have to move. She hated that Dawon didn’t fight for them, they planned out a future together and Luda had nothing now. It broke the her.

    “Help me out Troye,” Luda whispered up.

There was so much going on in her head that she couldn’t explain. E’dawn hadn’t texted her goodnight. She still didn’t know what to make of the run in with Xuanyi, she had a poem to write, school officially started in a day and now she missed her best friend. So for the first time since Dawon left, Luda cried.

She was overwhelmed, in over her head thinking that moving out on her own would be easy. She had no idea what to do next. Luda tried to be as quiet as possible. She didn’t want to disturb Xuanyi or Eunseo. She sank into her bed pulling the comforter up to her neck. She bit the comforter so her sobs didn’t escape. Tears trailed down her cheeks before dripping off her chin and soaking into the comforter.  Luda’s room illuminated from an incoming text.

E: I missed you :/

That only made her cry more. She didn’t deserve E’dawn, he was too kind to her. He was the only person who pulled her out of her depression when Dawon left. She hadn’t even thought of him after hanging around Eunseo. Nothing felt right, and all she could do was cry. She cried over E’dawn and not putting forth more effort, but mostly she cried for herself.

The Babe Cave had probably the thinnest walls in the history of walls ever created. Eunseo heard everything, she tried to get Xuanyi and Bona’s moans out of her head by drowning them out with loud music but they just got louder. She tossed around in her bed before giving up on sleeping and deciding to see if Luda was awake as well. Possibly the only upside to Xuanyi being so loud was that you couldn’t hear Eunseo’s door when it opened. She loved that upside.

Eunseo padded down the hall a bit and stood in front of Luda’s room. She felt a bit nervous for some reason, knocking didn’t seem appropriate. She leant her head against the door listening to see if the girl inside was awake or not.  She heard some sniffing and a bit of labored breathing. But she wasn’t exactly sure what she was hearing so she pressed forward more. A very bad idea. With the little bit of force she exerted the door gave way revealing a very surprised and red eyed Luda.

Eunseo’s stomach twisted from being caught snooping, but also because Luda looked incredibly fragile. They made eye contact before Eunseo looked away, the sadness in the room was almost suffocating. She barely knew this girl, she found her annoying and hated that she challenged her even when she clearly held advantage in the height department. Yet for some reason she couldn’t slip out of her room without looking back. She felt tethered.

“Hey..” Eunseo spoke with awkward hesitation.

Luda just wiped her nose, looking toward Eunseo but not really looking at her.

    “I know it’s probably hard to listen to Xuanyi and Bona but you don’t have to cry about it I’ll go beat them up for you if you want,” Eunseo offered moving to sit on the edge of Luda’s bed.

Luda felt a pathetic. She just watched as Eunseo moved toward her, all she wanted was to cry in peace. She hadn’t actually heard Xunayi and Bona, she’d been too focused on keeping her sobs as quiet as possible.

    “I’m sorry if I woke you,” Luda sniffed and dropped her eyes from Eunseo.

Eunseo had enough of the sadness she just wanted to sidestep it and move onto the good parts. Making people at ease was her specialty.

    “You didn't."

'Move over idiot,” Eunseo sighed crawling over Luda to lay beside her.

The two girls lay like that in silence, Luda sniffed occasionally, but Eunseo just held her breath. It felt like a flash back to Luda, laying down with Dawon, expect she was laying with Eunseo a girl she had only known for two days and not her best friend. She still wasn’t sure if she particularly liked the girl, Eunseo was kind of an idiot.

    “Please don’t cry.. You have an ugly crying face and it breaks my heart.”

Luda turned her head toward Eunseo. This girl really had such a lack of sensitivity. Eunseo stared up at the posters. She hoped what she said would get Luda to say at least one thing. She really didn’t expect the girl to cuddle up to her.

    Luda had no idea what she was doing. She just wanted to feel close to someone and not so alone and miserable. Maybe the universe sent Eunseo into her room so that she stopped being a sad sack. She felt a bit grateful and snuggled up to Eunseos’ side. The taller girl just pushed Luda further into her, wrapping her arm around her body and holding her secure. Luda was reminded of E’dawn and how he would pull her toward him just so she felt safe. Eunseo was entirely softer than E’dawn.

    Luda woke up at 8am on the dot to Xuanyi’s girlfriend jumping on her bed. Eunseo was long gone, Luda hadn’t remembered when the girl left.

    “So you’re the new girl, Xuanyi said you’re hell of a lot better than Exy so I wanted to see for myself.”

Luda rubbed her eyes and stretched, it was way too early for this. An introduction at 8am? This girl was a psycho.

    “Who are you?”

    “Oh whoops,” the girl laughed.

Luda watched as the girl put on a stern face and extended her hand to shake. Luda just stared, wishing the girl would say her name quickly so she could go back to sleep. Crying for hours really took a lot out of you.

“I’m Bona, Xuanyi’s girlfriend, but I guess you already knew that,” Bona winked.

Bona had a lot of quirks, one being that she didn’t care for anyone’s personal space, and to be honest she didn’t care much about what anyone thought of her. She was like golden retriever, careless, loyal, cute, blonde and always happy. It wouldn’t have surprised Xuanyi or let alone even Eunseo at what Bona was about to do, but Luda had just met the girl. Officially met her so that she knew her name that is. Bona moved forward on the bed so that she was straddling Luda. Luda’s stomach did a small flip, while Bona leaned forward squishing Luda’s cheeks and kissing her forehead.

    “What the-”

    “Your cheeks are really squishy you know.”

Luda was trapped underneath Bona she kind of wanted to throw the girl off of her but also wanted to see what else she would do. Fortunately Xuanyi came to save her.

    “Babe I swear to god please don’t scare her,” Xuanyi looked from Bona to Luda with faux horror.

Bona lept off Luda in an instant.

    “I just wanted to see if she was as nice as you said..”

Luda felt a bit weird like she was third wheeling even though everyone was in her room. Of course Eunseo had show up too, all tired eyed and beautiful. Luda internally punched herself, whatever happened last night needed to be erased from memory. Comparing E’dawn and Eunseo seemed so awful, she wasn’t dating Eunseo and had no want to. She just wanted the feeling to return that she had with Dawon, she wanted to have a best friend again.

    “Can someone please make breakfast, Xuanyi hasn’t made food in three days and I think my stomach is eating itself,” Eunseo complained.

    By now everyone had gathered in the kitchen to decide on their last homemade meal before school started. Apparently when school started the Babe Cave went on an all frozen food diet and only ate when they absolutely had to. Money was a tad scarce, but they made due with rent and part time jobs when classes weren’t so hectic. It was all a bit strange to Luda, she’d always had dinner made for her. She wasn’t a spoiled kid but her mother worked really hard to get off work earlier and be able to make dinner for the family. Luda really valued the family dynamic. So she made a mental note to ask her mom to send her a bit more money for the month, both Xuanyi and Eunseo had done so much in her two days living with them that she wanted to cook them a thank you meal.

    Eunseo threw herself to the floor at Xuanyi’s feet. Bona’s laugh filled the entire kitchen causing a domino effect first hitting Luda and then Xuanyi. Everything happened so fast, Eunseo was dramatically acting out a scene of her starving to death if Xuanyi didn’t make them pancakes. Xuanyi was about to give in to Eunseo’s distress when the doorbell rang.

    Bona got up to answer it, gasping at whoever was there.

    “I don’t know you but I think I’m in love with you,” Bona gushed ushering the boy forward who carried a box of donuts and a small carrier of coffee.

Luda’s couldn’t help but smile. She really loved him, E’dawn always knew how to brighter up the mood and he always came in clutch.

    “Figured you guys could use some food,” E’dawn winked to Luda before setting it down.  

    “I noticed all you had in the pantry were packs of seaweed and ramen, you guys are worse off than Mark and I.”

Eunseo got off the ground. She stood stoic slightly behind Xuanyi, she didn’t really enjoy being around E’dawn. They had a past which she liked to keep buried. She watched how Luda seemed instantly happier, stark contrast from last night when she held the girl close to her for fear she might break. It didn’t make sense. Had Luda and E’dawn not had ? E’dawn was known for dipping after it. He’d done that exact thing to her, took her ity and left in the middle of the night. She hadn’t seen him since, till he showed up on their doorstep 3 days ago.

Xuanyi hopped on top of the counter, it was her favorite place to sit and analyze. She often did her psych homework there and one time Eunseo had to carry her to bed when she fell asleep. She loved how Bona interacted with everyone. Bona and Luda didn’t seem awkward at all which she feared would happen after last night. Luda didn’t seem so conflicted with E’dawn around. She noticed it right away, Luda was loyal, great girlfriend material. But after seeing the two interact she knew what they shared wasn’t love. At least not on Luda’s part, E’dawn she could tell.

The most interesting person in the room however was Eunseo. She was practically kissing Xuanyi’s feet to get her to make pancakes, but the second E’dawn arrived with food she was disinterested. Eunseo seemed withdrawn into herself as well. Xuanyi watched as Eunseo’s eyes darted between Luda and E’dawn, she couldn’t read what it meant but she could tell it wasn’t good.

The day passed rather slowly in the Babe Cave after E’dawn’s arrival. Eunseo wasted no time in snatching up a donut and leaving the area. She didn’t wanna look at him. She didn’t wanna hear his stupid laugh and she didn’t want this to become a regular thing. E’dawn showing up at the Babe Cave everyday sickened her. He was Luda’s boyfriend though and they seemed serious. She prayed that E’dawn had changed, she didn’t want to see Luda go through what she had to. Luda was too kind, she wasn’t as annoying as Eunseo had thought. Maybe it was because of how Luda fell asleep cuddled up next to her that made her softer toward the girl. She hated it, she was losing her image.

Restless in room alone and missing her girlfriend more than ever Eunseo decided to text Cheng Xiao. She needed a pick me up bad, Cheng Xiao was the only person she texted besides her mom and Xuanyi sometimes. She absolutely hated texting, physicality was the best thing about relationships. Eunseo shivered thinking about how Cheng Xiao had asked her to send nudes. She had to look the word up, and act like she knew everything but really she had no idea. Mortified about the whole situation, Eunseo had almost asked Xuanyi for help. She’s glad her girlfriend sent “jk” it would’ve been more embarrassing to ask Xuanyi, of all people, for help.

E: Babe I miss you more than I miss the stars

CX: I wish I could swing by :(

E: Why can’t u?

CX: schools tomorrow dumbo

E: so

CX: I can’t srry

E: It’s okay I love you <3

CX: lov u

Eunseo sighed to herself, tossing her phone on her bed. She officially hated today. No girlfriend to spend time with, but her ex was laying down in her living room.

    After Bona left Xuanyi really had nothing to do. She could read but she wasn’t all that interested. Eunseo was being her typical antisocial self, so she was out of the question. Her only other option was to third wheel Luda and E’dawn. She didn’t particularly care for this option either but it was the more entertaining. Xuanyi perched herself on the back of the couch where Luda and E’dawn lay watching some horror flic that took place on a train.

    “What’re you guys watching?”

“I think it’s called Train to Busan,” E’dawn replied irritately as if the girl should know.

Xuanyi understood a bit of Eunseo’s clear distaste. She didn’t really like this guy, he just seemed a little off. Xuanyi tried hard to concentrate on the movie, but she found herself growing particularly unfond of it. Luda was asleep, Xuanyi smiled down at the girl it was obvious she needed as much sleep as she could get. The room however grew increasingly more uncomfortable when Xuanyi realized it was just her and E’dawn.

    “How long have you two been dating?”

“Two years and like 4 months,” E’dawn responded with annoyance.

He didn’t much care for questions. All he wanted was to be with his girlfriend alone. The girl who hovered above him was starting to get very annoying and he held a bit of resentment. He needed Luda to move out fast. These girls were too nosey, especially the catlike one behind him. Eunseo was another story, he left the girl vulnerable and in love. They were playing a dangerous game of chess, it was only a matter of time before one declared checkmate. He wouldn’t let it be Eunseo.

    Xuanyi had never hated someone before. Even with how badly Exy had treated her and played with her she harbored no resentment. Luda’s boyfriend might however be an exception. She was tired of him, and tired of the movie. It was her house, she could do what she wanted.

    “Get out.”

    “What?”

    “Get out of my house,” Xuanyi got off the back of the couch and stood her ground.

    “I’m Luda’s guest, you can’t kick me out.”

    “Yeah well I just did, leave.”

    “No.”

Eunseo had never heard Xuanyi raise her voice. She creaked out into the hall, Xuanyi was standing with the front door open asking E’dawn to leave as calmly as she could. Eunseo could see how much Xuanyi wanted to just punch the guy. Luda was knocked out on the couch completely oblivious to everything around her. Eunseo couldn’t help but smile at that, Luda was too pure to even see violence b. E’dawn was asking like a jackass though, even Eunseo itched to get him out of the house. It was nice of him to bring breakfast, but if he was annoying Xuanyi something was definitely off.

    “E’dawn if you don’t leave now you’ll regret it.”

E’dawn just laughed at Eunseo, it wasn’t that he thought he’d regret anything if he stayed but he didn’t want to have to explain to Luda why her housemates suddenly hated him. So he gently removed his body from the couch trying hard not to wake his girlfriend before flipping Eunseo off and walking out the door. Eunseo made eye contact with Xuanyi silently asking what happened. Xuanyi just rubbed her temples brushing past Eunseo before clicking her bedroom door shut.

The Babe Cave was silent for a good majority of the day till Luda woke back up. Both Eunseo and Xuanyi hadn’t left their room’s again since kicking E’dawn out. The house felt weird and everyone but Luda was aware. Eunseo was bored, she felt as if she had grounded herself. She could’ve at least tormented Xuanyi a little but she sensed that Xuanyi was probably done for the day. She wondered if Luda was still asleep, even if she was, Eunseo didn’t care she had an idea for something fun. Eunseo gathered up a few tubes of paint and picked up a few brushes from the floor. She laid everything out on her bed making she had enough for what she planned. She found a few stencils and small spray paint cans that she thought Luda might be more drawn to. Once she knew everything was there she put it all in her shower caddy and carried it out to the living room. An official initiation day for the hopefully permanent new Babe Cave member.

Luda woke up to Eunseo tapping her nose with a paint brush.

“Rise and shine sleepy head, it’s 6pm.”

Luda blinked fast trying to get rid of the sleep that caused her eyelids to weigh heavy. How could she have slept till 6pm? Where was E’dawn? Eunseo saw the confusion written all of Luda’s face at the fact that E’dawn was missing. She didn’t have much of a heart to sell out Xuanyi and said they’d kicked him out so she opted for a lie that seemed believable and a very E’dawn thing to do.

“He said he had to help a friend with something and that he was sorry to leave but didn’t want to wake you,” Eunseo expertly lied, and Luda believed every word.

She saw the girl relax a bit and sigh. Eunseo judged that E’dawn had probably used that excuse more than once on Luda, he really hadn’t changed since they dated. Eunseo walked to the kitchen taking down the undecorated succulent pot. She grabbed a few paper towels laying them on the dining room table for setting up her little art booth. Luda shuffled over curious as to what Eunseo was doing.

“I think it’s time for you to decorate your pot and become a certified Babe Cave resident.”

Eunseo beamed at Luda, this was probably her greatest idea since she painted her own room to mirror space.

    “But I’m not good at painting,” Luda hesitated sliding into a dining room chair.

Eunseo grabbed a chair next to her and laughed. She pointed to where the other two succulent pots rested. Xuanyi’s was painted a light pink, and decorated in glitter so that when the sun shone through it reflected around the kitchen. Eunseo’s just had random splotches of paint on it, nothing too fancy. Neither required skill it was just to show off simplistically their personalities.

    “You don’t have to be an art major to decorate a terracotta pot.”

Luda laughed in agreement, Eunseo made her smile a lot. She reached for brush and white paint. Eunseo cocked her watching as Luda squeezed out a little too much paint and looked up panicked. She didn’t really care about the paint as much as how cute Luda looked. Her hair was all messy and in her eyes. Eunseo reached forward and tucked a piece of hair behind Luda’s ear.

“You’re gonna make me mess up,” Luda exclaimed scooting her chair away a bit.

“All you’re doing is painting the pot white what could you mess up,” Eunseo asked incredulously laughing at how flustered Luda now seemed.

“I don’t wanna get paint on the succulent.”

“Then don’t.”

Eunseo watched as Luda began writing poets names in dark blue all over the white like a collage. It was actually a neat idea, calculated and executed well. Luda loved it. She liked the spontaneity Eunseo had. She had no idea that the pot was for her, or that her housemates even thought of her before she arrived.

    After the pot had dried, and Luda had thoroughly examined the succulent for damages the two girls walked it over to the window. Before Luda could place it on the shelf Eunseo closed the gap between the two. They were standing inches apart, but to Luda it felt like centimeters. Eunseo leaned forward making their foreheads touch. Luda didn’t know what to do, she just stood their cradling her succulent waiting for a direction. She could feel Eunseo’s breath on her lips.

    “Close your eyes,” Eunseo instructed

.

Luda had never closed her eyes so fast. Her stomach was trying out for the olympics, and she curled her toes in anticipation. They stood there comfortably close till Eunseo spoke again.

    “I hope that with you the Babe Cave will be strong.”

Luda backed away, she placed the succulent on the shelf and left Eunseo standing at the kitchen sink. It was too much, they were too close and she felt too much. Luda retreated to her room, she didn’t know how to explain what she felt. Guilt mixed with want? She balled up her fists hitting her legs. What was she supposed to do now?

a/n I've written outlines for subsequent chapters, bare with me ill update probably on fridays because of school :)