O8 
Being Astray

“I care about you.”

How simple those words were, she knew, but they were uncommon to her ears. 

All this time, she had been holding to one teaching which was that humans are selfish. No matter what you do, they only care for themselves. Although, she was still holding to that, his words touched her because it was sincere. 

They are words she have always wanted to hear from people. 

The clock was reaching 10 and Taehyung just finished eating his packed dinner that he brought in his backpack. Hyemi was astounded at how prepared he seemed as though he was going camping — he even brought a pillow and a blanket for him to feel comfy.

“Do you know the story about a poor girl who was turned into a sunflower?” Taehyung asked, sitting down at the back of an empty bucket on the platform, holding his Pikachu pillow. Hyemi liked his voice — it soothes her.

Oh, she knew the story so well; she was a lover of good old stories after all. But she wanted to know the story in Taehyung’s perspective — by his own way of storytelling so she shake her head and shrugged her shoulders.

Both corners of his lips rose to form a smile, then he turned to the night sky as he imaged his story, “There was once a girl who loves watching the Sun God as he rides his chariot in the sky every single day that, often times, she would rather watch him instead of doing her chores and helping her mother. Once, the Sun God, who was irritated with her behavior, asked her to stop doing so but she refused as she was in love with him. Furious to her stubbornness, he turned the girl into a flower with yellow petals but that never stopped it – or her –  to continue looking at him everyday.” 

Hyemi listened – looked – at him who was entranced with his own storytelling. “It’s her fault, to begin with, for being so stubborn,” she opinionated.

He turned to her and smirked which caused her heart to beat fast. “She was in love. Love is not a sin; it’s life itself. She was living life like any other human being should be doing. What she did is not wrong so she’s definitely not at fault.” 

“What do you mean love is life itself?” She inquired. She was still in her bath robe, not wanting to leave him for even a second, afraid that everything would be just a dream. 

“We live to love to learn to live to love to learn and the cycle repeats — that’s life,” he answered. 

“Okay, but if she loved him, she should’ve listened to him.” 

“Tell me, then, if I ask you to leave me right now, would you do it?” 

Stunned, her eyes widened at him, not blinking. His lips rose slightly at the corner, and his eyes averted away from hers but returned to gaze at her red face. Did he just read her mind? Of course, she would not leave him. 

Was she in love with him? She asked herself. Love love? 

Agh, she was blushing! She palmed her cheeks and pouted angrily at him when he started laughing. “You’re so cute!” He added in his laughter. 

She wanted to just slap or fist him to stop him from laughing at her but the bloody glass wall kept on separating them the whole day. “Geez, will you stop?!”

“I will but not now,” he chuckled and continued to laugh when her eyes turned slightly bigger than before. God, this guy was annoying her. 

One way to stop people from talking about you is by changing the subject to something they’d be taking first priority of — something that would take their minds off of you completely. “But Helios did so to stop her from leaving her daily work!”

Taehyung’s chortle faded away as he found something interesting in her talk. “So you do know the story.”

Her lips twitched down, with a look of embarrassment in her eyes. Her cheeks slightly flushed in the moonlight as she turned to smile broadly. He smiled. 

“What you said is true; it is for her own good but how he persuaded her is wrong. How he did not try to persuade her for the second time or especially for the third time is wrong. He is inhuman – after all, he is a god and not a human and gods don’t feel pain like humans do – so he doesn't think twice when doing his ways.” He bent his body to sit to his stomach, and his hands clasped with each other as his eyes darted away from hers, looking forward. He continued, “Plus, how would we know that he did that for her? When it could be, for all we know, as he is inhuman, he didn't care about her and was only just irritated with her.”

How different he was now to her up close and she figured that, perhaps, he likes to act as though he’s an idiot but, in a close distance, he’s actually a mind blowing genius. What he told her was greatness in her ears. It was brilliant! No one could have better explained it except for him! She nodded an agreement. 

He looked at her, and her heart was pounding slightly harder and louder than before. “To be honest, I think you are just like him.”

hung open; she was offended. Was he saying that she is inhuman? 

“In a different way. Similar but in a different way,”said Taehyung, putting out his pointer at her, not wanting any further misunderstandings. “To me, you are definitely like the sun; far, bright, and important, and hot.” 

He wiggled his brows as she rolled her eyes. She could tell what he meant by far but bright? Important? Hot? 

“And I am definitely the girl,” he said. 

“Why so?”

“I’m in love with you and you don't like it.” 

The autumn breeze didn't bother him despite his hair became a mess for it. Hyemi stared at him, unsure of what to say. “I… I am sorry.”

Taehyung only looked at her, poker-faced. 

“You are right-!”

“You don't want me to get anywhere closer to you. You’re afraid of hurting me. I am right, don't I?” 

His words made her speechless. 

“And just like your opinion about Helios; you hurt me because it was for my own good,” he added. “You’re him but different.”

Why was she so sensitive that day? She wondered to herself as she felt a wave of sadness inside; her ocean of guilt wanting to come out. Biting her lower lip, she was finding it hard to put the words in her mind in place to say it to him. 

And Taehyung noticed. “You don't have to-!”

“You’re wrong to be that girl.” She cut him. She figured if he continues to speak before she could reply, she wouldn't be able to speak out. She was afraid that he would become like the others. “You are not that girl. I am not Helios.”

Taehyung was wide-eyed. 

“Don’t be that girl. Don't try to be her. I don't want you to have the same fate as her and I don't want to be Helios; I don't want to be the cause of you having a sad future. Love is probably not a sin but if loving me can harm you, then it is one.” She paused herself and gazed away from him as she continued, “It’s not only… It’s not just that I don't want to hurt you, Taehyung. I don't want to hurt myself by hurting you.”

She was tearing up.

“Therefore, I-I don't want… I don't want your love.”

One-by-one, her tears fell. 

“But you need it, Hyemi,” he told her, almost shouting as she sobbed. He touched the glass and peered at her. 

“I am more hurt if you leave me hanging.”  

“You shouldn't have done that,” she cried beside the man who laid on the hospital bed, looking pale. 

“Hyemi, you shouldn't have done that,” Himchan retorted. “Why do you even want to do suicide? That is stupid of you!” 

He was clearly disappointed at his little sister. He took a bullet to his chest for her. 

“I have enough. No, I have too much. Too much that I can't bear it on my own. I am incomprehensible and that just hurts me. I am hurt for not understanding myself. And when I don't understand myself… I blame others. And when others are hurt, it all goes back to me. Just like right now. I hurt you because I am not able to comprehend what and who I am. I don't even know what I’m talking about!” She moved about the room, stressed. 

Himchan found her behavior funny and chuckled which caused her to eye doubts at him. “Listen, Hyemi. You're empty. You think more and feel less — that’s you. Even in your writings or when you talk, you write and talk with your mind but never your heart because why? You don't have anything in your heart. You’re empty.” 

“I… Am offended,” she stated with a straight face. Her brother laughed at this despite it pained him when he do so. 

“I’m saying that you think too much. Have you ever thought of loving someone?” 

“I love you.” She told him, an incredulous look on her face. 

“If you do love me, then don't kill yourself.” 

Hyemi was about to say something but shut her lips tight after a second thought. Then, she sighed. “What… What do you expect me to do? How can I fix myself? How can I be happy?” 

Her brother smiled lovingly at her as she came closer to him. He pulled her little hands together and patted them with his cold fingers. “Go outside often.” 

“I hate going outside; there are people watching me everywhere.”

“Well then, start slowly from the inside; open the curtains tonight and watch tomorrow’s sunrise as it gives you hope.” 

It was almost time, Hyemi figured as her little 8-year old feet jumped onto the stool and then, for the second time, onto the zinc roof of a small store. She struggled for a while as she tried to go over the slightly bigger wall to the other side, where there is a wide empty rooftop. She have forgotten about Taehyung who was with her just a while ago. She was more inclined toward watching the sunset. 

She stood in the empty area alone as the sun was slowly slipping down from the sky to disappear below the buildings. The orange rays shone and the sky was a magnificent pink color, changing to a purple. 

She loved the sunset. 

“I have to tell you something, Taehyung,” she voiced despite the boy she was indicating to wasn't there with her. 

“I’m going away,” she said. “And you’re not coming with me this time.”

Silence. 

She turned with a questioned look on her face which then immediately turned into a shocked one. 

“Taehyung?! Where are you??” 

Eugh body cramps, tired and sick
But here I am writing for love. 
<3 <3 <3
I was supposed to update yesterday but I was so busy because (my father’s) friends from China, Indonesia, Malaysia, and Thailand came for a visit. Heads up to those subscribers who are from one of those countries I mentioned.

This story will soon be coming to an end :’) so hang in there!