YuukiTheMelodyJumper (Sep 15, 2016 22:34:46) says about chapter 8: [REVIEW FORM]
Author's name:
Author's link: http://wwwYuukiTheMelodyJumper.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/852225
Story title: Nerd by Morning, Prince by Night
Story link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1154570/nerd-by-morning-prince-by-night-romance-kaisoo-schoolau
Main characters: Do Kyungsoo, Kim Jongin
Poster link: http://i.imgur.com/R4XUDqa.jpg
Description: He is a nerd who doesn't have any friends. Only stick with the book every second. What they didn't know is, the mask will disappear during night, change by something unthinkable. In the morning, he goes by the name 'Kyungsoo the Nerd' but at night, he goes by the name 'D.O the Prince'. No one seems to know that Kyungsoo and D.O is the same person. What will happen when the school Kingka, Kim Jongin aka Kai, saw D.O and fall in love with him?
Will Kai spoke his love for him? Will D.O accept him? Let's find the roller coster of their love!
Oh, and by the way, Kai doesn't know that D.O is Kyungsoo.
Genre: RomCom
Rated: -
Reviewer: JENIIIN
Password: BUTTERFLY
Anything else: -
Have you subs and upvoted and paid?: Yes
(For free requests write a blog about the shop with banner and link back, if you can't upvote please state why)
Blog link - only for free requests:
xIvy_Rose [A] (Sep 16, 2016 03:26:27) says about chapter 275: Jeniiin is a beta reader not a reviewer, their job's title is written above each staff member's profile. Please pick a new reviewer
xYuukiTheMelodyJumper (Sep 16, 2016 05:08:32) says: Then LoveChan4Eva
Title:5/5
I really like this title, it describes the story seriously well. As cliche as it sounds, I still think this still suits the story best as it summarizes the plot in a very clean way.
Description: 8/10
I think this is not really thought out. I wonder if you wrote it in a hurry, with all the mistakes made. In the first couple of sentences, before telling us who the actual people are, you used a pronoun, they.
"What they didn't know is, the mask will disappear during night, change by something unthinkable."
This may make sense to me, as I DO know who 'they' are, but it isn't a really good way of presenting the story (as most story reflect on the foreward, and if you make mistakes on your foreward/description, what will readers think??)
Also, some sentences look very messy, the first two sentences to be specific. The first one is a very bad graabber (you should try to use contraction for the "He is," that would make it a little better), while as the second sentence (even when it acts great as to the next statement to support your grabber) is not actually a sentence - hence, fragment.
Let's find the roller coster of their love!
Oh, and by the way, Kai doesn't know that D.O is Kyungsoo.
Anyways, I really like the ending two sentences, as it gives a sense that you're narrating the story for the readers, as like some movies on tv.
Plot: 21/30
I really like this plotline, the school's prince chasing the nerd, but this is in fact, very cliche. Kai liking D.O in the first few second is already unnatural, but they are rooming together too..(?) In all honesty, I would perfer if Jongin, or Kai, was rooming with Kyungsoo, not D.O. Even though they are the same person, it would make all in all the plot line different.
Moreover, it's great how the 'bullies' are Kai's best friends, as the plot will develop more dramatic that way. I only wonder what will Kai do to Kyungsoo. The reality of this story IS a little messed up, to be honest. It is very unrealistic as Jongin and his friends can not recognize Kyungsoo from D.O.
This plot seems very Disney (besides the boyxboy thing) as Kai is Prince Chanrming and Kyungsoo is Cinderella (as wierd as this might sounds).
As a whole, this is a very fluff based story as far as I can foresee. There isn't really a dramatic feel to it, and it's a pretty relaxing story to read. When looking at your tags, I feel like you should have added fluff. Furthermore, you may want to remove the A/N chapter, and take out the [Night Class] in Chapter 1 unless you are doing it with ALL chapters.
Character Development: 18/25
I think many people here are stereotyped. As Chapter 1 showed, this story's characters have little differences from other stories. There are no creativity in the personas, making this story very plain. Even so, the characters seem very understandable, as in a sense that it's all been done in many fanfics, so that is BOTH a negative and a positive thing, subjective opinion. To me, this isn't really the best when your charcters are mainstream and exposed.
Additionally, It would have been better if you had not explained their identity in the first chapter, or Prologue. This takes away the development as you already clear cut stated the character's personalities.
Writing Style: 10/15
The first thing you did which I dislike is use unnessasary Korean.
“Do Kyungsoo imnida. Mannaseo bangabseubnida”
Even though this may seem normal to you, I know many people who dislike reading this, simply because either they do not understand, or the Korean makes the flow jagged. It's not a bad thing if you want to include Korean into your writing, but use standardized words, such as Oppa, Unnie, Hwaiting/Fighting, or if you really want to, Anneong. Besides the Oppa, unnie..etc, it gets annoying when authors put Korean into an awkward place. Just think if your teacher asked in English for you to converse about yourself to the class, and you respond with Korean.(..?)
Also, remember not to put little A/Ns in the middle of the story, like:
One of them can’t leave their eyes to leave the new guy. (It's like in the picture above)
Even though this may looks okay, it is also roughing the flow of your story.
Grammar and Spelling: 9/10
There are little mistakes in your writing, good job. Although, it's not that there are none.
It was cruelest but they didn't mind it at all.
Even so, only little ones like these are present, so nothing important.
Writing Pace/Flow: N/A
Too little chapters to calculate the flow.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
First time anyone requested an EXO SHIPPED fanfic to me! I really like it, Kaisoo shipper here~ I enjoy how this is escalating! I hope the future events will be less light hearted, good luck on your fanfic.
Total: 76/100
Comments