XIII

Regret

“So?” Jongdae asks. “Did you do it?”

Jonghui’s quiet response was in no way a rejection (at least not as much as last time), but it still had felt a bit… well, it wasn’t as he’d imagined anyways. Baekhyun stands still for a moment, unsure of what to say because he did, but he’s not too sure what he’s going to do next. There’s no date set, he doesn’t know where to go, and he doesn’t know if he’s ready to do so either. “Yeah,” he says tentatively. “Yeah, I did. And she said yes.”

Something very close to a genuine smile at him creeps onto Jongdae’s face. “And? What’s wrong now?”

Apart from the fact that she’s going to die in October, probably, but that’s the largest thing that’s wrong. “I don’t know where to go,” Baekhyun says, pushing his thoughts to the back of his head. They’re less painful if he doesn’t dwell on them. “And I don’t have anything to wear too. I don’t think I should be wearing your clothing if I take her on a date. And I’m supposed to pay for it because I’m the one taking her on a date and I can’t pay for it because I have no money.”

Jongdae shrugs. “You’ve done the hardest part anyways.”

“Hardest part?”

“The most nerve wracking part is when you actually ask the person. Trust me, I know.”

Baekhyun thinks of Chanyeol’s bright golden jacket. “Messing up the outfit can be disastrous too.”  

Jongdae opens his mouth as if he’s apart to say something else, but then thinks better of it and shakes his head. “Anyways, I can deal with the clothing, at least. And do some research on where you’re going to bring her. I can help you with it, but it’s going to be your choice ultimately. You have to take responsibility for this too.”

“Who said I’m not going to?” Baekhyun grumbles, “Okay, so…”

“You can take her on Saturday,” Jongdae exclaims cheerfully.

Baekhyun is about the mumble his agreement when it hits him that it’s currently Thursday and Saturday is less than two days away. “Saturday?” he demands, “That’s… that’s too early.”

Jongdae gives him a disapproving day. “Do you need a week to think about what you’re going to do? Make up your mind and just do it.”

***

It’s late that evening and Jonghui has gone to bed early when Jongdae sits down with Baekhyun in the kitchen. It’s odd seeing her take her pills and Baekhyun tries to ignore the ache in his heart when he sees her — it’s unthinkable for him, unbearable and something he doesn’t want to dwell on but can’t help but dwell on — though she’s gone not long afterwards after bidding him and her brother goodnight. Baekhyun ends up leaning over Jongdae’s shoulder as he browses places to go on a date on his laptop.

“Are you ever going to date someone?” Baekhyun asks, “Or are you planning to remain forever alone?”

Jongdae lets out a hmph. “I bet I’d be dating someone if I wanted to,” he says, then types in ‘good places to go on a date’ into the searchbar.

Baekhyun peers at his laptop. “Good places to go on a date,” he reads, “Are you sure you’d be dating someone if you wanted to?”

Jongdae glares at him. “Well, if you’re so smart, do you have any suggestions?”

Baekhyun hesitates. He’s not exactly sure what Jonghui likes — she’s never been the aggressive type of person — soft spoken, gentle yet firm when she has to be. She likes to write, he knows. She likes sunsets. She…

“An art gallery,” he blurts, “It’s quiet there and she won’t have to walk much either.”

Jongdae looks impressed for an instance, but then he hides the look and nods slowly. “I guess that would work,” he says. “I’ll search up a couple and see which one you guys should go to. And I think… I think I have a suitable dress-up for you on Saturday. This might actually go well.”

“What do you mean by that?” Baekhyun demands, but Jongdae just grins at him.

***

It’s weird how far I’ve gone, Baekhyun thinks absently to himself as he pulls on the long, dark blue colored coat from Jongdae. He’s dressed up fancier than he’s ever has (and he looks a lot better than Chanyeol had wearing the bright gold jacket), but his hands are also trembling inside his sleeves for some odd reason.

He hasn’t seem Jonghui much the past day — Jongdae took her out to eat for lunch, leaving him alone and trying to figure out how to microwave leftovers without blowing something up. Friday had been relatively peaceful outwardly, but Baekhyun had spent a good half of the day panicking inwardly. And now, it’s Saturday morning and he’s not only panicking inwardly but outwardly also.

He’s checked the bus schedule to Leeum Samsung Art Museum and memorized the bus times and the routes thoroughly (to the point where he can probably say them in his sleep). Baekhyun’s not sure if what he’s feeling is called nervousness anymore or if there’s another word to describe the sheer amount of nervousness he’s feeling.

Three months ago, Jonghui had found him in the back alley of her house when she was throwing out garbage. Three months ago… everything had felt so different.

Baekhyun takes a deep breath and pushes open the door of his room. The house is rather quiet, and he hears Jonghui and Jongdae talking outside. He enters the living room just in time to see Jongdae bidding his sister goodbye, and before the door closes behind him, he manages to catch Baekhyun’s eye. Then the door closes, and Jonghui turns to look at him.

They haven’t talked much on Friday — in fact, since he’d asked her out. Now, she stands in the middle of the living room, looking at him with her lips pressed together. Throughout the months, the tilt of her lip corners seem less like an always-present smile to Baekhyun and something else that’s just… her.

For a little while, Baekhyun just stares at her — she looks pretty (and very, very small, but she always looks small) with her hair in two braids down her side and a plaid dress. It’s a very simple get-up and his looks fancier compared to it, but with the cream colored coat in her hand, he can’t really imagine Jonghui wearing any better of an outfit. It’s so her.

“You look nice,” he offers tentatively.

This time, Jonghui’s lips pull upwards into a real smile. “Do I? Last time you only complimented the color of my dress.”

Baekhyun flushes and tries to keep his composure. “Does it make you feel better if I tell you the dress looks nice?”

“No.”

He decides to drop the conversation at that and walks towards her. “Let’s go, then.”

Jonghui pulls on her coat. It stands out against his own, a dark, navy blue while hers is almost white. It matches oddly will with the red and black of her dress that peaks out of the ends of the coat. She buttons it up (“It may be August, but it’s still cool in the mornings and I don’t like being cold”) to the top.

Baekhyun leaves his own hanging open and they both slip on shoes before leaving the house too.

Jonghui’s the one with the keys and she also locks the door behind them before turning to him, smiling again. “Where are we going, then?”

“Leeum Samsung Art Museum,” Baekhyun recites, “We’ll be taking the 48 bus for five stops and then it’ll—”

Jonghui laughs. “Did you memorize it?”

Baekhyun glances at her. He can’t really tell what she’s thinking, or if memorizing it is a good thing or a bad thing, so he just nods. “Getting lost would be disastrous.”

“I have a phone. If we did get lost, we could ask for instructions or search it up.”

“I’m being prepared,” Baekhyun shoots back, and then they’re on the elevator heading downstairs.

They walk in silence for a little while towards the bus stop, with neither of them speaking. Jonghui’s footsteps are quiet against the pavement, and the morning air is crisp and cool for a August morning. And for a Saturday, the streets are oddly empty. Cars rush by once in a while, carrying a gust of wind with them. There are little people in the streets — perhaps it’s be