VI

Uncertainty

Days pass terribly quickly, and that’s one thing Baekhyun learns on earth. Especially with the fact that humans have limited days. Centuries could pass in a blink of an eye as an angel and seem like no time at all, but the full two weeks that he’s been on earth seemed like, to Baekhyun, a huge amount of time that had flown by too quickly.

Nothing really changes day by day, not that he can notice. But when he looks back to the first day, so many things are different. So many that it’s almost frightening.

And Baekhyun doesn’t want to dwell on the frightening, so he chooses not to dwell on it.

Shouldn’t I want time to pass quickly? he thinks to himself. Jongdae’s away and Jonghui has gone shopping. Then I can go back sooner.

But do I really want to go back?

Being unsure is one thing that terrifies Baekhyun to no end. Being unsure of tomorrow, unsure of the people around him, being unsure of himself— it makes him feel out of control, and control has been one huge thing he’s been lacking since being on earth. Sometimes he forgets, but when he thinks back on the problem, it makes him frustrated and angry. It’s been two weeks and Baekhyun still can’t comprehend what Chanyeol meant by “gain humanity”.

The door creaks open and Baekhyun shoots up from the couch. He peeks around the corner to look at Jonghui, who’s carrying at least four plastic bags in her hand, looking very much as if she is going to collapse any moment under the weight. Reason unbeknownst to himself, Baekhyun shuffles over to the door and extends a hand to her.

Jonghui looks at him with wide eyes, obviously surprised that he’s offering help. Baekhyun huffs and grabs two of the plastic bags from her before she says anything.

They’re not very heavy, he notes, but for some reason, she looks as if it is too much to carry. “What are these for?” he asks.

Jonghui beams at him. “Thanks,” she grins, “They were getting a bit heavy.”

Two bags aren’t heavy, and Baekhyun can’t see why adding two more would make the burden unbearable. Still, Jonghui’s smaller than him so he shrugs it off and takes the bags to the kitchen. “Are you going to tell me what they’re for?” he questions again.

“Oh, right.” Jonghui, in turn, sets her own two bags onto the counter. “Jongin and Joonmyeon are coming over for dinner tonight and Jongdae can’t cook.”

“Jongin and Jongdae,” Baekhyun echoes. “Who’s Joonmyeon?”

“My other cousin,” Jonghui explains, cheerfully. “He’s quite the angel.”

I’m the real angel, Baekhyun thinks in his mind, and though he bites back the words, it’s hard to keep himself from interjecting. He can’t quite imagine how Joonmyeon would be an angel, especially after meeting Jongin and Jongdae, who are both far from angels. “Is Sehun coming?” he asks.

“You’re asking a lot of questions,” Jonghui notes, beginning to take her groceries out of her bag. She opens the fridge and puts the carton of milk into the side shelf. “And no, I don’t think Sehun’s coming. Apparently his roommate gets mad if they don’t eat dinner together. Luhan, or something.”

The name sounds foreign, so Baekhyun brushes it off to forget. He also tries to hide his ecstasy that Sehun won’t be there. He sits down on one of the wooden stools, watching as Jonghui puts things in their respective drawers, rearranging items in the refrigerator to fit and make space for others. Her movements are quick and precise, like she’s been used to doing it for a while. The clock on the oven reads 11:11, and from previous experiences, Jongdae normally comes home at around four in the afternoon. Being in the same house as Jonghui for days is better than being in the same house as Jongdae for an hour, because regardless of how cheerful Jonghui is, she’s decent company.

When Jonghui finishes putting away groceries, she joins him at the table, squinting out the window. The skies of Seoul are grey per usual, but this time, it seems to be because of the storm clouds rolling in. Baekhyun can almost feel the unreleased static in the air, reading the crack and break. The skies of Seoul are definitely something unique, he thinks. They’re not beautiful (or at least, not much of the time), but the weather patterns are complex and there is something oddly mystifying and majestic about the sky itself that makes Baekhyun unable to stop staring. Perhaps it’s the fact that it’s so big. Perhaps it’s because he can never see the end of it, no matter how much he stares. There’s a strange sort of comfort, Baekhyun finds, in that endlessness.

“The skies are very mundane here,” Jonghui notes, letting out a slight laugh. “Seoul doesn’t have much sunny days. But still…it’s pretty. I think it’ll rain today.”

Baekhyun hums in reply. It had rained the day before, and he’d watched as Jongdae complained about the rain while Jonghui gave him a raincoat and umbrella. Unlike her brother, she seems to like the rain more. There’s a slight smile on her face as she peers out the window, and the weather proves true to her words because a moment later, the first droplets and splattering against the window pane.

“What do you want for lunch?” Jonghui asks, “I can whip up a quick stir fry.”

Noodles are, admittedly, Baekhyun’s favourite dish out of all of the ones Jonghui’s made, so he doesn’t make an objection. Noodle soup, fried… anything noodle seems to work with him (unless it is spicy). “Stir fry is okay,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant, but he sounds more excited than nonchalant. Dismayed, he opens his mouth to add something but Jonghui has already chimed a happy “okay!” before rushing to the kitchen. Baekhyun snaps his mouth shut.

As Jonghui cooks lunch, Baekhyun continues to stare outside. There’s not much he really does— Jonghui taking to tour Seoul was probably the first memorable thing he’s done— and he can’t think of anything else that he’d genuinely want to do. Jongdae keeps him busy when he’s home by giving him all sorts of chores, but the huge portion of the day when Jongdae isn’t home is a time that Baekhyun spends counting the moments as they ticked by. Those were the times that time itself seemed to be running too slow. He wonders how it’s possible— fourteen days manages to pass in a blink of an eye, but somehow, minutes could seem like eternity.

Earth is odd, Baekhyun concludes. But if time ran quickly, that was a good thing, right? he thinks, I just… I just want to get back… right?

“Do you ever get bored?” Jonghui suddenly asks.

I want time to run faster, right? So I can go back?

“No,” Baekhyun grumbles, sounding more irritated than he originally intended. It’s not Jonghui he’s irritated with, but himself. “I don’t.”

“Well, I do have books in my room if you want to read them,” she says. “Tell me if you’re ever bored.”

***

“I’m bored,” Baekhyun tells Jonghui.

“What’s that? I can’t hear you.”

“I’m bored,” he grits out.

She smiles brightly. “Ah. Want the books now?”

“What else?” he demands, and she has the nerve to look amused at how uncomfortable he is. “Just give me the books.”

It’s ridiculous, Baekhyun thinks— before Jonghui mentioned it, he had been perfectly content with staring out the window and watching the raindrops drip down the glass pane— and now he feels bored. Then he remembers something Chanyeol had said, and then, under his breath, mutters, “Please.”

She looks taken back. “You learned manners?”

Baekhyun’s fuming inwardly. Jonghui’s obviously making fun of him, and he hates being made fun of. Still, it’s not exactly taunting— more like teasing. That’s better than taunting, but he doesn't like feeling humiliated. “I’ve always known manners,” he tells her, “I just didn’t find any reason to use them.”

“And why have you found the reason now?”

“Because I want the stupid books.”

Jonghui smiles a lot, but she doesn’t actually laugh that often. But this time, she does laugh, and it’s a cheery sound. And perhaps he’s disillusioned and confused, but there seems to be some sort of hidden melancholy and regret in her voice, even though she’s laughing. It’s something that Baekhyun can’t quite grasp because there’s no reason she should be sad when she’s happy, so he tells himself to forget it.

“Fine,” she says. “Wait here. I’ll bring you a couple to read.”

Baekhyun makes a face at her retreating figure, but sits back down onto the couch and waits for her to return.

A couple moments later, Jonghui returns with a small stack of books. She drops them on the tea table in front of him, then sits down on the couch next to him.

“The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane,” she says, placing the first book in his lap. Baekhyun barely manages to glimpse the cover image, in which he sees a rabbit, before it’s covered by the next book. “The Alchemist,” she continues. “The Giving Tree.”

Baekhyun stares at the three books. The one at the top, The Giving Tree, looks very short, and the drawing on the cover is simplistic. “These three?” he asks.

“I have more books,” Jonghui says, “But I think that you’d like these.” She draws out The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane from the bottom of the pile and holds it out for Baekhyun to see. “This one