"Bambam?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think I should get the surgery?"

This was Bambam's chance. He could selfishly say yes, and have Jackson all to himself. He could. He could... But...

"No you shouldn't."

"Why? What good would it bring me? I'm suffering! I feel like I'm dying. No-I am dying! I'm- oh god- Bambam I'm dying! I don't know what to do. I wanna feel what I feel for Jaebum forever, but I'm not ready to die. I don't want to die. Why should he be able to live happily -without me- , but I die with nothing but one-sided love. I wanna- I want to feel loved! I -- I want to be loved too!"

"Hyung..."

"I- I know he has Youngjae... But I just want to feel what it would be like to be loved by him for at least a few moments. Just a few stolen minutes out of his time. I never saw what the big deal was with the princesses in all the fairy tales, but they're all loved by the Prince at the end of the story... And - I - Why- Why Can't that be me? Why must my "happy ever ending" not be happy at all?! They say "fake it until you make it", but no matter how much I lie to myself, no matter how much I force myself to believe. Jaebum will never be mine..."

"Hyung you don't know that!"

"But I do Bambam! Jaebum has Youngjae. And even if he didn't , who would want to go out with someone like me?"

Bambam flinched. He never has heard so much emotion put it into one sentence. Never has heard Jackson talk about himself with that certain emotion; he talked about himself with so much disgust.

'Why?'

His breath got stuck in his throat. His heart hurt. His mind was foggy. His eyes were glassy.

'Jackson can't possibly think about himself that way... Can he?'

'Don't ask...'

'But...'

"What exactly do you mean with 'someone like me'?

.

"What else could I mean?"

"Someone like me. Ugly. Worthless. Pathetic. Fat. Stupid. Loud-mouthed... I can't imagine anyone ever liking me -even less loving me-. Why would they? I mean -I- I ... I don't even like myself -so what could I possibly love about myself? I mean what is there even to like, even less love?

Jackson was crying. Tears rolled effortless down his cheek bones.

Bambam was mentally killing himself over, and over.

'Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut?'

"Funny isn't it."

Bambam didn't find it funny. So why was Jackson now laughing?

Jackson's tears rolled into his own mouth as he laughed, but it didn't seem like he cared too much about it.

"I always made fun of the cliché girl in all chick-flicks that always cried and cried... About -ugh- about not loving herself. But it seems I'm in the same situation, doesn't it?"

"Why- why- ca-n't- can't I love my- myself?"

Jackson was coughing- more like throwing up tons of little sweet pea flowers all tinted in red. His breath was becoming ragged, his vision was becoming hazy, and his heart was hurting.

Then suddenly it wasn't.

"Hyung!"

Bambam was worried, so so worried. His hyung had just collapsed in front of him after throwing up, what seemed to be at least, 100 tiny sweet pea's all covered in, what he hoped was wrong, but most probably was Blood.

Bambam's scream echoe