*Bambam's Pov* (For now)

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"Jackson hyung-"

"Please don't say anything."

"No, hyung I need to know."

.

.

.

He received no argument so he continued.

"Who is it?"

Jackson didn't want to say anything. Why? What good would it be to tell bambam, and remind himself of who he will never have?

"Please hyung"

Bambam was desperate. He looked up to Jackson a lot. He wanted to help his hyung the most he could. He wanted to know... who wouldn't love Jackson.

Jackson was like a rose in his eyes. He was beautiful and physically appealing. But like all roses, he had thorns, but he didn't have thorns to represent a bad side to him. No if Jackson were a rose he would have thorns to protect himself. He would have thorns to warn the person that he in fact was there and needed care, just like every rose needs it proper care and love for it to live, with out that it would die... Just like him.

"It's Jaebum."

Bambam can't say he was too surprised. He had seen the way his hyung looked at JB as if he was a god. He saw the 'discrete' glances Jackson occasionally did to catch a glimpse of the leader when he thought no one was looking. He noticed the praise he always seemed to have to say about Jaebum every chance the opportunity popped up. He noticed the want and need to have a spot next to the leader during every showcase. He noticed the too loud laugh to every non-comical thing Jaebum said. He noticed the too fond smile, to every thing Jaebum said about their group

. . .

. The point was he noticed.

And if it hurt him that it wasn't him Jackson loved then that was okay, he just wanted his hyung to be happy. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't try...

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"Have you... Uh .. thought about , I don't know possibly getting the surgery?"

Jackson winced he had thought of it, of course he had. He just choose to ignore that option.

"Yes. I have. But I don't want it."

"Why's that hyung?"

"You know, how we got first place for our song in that show?"

Bambam nodded.

"Well it's kinda like that. The pleasant feeling in your stomach, knowing you've done everyone proud, but most importantly you feel proud for what you've achieved. You get that rush in your stomach, the Cheers that seem to make you numb to what's going on. That gentle buzz of the music, making you feel tingly. The audience, who encourage you to be you, and to continue doing what you do. That's what I feel, and .. uh... And I'm...."

Nothing but sobs could be heard inside the bathroom. 

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"I don't care, Jaebum you can't-"

The group in the kitchen, immediately stopped talking after they heard the loud cries. They stopped and listened for a while.

Youngjae who was usually the most oblivious to what was going on, could not even deny the pain and sorrow that he heard. Those were cries of true pain. Raw pain.

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Jaebum froze, he knew those cries. How could he not?

Jackson usually went to him, when he was down. Think of it, he couldn't even remember the last time Jackson came to him for a problem or worry, or just a simple "hello".

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jinyoung walking away from the kitchen. He suddenly seemed to remember what they were arguing about previously, making his blood boil.

"Yah! Where do you think you're going? I'm not done talking to you!"

"But I'm done talking to you!" Jinyoung wouldn't be jinyoung without some sass.

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Jinyoung enters the bathroom, finding Jackson clinging to bambam letting out heartbreaking sobs, bambam who was now also crying just holded o