Jisoo was an observer.

A lot of things in the world used to pass by unnoticed, in the middle of the chaotic routine of people’s lives, of their insistent worries about health, love, studies, everything altogether just to help the lost of perspective of the little things that happened around. People were so alienated that they started to get oblivious to things that were close to them. That was becoming reality – the lack of attention – but it surely didn’t fit Jisoo.

Jisoo liked to think she had a different view of things. She liked to observe everything there was to be observed, from the small details of a leaf that was wet because of rainy days, to how a person reacted after a simple compliment, something unexpected. She wanted to try to learn everything there was to be learnt, about the things she liked. Everything for her turned out to be complex, something that had to be investigated further. Nothing superficial, that was the word.

Because of that, maybe, she was a person that was so attached to memories. To keep moments that even if they weren’t that important, it could somehow change her history. The first high grade in school, first friend, first lecture by her parents, first fight, first kiss. The last one she hadn’t – she always blushed even without admitting it out loud – but that wasn’t the case. In the end, she was a girl that was a bit different from the others of her age and that was totally ok.

Her family had money. They weren’t extremely rich but Jisoo at times found herself being spoiled by her father, the CEO of a small business entertainment that even if it wasn’t huge, it was successful. She didn’t deny that she liked, but she also sometimes wondered if she would ever be independent, some day. Her dream was to be a trainee – something her mother didn’t want, but her father supported – but she didn’t want her father to use his “contacts” to make it happen.

No. Jisoo wanted to start there, her almost-independence, even if she was still going to live under her parents wings for a few more years along that journey. If there was something that she was, it was determined. That’s how she conviced her father to take her to the YG Entertainment auditions, so she could test herself. On her way to the company she felt nervous, but listening to the song on the background along with her father saying encouraging things, felt like a huge incentive.

She was lucky.

Everything took some time to happen, from her waiting to perform until the agonizing result, but her nervousness was what proportioned her largest stress. Thankfully, while remembering her father’s words she managed to do a great audition, being able to show what she got from her family and what she trained. The happiest moment – until now – was when she heard those words of approval.

Looking back to this day, Jisoo always found herself full of happiness, even if now she kinda disliked her poor choices of clothing. But that was the least. In her mind and in her heart, that was going to be engraved as a sweet memory for being the first time she got to be proud of herself, for conquering something without anyone’s intervention.

---

The first day of training also filled her mind once in a while, with some vague memories and details. She remembered of following to the building, being able to meet a lot of people and trainers, along with other newbies. Her nerves made such good presence; even though she liked first times, she wasn’t much of a fan of nervousism just like her first day of class in a new school, for example. Despite that, she soon loosened up a bit when amicable faces and small gestures tried to leave her at ease.

It was on the moment there was an event of gathering between new trainees and old ones, that she felt something completely different from what she was feeling that day. It wasn’t nervousism, nor happiness; it was intimidation. Weird, but true. When her eyes met a group of 3 older trainees walking to their direction, with appearences and impeccable clothes – in YG’s style, of course – along with this aura that surrounded talented people, Jisoo felt as if she was an ant.

The trainees didn’t pay attention to her immediately, but Jisoo’s eyes couldn’t leave them. She remembered someone asking “Hey, are you ok?” along with a small comment about how she seemed to be sweating or pale, but that was also the moment where her eyes met the trainee that had a baby face, but killer eyes.

It was quick but Jisoo even got to gulp while she averted her eyes just in case if she kept staring, she would be petrified or something like that, as if she was in front of a Medusa. In a certain way, she was nervous. Deep down she felt the trainee’s insistent eyes on her and that one being the most serious and intimidating of the 3, didn’t help at all. Yet, even though Jisoo was glad when the three didn’t come close to where they were, she still wondered why. Nonetheless, the most memorable thing was what she felt after she calmed down and went back to watching them, noticing that the same girl was being carried away by a taller and smiley girl.

The thought now never failed to make Jisoo smile. There she saw Jennie for the first time. There she thought the girl was beautiful, but completely scary for her own sake.

---

Her first conversation with Jennie was in a rainy day, yes, after a month of her being there. Jisoo was a somewhat timid girl and even if she didn’t look like it, she sometimes had some difficulty to deal with people, more precisely in approaching them. She was beautiful – she has always been – so people were interested, but that was just that. She didn’t know how to make friendship if people didn’t make a first move. Her luck was that as soon as they started to talk, little by little she started to show her true personality, attracting even more people around her for being funny and kind, by nature.

So, in that one month of routine, she already had a few good colleagues. However, none of them seemed enough to cure the nervousism that hit her days before her first monthly evaluation. On that day, she felt extremely anxious, without knowing if she was doing well and what would happen. Her colleagues were all nervous too, so she decided not to share her worries with them.

That’s when she started to stay there until later than usual, training the dance that always left her stressed. On that specific moment, she was completely alone, all sweaty and frustrated while she tried to do it right some hard and fast steps that Lisa – probably the most amicable person in there – helped her with, but that didn’t seem enough. In every hour that passed, Jisoo had a bit more of that wanting to cry for not doing it so well, for fear of disappointing everyone.

That’s when already at the middle of the night, she found herself sitting with her back being supported by the room’s huge mirror, with her knees folded and her head tucked in her arms, with her eyes closed while listening to the song she should be training to. After all of those repeated mistakes, she felt physically and mentally exhausted, and to know that was only the start, it was even more scary.

Jisoo was so busy cursing herself internally while she tried to calm down at the same time, that she didn’t even notice the presence of one more person in there. Jennie entered the room with light steps, being there just to fetch her hoodie before she went home. Her attention soon went to the defeated figure on the floor, hair all over the place while sweat covered her clothes. Thinking it was funny that she hadn’t noticed her, she proceeded until she sat quietly by her side.

It took a few minutes but when Jisoo finally lifted her head, all she could do was jump in surprise as she saw that strange new figure shouting “Boo!” in a weird and thick way. Jennie giggled and felt completely satisfied in seeing that reaction. Jisoo at first was everything but amused, but that didn’t bother the younger girl at all.

It was weird, unexpected and unusual, but that little moment was the start of what made the older girl’s life get better.

Jennie’s eyes when upclose – or at least, when seen by a pair of eyes that were too tired to get intimidated – were more tender and bigger than normal. Her tan and flawless skin was beautiful, and her hair seemed like one of those from a shampoo commercial, even if they were also sweaty from all the training.

Jennie did justice to her fame of being a super talented and pretty trainee, but Jisoo had no idea that she could also be gentle and friendly. She just learned that when the younger girl – after some awkward silence and some small talk – slowly started to do everything to relax her, later on teaching her those damn steps in the calmest way possible.

That was a memorable night, one of the bests if she could say it.

On the day that followed, Jisoo was scolded for something else, but overall, she was good. The fact that Jennie helped her the night before – when she didn’t have to – and how she silently supported her when it was dance time, made a huge difference in her spirit.

At the end, Jisoo’s frightened reaction when she lifted her head and saw Jennie there, was forever in the latter’s mind. However, Jennie’s funny and completely satisfied laughter along with those different and gentle eyes, got to be forever engraved in Jisoo’s heart.

---

The first time Jisoo “broke the rules”, she was by her side. That day started as any other, with Jennie bothering her with messages as if there was no tomorrow. If Jisoo didn’t know better, she would think some tragedy happened, but that was the most common thing to live with if you were the girl’s friends. Jisoo was more than used to that and even if on the outside she would always reprimand her, on the inside she couldn’t stay not even a day without getting something and answering at the same minute.

She was a good friend, for sure.

On that day Jennie was waiting for her on the outside of her house, since Jisoo’s parents weren’t there to welcome her in. Jennie wore a black cropped top that left her belly exposed, her long hair having blonde highlights. The actual situation was exciting – since the CEO left some possible hints that debut was close – and Jisoo couldn’t help but wake up everyday in a good humour.

- Next time I’ll break in to throw a bucket of cold water on you. – Said Jennie as she finally saw the older girl getting out of her house, also wearing a black shirt, one that seemed to be too big for her.

- I was already awake, you’re the one who’s all electric.

- Yeah, yeah. Soon enough we’ll be living in a dorm, watch out. – Jennie rolled her eyes, taking her phone from her pocket to see if there were new messages. – Anyway, c’mon, today I have a different plan for us.

- What do you mean? – Jisoo stupidly asked, as if she still had hopes that she could change whatever Jennie had in mind. The younger clinged to her arm and pulled her to start walking, quite quickly. – Jennie?

It wasn’t until after some steps were taken to distance themselves from the house, with Jisoo bombarding her with questions, that Jennie finally took her eyes out of the phone to look at her.

- We’ll hang out with a few friends.

- Are you crazy? We need to practice, the last evaluation in group will be in a few days! – Jisoo wanted to stop their steps, but Jennie kept going, pulling her along.

- Let’s break rules, duh! C’mon, you always say no to everything fun that I suggest!

- Not always, only when we need to do something important instead of it!

Jisoo used some force to finally stop, making the girl stop in her front, looking at her with those eyes that always made the older girl feel weird when they emitted that glow.

- Oh c’mon…You’re acting that way again…You need to relax! And I have the exact medicine for this! – She excitedly exclaimed, gaining only a heavy sigh from Jisoo.

- No.

- Please? – Jennie arched eyebrows. – Please please, Jichu unnie?

Jisoo saw her putting both hands on her shoulders, doing some other type of rare aegyo that never really happened in that friendship between them. Jisoo hated herself for it, but in a certain way she always gave in like that. It could be comprehensible, aegyo was the weakness for a lot of people, but Jennie’s…Jennie’s aegyo used to leave her red. And that Jisoo certainly didn’t get it. Jennie knew it though, and she used that as advantage.

- Ok.

With a small scream coming from her best friend, Jisoo just sighed again, feeling herself being pulled by the arm again so she could follow her to wherever they were going to.

On the way there, everything she could hear was Jennie blabbering about how much fun it would be, an elaborated plan with other trainees and some other boy trainees. Jisoo followed quietly the whole way, but that’s how their relationship worked: while Jennie sometimes talked endlessly, Jisoo listened with the most pleasure in the world, always observing how much sweeter Jennie’s voice got when she was excited.

When both arrived at the place – some kind of coffee shop with an area with snooker, darts and others – Jisoo soon realized how she was always at mercy of her best friend. Some trainees there were also her colleagues – alright, some could actually be called friends – but if it wasn’t for Jennie, Jisoo would’ve never known them deeper. Hell, if it wasn’t for Jennie, she would’ve never left practice aside to go somewhere or even a place like that – at least for her personal tastes.

Even though that ambient wasn’t her style, she started to have fun as time went by. However, when some other trainee that was missing finally arrived, her humour slowly started to change, without her even knowing why. Perhaps it was because he had this “cocky” aura, boasting about himself for a lot of things, but Jisoo wasn’t much fond of him. She even felt guilty for feeling this way when she saw Jennie laughing at his awful jokes, talking animatedly while they played snooker and it was his time, but at the end of everything, she still felt uncomfortable on the moments he would give her a side hug and say “Wassup Chu?” as if they were intimate.

It wasn’t as if they were enemies or as if Jennie left her out when in company of her other older friends, but Jisoo still felt like a fish out of water at times like that. On a moment after being done with a round – one that she won, points for always spending time with her father on this hobby – Jisoo decided to sit on a table where everyone was, seeing Jennie far away talking to Teddie and some other boys. She was popular with everything that moved. How couldn’t she be, with such charm?

The older girl smirked, turning her attention from the loud conversation coming from the girls by her side at the table to her phone, which had just vibrated. When she took it, she saw an angry message coming from Lisa – cute, always cute – which just made her smile even more.

Yah unnie! I thought you weren’t going to accept Jennie’s horrible idea! >.< Chaeyoung and I made a bet and you made me lose my lunch’s money! Eunbi unnie said you two are crazy, heh ~

The other girls were already part of her life, so that made her smile and wish they were there too. Still, they were a lot more smarter and they didn’t end up following Jennie’s crazy plans. At least not on innapropiate hours like this. She was lucky that practice for that day wasn’t going to be monitored by a trainer, or else, they were screwed.

Seeing that Lisa was online, Jisoo happily answered her, typing fast as soon as the girl replied again. While talking to the younger Jisoo got even more cheerful, forgetting a bit about her surroundings, but when she quickly looked up, the scene she saw made her heart seem like it was falling from her chest.

It was a simple scene, but she felt a sting that wasn’t that much simple to decipher.

Jennie held the older trainee’s hand while he seemed to joke around. Then – as if it wasn’t enough – he pulled her for a hug and stayed there, whispering sweet nothings to her ear. Jisoo gulped and for a moment, thought that she felt that characteristic knot in , that always came before she wanted to cry.

That sensation was strange, but she tried not to think much about it. Her eyes quickly went back to the screen and even with her reading over and over again what Lisa had just typed, she couldn’t understand what those words said.

On that day, Jisoo “broke rules”. Nonetheless, something deeper, also said to her that she had her heart broken. That was the first time she felt jealousy, and not in a simple and comprehensible friendly way.

---

Time could be an incredible wound healer, it used to work well for some aspects. Yet, as it went by, Jisoo felt even worse. Motive? There were so much of them that she couldn’t even list it without forgetting some. It could start with the thing that made her heart break for days after days: the fact that Jennie was liking that older trainee – even if they weren’t supposed to date and that could be dangerous. But was that the worst of them all? Maybe not, maybe it was the fact that Jennie decided to share that with her. Was that the worst? Not even close since, hell, isn’t that what best friends are for? To hear about first loves – whatever that meant – and to give advices and freak out together?

That’s what friends were for, it was normal. Or at least it should be, if Jisoo hadn’t discovered a little problem with that. A problem that was inside her, something that she couldn’t make it go away so soon. Believe it, she tried. Something that not even time seemed to help it go away.

Jisoo was liking Jennie. Not in a “best friends forever” way. Not in a “sisters till the end of the world” way. It was the “I have to gather all my strength not to kiss you when you look at me like this” way. That was almost like her karma, everyday Jisoo would wake up – that big smile long gone – with a feeling of guilt, simply because she started to fall in love with her best friend but worse than that, because this happened with her GIRL friend. Female. A woman.

Jisoo was a complete mess.

But as if that wasn’t enough, what better than to have a small existential crisis because she got so close to an imminent debut after all that practice, even having her pictures already out in the media, just to simply end up like this, just in the media? Her life couldn’t be worse. Or it could. Everything bad could get worse, so she shouldn’t doubt that.

Still, that period seemed to be cloudy for everyone. Having her dream in a point of being reached with her own hands, just to have it taken far away, without knowing where she could find it now wasn’t easy. The delayed debut made a complete turnaround in the group’s line-up, but it wasn’t just that. The girls’ self esteem seemed to had vanished away, since month after month, they seemed to be incapable of moving on, of seeing a date coming like that, so soon.

Weren’t they good enough? What was lacking so much for them to have their debut delayed like this, in an almost humiliating manner? Everything seemed horrible and it really was. Her friends were sad, she was a mess but somehow, in the middle of everything, her best friend was the worst of them all. Jennie felt awful, not being that girl who would always leave Jisoo excited for being herself, just to turn into a girl who always asked what was wrong with her, why she was receiving that much hate after so many happy moments – like the incredible feat she made on her sunbae’s MV. It was becoming frequent and Jisoo surely didn’t want any of this.

That was how on one day, Jisoo found herself sitting in the same way she was when they met, in the practice room. Just, this time, the humour wasn’t the same. She didn’t have the energy and the wit to give Jennie a scare in revenge. There was no loud song to fill the place.

The sound was of crying and for a lot of different reasons, Jisoo wished she were listening to the song she hated the most, if that meant she wouldn’t have to hear Jennie cry. That was the first time she saw her like this. A cry of sadness, out of frustration, unhappiness. That broke her heart even more, as if that was possible.

Jisoo approached slowly – with that same knot in that she felt so many times during those last months – and sat by the younger’s side, lifting an arm so she could pull her to a side hug while her head laid on top of hers. There, she stayed in silence, eyes closed, just feeling Jennie’s breathing hit against her neck, with Jennie’s hands holding her shirt tightly while tears escaped endlessly.

The older girl tried to be strong, but at the moment Jennie started talking, Jisoo felt the tears that were blurrying her view for quite a while, fall down her cheekbones.

- I’m so useless. – Jennie had a weak, trembly voice. – Why does it have to be like this? What’s wrong with me, with us?

Jisoo felt her shirt being held even tighter with Jennie saying those things. She didn’t have an answer to this, she just wanted to hear everything that troubled her mind.

- I don’t know if I can handle this anymore. I-I’m serious. – Jennie weakened, feeling kinda of protected by the embrace that although it came from a body that was even more fragile than hers, gave her huge comfort in the middle of all those feelings.

Jisoo pressed her lips on Jennie’s head and there she stayed, trying to cry silently, while Jennie kept going.

They stayed there for some time, until little by little things seemed to calm down. On that moment, Jisoo completely forgot about her – until then, confusing – feelings for Jennie. She just wanted to show her that she was there for whatever she needed. Jennie felt comfortable under her touch, even almost falling asleep as her sobs stopped and the silence started to fill the place.

Both took a long time to leave that position, they didn’t want it. However, when everything seemed to get quieter for both of their sakes, Jisoo whom was already recomposed from her breakdown, lifted the younger’s face so she could clean it, seeing her red and puffy eyes because of the tears.

Jennie stayed in silence, looking at her best friend’s eyes that weren’t that different from hers. The older girl always acted in a silly way like a younger person would, but there Jennie saw her in a mature way, someone whom she needed so much that she didn’t even know how to react to that exchange of eye contact. She wasn’t even able to thank her verbally.

In this way, Jisoo smiled weakly and placed Jennie’s messy hair behind her ears. She was the first one to smile, just as she was the first one to break the somewhat now comfortable silence. When her husky voice sounded just to invite Jennie to take a walk so they could go get something to eat, the younger just smiled sideways, sniffing like a little kid while she accepted the offer.

Their route started off without a destiny, after they bought some junk food from the small store in front of the company. They started to walk and walk, both with their backpacks, hands enlaced together. In silence, they ended up arriving at a nearby park, both girls being observant of that cold and calm night. When they approached the park that had a playground for kids, Jisoo pulled Jennie to one of those toys that was made specially to be escalated. One that she liked to go when she was younger, to sit at the top so she could see other kids playing. That was the only place she didn’t fear heights, at least.

Jennie didn’t fight, she just followed the older one and obeyed the silent request for her to climb, when she saw a hand extending from up there with Jisoo already holding herself on those blue bars. At that place, they seemed to be just simple teenagers, that were there just to delay their return to home after school. Still, at that moment, only Jennie, Jisoo and those stars could know what they were really going through.

Jisoo and Jennie ate a few things from the package in silence, and after they got satisfied, they stayed like that.

- Do you want to listen to something? – Jisoo asked in a low tone, seeing Jennie just shake her head.

Usuallly she would take it, they always shared the same earpiece, but that silence seemed to be more appealing. Jisoo just resumed in staring at the stars, noticing how Jennie laid her head on her shoulder, having her arm linked with hers. It took a few minutes, but this time it was Jennie’s kind of weak voice that broke the silence.

- Jisoo…

Jisoo seemed to be too immersed in what she looked at, or she simply didn’t notice. In any way, Jennie talked a bit louder, with her eyes staring at that beautiful profile the girl with long black hair had.

- Jichu…

- Hm? – Jisoo turned, faster than she actually wanted.

Jennie saw Jisoo’s eyes and there, she decided to stay quiet again. Jisoo didn’t understand, but she didn’t avert her gaze, even if she wanted. That felt like an eternity, but it wasn’t more than a few instants. Jennie seemed to have a serious expression – reason enough to leave Jisoo uncomfortable – and she looked like she didn’t want to say anything. However, on the moment the older girl decided to ask if there was something wrong, something unexpected happened.

Jennie’s small face slowly started to get closer, her eyes gradually closing while her lips searched for hers. Jisoo was paralyzed, not being able to react at all. If, she actually wanted to react.

Jennie’s lips met hers. They were soft and left her with a good sensation but at the same time, with an unknown feeling. It was just chaste kiss that didn’t last long but it was already enough to make the older girl’s thoughts explode.

When she saw Jennie’s eyes opening while she went back, Jisoo didn’t know what to do.

Just then, she heard few words that worked as a trigger for that odd feeling she was feeling for a long time now.

- Thank you for always being with me.

Feeling a slight blush climb up to her cheeks, Jisoo saw Jennie give her a half smile and quickly turned her face to the horizont, to cover that expression that could actually be embarrassing.

Jennie saw Jisoo gulping but in the end she knew the older girl wasn’t feeling weirded out. Or at least, that’s what she hoped for.

- I will always be.

Engulfed in silence, the girls got closer to look at the sky.

Jisoo had no idea what that meant but at that moment, she didn’t actually want to figure it out. Jennie was by her side, that was all she could process. The situation could be better, yes, both were feeling broken and tired, but nonetheless, they still were trying to find comfort in each other.

Together.

There, Jisoo felt special. There, she felt they had something unique and peculiar. There, Jisoo had her first kiss…

It was on that day that Jisoo felt she really loved someone, for the first time. 

Inspired by: This Jisoo picture

Author's Note: So this took me longer than expected? lol I wrote back in September but I didn't like the way it turned out so I delayed...I tried a "different" approach, but this idea would be better if on a multi-chaptered fic? haha If anyone wants to write it, feel free. Anyway, it's strange how I got the idea out of a picture of Jisoo playing snooker right? lmao She was indeed with Jennie on that day, so...Girlfrieeends! XD 

Hope you like this one, thanks for all of your support and I'm sorry for being so late, promise I will try to be faster with ChaeLisa one!

See ya~