Sometimes, Mina reminds Chaeyoung of the setting sun – the last rays of the evening casting a soft orange glow and basking her in gentle warmth, beckoning her to come home. It comforts her heart and any exhaustion or worry that she carries from the day is washed off by the mellow sunlight.

That is what surfaces in her mind as she watches Mina from afar.

Even though they are both at work (they have to film a vlive), Chaeyoung doesn’t feel that it’s work because the set is too homey, with the wooden furniture and heater that chases the cold away. She is also dressed in a brown sweater that is too snug, unlike the outfits they wear when they perform on stage. (Mina is also here with her, just the two of them alone.)

Mina is monitoring the camera work with a straight face and giving comments to the producer while donned in an oversized yellow sweater that ends at her thighs. She looks both professional and domestic at the same time, Chaeyoung cannot explain why the sight makes the warmth creep up into her cheeks. Chaeyoung has seen the homely version of Mina too many times, face bare of makeup and pink lips moisturized with lip balm, wearing hoodies and oversized sweaters that make her all the more huggable. This version of Mina has comfortable clothes on, but a face full of makeup – new to Chaeyoung, but not foreign. (Mina is never foreign to her.)

Their vlive has been delayed by ten minutes due to some problem with the cameras and Mina has gotten herself involved with the camerawork, suggesting angles to shoot from and changes to the filming set. Chaeyoung stands a distance away but she can still hear Mina’s quiet yet firm voice.

This is one of Mina’s many charms. She is soft-spoken but everyone listens to her attentively, managing to garner attention with her elegance and charisma. She seldom takes charge when she is with the rest of Twice, respecting both Jihyo and Nayeon. But now that she’s alone with Chaeyoung, she becomes much more of a respectable older figure. It makes Chaeyoung want to call her unnie, the term of endearment suddenly holding more meaning when it comes to Mina.

When Mina is done discussing with the camera crew, she flashes a sweet smile at them and bows in thanks before heading to Chaeyoung’s side. The dorky side of Mina returns as she touches Chaeyoung’s elbow, grinning widely and her eyes closing as she does so. Even so, Mina still remains very much an unnie to Chaeyoung because she looks relaxed and confident, reassuring Chaeyoung that things will be okay during the broadcast.

“Nervous?” Mina asks, wearing a smaller smile this time, but just as bright.

“A bit,” she says, biting her lower lip.

The older girl traces light circles on Chaeyoung’s skin, the touch calming her racing heart immediately, but leaving goose bumps in its wake and instilling a different kind of nervousness in Chaeyoung. The nervousness is not something alien to her, but rather a feeling she is well-acquainted with. It has her averting her eyes and swallowing because is suddenly dry. It happens a lot whenever she is with Mina and she knows very well what this feeling is.

But giving a name to these feelings will make things too real (maybe painful even), so Chaeyoung hides them away in the recesses of her heart, refuses to acknowledge its existence. Try as she might, it gets harder and harder to ignore them because each time she sees Mina, the feelings spill over and wave after wave crash against her, the feelings getting more and more real each time. Her heart is chanting something repeatedly but she’s too afraid to discern it.

Mina doesn’t stop caressing her skin, raising an eyebrow at her, and looking surprised by her answer, “Really? You look perfectly fine though.”

“I’m nervous on the inside,” Chaeyoung says, stressing on the last word and pulling a long face.

Mina laughs at the way Chaeyoung scrunches up her whole face in an attempt to look sad, eyes snapping shut while she leans into Chaeyoung, burying her face into the crook of her neck. Her arms are slipped around Chaeyoung’s waist, pulling the young one even closer. Chaeyoung catches a hint of jasmine as Mina hugs her tightly, as if she’s afraid Chaeyoung might disappear if she doesn’t hold on tightly enough.

All Chaeyoung sees is the bright yellow of Mina’s sweater, her vision suddenly filled with the colour of the sun.

“You don’t have to be. Our fans already love you. You’re perfect just the way you are,” Mina mumbles against her neck, lips brushing against Chaeyoung’s skin.

Then there is that feeling again – parched throat and all nerves.

It wraps around her heart and she doesn’t quite understand how she feels both calm and anxious at the same time, like she wants to run away but stay in Mina’s embrace all at once. It’s all too confusing but it’s not bad per se, so she allows herself to be engulfed by this feeling, allows Mina to hold her longer than necessary.

Mina pulls away after a while, but she doesn’t let go of Chaeyoung, smiling as she says, “You’ll do well.”

The older girl looks too trustworthy, too dependable that Chaeyoung cannot contain herself.

“Unnie,” she blurts, the word sneaking past her lips before she can even bite her tongue to stop herself.

Mina hums, eyes wide and inviting, “Hmm?”

Chaeyoung just shakes her head, inwardly chiding herself for not being able to control herself, “No, nothing. I just felt like calling you that.”

The older girl blinks in surprise, pink lips parted slightly. She then breaks into a tender smile and Chaeyoung’s rendered speechless because she cannot help but think that the shine in Mina’s eyes is definitely not the reflection of the set lighting.

“Silly,” Mina calls her affectionately.

Mina has the sun in her eyes and Chaeyoung feels like she would do anything to keep Mina like this – warm and bright, like a candle in the darkest night.

///

At first, it’s all kinds of awkward and uncomfortable, for Chaeyoung at least. Mina doesn’t seem to mind too much, looking rather at ease with how she’s greeting the fans happily. She brushes the awkwardness off with a simple “it’s awkward” and giggles before moving on. Chaeyoung keeps her words to herself, because she’s worried that the awkwardness might worsen if she actually voices out her thoughts. She fidgets, shifting a little and Mina adjusts the blanket until it reaches to their torso.

Chaeyoung wants to lie on her side, but Mina is too close, so she just faces the ceiling instead. She knows that the camera can probably capture her every expression but she cannot resist stealing glances at Mina every now and then. It really isn’t the first time Chaeyoung is this close to Mina – they’ve hugged and all that – but somehow, sharing the same bed makes the already close proximity feel even more intimate. Chaeyoung isn’t sure if it’s something about the set or the way they are cuddled up together on the bed, but she can hear her heart thumping in her ears. Or maybe it’s the way both the excitement and nostalgia are written on Mina’s face that make her look even more beautiful under the set lighting.

The girl has on a sunny Sunday evening smile while reminiscing about the kotatsu in her grandmother’s house back in Japan, retelling stories of how she used to fall asleep there and get scolded. It isn’t hard for Chaeyoung to imagine a younger, shorter version of Mina curling up in a kotatsu, drifting off to sleep serenely, looking every bit as adorable as she is now. The thought has Chaeyoung chuckling, kind of wishing she could travel back in time just to witness it.

Their conversation revolves around the theme of winter and Mina starts talking about the things she wants to do when it’s winter. Mina comes from a relatively wealthy family but it doesn’t surprise Chaeyoung when her to-do list for winter sounds so simple because the girl is very down-to-earth. Mina just thinks of snow, tangerines and long padded coats in winter and she sounds so unfussy and unpretentious that Chaeyoung frowns – how can someone be so flawless?

“Winter reminds me of snowmen, tangerines, love, letters and confessions,” Chaeyoung shares.

“That’s romantic,” Mina comments.

“You know, there’s a saying that if you confess during a first snow, your relationship will work out.”

As soon as the words leave , the image of Mina grinning, brown hair decorated by white snow, surfaces in her head. It’s so very endearing, Chaeyoung can feel her heart clench in response. She blinks the image away, and she wants to laugh at herself because she is dreaming about Mina even though she’s right in front of her, just an arm’s distance away.

Her fingers twitch underneath the blanket, longing and yearning for someone. But she clenches her fist, pretends that the craving doesn’t exist (even though it gets harder to resist).

“We’ve also sung a confession song, remember?”

Mina starts casually singing a line from the song while she shifts to lie on her side to read the comments on the phone more comfortably. The line happens to be ‘I like you’ and Chaeyoung can only swallow at the confession that is not directed at her.

As Mina finds a comfortable position, Chaeyoung feels a brush against her bare legs. She freezes up immediately, feeling go dry at the skin contact. Mina doesn’t move her leg away and she can feel smooth, skin against her own. The touch is feathery, light and barely there, but it makes her grip the phone tighter, bewildered at the conflicting urges she feels – to flinch and pull away or remain there.

Then Mina fidgets again, this time boldly grazing their bare legs together, causing Chaeyoung to lose all train of thought, glancing at Mina instinctively. She doesn’t even realize how she manages to carry on the conversation with Mina subconsciously. She is too awar