The sadness comes creeping in at three in the morning, when everyone else is asleep except for her. It slowly seeps into the crevices of her heart and she is entirely unaware until it is too late—her heart is overflowing with emotions and nothing can stop it from spilling over. Under the cover of darkness, she allows tears to fall silently, cupping a hand against to muffle choked sobs. Her chest heaves in and out violently and she buries herself under her blanket so that no one can hear her harsh breathing.

The day had been filled with busy schedules but now that work can no longer distract her, she finds herself missing her family back home in Japan. While she has a second home in Korea with all the Twice members, nothing beats the way her parents and brother would welcome her home. Even though she has been living in Korea for three years already, all the Korean sometimes leaves her confused and overwhelmed. She misses the familiar Japanese that she does not need to struggle to understand.

When she manages to find a picture of her family on her phone, she feels her heart physically ache because it is a poor substitute for the affectionate voices and warm touches that she yearns for. The frozen smiles on her phone screen do not feel right and she wishes she can be showered with her family’s love.

Wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, she slips out of bed and tip-toes out of the room, turning on the living room lights. As she passes by one of the other bedrooms, she pauses before turning the knob and opening the door. The single beam of light allowed through the gap of the open door illuminates the room slightly and she can see her members still sound asleep. She sniffs quietly before entering the room, lightly padding across the room and towards the bed near the window. She kneels down by the bed, smiling softly.

Chaeyoung is asleep.

She threads her fingers through Chaeyoung’s hair gently, careful not to wake the girl up. Chaeyoung looks at peace, free of worries, not weighed down by any burdens. The girl looks so painfully young—Mina wants her to stay this way.

“Chaeyoungie, I miss my family,” she confesses, whispering more to herself than the girl.

Chaeyoung stirs and Mina panics, immediately rising hurriedly and backing a few feet away. The younger girl shifts a little but stays asleep, eyes closed and lips slightly parted. The panic settles and relief courses through her, but it is soon replaced by the ache of missing her family.

Tears blur her vision again and she tries to blink them away but they just end up staining her cheeks. Her fingers twitch, yearning to hold Chaeyoung’s hand. But she ignores the desire, clenching her fists instead, nails sinking into the palm of her hand. She grits her teeth, trying not to make a sound. Not wanting to wake Chaeyoung up, Mina withdraws out of the room, closing the door behind her.

She steps into the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water. She sips at the clear liquid and no longer feels as parched and constricted but nothing really helps with the ache behind her ribs. Leaning against the kitchen counter, she takes a deep breath, wishing her heart did not feel so heavy.

The lights suddenly flicker on and she hears a yelp coming from the doorway. The noise startles her and she very nearly spills her water, now holding the glass with both her hands.

“What the hell? Mina, you should have the lights!” Jeongyeon nags in hushed whispers.

“Oh, Jeongyeon,” Mina starts, but then she realizes that she has been crying and she turns around, lowering her head and setting the glass down on the counter.

She hopes that her hair might be able to cover her face but then Jeongyeon asks, “Were you crying?”

Mina is quick to deny, “No.”

Jeongyeon approaches her and rests a gentle hand on her shoulder but she stubbornly keeps her head down anyway. The older girl bends down, trying to catch a glimpse of Mina’s face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jeongyeon tries, voice steady and reassuring.

“No, it’s okay. I’m fine. My period must be coming,” Mina tries to laugh it off but her laugh comes out all wrong and her voice is shaking.

She bites her lower lip to stop it from trembling but nothing hides the way her hands grip the counter tightly like she might lose all sense of control if she ever lets go. Jeongyeon’s hand reaches out to tuck Mina’s hair behind her ears, revealing her tear-streaked face. Loneliness wraps itself around her heart and squeezes the organ tightly. Because it hurts so much, because Jeongyeon is here, Mina cannot help herself, turning around and burrowing into Jeongyeon instead.

Her hands let go of the counter and tugs at Jeongyeon’s shirt, wringing and leaving creases in the fabric. She feels Jeongyeon’s arms tighten around her and the older girl leaves comforting pats on her back.

“I miss my family,” Mina chokes out. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay to miss your family. You don’t have to be sorry. It’s okay to cry,” Jeongyeon comforts.

Mina can feel the vibrations ripple across Jeongyeon’s chest as she speaks. Her voice is low and warm and Mina wants to hear more of it. The girl lets Mina clutch and cling on to her desperately like a lifeline, holding her close.

“It’s okay,” Jeongyeon says again and Mina believes her.

///

Mina finds herself being slapped awake by a softly snoring Nayeon. Blinking blearily, she gently removes Nayeon’s hand before sitting up, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes. When her vision is clear, she checks her reflection through her phone and she is not surprised to see that her eyes are still slightly swollen from yesterday’s crying. She hopes none of the members are awake yet to see her in this state. Slipping out of bed quietly, she passes Jihyo and Sana who are still sound asleep.

goes dry when she notices that she isn’t the only one awake. Mina is an early-riser and usually the ones that wake up earliest are her and Tzuyu. She does not expect to see Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon at the dining table, the former munching on fruit loops doused in milk.

“Oh, Mina unnie, good morning,” the younger girl greets cheerfully, waving her spoon.

Mina feels her heart clench, admiring the way the morning light wraps around the younger girl softly. She looks like an innocent angel, young and naïve.

“Morning,” Jeongyeon says casually, flashing a smile.

The older girl wears such a nonchalant expression that reveals nothing about last night. It seems like Jeongyeon respects and understands Mina’s wishes not to let anyone know and Mina does not know how to express her gratitude.

It takes a while for her to respond with a smile, “Morning, Jeongyeon unnie. Chaeyoungie, you’re early today.”

Chaeyoung makes a face, “What are you saying, unnie? I can wake up on my own too…”

Even though her legs feel like they are made of lead, she makes her way to Chaeyoung anyway, ruffling her hair hesitantly.

“Is our little Chaeyoung a grown-up now?” she coos.

“Of course!” she exclaims, puffing her chest out to look more mature but it only makes her look more adorable in Mina’s eyes. “You always do this, unnie...”

Mina blinks in confusion, “Hmm, what?”

“Treat me like a child,” she pouts, looking even more like a child.

“That’s because you are, Chaeyoungie,” Mina sing-songs, ruffling Chaeyoung’s hair again.

Jeongyeon laughs at the banter between the two, getting up and shaking her head at the same time. As she passes by Mina, she squeezes Mina’s shoulder lightly, causing the latter to look up at her. Jeongyeon’s eyes are filled with concern and Mina can read her unsaid questions. She smiles, already feeling much better than yesterday, nodding her confirmation.

Jeongyeon, older and dependable, leans in and says, “I’ll be here if you need me.”

Not waiting for a reply, she enters her shared room with Momo and leaves Mina and Chaeyoung alone. Mina turns to look at Chaeyoung when she hears the sound of a metal clinking against porcelain, noticing that the girl has set her spoon in her bowl, no longer eating her cereal.

“Is the cereal too bland? Should I cook something for you?” Mina asks, a little worried that Chaeyoung has stopped eating her breakfast.

Chaeyoung stands, the back of her knees hitting the chair, causing it to slide outward. Even at her full height, she is a few centimeters shorter than Mina. Her shorter stature makes Mina want to baby her, coddle her, and shower her with lots of tender loving care.

“I need to tell you something, unnie.”

The younger girl wears a slight frown and her eyes are wandering, looking at everywhere but Mina. She takes Mina’s hand quietly and gently, saying nothing yet, merely letting her thumb trace random patterns on Mina’s skin. Mina can feel how nervous Chaeyoung is—her hands are cold and her palms are sweaty. The hold on her hand is weak and unsteady; Mina knows she can easily shake her off.

The silence stretches out for too long and Mina can feel it wrapping around her neck and suffocating her. She knows exactly what Chaeyoung wants to say, but she masks it with a soft smile, simply pats the crown of Chaeyoung’s head lovingly.

Mina knows why this love she harbors cannot blossom beautifully.

“Is it important, Chaeyoungie? We have a schedule to follow,” Mina says nonchalantly.

Just as Chaeyoung parts her lips, Mina is saved by the entrance of a disgruntled Momo. The latter groans as she throws her arms up in the air, eyes half closed and stretching. Upon seeing Momo, Chaeyoung withdraws her hand hastily, hurriedly sitting back down and returning to her cereal. Mina hides her relief by placing a concerned hand on her shoulder.

“Is something wrong?” she asks, knowing full well that nothing will make its way past Chaeyoung’s lips today.

Chaeyoung mumbles her response, looking preoccupied with her fruit loops, “No, it’s not important anyway…”

She hums her faux acceptance, “Okay then.”

She leaves Chaeyoung with another pat on her head before making her way to the shared bathroom. Despite the relief, it is accompanied with disappointment—the dull realization that Chaeyoung cannot fulfill her wants and needs.

After she makes sure the door is locked, she turns the tap on full, water gushing out uncontrollably. She cups her hands together to gather water and splashes it against her face repeatedly until she feels awake and sober. Her hands clutch at the sink as she studies her own reflection in the mirror.

Chaeyoung is too young to be reliable, and Mina needs someone to depend on. This is why her love cannot bloom.

///

When Chaeyoung and Jihyo approach her, she does not expect to be greeted by a demo song. They have her seated on the floor and they form a small triangle around Jihyo’s phone. The leader makes sure that the phone is not muted and she presses play, rubbing her hands together in anticipation. The maknae looks like she might be facing a mental breakdown with the way she is chewing on her bottom lip, restlessly playing with her fingers.

Mina understands why the two might be pressured and worried—it is their first time writing lyrics—but it is not a plausible explanation for how anxious Chaeyoung looks. Jihyo has a frown etched on her forehead but she does not look nearly as worried and panicky as the other girl. She decides to save her comments for later and concentrate on the song instead.

The song is very upbeat and even though the demo only has Jihyo and Chaeyoung’s voices, Mina can picture the rest of Twice singing it. The lyrics are about a girl’s first love and the fluttering feelings associated with it. As she listens carefully to the lyrics, she gradually comes to an understanding why Chaeyoung is so nervous. The realization hits Mina and she has to lower her head to hide away a smile.

The lyrics are about her.

But then she remembers that Chaeyoung is young and even though Mina wants her, it is not what she needs. Her nails press into her clothed knee and her jaw tenses—she allows her emotions to manifest this way, knowing that the two members will not notice.

When the song ends, she lifts her head. Jihyo’s expectant eyes are on her while Chaeyoung seems to be observing the dorm floor with great precision.

“So how is it?” Jihyo cautiously asks.

“I think it’s perfect. The lyrics mesh well with the song and it’s very cohesive. I like it,” Mina praises, managing to flash a reassuring grin at Jihyo, who visibly relaxes upon hearing the compliment.

Chaeyoung still has her eyes on the floor, looking very timid. It is certainly quite adorable to Mina, how shy she is acting. There is a kind of dissonance between how she feels and what she wants to do. She wants to keep this cuteness to herself, even though she does not deserve it.

“Where did you guys get the inspiration from though? The lyrics actually sound quite specific,” Mina prods.

The comment successfully gets a rise out of Chaeyoung, who finally looks up, meeting Mina’s eyes. Chaeyoung is even more uneasy now, eyes unsure where to look. Mina is sure that Chaeyoung must feel hot and flustered, especially since her cheeks are flushing. Mina is not quite sure how to feel, now that she knows the full extent of her effect on the younger girl.

Jihyo pipes up, “Well, most of the ideas came from Chaeng, really. She deserves more credit.”

“Really? Our Chaeyoungie must be in love then,” Mina teases, giggling at the girl and making a jab at the lyrics, “This person you like must have ocean-like eyes.”

Chaeyoung’s cheeks grow redder by the second and Mina did not think that was possible. Jihyo lets out a boisterous laugh, slapping Chaeyoung’s shoulder repeatedly.

“Chaeyoung-ah, I don’t mean to make fun of you, but you’re so whipped,” Jihyo barely manages to complete her sentence, trailing off into laughter.

The leader picks up her phone, mentioning something about going to the company to submit the lyrics—still chuckling at Chaeyoung—and leaving the two alone in the living room. The girl is quiet and obviously still embarrassed. Mina understands why—laying all her feelings bare on a sheet of paper must have taken her a lot of courage. Even so, Mina cannot help but tease the girl even more. This side of Chaeyoung is cute.

“Ah, I’m jealous. Who is this person you’re writing about? How dare they snatch my Chaeyoungie away from me?” Mina boldly declares, throwing her arms around Chaeyoung.

The weight of Mina causes the younger girl to fall back on the floor, shoulder colliding against the ground. The fall knocks the breath out of Chaeyoung and her face scrunches into a wince as she tries to massage her shoulder. Mina’s hands are on either side of Chaeyoung’s head and she is pretty sure that they are in a rather compromising position, legs all tangled together.

“Ow… Unnie, that hurts…”

“Now you know how I felt when I listened to the lyrics,” Mina sulks, jutting her lower lip out.

The realization that they are in an awkward position seems to strike Chaeyoung and she flails about in panic, hands grabbing Mina’s shoulders to push her off.

“Unnie, you should get up first,” Chaeyoung says hurriedly.

“No,” she says stubbornly, intentionally pressing her weight against Chaeyoung. “Are this person’s eyes prettier than mine?”

“N-No… You’re the prettiest,” Chaeyoung mumbles, averting her eyes.

Mina cannot help the laughter that bubbles at the ba