my mind's constantly being boggled. if ever he pops out the question, i haven't made up my mind yet on what to answer. it bothers me every now and then. but what am i supposed to do now? it's too risky not to think of all the possible heartbreaks down the road, yet i wanna know how it would really feel to be spending a lot of time with the person you love. i don't know how much he takes this seriously, because i'm thinking about giving 'us' a try. i stare out the window, even at night. i wonder if everything will work out just fine. i hope he's considering of giving this a try as well. my dreams are recently made up of his face. argggh. it's a little annoying, but at least i see something beautiful in my sleep. :)

i just realized how good he looks in anything he wears. but why does he like me? i'm typical, ordinary, and at times disinterested in a lot of things. oh, who am i kidding? i'm beginning to like him more than i should. he's not at all the rude person i first thought he were. he's a certified 'sweet as candy' gentleman. i hug my pillow at night so tightly, i don't wanna admit to myself that i'm imagining it's him hugging me back while we're sleeping together, but in reality, i am imagining it's him, every night.

this morning, i woke up with that glowing amile on my face. you know, the type of smile that people in love have on their faces 24/7. a knock on the door resonates, instantaneously i thought it was him. turns out, it was my mom. "sweetie, how are you?", she starts off. "uhmm, fine?", i respond. i can't bear keeping this a secret from her, but i'm still struggling anyway. i make her something to eat while she was telling me stuff nonstop. after i finished, we sat beside each other. turns out, our neighbor's son who's around the same age as me, has had his little crush on me. mom likes him, and i know for a fact that she's trying to convince me to get together with him. but knowing me, she sees there's no chance even if she had to drag me there helplessly.

i'm busy working my out here, so she's always assuming that i have no plans of becoming someone's girl. nah, she doesn't know anything. this is my first time, but nothing's even started yet. he's too shy to ask me the question, or maybe he just doesn't have the time for that yet. i gave my mom some money i had earned for about 2 and a half months. she's been a little short on cash these past few months.

but an hour after mom left, another knock came on the door. it's jeong-min! "gosh! where have you been? you reek of alcohol! have you been drinking?", i worriedly said. "oh no. i did not. i just went  to an after partty, that's all. what's wrong with that huh?", he slurred away. i had no other thing to do but to let him in and wait for him to sober up. right after that, he laid flat on the floor, just beside the couch. he was fast asleep in a matter of seconds. so, i decided to change his clothes with some of my workout clothes that've gone too big for me. i placed him on the bed, and i watched over him, in case he wakes up suddenly. but i wasn't able to do that for too long. i then found myself sleeping beside the spot where i laid him on. about 3 in the morning, i momentarily woke up for a few minutes. i was facing him in a close distance.

no wonder i felt something warm as i was giddying up in my sleep, he was hugging me while he was sleeping. it felt awkward at first, i must admit. but since it felt so nice and securing, i did nothing. besides, he was sleeping oh so peacefully. and he looked so angelic. many different thoughts were playing in my mind by then. i can't help but look at his face right in front of mine. bam! i was totally startled when he just closed in on me and gave me a downright hot kiss. "what are you doing?", i say as i tried to push him away. "kissing you. i love you. i love you too much already.", i can tell he was doing this in a drunken state of mind. i pulled away from him and made my way to the couch, then klutzy little me tripped on the remote control lying on the floor.

it's not like he's bad, i was just not in the mood for 'that' now. i was picking myself up, when he caught up to me and grabbed me by the waist. "i'm not drunk.", he mutters. "you stink of alcohol! of course, you're drunk!", i shouted. he laughed a very amused laugh, "no. i can't believe you fell for it!", he was literally almost lying down of laughing. "i just...missed you so much. i miss you. i just had to be with you now. i don't care what time of day it is, i just had to." he hugged me again, this time, so tightly. and i felt the desire and craving he had through the warmth of his body against mine. he then turned me to face him, and planted a deep, warm kiss on my lips. his hands weren't traveling all over my body as i thought they would.

"don't stay away from me again.", he says through my ear. "i didn't stay away from you...", he interrupts, "i can't stay sane whenever i can't be with you. would you be my girlfriend?" i was surprised, very surprised. i was scatterbrained and didn't know what to answer. i just manned up and stopped to think. i let whatever my heart felt tell me what to answer. "y-y-yes..." then i halted. the deafening silence covers us within its grasp. he held my hands and kissed them. to be honest, i could tell he saw me blushing like crazy. i turned into a tomato. he touched my hair lightly and turned my head, on top of his shoulders. i could feel the care he has for me radiating through his big, soft hands. he held me closer and swayed me slowly. "i love you, no one but you. for the first time, my heart fluttered, because of you. thank you."

he pinched my cheeks, "i can't believe the cutest girl on earth is now my girlfriend. you just made me the happiest man alive today."

*i still need to think about the next parts, but nevertheless. i hope you like it when you read it. :3