I really don't know what's happening. Everything is so confusing and the story seems kind of ...blurry to me. I really don't know which word I should use to describe the situation. But I think that the words foggy and blurry suit it the best and I am pretty sure that my other friends will agree,except Changkyun-ah, Kihyun and probaly Minhyuk. To them the story doesn't seem foggy or blurry. In fact I suppose that they know it from the start. 

Lately a lot of things had happened,which made us feel awkward and confused,and worried,and....We feel so many emotions right now. Everybody seems unseasy and that botheres me more then my own problems. Nothing is like it used to be,everything changed just in a few weeks. 

We used to be so talkative with each other and our presence made us comfortable,we shared everything with each other and now we bearly can utter a word. It's really saddening me and just me,all of us. I can see how everyone feels pained,how they are worried for our friendship yet no one makes a move to resolve all of the tension,how they want to comfort each other and yet end up looking at the floor. 

Even I don't do anything. I just sit by and try to look at the positive things but for a while I haven't seen ones. I try to pretend that everything is just fine and that we are imaginaring all of this but I know that I am lying to myself.

I think I am useless. I don't do anything and I can't do anything. In my opinion this blurry story concers Kihyun and Changkyun-ah and there are moments,when Changkyun-ah looks at Kihyun with such regretfull eyes and he just ignores him and continues to talk with Minhyuk,where I feel like until Kihyun forgives Changkyun nothing will be fine.

I feel like I am loosing my friends and my sin. I am trying to keep but they just keep on slipping away from. I want to catch them and have them back but something is stopping me and the problem is that I don't know what it is.

~~

I couldn't believe it. My eyes can't stop racking through the crowd and backstage. It's finally happening. We have worked hard and practiced every little detail until the last day for this concert. 

This is my first time participing in such a big event. There are not only people from our school but from others too and even from  the town. 

I swear I could feel my heartbeat in my ears and I am scared that it will pop out from nervousness and exciment.

,,-Guys,it's finally happening.''-Jimin says quietly while clinging onto Jung Kook's arm,who has his other arm wrapped around his waist. Seriously,sometimes they remind of a married couple.

,,-Yes,I still can't believe it. I hope that we could help as many children as possible.''-Kihyun tells Jimin and I could feel how Changkyun tenses next to me when he hears his voice. 

Kihyun passes us by,his pink hair floats a little bit from the wind that the air conditioner makes. I shift my gaze to my roommate in time to see him smiling at Kihyun.

I still feel weird when Changkyun smiles. We have been living together since a few weeks now but I have never seen him smiling like this or smiling in general. He is usually very stoic and passive. 

Now that I think about it,Kihyun always seems to have a certain effect on Changkyun-ah. Whenever he is around him,Changkyun seem more relaxed and lookes somehow happier.

I watch Kihyun again,who is too busy to laugh with Jimin to notice my stare. I look towards Jung Kook,who frowns and his grip on Jimin's waist tightens and when I feel a twich beside me I gaze towards Changkyun-ah,who has the same expression as Jung Kook's.

I could feel a loud pang in my heart but I ignore it,I suppose that it's from too much pressure and franzy.

I wrap my arm around Changkyun's shoulders and smile at him in hope to make him feel better. He looks a bit puzzled but smiles at me back nonetheless although his smile isn't so sincereny and bright looking as when he smiles at Kihyun.

I feel another pang in my chest,much stronger then the other.

~~

His voice is beautiful. I can't deny it,no one can. There is a complete silence as he sings. His voice floats through the stage and everyone seems captivaded by it. 

But my eyes are captivaded by Changkyun. Today I realized that there is something going on with Changkyun,which involves Kihyun. 

He doesn't notice me though. He is too busy to watch Kihyun,that smile of adoration going larger and larger the more Kihyn sings. 

He sings and everyone,including me,claps. He is really talented.

Now it's Jimin's turn to sing. The moment he sings the first chore all of the people stand up and start to clap and the girls start to yell. Wow. His voice sounds angelic.

Kihyun and Jimin sing like angels,their voices are so smooth and velvet. I can't help myself not to feel insecure. What if no one likes me?

,,-You will do great,Wonho hyung."-A deep and husky voice whispers in my ear. Changkyun.

I smile at him and at the same time want to slap myself for feeling better and for my increasing heartbeat.

~~~~

,,-Ah,we did a good job today."-Minhyuk says and smiles at us,while he dries the sweat from his face and hair with a white fluffy towel.

,,-Yes,we were really good."-I agree while I also dry the sweat from my face with a white towel. I smile when the others nod and we start to talk about the performance,the crowd,the stage. I feel at ease,I feel content again. Right now all of us have forgotten the past few weeks of sadness,we focus on the bright side of the tings and maybe we should have done that way earlier.

,,-Changkyun-ah,you did great!''-I turn around to see Kihyun trowing his arms on Changkyun,hugging him tightly to his chest. Changkyun hugs him back to fast to be normal and grins,telling Kihyun that he's an amazing singer.

I avert my gaze away even though their hug still flashes behind my eyes.

~~~~

Life is unfair.

Life is cruel.

Life makes you weak.

Life test you.

Life makes you to give sacrifices.

I came to this conclusion a long time ago but I assimilated it a while ago,when I realized that I have feelings for Changkyun,who asks me right now how to apologize properly to Kihyun.