Chapter 5 – holding hands (and breath)

PRESENT

Taeyeon had always feared of being left alone. She didn’t like being by herself. Maybe because she grew up in a big family with an older brother and a younger sister or that she became trainee and moved away from home at a very young age. So she didn’t like break-ups. Not like she had much experience in them. She lived half her life in front of cameras. Her first love was an unrequired one for a sunbaenim – that’s why she didn’t think Baekhyun was another case. She believed that his respect was formed into love in his eyes but in reality it wasn’t more than admiration. Oh gosh, she was so wrong!

During her trainee days she also had been meeting up with a boy for a longer period. It was her first - and until Baekhyun - her only real relationship but it didn’t end well. She sacrificed her love life to her carrier when SNSD debuted. There were dates and kisses but nothing serious. There she'd been: at the age of 23 alone. She hated that feeling, she just wanted to love and be loved. Was it a big request? No, but she wouldn’t have hoped for a love like this. Such an overwhelming, devastating, compelling and beautiful love that made her feel alive again.

She didn’t want to break up. But she didn’t see the point of it anymore. She hated the nasty rumours, the malicious comments about them being fake or not deserving each other and the thought that they might be right. What if there was no happy end for them? What if a break-up was inevitable?

2012

Between practises and other schedules they met a lot in the hallways of the studio or in the commune rooms. Usually they were surrounded by other people, managers, PDs and band mates but they didn’t mind really. It was comfortable for them to talk about everything and anything. Although they missed their alone time. Taeyeon caught Baekyeon staring multiple times but didn’t say a word. She didn’t mind really. To be fair, she enjoyed looking at him too while he wasn’t aware of her presence. He was as good-looking and cute as she remembered, but he had gained a little more confidence since they last met. He was more at ease on stage and he laughed out loud with s in the backstage. She liked this new side of him because she could see the adult behind the kid-like features.

18th August was a day she would always remember. They held their concert in Seoul which wasn’t a new thing for her. Girl’s Generation attended at SMTOWN concerts since the beginning so it was their third performance there with other SM artists. But it was her first time to be on the same stage with Baekhyun.

Seoul was the first city where they held this show. Everyone was excited because of the sold out concert. It started like Olympics: every country's del