Chapter 8 – you make my heart ache/race

PRESENT

Baekhyun was 24 years old. He wasn't a child anymore. Maybe sometimes he acted like a bratty youngster but he was no longer a kid. He hated being called one, especially by Taeyeon. It meant she didn't think of him as an equal in their relationship. But it wasn't a one way street. It needed two people to work and two to break it. Only there was always someone who knew it in advance. Who prepared. He wasn't. He would never be.

“We need to talk,” Junmyeon hopped down next to his seat when the airplane was already in the sky and the passengers were allowed to move. Baekhyun wasn’t going to, he just wanted to close his eyes and sleep because right now, reality was a nightmare. The thought of losing her made his heart pang like a death sentence.

“Ugh- do we have to?” he choked on his words not knowing what to say. He didn’t want to talk. Especially not with their leader. Behind Suho’s name and stage appearance, there was a really caring hyung, a real brother you could hold onto and who you could trust. Maybe he inherited it from his own brother and maybe it was just in Baekhyun’s nature to be the younger sibling. He felt like a child all over again.

“Yeah. What's going on? Are you okay?” Junmyeon shot question after question but didn’t leave time for him to answer. He did that on his own. “Well, it's obvious you're not but- will you be alright?”

The older sounded worried and in the back of Baek’s mind he knew Taeyeon was just the same. Leaders were supposed to be responsible for their teams, they had to deal with everyone’s problems. No wonder she was way more experienced in disputes.

“I'm feeling super-duper. Don't worry, mom!” He joked but the older wasn’t laughing with him. He was serious and Baekhyun knew why. He had been off lately: at the charity concert and during the fansign, too. A lot had been on his mind: lot to say and lot to ask.

“You know you can always come to me, right? You can talk to me about anything that bothers you.”

The main vocalist nodded.

“I know and I appreciate your concern but I’m fine. Thanks, though,” he murmured into his pillow as a sign to end the conversation that was going nowhere anyway. He couldn’t really talk about his problem with any of his bandmates because they didn’t know what it felt like. Neither of them was dating Korea’s hottest girl group’s leader – Thank God he was the only one! –, so they had no idea. Nobody could help him. Nobody knew how devastated he felt.

Junmyeon sighed and casted one last glance at the boy who pretended to be sleeping already. He felt totally clueless because for once he didn’t know what to say or do to make things right. He wanted to be there for their friend but he didn’t know how. When did things become so difficult? When did it change? Back then, everything was okay.

Until they got caught. Maybe they took the wrong path there.

Sadly, those who make you the happiest could make you ache like no one else.

2014

Being someone’s secret was fun, Baekhyun decided. Stolen glances, barely there but soft touches and kisses in hidden corners. It'd already been a month and nobody knew about them. Or who did never mentioned it. Fans were less low-key about it. They noticed lots of tiny moments between them, similarities in gestures, gifts from oversea concerts, common bracelets and suspicious instagram messages. However, there was no scandal, no rumours, no hate. Things went on peacefully and it was easy to forget about the consequences, to believe everything would be alright. It was too easy to become careless.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday our beloved Taeyeon! Happy birthday to you,” the guests were singing during an Inkigayo show in the middle of March and Baekhyun proudly held the cake.

The birthday girl was quite surprised but smiled shyly and he adored her smile. He would have liked to see the twinkle in her eyes but she avoided eye contact and didn't even spare