[CONTENTID1] HOME SWEET HOME [/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]7/02/17[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]AshHossain[/CONTENTID3]

[CONTENTID4]

They say you have devil on your one shoulder and angel on the other… Maybe it's true, because the more he came to view, the more my emotions decided to divide into two part, competing against each other to make the other lose.

My devil and angel were my brain and heart… Funny even now I call my heart the angel….

If someone were to ask me about why I was that frozen at that time by seeing someone that I had been looking for, what was I to answer them? Because….

“Would it be too dramatic to say that I’m waiting for the final showdown..” He giggled before again looking up at me, the trace of the giggle still evident in his eyes he shrugged one shoulder,

“Waiting for you…Leo.. No..”

He chuckled as the last trace of the smile even left his eyes and I perked my eyebrows.

“My bad… It seems your colors are back…how can I still call you that…. “

A smile again flashed on his feature, that never reached his eyes, he sweetly replied,

“Waiting for you Taekwoon-sshi…I think we have some things to clear up over here?”

I found myself unable to make any decision to what expression was I to show at that moment. If I were to describe the emotions it would be impossible to understand what went beneath my shell. My traitorous mind handed me an entire list of emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant, and I just stared into the space unaware of what to choose.

Has anyone ever felt like this?

I suddenly felt weak on my knees, I kept my face lowered. Could he see it? Could he see the mixture of emotions that appeared in my eyes? Almost like a mixture of sugar and salt. Can you differentiate between them when they are together? Do they taste good when the amount of salt and sugar was equal? No… For me it didn't either.

I didn't like the sigh of relief that escaped my lips when I saw him. But just in a second got replaced by anger because I again saw him.. How I felt happy to see his beautiful smile but meantime felt irritated to know that he was there smiling while I suffered my whole life for him. The aggravating feeling of hearing the name Taekwoon from his lips or the overwhelming feeling of hearing that name again from those lips of his that I thought would never be able to hear only a few moments.. No… From 15 years ago… I didn't know what emotion I should have showed at that time. Fury or jolly.. I got stuck in between… I didn't like any of it…

Because I felt like my emotions betrayed me…..

“Ever seen a stained paper?” his voice a bit brighter than usual, I looked up, he still smiled.

“By stained I mean the ones that are stained by ink, only one long by brush in the whole page… “His steps slow as he walked towards the ledge.

“They are really troublesome you know? It makes you feel confused, to throw it out or not to. If you decide to throw it out, you feel like what a waste, it's only one .. But to keep it, you know it's useless already.”

“what?”

“My life is like that…a stained paper…. A long dark blue across it…I decided to throw it away…... But someone said that it was only one … one…no it would be wrong to say someone, two people told me… their words…. Then I decided to preserve it … but…but now when I’m standing here, I'm not sure about trusting one among them… why did he say that?”

“Dark blue? Tch… “

My hands tucked inside my pocket, I walked towards him, the area was quiet, where only the dark sky and coldness accompanied us two human being, and the only light was from my cars headlight. And the only sound was of my footsteps.

“If your one is with one long dark blue , then my one is filled with scarlet paint, splattered everywhere.” I paused, standing just a few steps away from him. Not even trying to hide the hatred I felt for him.

He didn't turn at me, his eyes fixed into the far distance, where a sad smile flashed across his feature and I looked at his profile.

“Why did you break your promise?”

“What promise?”

“You promised to contact me…. Why did you never? Why did you not recognize me when you met me? I need to clear these things up before I leave.. “ he uttered those words in a meek tone, but slowly so every word could be heard.

“Why do you think?” I asked in my usual tone, eyes still glaring at him.

“There could be a thousand reasons… maybe because you didn't have my address…. Internet wasn't that available at that time after all… maybe you forgot my full name…. Well you were a kid, it’s natural for you to forget…… and how you didn't recognize me… Ken said that there are at least 100 people in the world with the color scarlet. M-maybe you thought I w-was one of them.. “He blabbered those nonchalantly, I scoffed.

“100 scarlet?” I slowly took a step forward, pulling my sleeves up to my elbows, his eyes looked at my foot with the corner.

“…. In my childhood when you said my color was dark blue… It surprised me then, and it still surprises me how you got my shade correct…I honestly thought you could see them, but…. Seems I was wrong… When you can't even see them...how did you know that I was dark blue?”

“What are you saying?” he looked up, his eyes begging for something, and I found a smirk playing on my lips.

“There is no way in hell you could ever ask me to believe that you did not contact me because you did not want to. I mean how could you? I can't accept - “

“That’s up to you. But the answer is simple…. Because I didn't want to contact you…”

His eye lids dropped, his lips slightly quivered as he took in several deep breath.

“Y-you were my lifelong friend…. W-why?” he whimpered, his eyes opened a crack he again looked at the river below.

“I hated you…I still do… ” his eyes widened at my words…. he looked up but not at me, just at somewhere in the sky, a grimace playing on his lips. He was sad, maybe on the verge of crying. I wanted to see him in that way for at least one time when I was young, when I still had not hypnotized myself.

But… it didn't feel good.

A strong urge of taking back my word kept on knocking on the door of my ego as I also stared at a different place than him. That battle of emotions again happened inside of me, and I found myself again in daze.

“Dark Blue…”his voice low yet husky…I glanced at him, he didn't look down, it wasn't hard to know if those eyes were filled with tears or not if I had only taken one more step closer… After all he was shorter, more fragile…. More vulnerable…

“A color of conservatism and responsibility… cool, calm and collected on the surface with repressed feelings underneath... Can be compassionate but has troubles to show the emotions that run deep… “

He pursed his lips, I found myself frowning.

“What else could suit you?.... No… What else could ever suit the Taekwoon that I knew…. It was his color that I painted him with… it was his color.. That I… “

A small gulp and his lips started to part again. I didn't let him start,

“his? I am Taekwoon..” I raised my eye brow in confusion.

“no…” this time he jerked his head a little from side to side before he looked at me, locking his chocolate expressive eyes with my dark expressionless one. Sadness was clear in his eyes, yet he held a mysterious strength in them. Unlike the upset figure from the evening who broke into tears by knowing that I was Taekwoon, this one was rather….strong…

“No…. You are not…. You are not Taekwoon, you are not Leo either…”

“Are you sleep talking? I am LEO, I am Jung Taekwoon.. ”

“No….” he calmly replied, his expressive eyes suddenly so blank. I found my blood boiling in my system, he didn't say anything but I already felt like knowing the next thing he was about to say. And my legs were ready to run to him if he were actually to utter those words. My mind, my heart, none wanted to hear that one sentence, I’ve already heard it enough times to know how they start their talking before they sputtered that sentence before me.

“You are not Taekwoon, neither Leo… You have turned into someone that I dunno.”

And he did not disappoint me..

For the first time after I had regained my memory, my feelings finally clicked together. I rushed towards him, his collars, I pushed him. His lower back hit the ledge hard, a small groan from the base of his throat, as his legs struggled to balance himself properly. While I found myself quivering in...rage? disbelief? Hurt? I dunno. There were a large range of emotions working inside of me, and they all were negative in all aspects.

“What did you just say?” I hissed.

“What are you… “ he said as he grabbed my wrists, the sudden attack got him by surprise as his eyes trembled in shock, my grip tightening.

“You dunno who I am? I'm not Leo? I ‘m not Taekwoon?”

He didn't reply, just blinked a several times and a frown formed between his brows. The blankness in his eyes was long gone now. I pushed his collar a little bit more, his back arched behind ,taking a quick glimpse at the river below us he again looked up at me, his one hand grabbing onto the ledge rather tightly, other cupping around my wrist. The shock in his eyes multiplied.

“Then who the hell am I? Tell me! I have heard it enough! I'm not Leo, nor Taekwoon, then what is my identity! It's all because of you that I am a mess. I am wrecked Cha Hakyeon, and it was just because you were there in my life for such a short time… it shouldn't matter, but it did. You made me do things that Taekwoon would never do. You, Cha Hakyeon made me do all that, you turned me into something that I wasn't!” I cried, my breathing getting frequent as my whole body trembled in anger.

“What? What have I turned you into?” he quietly asked, his grip a bit tightened around my wrist, I could feel his chest heavily rise and fall.

“You turned me into a monster… If you were never there then I wouldn't have turned into something different, Leo wouldn't be here! I wouldn't be here, listening to that stupid accusations of not being me from you!” I pushed down a little bit more, leaning over him.

“Do you have any idea of what I had gone through all these years? All those eyes, all those insults, the harsh words from my parents… from people … The fights that I got into…. You were the reason behind all of it. Or even when I had no idea about your name or who you were, look! You again frigging controlled my life by pursuing me to marry someone that I don't even like. My life is getting destroyed. You are always the reason… You were the reason why I started to fight with others, the reason why I hurt others, girls, parents I hurt them all physically or mentally…while you just…you never even tried to contact me either. You knew which country I was living in… I didn't contact you? What did you do? I could ask you the same thing… can't I?”

“No you can't.” he retorted back. His breathing back to normal I found myself gritting my teeth.

“What?”

“Because I'm not a son of a businessman. Because I did not have money to search for you in USA at that time. Because I needed an adress to know about you that Jung Taekwoon had never told me about. Because Jung Taekwoon became Jung Leo, I couldn't search for you when I didn't even know who I was going to search for! … Don't try to act as you are the only victim here.. “

Don't try to act as you are the only victim..

My eyes widened, the words of Sophie from before flashed before me. Blinding rage took control over every fiber of my being. I pushed him down further, his legs were even a bit above the ground now, but he didn't try to get back to the ground, rather he kept his eyes locked into mine, which did nothing but increase my rage.

“You wanted to jump off from the bridge once right? I’ll gladly help you…”

“You are wrong…”

He didn't even bother about what I said….

“You are always wrong… just like you were wrong about people’s colors never change, you are again wrong about me controlling you. I proved to you that people's color change, right? You are a living example of it. I’ll prove my point again.”

Huh?

“I forced you into marriage? Fine.. Did I force you to make love with her as well?”

His words shocked me, my grip loosened a little, and his legs again touched the ground I looked at him baffled..

“How did… you can't see colors then… How..? “

His posture was still calm, but his eyes were angry.

“No…. but I can see lipstick’s color on your neck… Surely you can't make me believe that you have put lipstick mark on your neck on purpose, also so many of ‘em. You should have at least showered once.. You are saying that you are getting married for me? Your life is getting destroyed? Tch…” he rolled his eyes, I forgot to even blink, this was nowhere near the graceful N… he was simply…

“I told you not to do it with her even before we met! Over phone! You didn't listen to that but you agreed to get married? Beside it's 21st century, you don't like it then get divorced later.. Destroy doesn't suit the situation…I made you hurt your parents… I made you fight with other people .. I made you hurt girls… then why did you not do those when you were with me?”

His words felt like rubbing alcohol on wound, but I felt paralyzed. My grip loosened completely, this time my eyes trembled in shock and his gaze firm. He leaned forward a little but didn't still his posture, his back yet a bit arched.

I immediately remembered the memory of the little me’s color getting deeper at the words of other faceless kids, and how it soothed down by the little scarlets call. I found tears pinpricking in my eyes.

I don't understand… why…

“May be because I was little,” I tried to sound firm but the uncertainty was evident.

“That's why you didn't fight? Then how is that my fault that you become like that when you became older…”

“Hakyeon… what are you… “

“I’m asking how is that fully my fault?I know that I don't know what happened to you…that's why I'm here, I wanted to know that……. I wanted to know what happened to my Taekwoonie….”He cried while I in my own oblivion took a step back, I still somewhat tugged onto his collars.

There was a pause, as if he was trying to make a decision, I waited for him to say his words.

“I turned you into a monster right?” he whispered. I frowned, tears still welling up in my eyes.

“If I’m gone, will Taekwoonie return? Then that shall be it.”

Before I could register his words, I saw him hop a little, then his back arching behind, his collars getting away from my tug. My whole body twisted in a sick spasm, instinctively I stepped forward and tried to wrap my arms around him shutting my eyes. Things happened so fast that I couldn't grasp at what was happening around me.

I did not dare to look, for once I thought maybe he is not in my hold, maybe I am just holding myself, and maybe he actually jumped off. The anxiety grew like a malignant lump, threatening to cut my air supply off as my heart constricted with the thoughts of losing him.

Then his palm rested on my shoulder, a soothing warmth brushed off my whole body. I opened my eyes a crack, the raging blood flow in my ear stopped instantly, and I could hear the meek sound of his beating heart, I slowly looked up, but didn't loosen my hold, he was looking at me, the tears in his eyes sparkled from the light of my car’s head light…. but it did not look like tears of sadness, neither shock… he simply looked…

Relieved… He is still here…he ain’t gone///

“Care to put me down?” he hushed as his other hand my hair gently, his words made me realize how awkward the position we were in with his one leg between mine and my hips against his,his both legs were above the ground and my ones touching the wood. I pressed his back on the ledge that was almost bending like a bow, while I put my whole weight on him.

He must have been hurt…

Straightening him and myself, I took a few steps back making space for him to stand, before releasing my hold. The tears in my eyes that had dried up a few moments ago, again started to well up in my eyes. I looked down. Unlike other times when my heart and mind handed me a whole list of emotions, this time the list remained empty. I just didn't know what I was feeling.

“I thought you said that you will gladly help me to jump off.”

He started in a mocking tone, I flinched a little, but didn't look at him.

“I turned you into a monster…. Say, Would a monster save me if I were to jump down? Would someone be that scared to know that the person he hates so much just decided to jump into a river for him?”

I bit my lower lip, trying hard to stop the tears from rolling down, my hands fisted at both sides.

“Taekwoonie…” he hummed, his fingertips slowly running across my earlobe , cheekbones, jawline… a tingling feeling ran down my body. His fingertips wasn't soft, They were rather rough, almost like a farmers hand, the amount of hardship he had carried out with those hands, it was easy to tell only by that simple touch. I found myself lowering my head even more.

“You are not my Taekwoonie anymore that is for sure… “His palm slowly caressing my cheeks.

“You are not the Leo either… but… You are not a monster…”

I slowly opened my eyes, my vision was blurry, may be tears were ready to drop down anytime soon. I wanted to look up, but my ego hurt. I ended up looking down for the entire time when he had spoken his words.

“My Taekwoonie can never be a monster… He is far better… Maybe he had changed, maybe he had become something else that others didn't like…. Maybe…he changed into something that he wanted to… Maybe…. I.. I really did..change him into something that he tried not to…”

He sniffled, cradling my face in his palms, raising my face up, to see my eyes. His eyes held the universe in it, but the b happiness inside those were hidden under uncertainty, sadness, yet I found myself drawing in his universe, only to touch that small bright light and spread it everywhere, eliminating all other emotions that overshadowed those…

But did I held the right to do so...

Hate, rage…