Kim Jong Dae saw himself and a woman- another woman; strolling along by a beach side, hand in hand, looking as lovely as a pair of a pigeon. Chats and chuckles, everything was so perfect, nothing could go wrong. He felt his heart as light as a feather.

In a flash, the scene then was replaced by another one.

He was sitting on a bench, under a heavy rain, looking at the same woman, who was walking away without even looking back once. He felt smothered, the lightness in his heart was substituted with the feeling of being stabbed, as if the wound was being torn bare handed. It hurts so much he felt his chest squeezed in, that even breathing was a hard work then.

Remarkably bloody and dark it was, he felt like the word 'happy' has been deleted from the world history.

His tremble got worse, so did his headache. Why didn't he choose to die rather than to endure this whole lot of pain?

The flash of memories then presented him a ceremony, where all people was dressed in white. The suites and dresses was pure white, exactly as like the one in the picture. He saw his bride - the one who he saw the first time he woke up, he knew he should be filled with elation, but everything was just bland - his heart was nowhere in function.

He tried to get back on his foot, but it was useless, his limbs was jelly-like - he couldn't even support his own weight. For the countless time, his sight got blurry, and the shudders got harder. He was losing his time again.

"No, please, no more blank outs" he was resolute. He was going to endure it all till the end, he wanted to know it all. Groans slipped out from his pale lips, and he felt as if the whole world had gotten into massive earth quake when his mind played the scene after - all the snarls and scowls, the way he overlooked her, the cold war, and lastly the image of him slamming a door in her face.

He fell flat on his face, he couldn't take it anymore. He knew it all then, he realized that he shouldn't even exist in the world, he don't deserve it. He wished he could vanish, turned into puffs in the air and float away.

"She was sincere, her heart was pure, so she deserved to be loved. She chose to be with you, so take a good care of her," he could still hear his late father in-law's words. He vowed, back then, to take care of her. Never did he fulfill the promise.

***