Jihoon’s POV

 

Dating the delinquent of the school wasn’t really a good idea. He isn’t nice, he isn’t the typical boyfriend you would want yet I’m just so in love with him. The reason? Because Soonyoung is Soonyoung. Even if he is always so cold and acts like a total jerk I’m in love with who he is. That’s why when he’s being less cold, I just enjoy being next to him.

 

My friends always ask me why I’m still dating someone who doesn’t even blink an eyelash my way but the heart wants what it wants. I can’t change the fact that I fell for him HARD. The way he would take his dancing very seriously, how he would concentrate when he’s working, and how much he would always stand up for his friends. It doesn’t matter how many times he had gotten in trouble or anything. He is perfect how he is.

 

“LEE JIHOON!” someone’s yelling woke me up from my thinking as I turned around and saw the mom of our group; Jeonghan hyung. He was waving his hands and was literally sprinting towards me. I tried to get away from his way but then my body didn’t response to the way my brain order it to as I just stood there and yup Jeonghan hyung crashed into me. Luckily it wasn’t that much of a hard crash but my back still hurts a bit.

 

“Oh my god! Jihoonie I’m so sorry! Are you ok?!” Jeonghan hyung said as he got off me immediately and pulled me up. Of course he squished my cheeks as he blabbered out his questions. I just chuckled lightly at hyung and took both of his hands off my cheeks.

 

“I’m ok hyung, but please be more careful next time. You don’t want to injure your beautiful face do you?” I said with a small playful smile on my face. I was never a very touchy person until it was with Soonyoung. Despite the fact that I’m not really a fan of skin ship I love hugging Soonyoung. He is just like a human teddy bear but he never had once hugged me back or anything. It was just me.

 

“It’s fine even if my injured my face my Cheollie would still love me no matter what!” Jeonghan hyung said with a huge smile on his face. To be honest I’m very jealous about hyung’s relationship. Seungcheol hyung treat Jeonghan hyung very well and they are always together when they can be. Well look at who’s here. Speak of the devil.

 

“Hannie-ah!” Seungcheol hyung yelled out with adoration as he hugged Jeonghan hyung and spun his around. Do they think that they’re in a movie or something? Nope, I’m just being jealous once again of how beautiful my two best friends’ relationship is. Even the people who are strangers know that the hyungs are dating. Their eyes are speaking as they look at each other in such adoration, love, and care. I guess they notice the fact that I was staring at them that they looked at me.

 

“Hoon-ah, are you ok?” Jeonghan hyung asked me as I was still staring at both of my hyungs. I guess I did look somehow sad. I always thought about having the perfect relationship with that someone special to me. Yes, I’m in a relationship and I do love the person but am I happy? I guess I do love Soonyoung very dearly from every single part of my heart but does he even care about me for one bit? I don’t even know why he asked me out and why I accepted him.

 

“Oh yeah? Yes I’m fine hyung. I’ll see you in class. I need to go to the bathroom,” I muttered quietly as I walked pass the sweet couple with my heart burning. Will I ever have a relationship like they do? I just want to fall in love like them so bad that I will only see Soonyoung and he will only see me. Will that ever occur in my life? Kwon Soonyoung why are you so confusing?

 

As I entered the bathroom I locked in the door as I hope no one would come to the bathroom since the school bell will be ringing soon. Just like that my tears flowed down my eyes to my cheeks like a waterfall.

 

“Kwon Soonyoung, I love you so ing much that it hurts so bad!” I sobbed leaning against the wall as I was crouched down on the floor. I could care less about the fact that I was in the bathroom as this is one of the few spots that I could just go and let my feelings out. Luckily that no one was actually in the bathroom. I leaned my head onto my arms as I sobbed quietly not wanting anyone to notice that I was crying in the bathroom in case someone came in

 

A couple more minutes of sobbing as I finally calmed down and stood up and washed my face making sure my eyes weren’t that red. Too bad luck wasn’t on my side as it was noticeable that I cried really badly. What can I do? I’m not going to skip my first class.

 

With Soonyoung still lingering on my mind I went to my class with my bloody red eyes. I cried too much in the last ten minutes. Wasn’t it already a daily thing? I cry and hide it with a smile? Nobody probably cares anyways. In the end it’s just me. My boyfriend doesn’t care. He never even showed his love for me even once since we started dating. It was all just me.

 

I got to class just in time before the lesson starts as I took my seat at the back. I want to stay out of people’s eyes for today. The only bad thing was that the only seat left in the entire class was beside Soonyoung’s friends and of course he himself.  I didn’t really want to go and sit next to them. I saw Jeonghan hyung giving me a “fighting” as I let out a small smile toward the mom. Sighing I sat down on the seat and scooted a bit to the side away from them.

 

I took out my books and started to copy down the notes that the professor was writing on the board at the front of the class. I couldn’t really see well as I squinted my eyes to see better but I still couldn’t.  I guess I won’t be able to take notes like this. I’ll just copy from Jeonghan hyung’s notebook later. Another sigh was let out of me for the billionth time that morning. I just set my pencil back between my book and close it. I reached for my bag and took my lyric book out and opened it onto a new page.

 

When you’re a music student and would rather write lyrics instead of doing work. I remember not listening to the teacher and would write lyrics with Seungcheol hyung back in the first year of high school. It was a memorable year since that’s when the Jeongcheol couple met and started going out. Who knew they would last till now? We are already in college.

 

Guess I’ll be writing another heartbreak song again. I picked up my pencil and started to scribble the things my mind came up with as I know I will be revising them later. Every single thing in this book was right from my heart. This lyric writing helps me a lot. Like when other people will write in their diary, I have this book to write out lyrics about what I’m feeling.

 

There’s not one easy task

In this maze like world with no exit

Happiness is only a word

And it’s a simple dream that everyone wants

It’s something that doesn’t make sense

And I don’t want to believe it either

Yeah I just want it simple, simple oh

 

Everything that allows me to breathe

I wish they were simple

Further and further from me

Till I can’t see it anymore

 

I call you baby yeah

Baby’s called my happiness yeah

Yeah I just want it simple, simple

I want it simple

I want it simple yeah

 

When everyone tells me that I’m wrong

After this night passes, I hope we can all smile together

 

I closed my book after that line because I already felt my eyes tearing up. All I ever wanted was for him to actually look my way. I just wish Soonyoung was simple enough for me to understand. He’s like a maze and I’m a person walking through it trying to figure my way out, to his heart I mean. Every time I go one way, it’s always a dead end. I just laid my head down the table and apparently faced the wrong side as I saw Soonyoung staring at me. I felt blush rushing to my cheeks as I lost our eye contact and hid my face under my arms. Why am I always still so shy?

 

Class finally ended as I went back to my locker to get the books I need for the next few classes and to leave the one I don’t need. Knowing that I’m not that strong enough to held three thick covered text books around, I just leave the ones I don’t need in my locker. Just when I was supposed to close my locker, someone from beside me slammed it close with a fist that it made me jump. I turned around and of course it was who I had expected; Soonyoung.

 

“Hi,” I said as I tried to give him a smile but couldn’t so I tried to hug him. Just as I was about to put my arms around him as a greeting, he push me back harshly against the lockers. Soonyoung glared at me with those fiery eyes of his as I lowered my eyes and just stared at the floor.

 

These days he’s been more “different” than usual. He is always come back home late. Yes we do live together because well it just happened. My parents are both in Busan and I move to Seoul for education since it’s easier to be here. Since we started dating I think he was the one who suggested that we should live together. I was really happy back then thinking that being with the person I love for 24 hours would be a great thing and that he was actually changing for better. Too bad things never go your way. Soonyoung was never home, and if he was home, it was only a few more minutes before he would actually go out and come back around 2 or 3 in the morning.

 

“Lee Jihoon, what the were you doing hugging that stupid guy this morning? Who was the that allowed him to touch your face?! Didn’t I tell you to stay away from them?!” He yelled at me as I said nothing. This was how our relationship was. He was always mad at me. Soonyoung never liked my friends. I don’t understand him at all. He’s always yelling at me to not go around and be touchy with my friends yet he doesn’t even hug or hold my hand.

 

 I always try to like decrease the distance between us but no. The more I try to be closer to him, the more the pushes me away like a ragged doll. Sometimes I feel like giving up on him but then he somehow changes my mind again. Knowing how no one would care about him like I do, I just can’t leave him. His friends are an exception but they aren’t always there.

 

“I’m sorry,” I muttered. After being with him for about two years I know better than to not talk back to him. Soonyoung gets mad either way but it’s better than having an actual fight with him. I don’t even think I have the guts to talk back to him though. Fighting with Soonyoung is like fighting with your mom, everything you try to explain is considered talking back.

 

“You’re sorry?! How many times have I told you? You are mine! You belong to me and not anyone else! I don’t ing care if he’s your friend or whatever but I don’t like people being near you. Get it?!” Soonyoung yelled once again as he had already had a grip onto my collar and I was tiptoeing since he was slightly taller than me. He is always like this. Saying that I only belong to him yet he doesn’t even said “I love you” once to me.

 

“You know what? you too,” he said as he walked away from me leaving me just like that. I slid down right onto the floor as I finally started to breathe again. I didn’t even notice the fact that I was holding my breath. The things you do to me Kwon Soonyoung, I don’t even know why myself that I’m still being with you. Once again I pick myself up and took my bag and books and went to my next class not caring that tears were rolling down my eyes again.

 

Just as I entered my new class I saw my other friend Minghao rushed towards me. He had this panic look on his face as he crushed my cheeks as soon as he was right in front of me. What is with my friends and my cheeks?

 

“Jihoonie hyung, why are you crying?! Who made you cry? Tell me! I’ll do kick his or something,” I laughed as the last part as I quickly wiped my tears away. There is no way a fluff ball like Minghao will kick Soonyoung’s . Soonyoung has a black belt in Taekwondo and Minghao wouldn’t even hurt a fly with his own consent.

 

“It’s nothing Minghao-ah. I just got something into my eyes and it hurts so my tears started to flow,” I said with a smile but Minghao still doesn’t look convinced. I could still see the doubt in his eyes but he just nodded anyways.

 

“Let’s so sit hyung! The teacher might be here any time soon,” Minghao exclaimed. Even before I could reply to him, he dragged to our seat which was in the middle of the classroom on the right hand side. It’s not always good to sit straight in the middle since who knows what grudge the teacher might have against you? I already have a handful because of someone there’s no way I’m going to get some teacher ruin my senior year.

 

The lessons started soon enough and I started to write down the notes on the board into my books. This time I listened in class.

 

“So the ionic bond is like sugar. They form a solid together but they aren’t strong enough to be attached to each other enough. Sugar will dissolve into the water despite the fact that it’s solid. They are like that because there is only an electrical force between the oppositely charged ions. Ions are atoms that have lost or gain one or more electrons. On the other side the covalent bond no matter how much you try to break the, they will stay together. It’s because the two atoms are sharing electrons together. Like I said before, atoms need eight electrons to be happy and all, so instead of stealing electrons away from each other they share it.”

 

I’m more of an ionic bond with Soonyoung. I don’t even think we are attached to each other enough. Maybe I am but him… Does he care about me the same way I do? All I know is that he is possessive of me and all but that’s not the love I want. Is it selfish for me to just want his love? Even if it would be a onetime thing, I still want it. But only a miracle would make it happen.

 

As the teacher blabbered on and on about our subject for today, I wrote down all the notes that I will be need for the upcoming quiz or test. Today’s subject was quite easy as I understood it unlike most of the time I will be confused. The same goes for the boy beside me as he was diligently doing his work unlike most of the time he would be chatting to me about how boring the class is or how he can’t understand anything on the board.

 

Lunch time came as I was about to go out of my classroom someone came in running. I couldn’t really see that person as people were rushing out of the classroom to have lunch. When you’re old enough, you’ll understand how important lunch time is for the students considering on how hellish the subjects each day will be. I just started to pack my bag with the books I took out someone slammed their hands against my desk. I looked up and saw some random classmate.

 

“J-Ji-Jihoon-ah, S-Soonyoung is f-fighting s-some guy,” was all I heard before I rushed out of the class with my bag and tried to find where Soonyoung was having a fight. It wasn’t too long before I found a crowd by the lockers in the hallway.

 

“Excuse me,” I repeated that phrase for a million times before I actually got in the middle of the crowd where Soonyoung was beating up some kid.

 

“Soonyoung stop!” I yelled as I run in the middle of their fight and tried to get Soonyoung back away from whoever this kid was. I was more worried about Soonyoung. Another fight is not going to help him go to college.

 

“Let me go!” he yelled as he tried to push me off. Apparently it did work considering on how strong he is my back slammed against the locker as I felt my head hit something. My eyes started to see triple as I just sat there waiting for my sight to come back but it didn’t. Just before I could mutter another “stop” the world turned black.

 

***

 

I felt something pounding on my head as I woke up and saw that I was in the school’s infirmary. I tried to get up but I couldn’t as I fell back down on the bed as my head was spinning too much. What happen to the fight? I couldn’t even think well because my head was pounding so much. I groaned from the pain out loud as I shut my eyes close.

 

“Stay still,” I heard a cold voice said as I looked up and saw that it was Soonyoung. I was surprised. What was he doing here? And how did I end up in the school’s infirmary? Wait the school’s infirmary? MY CLASSES! I MISSED MY CLASSES!             

 

“I can’t Soonyoung-ah. I can’t miss my classes. The final exams are coming up soon I need my notes to study,” I said as I ignored the pain in my head and decided to get up. Wrong choice, I felt a hand wrapped around my wrists and saw Soonyoung holding onto me.

 

“I said stay still!” his voiced boomed around the room as I stood there like a statue. I know that disobeying him wouldn’t do any good. I set my bag back down on the floor and I sat back on the bed. Not knowing what to do or say I just sat there avoiding his gaze.

 

“Lee Jihoon look at me,” Soonyoung said. I still avoided his gaze. I don’t think he’s very happy about the fact that I interrupted his fight. He never likes it when things don’t go his way.

 

 “I said look at me!” he yelled once again as he grabbed my chin and made my face him. Soonyoung’s eyes were on fire as his eyes seem to glare right into my soul. I felt a shiver run through my back. His eyes are so captivating and intimating at the same time.

 

“Why the hell did you interrupt my fight? Who the do you think you are huh?” he yelled right into my face. I didn’t know what to say back to him so I said nothing.

 

“Didn’t I tell you not to come into my business?!” he boomed once again.

 

“But Young-ah it’s not right. I don’t know what happen between you and that guy but beating him up won’t solve anything,” I said in a quiet voice. I don’t know where I got the courage to speak back to him but I did.

 

“I told you I don’t like nicknames! Why the hell would you care about me?” Soonyoung said in a cold voice that made me shiver. I’m scared that one day something will happen to you. That’s why I care. I wished that I could say it but I couldn’t.

 

“I’m your boyfriend Soonyoung! I have the rights to care for you!” I exclaimed as tears started to stream down my face for like the third time today.

 

“You know what?” he said as he shoved my face away. “If you can’t handle me, let’s break up. I don’t wanted a whiny childish person to be my boyfriend.” Those were the last words I heard from him before he walked away. I just sat there for a very long time. I couldn’t even cry anymore. Not too long after I heard the final bell rang I heard someone rushing in the room.

 

“Oh my baby Jihoonie! I heard you were at the infirmary but I couldn’t come to you because I was already in class and the freaking professor won’t allow me to go out! Are you ok?” Jeonghan hyung started to inspect my body from all the different angles as he turned my body from left to right and eyed me from my head to my toes. I let out a small smile.

 

“I’m ok hyung. Can I go now? I want to be home, I’m kind of tired,” I said with a soft voice. I suspected that hyung probably had sensed that something happened but he didn’t say anything but nodded and patted my head.

 

“Are you sure you’re ok Jihoon? We can drive you back home if you want,” Seungcheol butted in. Of course what did I expected? My two best friends will be like this.

 

“It’s fine hyung-deul. Just go home. I’ll leave in a while,” I said to them with a small smile as I shooed them out of the infirmary. With much debate I finally got them to go back home.

 

“See you tomorrow Jihoonie,” Jeonghan hyung patted my head and went out. Seungcheol hyung shot me a look full of worry but I reassured him with a smile. He nodded at me and waved before following his angel out the door. I waited for a few more minutes before I decided to go out of the infirmary. As I headed out the door the nurse came in.

 

“Wait kid, I need to tell you something,” the nurse smiled as me. “Come sit here please,” she said as I just sat on the chair as she walked around to the back and got something out of the drawers.

 

“You’ll need this medicine. It seems like your head got bang on the lockers hard. Don’t worry, have this medicine after dinner and tomorrow morning you’ll be good as new. By the way who was that guy that brought you here? Your boyfriend?” she smirked at me before placing the medicine I need in front of me. I didn’t say anything but greeted her goodbye and left.

 

As I headed out of the school right back home to an apartment I rented, I remembered that I still live with Soonyoung. But then he’s never home anyways. It’s more like my home rather than ours. Without much thought I walked back to my apartment which wasn’t too far away either. I arrived at my house ten minutes later and pressed in the code for the lock.

 

1-1-0-9-1-4

 

I remember this number by heart. It’s our anniversary date but now it’s just an empty number. He doesn’t care but I still do. I remember the day when we first day we moved in here. It was a memory for sure but it’s just in the past now. We dated for nearly two years and lived together about ¾ of our relationship. With this much of times we should have tons of memories to reminisce about yet there’s nothing.

 

After showering and some ramen for dinner, I took the medicine the nurse prescribed for me as I head to bed earlier than normal. Incase Soonyoung decided to come home early, which he did from time to time, and I didn’t have the guts to face him yet. Yes, I’m a coward. I’m a fool. I love him so much that I would do anything for him. But now, look at me. I got dumped by the person I love. Too bad he lives with me.

 

I woke up when I heard the door open as I look up at the digital clock on my right and saw that it was over 3 am in the morning. Then I heard the footsteps coming toward the room as I quickly closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. Not too long afterwards I heard the door opened. I know that it’s Soonyoung. Well after loving him so much, I still do, I just memorized everything about him. Living with him made all these things easier.

 

“He’s asleep,” I heard him muttered. I couldn’t hear any more since he was mumbling under his breath. I heard him step into the door as my body tensed up.

 

Lee Jihoon don’t be so obvious! He might notice that you’re still awake!

 

I tried to act “normal” with my eyes shut not too tightly. I felt Soonyoung knelt down beside the bed as he closed the bed side lamp. Oh , I forgot that I turned it on before I check the time and forgot to turn it back off.

 

“This kid wasting the electricity bill,” Soonyoung muttered as he closed the lamp with the switch. After that Soonyoung left the room as if nothing happened. Wait he’s not going to sleep in the room? Where’s he going to sleep then? Oh yeah we broke up. Why should I care about where’s he’s going to sleep or not.

 

With these kind of thoughts in my mind, I went back to sleep and thankfully woke up when my alarm rang so that I can get ready for school.

 

***

 

Three days had passed since we broke up as I knew that my actions were kind of weird. I got colder to my friends and would only talk when I’m being talked to. I would usually sit with them in lunch while I would go to the rooftop nowadays and spend some time alone. I just can’t get over Soonyoung just yet. I felt like everything I do right now is affected because of our break up. I can’t believe that he just broke off a relationship that was more than two years just like that.

 

As I heard the bell rang signaling that the classes were over for the day I got up and went out my classroom. I head to my locker where I left all my books because it was Friday and I surprisingly don’t have anything to do over the weekend. I guess I get to rest for the two days for myself. Maybe I should go back to Busan and stay with my parents for a while.

 

I thought about my mom and dad as I closed my locker and walked toward the gate of the school. As I was just about to walk out of it, I heard someone yelled out my name.

 

“Jihoon hyung, wait!” I turned around and saw that it was none other than giant of our group; Kim Mingyu. I feel insecure about my height next to him because well he’s like more than a head taller than me, but I got used to it over time. I’m not going to grow, and I get it.

 

“Jihoonie hyung!” he said as he panted. Well no one told him to run here all the way. I patted his back as he started to somehow choke.

 

“Breathe in and breathe out,” I said to him calmly as the other students rushed out of the school leaving just me and Mingyu left in the hallways. He listened to me as he started to take deep breaths in and out. His breaths turned normal after a while as I moved a bit away from him.

 

“So what’s up Mingyu? Why were you running all of a sudden?” I asked him as I held the strap of my school bag.

 

“They hyungs and the dongsaengs were worried. I was worried about you. Jihoon hyung what happened during the past days? You weren’t there with us for lunch. You seemed cold all of a sudden.” Mingyu said with a sad face as he pouted towards me.

 

“It’s nothing Gyu-ah. Ignore it,” I tried to smile at him but I wouldn’t work. In the same way, I think Mingyu might have notice that I was hiding something as well.

 

“Jihoon hyung there’s no use in hiding stuff. Just tell me ok? We can work it out together,” Mingyu said to me with his smile. I know he’s like a dongsaeng to me but sometimes he’s more mature than I can ever be. But the other part is him being like a total child with a 3 year old mindset. Believe me at least he isn’t as bad as Seungkwan and Seokmin. Those two are the worst with full energy.

 

“It’s just,” I started and paused afterwards. I have no heart to remember the pain I was through. I couldn’t say it with my own mouth as it only hurts me more. Mingyu nodded at me and I tried to keep going.

 

“Mingyu-ah, Soonyoung broke up with me,” that was all I said before I could hear my own sobs. Mingyu widened his eyes. All of them knew how much I loved Soonyoung. So many times they would ask me why would I dating someone like him. I would always answer that I love him and that was the reason why I was sticking to him.

 

“Hyung please stop crying,” Mingyu said as he pulled me into a hug. I was too busy sobbing to resist the hug. Even though Mingyu told me to stop crying, I couldn’t. All these feelings that I’ve been holding on to these past three days went all out. I remember all those times I had with Soonyoung as everything replay into my mind in flashbacks.

 

***

 

FLASHBACK

 

“Soonyoungie!” I call as I run to him. He caught me before I collide into him. I look up and grinning at him, even though he wouldn’t even smile back to me but he didn’t. Brushing off the fact that he didn’t return the smile, I tip toed as I tried to give him a kiss but Soonyoung turn his face to side as my lips landed on his cheeks instead. I was confused. Weren’t couples supposed to act like this? I never knew because this was my first time being with someone. That someone was Kwon Soonyoung. Even though I got hurt by the fact that he just ignored my kiss, I hugged him. I snuggled against his chest as I would hear the faint heartbeat. I smiled knowing that his heart started to beat faster. Maybe he’s just shy.

 

“Jihoon get off me,” he said in a cold voice. Once again he never failed to surprise me. I was shocked to hear the cold tone as I got off him immediately. My face was full of confusion.

 

“Did I do anything wrong Youngie?” I asked. Yes, I made a nickname for him. Isn’t it cute? I was up thinking about what to call him since couples always have their nicknames for each other. I consider babe and all those things as too much since it was too cheesy for me. So I just decided to call him Youngie.

 

“I don’t like nicknames,” was all he said before he went off since his friends motioned him to come over. I was there in the hall standing by myself as I was really confused. Weren’t we dating? Why is he still acting like this?

 

Even though my brain kept asking questions, I decided to let things slide believing in the fact that he was probably new to having relationships.

 

It was a lie.

 

A few months later we decided to move in together as I couldn’t afford to pay my rent alone as it was getting hard for me. My parents would send me money but still I didn’t want to depend on them so that I started to work at a convenience store. After Soonyoung found out that I couldn’t really pay for my rent he suggested for us to live together. Yes it was a huge leap for a couple who only started dating for months but I agreed since I would get to see him 24/7.

 

Not too long after that I notice that Soonyoung would come home late. I would stay up till he comes back but after a few days I realized that there’s no point in waiting for him. When he come back home, it would be like 3 or 4 in the morning. He would climb in our bed smelling like someone poured a whole bottle of perfume over him. I believed that it was just his choice of cologne even though I knew that the perfume definitely smelled like a woman’s.

 

The next day as I was doing the laundry, I found a lipstick stain on one of Soonyoung’s shirt. In the pocket of that shirt was a note with a bunch of letters and “Call me.” I cried so much after that. He was cheating behind my back.

 

Was I not enough? Did he got tired of me? But we’ve only been dating for a few months. Was it possible to get tired of someone that easily? Of course he would get tired of me. I’m nothing. I’m just like any other person passing by his life. He didn’t love me of course. Why would he anyways? I’m a pathetic human being.

 

That day I spend it over at Jeonghan and Seungcheol hyungs’ apartment. I arrived at his home with a tear stained face as Jeonghan hyung was so worried. I didn’t tell him anything but I suspected that they know something must have happened. They were my hyungs and best friends after all.

 

When I woke up the next morning I found myself on the couch covered by a fluffy lavender blanket. I groaned as my back hurts from sleeping on the couch.

 

“Jihoonie, you’re awake? Go wash up I’ll have your breakfast ready then,” I heard Jeonghan hyung called out from the kitchen. I smiled as I was thankful to have friends like them. I ate breakfast at their apartment as I returned to the place I called “home.” Was it ever home? I don’t even know.

 

When I arrived the apartment was empty. There was no sign of Soonyoung or any other kind of human being in the house. I sighed. He probably didn’t come home anyways.

 

That night I stayed up and waited for Soonyoung to return. He finally got back at 3:17 AM. He looked surprised seeing me on the couch waiting for him. Soonyoung’s face went back to his normal poker face after a split second.

 

“Soonyoung-ah, where have you been? It’s already early morning,” I asked him as he took off his shoes and came in. He just ignored me as he went into the kitchen. I followed behind him as I wanted my answers.

 

“Didn’t you hear my Soonyoung-ah? I asked where were you?” I said once again in a louder voice hoping that he wouldn’t ignore me.

 

“Why would you care if I was out late?” Soonyoung spat at me after he finish gulping a glass of water. Then I notice the smell of liquor on him. Not only that, but the smell, that perfume once again.

 

“Do you even love me?” I blurted out. I widened my eyes after realizing what I just said to him. I looked up at Soonyoung as he was staring at me with the most unreadable eyes. He didn’t say anything and left as I felt tears started to form in my eyes. I’m just that one of many people he’s going to have a relationship aren’t I?

 

END OF FLASHBACK

 

***

 

For minutes I kept sobbing in Mingyu’s arms and didn’t notice that someone else was with us.

 

“Well, what do we have here?” I heard a voice as I pulled away from the hug and saw Soonyoung standing right there glaring at us. I quickly wiped my tears and push Mingyu away more but the giant wouldn’t budge.

 

“What else do we have here too?” Mingyu said with a snicker. “The ex who didn’t deserve my hyung at all.” Mingyu glared right back at Soonyoung. The two of them started to have a glaring contest.

 

“Well at least I’m not a freaking pole like you. Trying to steal my ex I see? Well take him. He’s trash anyways. I never knew that you like second handed things Kim Mingyu.” Soonyoung said with a voice full of venom. Tears fill up my eyes once again. I’m just a trash to him.

 

“Listen here you tard, Jihoon hyung is not trash. If anyone of us here is trash, it would be you. Don’t think that I don’t know what you’ve done to my hyung because I know everything. You cheated on him didn’t you? You’re lucky that Seungcheol hyung isn’t here or you’ll probably be in a million pieces considering how he would murder you right here for hurting his best friend.”

 

“Why the would I care about this Seungcheol dude?” Soonyoung said back as he seemed to be annoyed. He never liked people who talked back to him anyways. And that’s exactly what Mingyu was doing currently.

 

“Well I don’t give a whether you care or not. Let’s go Jihoon hyung,” Mingyu said he took my wrist and started to pull me out of the school. I can still feel Soonyoung following us. Why was he following us anyways?

 

“The two ty trashes decided to give up and run away huh? Scardy cats,” Soonyoung said from behind us as he snickered. I could feel Mingyu fuming from beside me I tried to whisper to him to calm down. Apparently Soonyoung heard us.

 

“Awn my ex is calming his new boyfriend down. How cute,” he said in a sarcastic way. That was when I finally broke down. He has insulted my friend and me. I spun around and glared at him.

 

“You know what? you Kwon Soonyoung. I can’t believe I loved a guy like you. I can’t believe I wasted my tears and time for you. How did I fall for you anyways? I must have been crazy because falling for you was the biggest mistake and regret I would have my entire life. Will you just off because you aren’t doing any good for yourself nor it’s helping me. Just go away. I think I might puke if I see your face for one more minute,” I yelled at him as both Soonyoung and Mingyu were stunned. I wasn’t a person who talked much. I barely raise the level of my voice too.

 

“The little trash decided to finally talk back,” Soonyoung said with this look I couldn’t recognize on his face. “Well whatever. Bye ers,” he said as he crossed the street not realizing the fact that bus was coming his way.

 

My eyes widened as I saw the bus going closer and closer to Soonyoung. I broke my free from Mingyu as I ran.

 

“Soonyoung-ah!” I yelled as I push him out of the way. Then the whole world turns black. 

 

***

 

Author's Note - I'm sorry it took this long to update. My ideas ran out while I was in the middle of writing this so yeah. I decided to divide the chapter since I guess it was too long. Hope you enjoy it ^^ Thanks for the support <3