Jimin was always afraid. He was a person with a lot of worries and insecurities. Jaebum on the other hand was a person of confidence, a born leader who everyone looked up to. But one thing that wouldn't change about him was how weird he was, or at least he appeared to be to Jimin's eyes, a person who certainly didn't understand how a one night stand supposed to work. He introduced Jimin to his friends later on, a roommate named Youngjae with whom he shared a bed with (which Jimin found a bit surprising at first, shoving the man on the waist later on to receive a 'no, Youngjae and me don't do fencing at night'), a certain Jackson from Hongkong he met at university and another Thai student whose name Jimin couldn't even pronounce correctly.

Jaebum was strange because he could pop up in front of Jimin's flat without notice with a bag of friend chicken and two bottles of banana milk at three in the morning. And he was certainly strange because he would sometimes leave without having to spend a night on Jimin's bed, body reeking of and neck covered in bruises. He would often just lounge on Jimin's bed, treating him indifferently from the other people Jaebum called as friends. Once or twice they even went out on weekend when Jaebum asked him to, spending time on the streets of Hongdae just like normal buddies would without linked hands or blushing cheeks.

Then, before Jimin realized it, it was the sky invading his home again, the stars suddenly blinking brighter and the wind blowing harder. Soon enough he was overwhelmed and Jimin started to fear the inevitable once again.

It was four months after their first one night stand, Jaebum sitting at the base of Jimin's bed (of course it was Jimin's, since they never did it in Jaebum's place), scrolling randomly through his phone, while Jimin was lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling whilst questioning his life decision.

“Am I just a phase?” Jimin asked.

Jaebum's eyes were still locked on his phone screen but he did answer Jimin nonetheless.

“What do you mean?”

Jimin stood up, sitting straight on the bed, looking back at Jaebum. He hated to ask. He once thought that he could go on like this, could sleep with whoever he wanted to and be fine with it, but it was simply hard when the said person kept coming back, treating him like something he was afraid to be.

“What is this, Jaebum?” he asked.

His tone finally got the man turning around, looking back at him seriously, realizing the depth of his question.

“You, coming over here, introducing me to your friends,” Jimin said softly. “What is this?”

Jaebum was still sitting on the ground, but Jimin could tell how his fingers had stopped scrolling and his back getting more rigid.

“It's me treating you nicely,” Jaebum answered. “Don't you like it when a friend is treating you nicely?” he said back with an added chuckle at the end. To Jimin, his answer seemed like he was running away. Running away. A certain someone used to run away back then, Jimin could only wish Jaebum didn't share that same trait.

“Friends don't have with each other,” Jimin whispered back.

Jimnin was hating this. He was definitely sounding like a girl, asking for an insurance, a label to define every single thing that he knew, and he hated that fact, that restless feeling whenever he saw Jaebum smiled at him and the same yearning that he was introduced to for the first time two years ago.

Jaebum finally turned around this time, and all he needed to do was to look back at him without saying another word. Years later, being looked at in the eyes was still indeed a weakness of his, because Jimin opened his mouth and everything came pouring down like a waterfall, all that bottled fear, that 'what if' he pushed to the corner of the room, the shut window being swung opened and the night sky looming right in front of his eyes, giving him no room to hide.

So he said to Jaebum how he didn't know what they are, how he was afraid that the man wouldn't pop up in front of his door the next three o'clock in the morning with another bag of chicken and two bottles of banana milk. He was afraid because even though he had built windowless walls around his room, Jaebum could still bring the stars with each of his ginger steps and warm smile.

“Because I don't want to be broken again. I don't need you to smash me against the ground. So if you can't promise me that you would come back every time you walk out that door, if you can't say that this is just you being unsure of yourself, I think it's better for you not to come back here.”

Jimin would be lying if he didn't wish for Jaebum to say something, to reassure him that he wasn't just a bastard, sleeping around with strangers and playing with people's heart. Jimin knew that Jaebum was far more than that. But Jaebum didn't say anything. He just looked back at Jimin and maybe that was the exact answer he was looking for.

Because Jaebum walked out of his door that day and never came back.

He talked about this to Seulgi once who hugged him back in return and said that it was for the best. She said that it was a good thing Jimin ended this after four months before hurting himself any further.

“At least you're not in love with him, are you?” Seulgi asked, which Jimin answered with a shake of his head.

But Jimin did cry at three o'clock in the morning that night. He knew that it was for the best, but he too couldn't deny how he hoped that Jaebum would promise him all the things he wanted to hear that day, or how he would come back despite of his words. He knew that all he wanted to have that time was to be proven wrong. But the man never did, and as Seulgi had said it, it was just for the ing best.

So maybe in a way, a little bit of him had indeed fallen in love with Im Jaebum.

+.-.+

Somehow everything was better again. Everything was just like how it used to be, or even slightly better. Their Thursday returned to how it always was, with the seven of them in the gym, and the walk home with Yoongi was filled with laughter and usual banter with the elder lifting his head towards the sky. For a while it seemed as if that rainy Thursday never happened, and Jimin was feeling blessed.

That day he was on the verge of saying yes to his parents, to trade what he had built up in Yeoryang-myeon over his aching heart. If it wasn't for Yoongi he would probably be in Seoul already, leaving everything behind. His parents were unamused by his final decision, with Jimin saying that he was going to finish his Suneung there. What happen after high school would be another thing to think about later on.

For a moment it felt like the greatest thing that he could ask for, to wrap his hands around Yoongi's waist on the bicycle ride back home, to have his steady breathing right next to him on sleepovers and the smile on his grandmother's face during dinner with the three of them. Even with the detention and the upcoming Suneung, Jimin could say that he never felt happier.

That was until Taehyung asked him one day.

“Are you all right with all of this, Jimin?” he said.

It was another Thursday in the gym and the two of them were sitting on the side while watching Yoongi going up against both Jungkook and Hoseok at the same time.

“With what, Tae?” Jimin answered, wiping the sweats off his forehead.

“With Yoongi-hyung,” Taehyung answered.

Jimin furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“Don't get me wrong, Jimin. I'm happy with how you two are back as friends again. But are you okay with it?”

From the distance he could hear Jungkook and Hoseok's winced as Yoongi managed to overpower the two of them and score another three-pointer.

“I don't understand what you mean, Tae.”

Taehyung took another breath before he continued. “I know that you're still in love with him and I'm just afraid that Yoongi-hyung is going to hurt you again.”

That time Jimin probably hadn't realize it yet, but what Taehyung said did make a point. And after weeks passed and what was left between the two of them was the worry of what the future might bring, Jimin realized how he had been lying to himself.

He had once said that nothing needed to change. Seemed like he did want something to change, how he wanted that slip of fingers against his meant something more, or how he could simply lean forward to stick his lips against Yoongi's. And one Sunday morning as he woke up from a vivid dream of soft pants and echoed moans with a wet pants, Jimin did know that he could never run away from the greed that churned his stomach.

He managed to run away from Yoongi that time. He too could lock himself in his room and hide himself from the world. But in the end, it was his feeling that he couldn't run away from.

(After all, someone who denied their own feelings were bound to realize it sooner or later.)

+.-.+

It always happened on a Thursday, on a certain rainy day in the classroom after lesson had ended. It didn't necessarily had to be all of it, but there would always indeed be one of those three as something happened in both Yoongi and Jimin's lives. This time it wasn't just pretty words and thundering heartbeat that hid desperate longing and broken soul. It wasn't just twinkling stars and promises, ended with exchanged smile and a reassurance that tomorrow would be okay.

This time it was exhilarating gasp and locked lips, as Jimin felt himself melting away with the heat in front of him. It was Yoongi saying all those words, a playful joke that slowly built into something else, as Yoongi looked back at him in a strange gaze. And as he proclaimed his so-called hatred towards him, Jimin could only think about what he did back then as well, the horrible lie he had to utter to hide his growing feelings.

When Yoongi kissed him back, Jimin just took whatever that was offered, grabbing the hem of Yoongi's uniform tight with his other hand against the elder's neck. He finally got Yoongi against his lips and he didn't want to let go. He would never let go.

But it was Yoongi who did, shoving him back hard. He didn't even register it at first until he saw the look in Yoongi's eyes.

“No, this is wrong,” Yoongi whispered.

This time Jimin could swear he could hear his heart crack.

“Hyung, no, please, I just want to-,”

“Go away!” Yoongi screamed, before he ran towards the door.

His world had shattered again that time, all because Jimin couldn't contain his feeling, couldn't help not to lean forward just a bit, curious of how the elder's lips would taste against his.

This would be the end of it all, Jimin finally thought. Yoongi had turned his back against him and this time he should turn his to just like before. That was until his grandmother squeezed his hand and called him stupid for the very first time.

“What did you just say, halmeoni?” Jimin said. His grandmother had always said nice words to him. Only this time did she call him stupid, as the two of them sat in the kitchen like always, his grandmother realizing immediately that there was something wrong.

“I said that what you want to do is stupid, Jimin,” the old Park said, though with no sign of anger on her face. She was still as kind as ever. “And what Yoongi did to, was stupid.” She raised her wrinkled finger, caressing Jimin's eyes and finally smiled. “You two are really stupid.”

“But halmeoni, Yoongi-,”

“-is just scared. You, going back to Seoul this instance, is just the same as running away,” she said softly.

Somehow, the words she uttered made him feel a little bit lighter.

“Nothing makes me happier than seeing you smile, and I know that Yoongi makes you happy,” she said softly. “It broke my heart, Jimin, seeing what my own son had done to you in Seoul, and I know how the first few weeks here were the hardest.”

“But if you could see it from my eyes, you would see how much you've changed as well. Sure, the road wasn't smooth, and that last time, when you came home soaking wet from the rain, that was the saddest I've ever felt as well. That time I thought that maybe going back to Seoul was the right thing to do for you, even as sad as I would be, seeing you leave.”

They did talk about a lot of thing, and she too was the first person Jimin talked to about his uality. Only now did he realize, she rarely talked about her own feelings, simply listening to his words and encouraging him, making him believe that he did still have a chance in this world.

“You don't want me to leave?” he said.

“Of course I don't. You don't know how lonely it is here, after your grandfather died. Having dinner together with you and Yoongi here, is the happiest moment I could have, because I too, could see how happy you are.”

The dinner they spent together in the kitchen had felt like a dream long forgotten, and thinking about them just reminded Jimin of the pain in his heart instead.

The old Park had seemingly realized what he was thinking for she continued. “I could tell what you're thinking about, Jimin, but I still believe that this is not the end.”

“How could this not be, halmeoni? Yoongi pushed me aside!” he said, feeling like screaming.

“But he came back the last time, Jimin. He wouldn't come back to you without any reason,” she said, still looking calm as ever, whereas Jimin felt like clawing his head open if he could.

“What are you suggesting? Do you think Yoongi does love me all this time?” Jimin said with a mocking smile at the end.

Yet each time Jimin felt like laughing to that, to that little part of him that hoped and wondered, wished and begged. He was convinced that Yoongi did reciprocate his feeling when he returned his kiss back then, even just for the slightest of moment, before he pushed him away.

“You know, I've lived for eighty long years and I certainly know how two boys madly in love with each other look like,” she said again whilst smiling and taking both Jimin's hands in hers. “And you know what I honestly think, Jimin? I think that these two boys are simply being stupid for not realizing that.”

That day, despite having his heart shattered, his grandmother managed to make him smile, convincing himself to give Yoongi one last chance, to give the two of them one last chance.