Jimin thought that he would never see Jaebum again. After all, it was a one night stand and that was the point of a one night stand. You shouldn't be seeing the person you had a mindless, heated with for the second time. Even when you walked across each other on the road, you simply pretended that you didn't know one another, having your gaze fixed on your shoes or static line call deceiving the other party who was equally busy with his empty google search engine.

But Jaebum was different, because he approached him instead, put a hand on his shoulder when they met in the same club almost a month later, offering him a drink and a chance to know him better outside of the defeaning bass thump.

And that was what Jimin did, as he learned upon a late night tteokbokki at a nearest pojangmacha that Jaebum was an only child who liked to spend his time watching movie and listening to music alone. He learned that Jaebum was into b-boying lately, he tried practicing on the art of dance during those private moments only to fail miserably and how he was a full time university student majoring in Film in Geonguk. He also learned that black wasn't actually his favorite color but it was the easiest one to choose in terms of matching his outfit with one another. Later that night back in his apartment, he learned the most important ting of all, to scream the right name as he was coming undone with Jaebum pounding him relentlessly from behind.

Jaebum left the next morning again, this time without waking Jimin up. He didn't leave a number or anything, doing the exact thing he said he was trying to do during their first one night stand. Jimin knew that this was how it was supposed to be and he didn't even hope for much. A one night stand was a one night stand, even when it somehow turned into two.

But Jaebum proved himself to be a strange strangers indeed, when they met again for the third time in the same club a week later.

"Are you looking for me?" he whispered jokingly to his hear as his hands ran to his neck and waist.

"No, are you?" Jimin answered back, completely lying to himself, even though he knew that the man was half the reason why he chose to leave the comfort of his house yet again in a friday night, even when Seulgi had asked him to have a movie night with the girls.

Sure enough Jimin realized that it wasn't just a one night stand anymore when they ended up in his apartment for the third time that night, exchanging each other's name in between hungry kisses and shameless moan.

+.-.+

"Who did you lose your ity to?"

They were playing a game. Jimin certainly wouldn't agree to do this if he was sober, but a little bit of alcohol and Jaebum's persistent words had somehow convinced him instead.

"An in high school," Jimin muttered.

He didn't know whether it was the alcohol or him talking, but he never once called Taekhoon an before, even after what he had done to him (and according to Taehyung, Taekhoon did deserve to be called an ).

"Guess it's a guy, then," Jaebum said, taking a sip from the vodka they had bought. Jimin nodded slightly before looking at his own glass of vodka, realizing that he had never once slept with a girl before. Sure he had kissed a few girls and went to second base with them, but it proved him even more that he didn't like it, even when every lips could taste the same when he closed his eyes.

The two of them were sitting corss-legged on Jimin's apartment floor in front of each other with the clock ticking closer towards three in the morning. Between the two of them stood a half bottle worth of vodka, with Jimin drinking from a simple ikea see-through glass and Jaebum settling with a plastic mickey mouse-patterned cup instead.

"Your turn," the elder said, biting his lips.

"How about you? Your first time," Jimin said, which the other man quickly returned with a scoff.

"Oh come on. That's a lame question," he said.

"Hey, you're the one who asked me that in the first place. I'm just returning the question to you," Jimin protested.

"Yeah, but my first time wasn't really that interesting. Go ask another question."

"Im Jaebum, don't tell me you're running away from the question," Jimin back.

Jaebum had that expression of defeat on his face before the man sighed, ruffling his hair.

"Fine. Her name is Jinhee and she's an older noona who lives next door," he said nonchalantly.

"Wait, it's a girl?" Jimin said bluntly.

"Yeah, she's actually way older than me, but she's an absolute beauty," Jaebum said, digressing from the point that Jimin actually wanted to ask.

"No, i mean, do you always-,"

They never really talked about it, about uality and preference. But of course Jimin knew that gay people sometimes didn't only sleep with people their own gender. He knew other guys who had slept with girls as well before realizing that they didn't like. He knew a few who were into both, though in his case, Jimin knew that he wasn't into girls at all.

"What?" Jaebum said teasingly.

"You're biual?"

Jaebum scoffed again.

"It's another question and frankly, you're cheating right now," he said. Jimin thought that maybe he wasn't comfortable with answering that one but of course Jaebum was strange indeed because he continued his words again. "But I'll let you off the hook this time only because you're cute."

If only he was sober, Jimin realized he wouldn't be biual.

"So are you biual?"

Jaebum took a few moment to answer, that playfulness disappeared from his face for a slightest before he answered again a bit more solemnly.

"I don't know."

Jimin got the feeling that Jaebum was at least as drunk as he was, or he wouldn't ever answer this question he was asking.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know means you're the first guy I'ver ever slept with."

Oh.

Jimin didn't know what to make of that. Questions swarmed in his head, thoughts that he would gladly flush down the toilet with gulps upon gulps of vodka. So Jaebum had ever only slept with women before. Was he just another toy for the man to play with, a phase that would soon pass? Was he just curious and realized that he did like girls after all? Was he going to throw him aside like everyone always did?

He waited for Jaebum to continue making up some words, breaking the ice like he always did, but this time it was just an awkward silence that stood between the two of them. Busying himself with yet another gulp of vodka, Jimin realized that a conversation was way better than him sipping from the glass only to make the atmosphere less dreadful.

"Who's Yoongi?"

The alcohol was making its way down his throat, burning him from the inside. Hearing Jaebum's question didn't make him choke on it, it made him want to drink it all even more, chugging what was left in his glass to numb his body before a certain other ache made its entrance.

"What?"

"It's my turn now. I'm asking you who Yoongi is," Jaebum said, making his question even clearer, giving no room for him to escape.

"Yoongi is-,"

Who? Yoongi was a lot of thing. Yoongi was a memory, a person, a feeling, a place. He was even the sky once, the very thing that surrounded his life each day, being a constant reminder in his head each time he got the chance to breath. How could he explain who Yoongi was without telling the other how utterly pathetic he was? How could he explain who he was without opening his wound again, the simple slip of his name still felt like cutting his wrist open.

"-someone I met in my last year of high school."

"Is this the same in high school?"

Jimin shook his head. Yoongi wasn't Taekhoon. Sure, the both of them meant a lot of things for him, or at least used to mean a lot. But as the years passed, he could think about Taekhoon and would only be reminded about how the boy was an for what he had done. But with Yoongi, even though he hurt him as much as Taekhoon did, he couldn't really hate him for it. Maybe Jimin was a masochist, and it made him hate himself even more.

Why couldn't he hate Yoongi even after two years had passed? Wouldn't it be easier that way, replacing everything that he had about the man with nothing but pure black hatred.

"Yoongi is something different. He-,"

He couldn't really explain who Yoongi was. He was the sky. Was. What is he now?

"Yoongi lifted me up to the sky before he threw me back down, crushing me to the ground."

It wasn't really a literal explanation or description of who Yoongi was. He was sure he wasn't even answering the question now.

"Yoongi lied to me," Jimin continued. "He gave me hope before he took it away again."

Yoongi promised him, said nice words to him and did a lot of thing that convinced him, making him think that he did deserve happiness. But of course, he was proven to be wrong. Park Jimin didn't deserve happiness. He didn't deserve to have a happy ending.

Yet why did it hurt him still, to think about someone who was nothing but a past memory? Why couldn't he hate someone who caused him this much pain?

"And I hate myself every day because I can't bring myself to hate him.

Only now did he realize he had been looking blankly at his own glass of vodka, mesmerized by the tiniest detail of how the light was reflected upon its surface. He had answered Jaebum's question and he slowly lifted his head, waiting for his reply. Jaebum's expression was unreadable, the elder just looked back into his own eyes, looking serious like he had never seen his before.

"It's okay, you know," Jaebum finally opened his mouth after what felt like hours.

"What do you mean?"

"To love someone who hurt you," he said back. "To still love him, even."

The words echoed throughout the room, or at least it seemed like it to Jimin. Did he love Yoongi still? He hadn't even thought about that possibility, hadn't and not wanting to. It would be completely pathetic for him to love someone who hurt him so much even after a few years had passed. Everyone would definitely laugh to that, to a lonely soul who clung on to nothing but a single hope and pathetic dream.

"Wouldn't it be pathetic, hyung? Wouldn't it make you want to laugh?" he said in a mocking manner. Because if Jaebum laughed right now, he would certainly laugh along with him. Park Jimin was indeed laughable ever since the start.

"It would only make you human, Jimin," Jaebum said. "And we humans love to laugh at how pathetic we are anyway."

+.-.+

One time Yoongi introduced him to the wonder of star-gazing. The first time they did this, Yoongi was running away from home. Since then, the elder had spent some other occasion staying at his place, only for the two of them to slip out of the room at night to do yet another star-gazing.

Jimin already knew how the older boy loved to lift his head during their evening walk with his hands behind his head. Jimin had once joked how it was the reason why Yoongi always complained about having such an aching neck. He was always looking up. And here Jimin was, always looking at the ground instead.

"Aren't they beautiful?" Yoongi rhetorically asked.

Jimin turned his head to see the boy lying beside him. There was a smile on Yoongi's face, one that came almost too rarely.

"Why do you like the stars so much, hyung?" he asked, having his palm underneath his chin, supporting his head so he could see Yoongi's face lighted up with happiness upon the very thing that he loved the most.

"Because I want to be one. Stars. They're beautiful, shining ever so brightly. Aren't those people standing on the stage the same thing as stars? Well, they got to be called one anyway," he said, laughing at the end of the sentence. "Ridiculous, huh?"

"No, hyung. It's pretty nice."

"So I thought about going to Seoul and becoming a star. I'll be like them in my own way, then, shining so bright." Yoongi laughed again. He seldom spoke about this, about things he deemed as petty and dream he labeled as childish. "I think about puking when I heard myself talking like that."

The elder rarely talked, but at the same time he spoke aloud. Jimin already knew how his dreams clashed with everything that his father had hoped for. He knew how Yoongi hated this small town for being a cage for him. Oddly at the same time he understood too that Yoongi still loved this place more than anything else. Yoongi was never about words, but at the same time it was everything that he was. The elder simply didn't realize that. He wouldn't admit it, but the notebook he always carried around and the words scribbled down upon it was the most honest that a Min Yoongi could ever get. And what would a notebook be but a series of written words?

The elder sighed. Jimin still had his eyes on him, seeing as the smile gradually disappeared. There was a hint of anger there and his lips twitched slightly.

"But my father doesn't want me to be one. He would rather have me chained to the ground and here I am, doing nothing but being mesmerized by something I never will be," he said, another smile forming on his face, one that looked every bit of sarcastic instead of genuine.

"But you already are, hyung," Jimin said.

"What?"

Yoongi turned around with a sudden jerk of movement. As easily as that Jimin found himself staring at the elder boy's eyes, face to face. Yoongi was too close. He was too close in any way possible to Jimin's life, too close to the truth he desperately trying to hide, even to the heart that he kept at bay. He feared that, knowing that he would repeat the same mistake again. But Jimin was falling. One day he would crash so hard, he wouldn't be able to pick up the broken pieces anymore. One day he would repeat his mistake and there wouldn't be anywhere else to go.

That one day could easily be today, as Yoongi looked back into his eyes, waiting for an answer. That one day could easily come as he leaned forward and cupped Yoongi's cheeks with his hands, planting a soft kiss on the pale boy's lips. Maybe that one day wouldn't be a mistake, and Yoongi would lean towards him, kissing him back. Yoongi would hold him there and Jimin would give him his all, giving him his broken hearts to mend. And somehow he thought that he had given his heart to Yoongi way before that one day already.

"You're already one, hyung. A star," Jimin said.

He could see the look of surprise in Yoongi's face, how his brows twisted for a second. Then again, that one day could turn into every wrong that it ever should be. Yoongi would look at him with eyes full of disgust, just as his parents and friends saw him before. If that one day would ever come again, Jimin didn't know whether he could stand it or not.

How could he? When Min Yoongi himself was the one who fixed his first heartbreak.

Half of him was prepared to see the elder gave him a repugnant look, one that he had grown so accustomed to. But no, Min Yoongi was always different, because he laughed instead this time.

"Yah, Park Jimin, you don't have to come up with a lie to console me," he said, tossing around again so he could gaze upon the night sky once again.

"But I'm not, hyung," he said, protesting. Months ago those words would probably hurt him. This time he understood that it was simply how Yoongi coped with things. His comebacks weren't the softest, but that didn't mean he doesn't care about you, though the boy would of course deny that.

Yoongi let out a huge sigh. For a time that felt like forever, Jimin just stared at the boy next to him. Yoongi was every bit of a star that he could be. To Jimin, at least, and he was not lying. He was the brightest in Jimin's life and he could feel himself being pulled in.

"Thanks," Yoongi said to him, still having his eyes fixed on the one thing that he loved the most.

(And here Jimin was having his eyes fixed on the one thing that he loved the most too)

"Now go back to watching the stars, you're missing some good ," the elder said.

Jimin smiled before he answered softly.

"But I am, hyung," he said. He took one good look on Yoongi before adding very softly, the elder probably didn't hear him at all.

"I am watching the star."