“And how's your study?” his father asked, his voice stern and cold as always.

Jimin's family wasn't that different with any others with its member sitting around a table, enjoying their meal together. The only thing that differed was the lack of smile on anyone's face, everything replaced with a straight line and constant expression that proved how much of a robot his parents were. Years ago they used to be smiles, or at least Jimin recalled his parents doing so when he talked about a certain dance recital or passing mark. Now, he wasn't really keen on searching for his parent's approval anymore.

“I'm doing good,” he answered shortly, because he knew that his parents didn't have an interest of hearing anything more than that.

“Do you have a problem with your apartment?” he asked again.

“No, I'm fine. I've been working part-time, I'm already managing everything well.”

He could hear his father giving him a hum of approval.

“You've been working part-time?” his mother this time asked, seemingly surprised by it. “Since when?”

This was one of the moment where Jimin wanted to laugh, but knowing his parents since three years ago, he certainly knew that they wasn't a fan of humor. They never joked on something, and throwing away their only son because of his uality wasn't one of it either.

“Ever since I started living alone. So it has been two years now.”

His mother just nodded. She was at least softer than his father, but that didn't really mean much anymore since Yeoryang-myeon. They fell into another silence and honestly, Jimin was already accustomed to it. A monthly visit that grew even more seldom meant less awkward dinner to attend.

“The Kim next door is expecting a grandson,” her mother said, bringing a new topic to the table. “Sehwa is due for November.”

Sometimes the words would just die like that with no one reacting to the statement. Other time it was his father who raised his voice and that was usually the moment where Jimin started to feel restless.

“Good for the Kim, then. Someone's going to continue the family's name for them.”

A monthly visit that grew even more seldom meant indeed less awkward dinner and conversation to sit through. But most often than not, it also meant less listening to some obvious hints that his father gave, one that had Jimin curling his fist around his spoon a little tighter and the fake smile on his face a little wider.

“I personally think that there's enough Kim already in Korea,” he whispered. Jimin didn't know where the words were coming from, but he knew that he had it in him this all time, the rage that somehow piled up from simply sitting in front of his parents.

“What do you mean?” his father said, voice sterner with face turning towards Jimin.

'Well, what do you mean?' he wanted to answer, wanted to say that he knew what his father was implying with his words. And they could get into an argument once again, where Jimin was yelling at his parents how 'They shouldn't care either way about whoever he ed' or how 'They could disown him again for all he care'. Either way, no words they uttered could ever change anything. Their last relapse was two months ago and honestly, Jimin realized how he wasn't ready for another fight.

“Nothing,” he said softly, taking a deep breath before letting go of his iron grip on the spoon, thinking about how a simple dinner with his supposed parent had turned into something distasteful in his life ever since Yeoryang-myeon.

+.-.+

Jimin didn't mean to say all of that. He didn't mean to push Yoongi and turn around, running back into his room with his grandmother once again worriedly asking about his well-being. It was nothing but a simple invitation at first, a simple hidden wish that maybe he could sleep to Yoongi's steady breath next to his or the starry sky laid in front of his eyes. It was a simple wish of having a third person sitting between his grandmother and him, exchanging laughter that he knew made the old Park felt like he had his old family back.

Somehow it turned into something else instead as jealousy ran all over him, as envy took over his mind and his bursting chest commanding him to say the words, to shatter all the imagination and make-belief that he had been living in.

Of course Yoongi didn't understand. He never understood, never wanted to acknowledge Yujin's apparent feeling that all of them could see. Jimin couldn't blame anyone else, not even the oblivious Yoongi nor the sweet caring Yujin. Thus, he could only hate himself, hating the love that he had in his heart, the feeling that wrecked him whole.

He didn't know whether Yoongi realized what all those 'hate' actually meant and he was afraid to find out either way. Long ago he said that he would be content, that standing on the sidewalk would be enough, and here Jimin was breaking his world apart again. Yet even as he hated himself that night, he hated himself even more for sinking his fingernails against his own temple, holding himself from crying.

Ever since that day he knew that everything was over, that he couldn't wish for anything ever returning to normal. Not only because Yoongi wouldn't probably try, but because Jimin couldn't bring himself to feed on the lies he thought he could handle. So on Monday, the first thing that he did was making sure that Yoongi wasn't there in front of his face to look at each day.

Of course it was Taehyung who realized that something was up the next day, sitting on his seats even after all of the students were gone after the school bell had rung.

“What happened, Jimin?” he said.

It was a simple question, one that Jimin could actually answer with a simple 'nothing'. This time instead of lying, Jimin just let out a small smile and let his best friend buried him in a hug while he shut his eyes hard, trying not to cry despite of his shaking shoulder.

“I said it to Yoongi,” he whispered. “I-i just-.”

He needed to stop, needed to catch his breath, because tears were pooling on his eyes and he couldn't let them roll down his cheek, couldn't let them wet the ground and had the last promise that he had being broken.

“Hey, hey, it's all right,” Taehyung said, hugging him tighter before pulling himself back, trying to search for Jimin's eyes.

“No, it's not all right-, it's-,”

Everything. Everything was wrong all over again. And so Jimin told Taehyung everything, about Taekhoon, about why he was there in Yeoryang-myeon from the very start, how he just wanted to get through it all before the six of them came, bringing Yoongi along in the equation.

Then suddenly crying in the classroom after lesson turned into a much-awaited long walk, one that he hoped would never end. Shed tears turned into hidden smile, and his once fixed gaze on the ground was turned upwards towards the sky. He knew how the words and kindness that Yoongi gave him never meant anything more than it was, or at least what he hoped it could be.

“I've screwed up, Tae. I know I shouldn't be thinking about it like that, because I know. I know that it would never go beyond this and how I should just be happy with what I have.”

Until Yujin came along and Jimin could only stand there, feeling that disgusting envy bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Jung Yujin could come up to Yoongi's face with a shy smile and had their whole friends supporting her cause, teasing the two when Yoongi was simply being oblivious. How could Jung Yujin show her feeling to the person she loved and yet Jimin who loved Yoongi just as much was forced to keep his hidden? How could it be, when the genuine love that he had was condemned as a sin, just because he was a man?

Taehyung was silent the whole time, just sitting there right in front of him.

“How can I help you?” Taehyung finally said, breaking the silence as Jimin could just bow his head, looking at the tightened fist on his thigh.

At first he wanted to laugh, wanted to say to Taehyung that it was pointless either way. But then when he raised his head and looked for Taehyung's eyes, he could see how his best friend did really mean it.

“Come on, Jimin. I've told you I'm the best seatmate you'll ever get in this world. Of course I could do something for you,” he said, cracking out a small smile that warmed Jimin's heart a bit.

“No, Tae,” he said softly. “I don't need you to do anything and I beg you not to say a word of this to anyone. Just pretend that you never know about this.”

“Don't you want to patch things up with Yoongi? Maybe I could explain how you don't mean what you say and everything would go back to normal.”

Jimin shook his head.

“Nothing would ever go back to normal. Even if it did, I can't stand it anymore, Tae. Every time I see Yoongi it hurts even more and I can't stand stand that. I can't keep on tearing my heart apart, knowing that Yoongi would never understand what I feel.”

Ever since that day it was Taehyung who sat there next to him, saying kind words that made Jimin believed that maybe he did mean a little bit more to this world then what he thought he actually deserved. And Taehyung proved himself, because as he asked his best friend to swear to him once again not to ever say a word about this with the Kim swore back that he would always be there by his side no matter what.

That was indeed what he did, even when three years had passed.

+.-.+
 

Jimin used to wonder what running through the rain felt like. He used to snicker on how dramatic such scene looked like in the movies. He did it already on one Friday afternoon as he chose to avoid the awkwardness of having to share the classroom with a stranger named Min Yoongi. That one Thursday on summer he did it once again, clutching on his beating heart, hoping it wouldn't leap out of its ribcage as the person he loved gazed back into his eyes, asking questions that Jimin desperately trying to avoid.

It was raining so hard that day, Jimin didn't even know whether it was the rain or his tears that rolled down his cheek. He simply didn't know the difference anymore, and as Jimin stood there in front of his door, soaking wet, only three words escaped his lips.

“I'm tired, halmeoni,” he said.

His grandmother had ushered him to the kitchen, telling him to sit on the chair before the old Park fetched him a towel and brewed him some hot tea. Amongst the ruckus that his grandmother was making for his sake, Jimin could only see the trail of water he had left from the front door to the kitchen and the still dripping water from the tip of his hair upon the floor.

“What do you say, Jimin-ah?” she said, wrapping a towel over his shoulder.

The rain was still pouring outside, droplets of water making music as it hit the ground. It wouldn't probably stop for another hour. Deep down, Jimin hoped it wouldn't stop forever.

“I'm tired,” he said again softly. “I'm tired of everything.”

His grandmother pulled out another chair and sat right in front of him, holding his hand.

“What happened, Jimin?”

People would always ask him, Jimin knew. Even if he went to Taehyung's place of course the man would ask at first. Yet right now Jimin didn't feel like talking. He was simply tired of everything, he wanted to fall into a deep sleep along the sound of the rain that wouldn't stop forever.

“I'm tired of being like this,” he whispered again. “Why can't I be normal, halmeoni?”

Like Seokjin or Minju. If only he was normal everything wouldn't probably be this hard. He would fall in love with a normal girl who would love him back. Yet somehow he was born different for a reason he too couldn't understand.

“If I was normal, everything wouldn't be this hard, would it?”

“No, Jimin,” said his grandmother. “You're special, my dear, and that doesn't mean that you're born wrong. You're wonderful.”

“But I'm tired of being this way. I'm tired of having the world hating me for being what I am. I've done nothing bad my whole life, halmeoni, but why does everything keep falling apart?”

Because as far as Jimin tried to recall, he had never done anything bad to anyone's life. Yet Taekhoon betrayed his love, his parents threw him away, and Yoongi was simply going to be another name to add to the list of all the thing he had screwed up.

“Why don't I deserve to be happy?”

His grandmother's answer was a hug, which Jimin somehow thought only prove how she too wouldn't have an answer to that.

“You do, Jimin-ah. You do,” she said. “It's just not now, my dear. It's not now. This is not the end for you, not yet.”

Yet that rainy day on August, for the first time in his life, Jimin thought about how simple everything would be, if he could just sleep to the sound of the rain that wouldn't stop forever.

+.-.+

It was a phone call one night that startled him, followed by a voice that he hadn't heard in months. 'We are coming tomorrow to talk about something important,' his parents had said. Jimin honestly didn't know what this was going to be, since if this 'something important' meant officially putting him off the family registration, Jimin probably couldn't give a damn anymore.

But when it was a 'We're thinking about taking you back to Seoul' that was said as they were all sitting in the living room, Jimin certainly wondered whether he was simply dreaming or hearing them wrong.

“What do you mean?” he said again.

“Just like your father said. We've been thinking about taking you back to Seoul.”

Having the words being spoken twice didn't seem to help, because all Jimin wanted to do was to ask again. His parents just threw him to this little town as a punishment for being gay months ago, leaving him in the care of his estranged grandmother. During that time, not once had Jimin received a phone call from his parents and not once had they shown any willingness of taking him in once again.

Heck, in a way, they had stopped being his parents altogether as they left him in Yeoryang-myeon.

Their last visit had turned into a catastrophe simply because Yoongi was staying over, and it too had ended with nothing being resolved between them. Now, out of the blue, they were planning on taking him back to Seoul as if nothing had happened. That moment Jimin realized, that instead of happiness, it was anger that he felt bubbling in his stomach.

“We've been thinking that having you enrolled in a high school here in Yeoryang-myeon would jeopardize your chance to secure a seat in a good university. Your Suneung is coming and we're questioning the quality of your education if you remain here, in Yeoryang-myeon,” his father said, his voice rigid as always.

So it was his future education that they were afraid of.

“After all, the best schools are in Seoul,” said his mother this time.

Jimin tightened his fist. He couldn't look at his parents on the eyes, simply because of the rage that he was holding in.

“And we also hope that you've learned your lesson. Even as grave as a mistake you've made, we couldn't let it ruin your future,” his mother continued. “We are hoping that you'll know what to do better once you've returned to Seoul.”

Return to Seoul? Did they just assume that he would just go back with them willingly?

“What if I choose to stay?” whispered Jimin, lifting his head slightly. Because Seoul used to be his only home before he was kicked out. He had found a new home now, where family wrapped their hands around each other instead of kicking their son away.

“Don't be ridiculous, Jimin. What could Yeoryang-myeon possibly offer you? You don't have a future here,” his father said, raising his voice.

'A lot,' he wanted to say at first. Yeoryang-myeon gave him a real family. It gave him new friends that stayed by his side. More than anything, it gave him a new chance to fall in love again. That was the moment Yoongi's face flashed in his mind, and the rage he was having soon turned into gritted teeth and an aching heart. Yeoryang-myeon did give him a lot of things, but maybe he had overstayed its welcome.

After what had happened with Yoongi, maybe this was a blessing. Even as much as he loathed his parent's decision, maybe this was his way out again, a new start, a clean slate.

“We're doing this because you're our son, Jimin. We're even overlooking the mistakes you've made right now,” said his father.

Did they know that seeing what he did as a mistake was the same as regarding his very existence as a fault? Everyone in Seoul had made him believe so, before his grandmother convinced him otherwise. Taehyung did as well. He had made beautiful memories here in Yeoryang-myeon, but he had made an equally terrible mistake by falling in love with Yoongi.

Should he go back to Seoul, then, even as much as he hated his parent's decision right now, knowing that staying in Yeoryang-myeon would only mean breaking his heart even more?

Somewhere in the background he could hear a knock on the door and his grandmother quickly attended to a possible guest, one whose existence Jimin disregarded in return for the choice that was laid out in front of him.

“So, are you willing to promise us that you'll correct your behavior and repent for the mistakes you've made when you return to Seoul?” his father asked him.

Frankly, he hated every words that his father said. Why should loving another man be seen as something wrong? Why couldn't people accept him for who he is? Yet the only thing that made him want to leave was Yoongi, because as much as he hated his parent's words, he too wanted to run away as far as he could from the boy, to not ever seeing him again. His friends and his grandmother were indeed important, but somehow, the pain of losing his best friend upon his love confession that Thursday was hurting him more than he thought it did.

Suddenly it was Yoongi that he thought about again, how the boy used to be his best friend, how Jimin let him see a glimpse of his fear and how Yoongi showed him his. He remembered the days they spent walking down the roads and the beautiful moon hanging above the Gyeongpodae. And it pained him so much because he wouldn't be able to relive all of it again, simply because he had fallen in love with someone who would never return his feelings.

“Jimin!”

And he thought that he was imagining thing, being too deep in his thought that he heard a voice calling out his name. Yet that moment as he was faced with a choice to make, it was the boy in his dream, the very boy that plagued his mind, that stood there on the hallway, calling out his name.

“Yoongi?”

Even as he stood there under the rain that Thursday, and afterward as he reached home, Jimin tried his best not to shed a single tear. He didn't know why, but the promise they made that day becoming something so dear to him. It was his own way of not disappointing Yoongi, because Jimin too knew that it was the furthest way of Yoongi to show the emotion he buried inside.

Yet that day, when Jimin was faced with a choice to make, with his parents sitting on the armchair and his mind thinking about leaving Yeoryang-myeon and returning to Seou, it was the very boy that he loved, standing on the hallway. And as their eyes met, his heart exploded and his knees felt weak, his lungs stopped working and his voice died out in his throat.

Jimin broke their promise that day. All he needed to do was to look at Yoongi in the eye for him to finally cry.