“You know that we got some new members today, don't you?” Seulgi asked.

Thursday was the busiest day of the week for Jimin with the dance practice that ended up very late at night and a certain early morning art history class on the next day that always required him to do a quick reading beforehand. Professor Kim was indeed notorious for a random quiz and Jimin wasn't too keen on failing that one particular subject and having to see the annoying teacher's face once again next year.

Jimin just nodded to Seulgi's question as he sat in the changing room with a textbook on his lap. Doing his reading now and passing out on his bed right after the practice was his plan for the day.

“You're not trying to set me up with someone else now, are you?” Jimin answered, still having his eyes locked on his book, though he was indeed curious to what Seulgi might be up to. Ever since Jaebum, she had been trying to hook him up with some 'cute boys' and he honestly had to say that her taste and his was a completely different thing.

Seulgi just shook her head before she placed her hand on top of his textbook, definitely asking for his attention.

“On the contrary, one of the new member seems to have been acquainted with you already,” she said.

Jimin crooked his eyebrows.

“What?”

“He said he knows you. He said he went to the same high school as you,” she said.

There was something about the mention of high school that made Jimin somehow felt a little uncomfortable and worried.

“Who is it?” he said.

Seulgi just smirked before she dragged him out of the changing room, saying something about being a more sociable person instead of an ambitious nerd. Jimin retorted with how they were nearing the semester exam and after all, he was already acquainted with most of the dance group members.

“Yeah, but aren't you going to be actually excited to meet one of your old friends?!” she said, dragging Jimin to a group of huddled new members whose faces Jimin barely recognized.

Well, that was until Jimin took a closer look, because he did recognize one particular face. It had been years and meeting him in his dance group's practice was the last thing he thought would happen, though he admitted that meeting this particular person here was indeed more suitable than the others. Before long, Jimin was buried in a hug later on following a shriek that he knew too well, one that he could even recognize from the other side of a mountain.

“Oh my god, Hoseok, how many years had it been?” Jimin said as Hoseok crushed all of his bones.

When he finally got a proper look on Jung Hoseok, he realized how this exciting friend hadn't really changed much indeed. He was definitely taller, his hair still black and styled just a little bit differently, though he did look a little bit more mature now.

“Almost three years this December,” Hoseok said. “Jimin, I can't believe I would meet you here.”

“I should be the one more surprised. What are you doing here in Seoul? I thought you were studying in Chuncheon, hyung.”

Hoseok made a small laugh before he continued. “Chuncheon is good, but I finally managed to convince my parents that Seoul would probably be even better. I just moved in not so long ago.”

“Good for you, then,” Jimin said, remembering how Hoseok was one from the others who shared the same passion in dancing with him. Sadly, he had stopped back then in Yeoryang-myeon, the dancing he once loved reminded him somehow of Taekhoon instead.

Just like what basketball every Thursday had turned out for him now.

“Namjoon is in Seoul as well, you know,” Hoseok continued, before he ended it with something he was horrified to hear.

Thursday was the busiest day of the week for Jimin for a reason indeed. Having his tiring dance practice on a Thursday was a luxury for him. His Thursday right now should be everything about dancing and assignments' deadline. It shouldn't be about after school basketball practice and an evening walk home. It should be about dull Seoul sky and suffocating subway at eleven o'clock.

“W-what?” Jimin asked, his voice quivering just slightly. The restlessness was creeping in once again, the palpating heart, the lump in his throat he was trying hard to swallow.

“Yeah, and so is Yoongi.”

And the stars blinked.

“Yoongi is-, in Seoul?”

Something is definitely wrong with his Thursday. Suddenly it wasn't just a tiring dance practice and a promise of a warm bed in an empty apartment that awaited him. Suddenly it was an echo of laughter upon a bowl of home-made jajjangmyeon. It was a blink of the sky that he feared the most, resonating with a name that he hadn't heard in years.

“Yeah. I haven't heard much about him either, but seems like Yoongi finally manages to leave Yeoryang-myeon and goes to Seoul like he dreams to.”

Almost three years and that was the first genuine news that he had heard about Yoongi. He never asked Taehyung nor his grandmother. He never tried to look for him, never tried to make contact, all for an obvious reason.

“And Jungkook is doing fine in Busan. He's in med school, can you believe that? Our Jungkookie,” continued Hoseok.

Yet Yoongi is in Seoul now. He is living in the same city as he does.

“Seokjin-hyung is still in Yeoryang-myeon, but he's just as happy as ever with Minju-noona.”

He might have run across him in the subways. He could be living meters away from him. He could be walking down the roads he had once walked on just seconds before.

“Taehyung is somewhere in Thailand now, probably. He sends us postcards sometimes.”

Yoongi could be looking up to the same sky as he did.

“How about you though, Jimin? We haven't heard about you at all for three years!”

Yoongi is somewhere in Seoul.

Jimin just raised a smile and answered, “I'm doing absolutely fine.”

+.-.+

He was burning. Jimin could feel the fire burning in his lungs, on each trace of finger that Yoongi left against his back, and even more so with each exhaled breath and echoed moans. His skin felt like gasoline and everywhere they made contact, something exploded in Jimin's head, telling him to grab Yoongi even tighter, put that kiss even deeper and pulled him even closer. And with how Yoongi's tongue moved against his, Jimin was sure that he would burst in flame in matter of seconds.

“Oi, hyung, what's taking you two so-,”

He leaped away as fast as he could, the beating heart that was once parading over their exchanged kiss turned into that of horror in an instance. The kiss was broken, the burning fire and heated moment reduced to empty gazes and awkward silence. Jimin remembered the biggest mistake he had made back then, looking back at him as he looked at Jungkook in the eyes for what felt like the last time.

That moment Jimin thought he was finally doing the right thing. He was finally getting through to Yoongi, pulling the boy away from the fear that was clouding his mind. What started as conversation ended up with Yoongi planting his lips against his, and Jimin never thought that what he first thought as paradise would turn into hell as easy as an open door.

When Yoongi ran out the door he didn't even think about catching up to him. His feet were frozen to the ground. Park Jimin had ed up once again.

It didn't need an explanation for Jungkook to put as wide of a distance as he could from Jimin the next day. It tore him even more apart as he saw his first friend turned into the first one who resented him the most. The boy who he loved would probably be the second, as Min Yoongi surprisingly came to school the next day, sporting his new girlfriend with wide grin smacked on his face.

Jimin honestly never thought that anything could even be worse than that. He was finally getting through to Yoongi yesterday. If only he ran towards him, things might have turned out differently. No, if only lust didn't take over the two of them, didn't have him pinning Yoongi against the wall.

Jimin was spiraling down into another hole of despair as the weather became colder and the sky threatened to let its load of white snow fell into the ground. It was just another ordinary day after school as Taehyung kept him company, dragging him towards the center of the town to grab something to eat. Deep down in his heart, crying back in the classroom had become more appealing than a bag of hot tteokkbokki, but he knew that all Taehyung was trying to do was to cheer him up.

That was when he saw the figure of Jung Yujin just across the street, buying something from Mrs. Song's bakery. Looking at Yujin alone didn't use to hurt before. Back then before Yoongi realized his feelings, it was jealousy that he felt as he saw the girl, being able to show her love and feeling, while Jimin was confined under society's definition of right and wrong. But right now when he saw her, it wasn't just mere jealousy that he remembered. It was the simple fact that she was Yoongi's girlfriend that also swarmed his mind, a simple realization that Yoongi was hers.

Yoongi was afraid, that was what his grandmother had said, and that too was something that Jimin believed. But no matter how hard he tried, the boy would try his best to avoid him, to reject the truth that he was so afraid to face. Yoongi wouldn't want to talk to him.

But Yujin would, perhaps, and just as easy as that Jimin crossed the street, leaving Taehyung that was busy dealing with Mr. Kim for an unreasonably low price. Talking with Yujin was the last thing he thought would ever happen, but here he was thinking that maybe she could help her in a way.

"Oh, hi there, Jimin," she said, realizing him as he walked closer before he got the chance to greet her first. There was cautiousness on her eyes and Jimin could clearly see that, even more so as he stopped right in front of her. "What's up?" she added again, adding a warm smile, realizing that Jimin wasn't just there to greet her on the street upon randomly running towards one another.

Maybe it was Jimin sighing and taking a deep breath later on that got her looking at him differently, her shoulder becoming more rigid and the clutch on her bag tighter, as if she knew from his gesture that what he wanted to talk about wasn't something so easy to deal with.

"Yujin, can we-, talk? Just for a moment," Jimin said softly. This was the first time they ever really talked. They did exchange words whenever the groups were going out together, just petty things that didn't hold any significance whatsoever like the weather or a simple smile and polite nod. After all, Jimin tend to close his mouth whenever the group was going out together.

"About what?" the girl answered back, brows furrowed.

Jimin gulped. He never imagined himself doing this, but frankly, Jimin had run out of options. Yoongi would never want to talk to him, but maybe if it was Yujin who asked-,

"I'm asking you to do something for me. I know this would maybe come out as strange to you, but I know that you can help me," Jimin said. Out of all people, it was Yujin that he finally ran to. The girl just kept quite, waiting to hear the request he had. "I need to talk to Yoongi," he said, curling up his fist tighter.

Yujin just looked back at him, as if knowing that there was something else he needed to say. Deep down Jimin started to wonder whether Yujin knew what was going on, though he doubted that Yoongi would actually tell her.

"I don't know if you've realized it, but things haven't been going around nicely between me and Yoongi lately," Jimin continued. His gaze had moved from Yujin to his own feet, an old habit that he used to do whenever he was in the need of running away, a habit that Yoongi used to scold him about. "He's been avoiding me and refusing to talk to me," he continued, realizing that his voice had somehow getting quieter with each sentence. "I just wish-," that everything could go back to the way it was, or even more than that, that Yoongi wouldn't run away from his own feeling, that things might not just be the way it was, but even better instead. "-that you could talk to Yoongi that I need to speak to him."

"What if he still refuse to talk to you even after that?" Yujin softly said.

Jimin gritted his teeth. "I don't know-, can you just-," He knew that chances were, Yoongi would still refuse to do so, even when it was Yujin that asked him. "-say that you want to meet him somewhere and-,"

What he was asking for Yujin to do was wrong and he knew it.

"Are you asking me to lie to Yoongi?"

Jimin bit his own lips and closed his eyes shut, head still bent towards the ground.

"Yes." His answer came out more like a whisper. "I know that it's wrong, Yujin, but Yoongi wouldn't want to speak to me otherwise. You probably wouldn't understand, but this is important for me. Yoongi is important for me and he's my best friend. He's-,"

Everything, he wanted to say. Up to this point he was everything for Jimin and he couldn't just let his everything slip away again like last time. This time he would fight for it, just like his grandmother told him to.

"You really love him, don't you?"

Jimin had been having his eyes on the ground and he lifted his head that instance, making sure that he hadn't heard it wrong, or at least knowing that it was indeed Yujin that said the word.

"What did you just say?" he asked again, hoping that he had heard it wrong.

But as he finally looked at Yujin, really looked at her, he could see the warm smile somehow turned into that of a slight sadness instead, a little bit of sympathy mixed with kindness that made Jimin felt both restless yet comforted at the same time.

"You really love Yoongi, don't you Jimin?"

This love she was talking about could mean a lot of things. Jimin could just deny it, saying that he of course loved Yoongi as a best friend. He could deny it like always, like he did with Taehyung back then, but this time, looking back at Yujin's eyes, he too knew that the girl kind of understood. How she knew, Jimin didn't really know, but one thing was clear that moment. Jung Yujin knew more than he thought she did.

"Did Yoongi told you?" he asked her instead, which pretty much was an answer to her question already.

He thought that maybe Yujin would sneer right now, because normally, that was the moment people did. This would also mean that he should forget about asking her for help. He must be making a fool out of himself right now in front of her eyes. She must be happy right now, drowning in the victory of obtaining what Jimin would be dying to have. Funny. This wasn't even a competition. Jimin didn't have any chance to begin with.

But Yujin shook her head instead and it baffled Jimin even more.

"I thought you're going to deny it then, Jimin, but I was wrong," she said. "No, Yoongi didn't tell me. He rarely ever told people what's in his mind, and we all know that part of Yoongi pretty well," she continued. "It's been clear to me, Jimin, or at least I've been thinking that there's something more going on between you two. Yoongi started coming home with me whenever he has a problem with you, that much I've figured out. So that day when he suddenly asked me out, I know something was wrong."

At one point it felt like another punch to the stomach. He never expected Yujin of all people to realize it. Yet from what she said, she knew that something was going on with Yoongi, but still she-,

"But you said yes," he blurt out. He must be looking very pathetic to her eyes right now, and Jimin too quiet felt like it. "And you're his girlfriend now," he whispered.

He waited for that devious look to flash across Yujin's face, a smirk of pride and satisfaction, but what came afterward was another sad smile instead. That was the moment Jimin realized he'd been underestimating Yujin all along. He never held any ill will for the girl, but to expect her to be just another typical girl that bask upon the satisfaction of having her desire fulfilled was not as different as belittling her.

"Because I'm as selfish as you are, Jimin. I love Yoongi as well and even though I know what he had for me wasn't genuine, I just couldn't say no," she said, her voice sounding so sad. And here he was thinking that Yujin was having her forever ever after, when in reality, she was no different from him, swallowing down her own sadness, trying to grasp what she had yet didn't have on her palm. "I know what I did was disgusting. I took my opportunity. But aren't we all like that, Jimin? Wouldn't you do the same thing if you were in my position?"

He would. If Jimin was in her position, he would say 'yes' in a heartbeat over an underlying pain that threatened to prick at his heart at any given moment.

"I kind of knew back then when he refused to go back home with me," she said, her eyes turned towards a recalled memory, a day when Jimin just finally made up with Yoongi. He remembered it as well. "He chose you, Jimin. I'm just a replacement for you."

What she said really did surprise him. He never imagined himself talking with the girl, let alone hearing this words. Did Yujin really see it that way?

"But it's actually how you look at each other. That's the one that give everything away," she added again, the same sad smile still painting her face. "You look at Yoongi as if you're ready to die. I could see how much you want him."

Taehyung had said the same thing, how he looked at Yoongi differently. He wanted to ask how Yujin managed to see it, but then again Jimin too knew, how Yujin looked at Yoongi, how the girl's feeling wasn't any different than his.

"And Yoongi looks at you as if you were the most precious thing in the world. He looks at you the same way he looks at the sky."

Jimin didn't know what he should be feeling right now. Should he be happy, then, hearing those words coming out of Yujin's mouth?

"Aren't you disgusted, then? By all of this? Aren't you going to ask me to leave Yoongi alone?"

And of course Jimin had underestimated Jung Yujin once again, because she just let out another warm genuine smile and shook her head gently.

"Why does love have to be disgusting?" she simply said. "I love Yoongi as much as you do and him being happy is the only thing that I wish in this world."

That moment Jimin realized that Yujin probably care for Yoongi even more than he did, simply because Jimin didn't have the courage and strength to just simply walk away like she did. That was the only thing that he couldn't do right now

(Or maybe he just simply hadn't learned it).

+.-.+

It was snowing when Jimin stood on the Auraji Bridge, overlooking the Songcheon River underneath, thinking how much of a broken bone he would survive with if he decided to jump down right now. It was still snowing when he finally heard Yoongi's voice, his heart beating loudly in his rib cage. And it was indeed still snowing when Yoongi lodged a knife against his rib cage, twisting its handle and tore his inside to shreds.

“I would never fall for someone as disgusting as you.”

Yes, Jimin wasn't hearing that wrong. Yoongi just said that he was disgusting. For a moment it felt as if his heart had stopped working altogether, the snow floating in midair to the same skipped beat.

And Jimin waited.

Jimin waited just as he waited for his parents to come back, to probably say how everything was just a joke. He waited for Yoongi to say something else afterward, hoping that his sentence wasn't coming to an end already. Whether it be a cheesy, overdue April Mop joke or a prank being carried away too far, Jimin could only wish for anything but the possibility of a horrible fact, that Min Yoongi thought that he was a disgusting human being. But Min Yoongi was still standing there, expression unrelenting, fist tightened and brows furrowed.

The most horrible thing about being hit by a car was that milisecond of a moment as one turned their head towards the headlight, realizing the inescapable fate that awaited at the next blink of an eye. It was exactly what he felt as Jimin blinked afterward, the weight of Yoongi's words crashing down on him just like the snowflake landing upon the ground. Everything he believed in was reduced to pieces with nothing but mere words. The happy memories that he had built in Yeoryang-myeon bursting into flames.

Suddenly being underneath the sky was unbearable. Every Thursday was a torture and each basketball game was etching pain on his chest. Detention was little pricks against his skin and staying behind after class was a stinging papercut. But the biggest change of all, was how thinking about stargazing made him want to throw up instead.

Yes, Jimin wanted to throw up, and he did end up doing so as he stood upon the slope of Songcheon-gil, holding his own stomach as he vomited on top of the white snow. For once it didn't feel like it was only the content of his stomach that he threw up. It was what was left of those longings, the very little hope that he still clung on.

And as he wiped the corner of his mouth, turning around to see the town covered in a nightmarish white, Jimin could only wish to leave as fast as he could. He simply didn't want to be there anymore, where the horizon had disappeared under the pile of snow, the sky and land had fused together into an endless white.

Suddenly everything was so cold and void.