“He saw her die.”

Eun Ji’s hand flew up to in shock. “Oh my god.” She whispered, her gaze landing on Hoseok who had rolled over onto his side while they had been talking. “He had a vision… he tried to change it. He tried to save her, but he was too late.” Silence descended over the room.

“Ever since that day he changed. He started to hate his visions. He would ask himself what was the point in having them if he couldn’t even protect the people closest to him? He closed off his heart and his feelings. He blamed himself for her death. He still does.” Eun Ji felt tears prick at her eyes but didn’t let them fall. She had sensed sadness and loneliness from him, but she had never imagined that it ran as deeply as that. “But it wasn’t his fault, right?” she asked.

“No. It was just a freak accident but because he had the vision, he felt responsible. He felt like he should have stopped it from happening. It’s been a year and he's been punishing himself. He thinks that he doesn’t deserve to be happy.” Namjoon said, part of him wondering why he was dumping all of this information on her. A tiny part of him hoping that maybe that by telling her, she could help him. He had picked up on her interest in Hoseok from the first time they had met. Even though he wasn’t exactly sure what that interest meant, he was sure that it could be of benefit to Hoseok.

Namjoon sighed and turned to face her. “Sorry. This is probably the last thing you needed to hear in the middle of the night after helping take your friend’s drunken friend home.” He said, looking a little sheepish. She shook her head. “No… no I’m glad you told me all this. I think I can understand Hoseok a little better now.” She said, her mind still trying to process everything Namjoon had told her. “Come on, I’ll help you get a taxi to get you home.” He said as he gently placed a hand on her back and led her out of Hoseok's bedroom.

As the bedroom door shut, Hoseok opened his eyes, staring at the space where Namjoon and Eun Ji had been standing. “It was my fault. I should have saved her.” He said, a single tear slipping from his eye as he fell into an alcohol induced sleep.

Hoseok woke up the next morning feeling like hell. He groaned as he sat up, his head aching and his memory fuzzy. He heard sounds coming from his living room and briefly considered just lying back down and letting the thief take what they wanted. His bedroom door opened, revealing a ruffled looking Namjoon. “You’re awake.” He said as he flopped down on his bed, handing him a cup of coffee and two painkillers. Hoseok took the painkillers gratefully.

He sipped at the coffee, the almost scalding liquid helping soothe his stomach and headache. “Do you remember last night?” Namjoon asked, his expression carefully guarded. Hoseok pursed his lips as he thought back to the night before. He could remember the bar, everything after that was practically a blur. He shook his head. “Did I do anything embarrassing?” he asked, praying that he hadn’t thrown up over anyone… again.

Namjoon rolled his eyes. “You fell asleep at the bar so Eun Ji and I ended up bringing you back here. You managed to throw up on the way here, thankfully only someone’s flowers were injured in the process.” Hoseok felt guilty, knowing that he had dragged, not only Namjoon, but Eun Ji down with him last night. He hung his head, embarrassed by his actions. “Sorry.” He mumbled. Namjoon sighed as he looked at the older man, pity shining in his eyes.

“Don’t you think you’ve put yourself through enough? You’ve been torturing yourself for a full year. What happened… it was awful, but it wasn’t your fault.” He said, his tone gentle but firm. He truly understood what her death had done to him, but he was also tired of watching his best friend practically kill himself. Hoseok's grip on his cup tightened at his friend’s words. “No one blames you for what happened, except for yourself. She would want you to be happy.” He pressed, hoping that this time he could break through the wall Hoseok had built up around his heart.

“I know.” He whispered, his voice thick. “I know.” He repeated, his eyes squeezed shut, his chest tightening painfully. Namjoon placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “I’m not saying you should forget her. You were together for three years, it would be impossible for you to forget her, but there’s nothing wrong with opening up your heart again. It wouldn’t be an insult to her memory.” He said, knowing how Hoseok felt even though he had rarely talked about his feelings about the incident.

Hoseok took a deep, shuddering breath as he lifted his head. “Maybe you’re right.” He said carefully. Namjoon tried to school his features, not wanting to let his shock and hope show too much. “Maybe it’s time to move on.” He said, the words a little easier to say than he had imagined. Namjoon clapped him hard on the shoulder, almost making him spill his coffee. “That’s good to hear. Now come on and get your out of bed or you’re gonna be late for work.” He said as he stood up, ripping away the older man’s covers. Hoseok groaned at the prospect of work but pulled himself out of bed and got himself ready while Namjoon napped on his couch.

He made sure to wake Namjoon up before he left, not because he wanted him to leave, he had no problem with Namjoon sleeping in his apartment, but just because seeing him sleeping when he had to go to work was infuriating. Yoongi greeted him with an extra-large, extra strong coffee. Hoseok thanked him and figured that Namjoon must have called him while he had been in the shower. They worked in silence for a while until Yoongi abruptly stopped typing. “Namjoon called me. He said you finally listened to him. It’s about time.” he said before turning back to his computer. Hoseok grinned, his hyung’s blunt attitude never changing. He knew that although he never showed it as directly as Namjoon, Yoongi had been just as worried about him over the last year.

That night, he tipped his emergency bottle of whiskey down the drain, determined to get his life back on track. He knew it would be difficult and that it wouldn’t happen overnight, but he knew that the start of every journey started with one step. That and he was going to hit Namjoon for making him quote something so cheesy. He promised himself that he wouldn’t blame himself anymore, that he would start living his life again, and not just for her, but for Yoongi and Namjoon… and most importantly, for himself.