Kyungsoo stares out of the gigantic windows, the glass showing a web of cemented roads that stretch far longer than Kyungsoo can see and the terrifying large airplanes, holding still, waiting to be loaded with people, gasoline and luggage. His heart rate is slowly raising as he follows an airplane out onto the roads that will eventually lead it to the long take-off lane before it soars into the sky with a roar. His eyes are transfixed although his mind is slowly becoming blank as he lets his body go through the terrors that has once been buried underneath layers of lies.

Then a voice shocks him out of his panic attack and he turns around, away from the windows, away from the airplanes, away from the memories and fixes his gaze on his taller friend.
 

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come?” Chanmi asks and Kyungsoo nods. The taller woman is carrying a huge backpack that even with her height, seems to drown her slender frame, but the wide smile that stretches upon her lips speaks of nothing but excitement. 
 

“But you’ll come pick us up, right? You’re not leaving us when we come back. You can’t get any new friends!”

A man beside her puts his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and Kyungsoo nods once again. He will be here, he has promised and he never backs down on his promises.

After another confirmation that no, he doesn’t want to join them, he is left watching his two friends excitedly bicker as they go on towards security and towards a two-week adventure in Europe, a travel he has declined without any reason other than “I have to finish my project”. Another lie added onto the countless of lies that has become Kyungsoo’s life. He turns around as another plane takes off and his mind slowly finds its way back to flames, screams, cries, crashes and his body finds comfort in the panic attack that shakes him after years of sleeping. 

Kyungsoo is crying when he finally gains his hearing back. His vision comes not long after, blurred by the tears but good enough to show him two paramedics crouching in front of him and people staring at him as they pass by. One of the paramedics speaks to him but he doesn’t catch what is being said. He struggles to get onto his legs, the people in front of him assisting him and making sure that he is alright. Shaken by the panic attack that has been so much stronger than he has predicted, he convinces the paramedics that he doesn’t need to go the hospital for a check-up. He is fine. Well, as fine as he can be.

They lead him outside the airport, away from the memories and Kyungsoo closes his eyes and tries to suppress everything that has surfaced before it sticks. His mother makes a huge fuss when he returns home, accompanied by a couple of paramedics who tells her about his violent panic attack. She never mentions anything to the paramedics and when they leave, Kyungsoo is forbidden to set his foot in an airport ever again - a prohibition he is to violate when he goes to pick up Chanmi and Baekhyun two weeks later. 

“I was researching when I was looking through stuff for my newest project,” Junghwa says and leans over the table towards Kyungsoo to hand him the newspaper article she has found. It is a Korean paper from 2002 and the front page shows a picture of an airplane crash Kyungsoo recognises far too quickly for his liking and he bites his lower lip in order to not show how familiar he is with the picture.

“It was such a bad crash, the weather seemed to have been really bad. But digging into this will give me the perfect standpoint for my thesis.”

She reaches over the table once again to retrieve the newspaper and continue reading.

Kyungsoo shakes his head lightly and sends her a weak smile while he fights to keep his clammy palms hidden under the table. It takes five minutes before Junghwa shrieks on the other side of the table, now searching through her tablet. Kyungsoo looks up, body tensing up before she tells him what she has found.

“Can you believe the CEO of SAIC Motors were killed in that plane crash along with his family?”

Kyungsoo feels his throat constrict and he gets up from his chair. His hands are balled up at his sides and he swallows twice before he tells Junghwa that he needs to leave. She looks at him strangely, about to ask him if he’s okay but he’s long gone, the tears prickling behind his eyes as he hurries away from Junghwa, the library, and his past.

He’s seated under the big willow with his eyes closed and his mind effectively putting away what should have been forgotten, things he doesn’t want to remember and things that will make no difference now, when he feels the presence of someone else beside him. As he opens his eyes Joonmyun is sitting beside him. They haven’t spoken a lot, Kyungsoo doesn’t really talk to a lot of people on campus.

Chanmi had introduced herself when they met in their astronomy class in his freshman year and she had been the one to introduce him to Baekhyun and Junghwa as well. Kyungsoo has seen Joonmyun around, knows that he’s a law student and knows that he has had a crush on Chanmi years ago. Joonmyun doesn’t seem to acknowledge his presence, though, and Kyungsoo breathes out with relief. He doesn’t fancy a long conversation about the world when he barely avoided a panic attack in front of Junghwa and he wishes he could just hide for a little longer. With Joonmyun here, however, it’s practically impossible to hide.

A man Kyungsoo has never seen before runs towards them and kicks Joonmyun’s feet with so much force that the man bangs his head against the tree before he glares up at the newcomer. The newcomer sends Kyungsoo a mischievous smile and Kyungsoo gets up from his place, leaving the other two alone just as he hears the stranger whine towards the law-student.

Junghwa finds Kyungsoo on the main staircase and runs towards him, slim arms slipping over his shoulders.

“Are you okay? You left so suddenly…” she whispers and Kyungsoo takes a deep breath before he turns around in her hold and sends her a wide smile. It feels a little fake and the lie that slips from his lips is no different than all the others but her eyes crinkle into a smile and she shakes her head fondly before she demands that he pays for chicken so Kyungsoo easily falls back into the spin of lies he’s been creating for as long as he can remember. 

He wakes up with a scream. It’s been years since the nightmares haunted him but here he is, drenched in sweat, and his sheets all tangled around him. He grabs towards his bedside table, anything to hold him to reality, to make sure that he’s still here, that he’s in Seoul with a loving couple who lost their son Do Kyungsoo in 2002 and mistakenly took him in. That’s why he’s been Do Kyungsoo ever since he was nine. He starts crying in his sheets, the weight of his world suddenly too heavy for his shoulders and the memories of a heartfelt hug he shouldn’t have received, of tears and prayers and ‘you’re alive’ creep into his mind and makes him cry even harder. When he feels strong arms encircle him and hold him tight, he only cries harder. For everything he’s lost and for everything he used to be - for everything he is now and for the lies that make up his life.

10 days later he’s once again staring out of the huge windows at the airport, waits for the panic attack to crawl back slowly. He’s been trying to focus on his lies and forget his past in the 10 days but they keep coming back to him as he waits for Chanmi and Baekhyun to emerge from the arrival gate. Junghwa is beside him, sipping excitedly from her overpriced ice coffee. She says something but Kyungsoo doesn’t hear because his ears catch onto two words, a name he hasn’t heard in 14 years. 

“Zhou Wei?” someone says confused and Kyungsoo can feel the stare on his neck. He ignores it as best as he can. Nobody knows, nobody can know. It’s all wrong. He’s not Zhou Wei. Someone taps his shoulder and despite his thoughts screaming at him to ignore the stranger behind him, he turns around to look at a beautiful male. The other has stunning features, a little feminine but kind and beautiful nonetheless. His eyes shine with a beauty that’s far beyond this world and his skin looks rather pale compared to Kyungsoo's, a feature that still speaks of fortunes. His hair is jet-black and he’s taller than Kyungsoo. He smiles a kind smile.

“I’m sorry, but your name is not Zhou Wei, is it?”

There’s a confused look on the stranger's companion and Kyungsoo feels Junghwa’s gaze on him as well. He quickly shakes his head.

“No, you must be mistaken.”

The stranger bows slightly and Kyungsoo hears his companion say ‘didn’t your cousin die in 2002?’ Kyungsoo swallows a lump in his throat and Junghwa snorts a little. 

“Strange people,” she says. “You don’t even look Chinese.”

She laughs a little but then her attention is stolen by a new arrival of people and he hears Chanmi’s excited laugh long before he’s enveloped in a hug. Baekhyun starts a tale of stories of what they’ve missed and Chanmi joins in whenever she sees fit. They’re about to leave the airport when someone taps Kyungsoo’s shoulder again. The earlier incident forgotten he turns around annoyed, only to stand face to face with the stranger that knows more than Kyungsoo wants anyone to know. 

“I’m so sorry, you don’t know anyone named Jang Taewoo, do you? You remind me of someone I held very dear and I’m really sorry I keep bothering you.”

Kyungsoo’s brain short-circuits and instead of denying his identity he blurts out a ‘who are you?’ The stranger smiles a little sheepish.

“My name is Lu Han.”

The silence that stretches on between them as Kyungsoo links the dots and realises he’s been caught in his web of lies in the past 14 years is heavy.

“Kyungsoo, come on.” Baekhyun sends the stranger a smile. “I’m sorry we can’t help you find whoever you’re looking for.”

Baekhyun steers Kyungsoo out of the airport while his thoughts get more and more tangled. He doesn’t want to ever see the stranger again, he doesn’t want to look at his past and he doesn’t want to unravel a future that is no longer his to claim. Chanmi waves a hand in front of Kyungsoo’s eyes as they climb in the car and sends him a concerned smile. 

“You’re okay? Don’t let that stranger get to you, Soo,” she says and Kyungsoo nods a little. He hopes to forget as he falls asleep in the car on the way back to Seoul.

Kyungsoo is not lucky enough to steer clear of the stranger as he next week sees the strangers companion from the airport cross campus and enter the humanities building. He almost turns around on his heels and skips out of his promise of eating his lunch with Baekhyun, but the older male is faster than Kyungsoo. 

“Let’s go!” he says as he grabs Kyungsoo’s arm and drags him towards the cafeteria shared between the humanities department and the social studies department.

Kyungsoo flops down at a table and Baekhyun seats himself opposite of him. He starts a monologu