I used to be hers.... but I left... leave without a trace. I went to the ends of the earth so that she can come running to me or for me. I hid for a year in a far off place where no one knows me and nobody will recognize me. I need air, I need to be me it's suffocating for me to know she will always be there by my side I'm starting to defend so much on her. I am so afraid that when she decides it will be over between us I will never be able to stand up on my own again. 

I went back a few weeks ago, I almost went back to her flat but I saw two shadows later becoming one. I knew then she found someone knew. Common friends told me she has someone in her life and they thinks she is the one. Dao is back on her feet, plunging again or taking her leap again in love and here I am standing on sideline with my heart breaking twice, when I left her it's not only her that I hurt but I also hurt myself. I pushed away the person who literally give her life to me. I saw them one morning I thought I could talk to her again but I have no guts and I turned coward and ran away.

We meet again in one club she's alone and I was about to order my drink, "Thim?" she asked. I smiled "Hi Koi" I said.

She smiled. "When did you arrived?" she asked casually

"Last month" I answered and sip a bit of my drink

"Ohh, you didn't call me I should have picked you up" she said. I smiled again - why? I left you right! at the back of my mind.

"You have company tonight" she asked

"Alone" I answered. She half smiled. "I'm waiting for her, I told her I'm here. I think she's caught in a traffic" she said.

"I nodded and looked around hoiping somebody I know will be there to save me.

"Thim..." she called. "Yes". 

"Let's meet sometime okay, we need to talk" she said and left I saw her going to someone who looks happy when she kissed her.

I never had the chance to answer. She looked at me and accompanied her new beau to where I am.

"Dao, meet Thim." she said.

Dao smiled at me and shake my hands. "Heard so much about you" she said. I half smiled and tried to focus on my drinks.

I excuse myself and move away from them, I can still see them laughing together, she's back to the old Koi I used to have around me. I'm jealous, it used to be me, I should be there in her place, it used to be my space and my place, now I realized how I everything up because of my reasons. She's obviously happy with  Dao.

I left the club after my drink. I don't know if I can take it any longer and it's better to leave them. I wipe my tears as I went out ... leaving me with regrets of what should have been if I hadn't left her.