November 28, 2016

Her officemates were staring at her as she walked to her work station. On regular days, she’d assume that it was because she looked fabulous. But today is not like those ‘regular’ days. Today, she was sure that she looked pretty much like a wreck. She didn’t have the strength to put on make-up or even match two pieces of clothing correctly, just like she does every day. She wanted to care about how she looked like, but somehow, she couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to care about anything today. She didn’t want to be there either. It’s Kim Gwiboon we’re talking about. Fashion is what she loved ever since. But here she was, despising the fact that she had to go to work.

She is tired. She put down her bag and went straight to the lounge. She needed coffee. She knows that people were still staring at her. Because the fashionable Gwiboon was wearing an old graphic tee, sweatpants, and some old sneakers. She knows that this was far from her usual look but she didn’t care. She needed her coffee. As she was heading back to her working station, she saw their boss walking towards her direction. Yoona, her boss, did a double take, because Gwiboon looked like a different person.

“Good morning Gwi..”

“Morning,” Gwiboon said with a flat tone, avoiding eye contact.

“Are you okay?” Yoona asked worriedly.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. If you need anything, feel free to talk to me, yeah?”

“Mhmm,” Gwiboon hummed as she went back to her work station. Gwiboon was thankful for Yoona’s kindness but she can’t bring herself to talk right now.

Gwiboon tried so hard not to cry. She tried to focus at the task in hand; additional preparations for their winter collection. But she simply couldn’t. She went to the lounge and comfort room numerous times that day because she was always on the verge of tears. And she couldn’t let anyone see her cry, because Kim Gwiboon doesn’t do that. She’s always been a strong person in the eyes of her colleagues and the only people who’ve seen her cry were her parents, Taeyeon, and Minho.

Minho.

That jerk. He’s the reason why she’s crying anyway. Gwiboon gritted her teeth and held her pencil so tight that she thought it would snap in two. She forced herself to sketch something on her empty sketch pad because it seemed to be glaring at her. And she did. She kept sketching, it was like she was venting out all the pain she was feeling at her sketches. She’s glaring at her sketch pad, but at the same time, tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. Her hands were shaking, she was sniffling silently.

Yoona was watching her from a distance. She didn’t like seeing her best designer being a wreck. She’s obviously not okay. And this seems to be different from her usual dilemmas. Because waking up late (it rarely happens), being served the wrong coffee, rush hour, all those things that Gwiboon would complain about isn’t enough to make her come to work looking like she didn’t even want to be there. But there’s nothing she could do. She can’t force Gwiboon to talk about what was bothering her. So all she could do was watch the girl work while glaring at her pad with glistening eyes. She sighed and went back to her office.

It was eight p.m. and many of her co-workers are already leaving. Others bid her good bye and she just nodded her head as a sign that she heard them. She was finishing the last of her sketches when her phone rang. She was hoping it was a certain someone. But then she saw that it was Taeyeon, she felt like crying again because it wasn’t him calling her, asking her if she wants him to pick her up. She tried to make her voice sound steady because Taeyeon still doesn’t know what happened the night before.

“Hey, Taeyeon.”

“Unnie, you didn’t call last night! Did you forget?”

Gwiboon gulped. No, she didn’t forget. But she was crying so hard that she couldn’t even bring herself to get her phone and call her, “No, sorry. I was just tired.”

“Ooohh. Okay. You also sound tired now. You still in work?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll go now. I was just checking up on you. Bye Unnie!” Taeyeon said cheerfully.

“Bye,” she dropped the call and sighed. Everything was just too tiring.

She went back to her sketches. She just wanted to finish them and go home.

She was taking long strides towards Yoona’s office. She was tired and she wanted to finish this and go home. She knocked on her door before entering. There, she saw Yoona with more sketches scattered on her table. She looked up and smile at her.

“Hey. Here to submit your sketches?” she inquired.

Gwiboon just nodded.

“Take a seat, then.”

Gwiboon sat down and gently laid her sketches on the table. Yoona looked at them, criticizing them. She put them down on her table and looked at Gwiboon.

“Don’t you think they’re too.. dark? Gloomy?”

“No,” Gwiboon replied.

“This is weird. You know, for the past years, you’d create pieces for the winter collection, but it still had a lively touch in it. You go against what people think; that dark colors suit the coldness of the winter. Your pieces would still have a variety of colors, you know what I mean? Why the sudden change?”

“Maybe I decided that dark colors does suit the coldness of the winter,” Gwiboon said as she stared at the wall in front of her.

Yoona sighed, “Gwiboon, what happened?”

“Nothing,” she replied. “Do you have anything else to say? I really want to go home now.”

“Okay,” Yoona said sadly, “I’ll be here when you need a friend.”

Gwiboon threw her a small smile, one that did not reach her eyes. She stood up and silently went out of the office.

Gwiboon arrived at her apartment thirty minutes ago. But she was still inside her car. Everything was coming at her in flashes. Everything hurt. She wanted to erase the memory of the past night, but she couldn’t. It’s haunting her. She forced herself to get out of the car. She entered her apartment and there she broke down, again. She barely made it inside her room, and she was, again, lying on the floor, crying hysterically. She tried to stop crying, but she can’t, because it was too much. Everything was too much.

After a while, she forced herself to get up. She got changed into her normal clothes (as if what she was wearing was it already considered ‘normal’ since she’s Kim Gwiboon) and sat on her bed. She hasn’t had proper meal for that day. But she didn’t mind, because all she wanted to do was to sleep and forget everything, even just for a little while.

And that’s what she did.

Because at least, in her dreams, everything was perfect.

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still no jinki in here. oops? but he'll appear soon ;-)

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