36: Being Alone

   When Baekhyun was younger, he used to think that being alone was the worst thing in the world.

   He didn’t like to eat by himself, and he hated it when all his friends were too busy to come over and play. He’d go out of his way to pester his older brother, even when he was studying, just so he didn’t have to sit in a room by himself.

   As Baekhyun grew older, he realised the worst type of alone was when someone was taken from you against your will, while you helplessly watched on. He knew this feeling well; his parents, who were killed during the war, and his older brother, who went missing. Then Chanyeol, comatose for a month, and now, this.

   But Jeongri was awake now.

   He wasn’t alone anymore.

   Baekhyun watched Jeongri scrunch her eyes in distress, curling her body in pain. He knew that he should have been happy to see her awake, but an overwhelming sense of sadness engulfed his heart at how much she was suffering. He didn’t have any healing powers to soothe away her pains, nor any special medicine to give her. All he had was himself; a man who could do nothing but cradle someone he cared about and hope that he made things easier.

   “Jeongri,” Baekhyun said, wrapping his arms around her small frame, “It’s gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay...”

   “Baekhyun…”

   He could feel Jeongri’s fingers clutch at his shirt, trying to find support. But then, she pulled away, a look of confusion on her face at the sight of him. There was a mixture of bewilderment and disorientation in her expression before she let her head fall onto his shoulder.

   “It’s gonna be okay…” Baekhyun repeated, hushing away her pains.

   It hated seeing her like this.

   “What’s happening?” Jeongri said, her voice muffled against his shirt, “Where am I?”

   She pulled back and stared at Baekhyun, her eyes darting from her hands to his body, and at how close he was all of a sudden.

   “Why… Why are you holding me?” she asked.

   All of a sudden, Baekhyun felt a wave of self-consciousness overcome him. His time alone had fooled him into dreaming about what could be, making him forget that in reality, he was overstepping his boundaries.

   Feeling his cheeks warm, Baekhyun pulled away, letting his hands slip away from her body, but at the last moment, Jeongri grabbed at the fabric of his sleeve. He froze, caught between leaving and staying where he was.

   “Don’t go…” Jeongri said.

   Her lips seemed to quiver; her gaze uncertain. Baekhyun felt his heart strain, unable to stop it from beating harder.

   “I won’t,” he said quietly, “I won’t if you don’t want me to…”

   Caught in limbo, Baekhyun sat frozen as Jeongri leant forwards and rested her head on his shoulder again. He could feel the entire weight of her exhausted body sink into him. She was only doing it for physical support, but his arms hung awkwardly by his side, not knowing whether it was appropriate to cross that thin line.

   Should he phone the house to tell the others that Jeongri was awake? Or should he be selfish, and take the chance to be alone with her for the moment?

   Jeongri sighed a little, her body shivering in the coolness of the night and Baekhyun felt his heart skip a beat again and he gulped. His time alone had been toxic, letting him dream of impossible scenarios that he shouldn’t be dreaming of, but he couldn’t help but wander down this unknown path, wondering what could be if he just took that first step.

   In the end, Baekhyun’s heart ended up choosing the latter.

   “How do you feel?” he asked, pulling off his HLV jacket and laying it around her shoulders.

   “Horrible…” Jeongri muttered, her breathing was steadier as she became more awake, “What happened?”

   Baekhyun dipped his head to try to look at her face, but Jeongri had buried it into his chest. He was sure that she could hear just how fast his heart was beating.

   “A roamer attacked you and out, but it doesn’t matter because you’re okay now.”

   “I remember running… and then falling…” Jeongri said, finally looking up at him, “Where are we? Are we safe?”

   Baekhyun nodded slowly, “We made it to Greyfleur, Jeongri. We’re safe now.”

   A small content smile spread across her tired face, “I’m glad...”

   Baekhyun really loved her smile.

   “I’m glad too…” he replied, returning the smile.

   Unconsciously, Baekhyun’s hands slipped around into the small of her back, supporting her weight. It was okay to be selfish once in a while, wasn’t it?

   “How long have I been out?” she asked.

   Jeongri’s face was mere inches away from his. Baekhyun could see a sheen of sweat building across her forehead from the sheer energy it took for her to sit up. He could see every pore on her face, every small freckle. Jeongri was only leaning into him for physical support, but Baekhyun let his feelings run amok, wishing that those distant dreams could become a reality.

   “Baekhyun?” she murmured, perplexed at his silence.

   Without thinking, Baekhyun pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and started dabbing away the sweat on her face.

   “Too long,” he whispered.

   With each tap, Baekhyun felt his heart begin to calm. He wanted to stay this way forever, just the two of them alone and locked in each other’s world. If they really couldn’t stop the world from ending, then he wanted to be the one protecting her until the end.

   Jeongri started to look at him with a peculiar expression; one mixed with uncertainty and captivation. opened for a second before she looked away, deciding against what she wanted to say, but Baekhyun didn’t mind. He didn’t care for anything, except staying like this for as long as he could.

   “I’m so glad that you’re okay,” he said softly.

   Baekhyun’s heart roared with confidence, perhaps it was the time to turn dreams into reality, but then his thoughts were dashed by her next words.

   “Where’s everyone else?” Jeongri asked, “Where is Kyungsoo?”

   The sound of Kyungsoo’s name came in like a blast of cold air, blowing away any wispy illusions that he’d been clinging onto selfishly. Baekhyun felt himself stutter, silently cursing how foolish he’d been. How did he ever think that he could slip into her life again, ignoring ten years of distance, and be ‘the one’ when he knew that her heart was with someone else?

   “Baekhyun?”

   Not even the sound of her voice could mend the cracks that were beginning to appear in his heart.

   “He’s-” Baekhyun faltered, caught between wanting to tell her the truth but shielding her from the pain.

   Wordlessly, he turned his head, and Jeongri followed his gaze over to Kyungsoo’s unconscious body. She gasped, covering with her hands as a look of horror flooded her eyes. Baekhyun didn’t want to see her so distressed, but it was inevitable. There was no running from the situation. Unconsciously, Baekhyun moved a little to block her view, wanting to distract her, but it was too late, her attention had slipped from his grasp long ago.

   “Kyungsoo?” her voice trembled.

   Without looking back, Jeongri pulled away from Baekhyun and shuffled towards Kyungsoo. Baekhyun could only watch, feeling his hopes drift away with every move she made. Being alone with his own thoughts had tricked his mind into believing what could never be. And now, with Jeongri leaving his side, he was alone once more.

   “Kyungsoo?” she said again, a little loud this time.

   There was a high-pitched tremble in her voice. Looking at Kyungsoo from head to toe, her hands moved across his chest before she grabbed him by th