Part Seven—Four Years Earlier…..

As Yunho had told Jaejoong, that night after his breakup, about celebrating his life and his youth, he did just that the following months.

He tried to be healthier by establishing relationships at his work with more of his coworkers and tried to get close with them. He tried smiling more and being more optimistic. He also tried to help people around him as much as he could.

On the weekends, he would go out, sometimes alone and sometimes with Jaejoong. He would buy himself expensive dinners and gifts from time to time. He had the money he might as well used it on him. He worked hard for it. He would send gifts to his younger brothers, and even sent a gift to his sister and wrote her a short email.

He was trying to be more healthy, and forgive those that have hurt him in life. He wanted to live in peace.

He also let himself go and forgone his judgement by having strings of  strings of one night stands and getting drunk. He would only be twenty five once.

Jaejoong voiced his concern about the change in his behavior but he assured him he was okay and he knew what he was doing. He was making a conscious choice. He was grown and there was nothing else Jaejoong could do.

He tried his best with Yunho and deterred him from going clubbing as much as he could. He would drag Yunho to hang out with him at the bowling alley—something both of them hadn’t done  since high school. And sometimes they would go catch a movie or just stay in.

During those months Jaejoong felt as if he got closer to Yunho. Jaejoong spent Christmas eve over at Yunho’s and they celebrated a new year and turning twenty six in two months with wine. Yunho’s roommates all left to go to parties that they had been invited to.

As they clink their mug of beer mix with wine and some other hard liquor Yunho listened to Jaejoong complain about living with his parents, his desires to move out and being an only child.

“There is so much expectations that is put on me,” he sighed putting his elbow on the couch seat and turning to look at Yunho as they sat on the ground with their back against the couch with the TV on.

Yunho blinked at him and sipped his drink. “I do not know what to say. I do not even talk to my own folks.”

“At least you have your sister and little brothers. They’re able to direct all of their focus onto them. They only have me.”

Yunho shrugged and started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Jaejoong asked a trace of a smile.

“Nothing is. It’s just...Nothing.” Yunho had thought at that moment what he would give to have parents that wanted and love him as much as Jaejoong's parents did. Maybe if he had been an only child his parents would have had no choice but to accept him as he were and love him. Wishful thinking.

Jaejoong ended up spending the night over at Jaejoong and in the morning they made a large breakfast before they parted ways.

At twenty six and having been separated from his parents for nine years, Yunho knew what he wanted in live and one of them was to not be under his parents control and let them deprive him of his happiness. However, they were still his parents and that is why when he learned that his father was at the hospital deathly ill from his younger brother he had no choice but to go visit back home with the support of Jaejoong and his roommates, especially Changmin.

When his mother opened her door and pulled him into a hug with teary eyes he wanted to run away and never comeback, stead he froze into cold stones in her arms while she sobbed her happiness at his visit.

He knew they would never accept him and he refused to accept any morsel of love they had to offer—if he couldn’t have it all, he didn’t want half. Nor did he want conditional affection.

He didn’t run away, he stayed and visited his father in the hospital. He was grown he chanted continuously in his head and he needed to face his demons once and for all. And he did.

His father would not be dying anytime soon, but he was old, and Yunho was glad he got to see him because then he wasn't sure when he would ever see his parents again, if ever.  

When he sat down for dinner that night with his mother and two younger siblings he wished he had been anywhere but ‘home.’ His siblings hardly knew him. When he left home they were nine and eleven years old. There was a tense awkward silence throughout the whole ordeal.

When he helped clear the table later and his mother grabbed his hand and squeezed it with her teary eyes piercing through his startled brown eyes, he had another rude awakening when she said in a weak shaky voice, “Thank you...for coming.” She swallowed after saying, seeming to be overcome with emotion. It wasn’t her comment that deterred Yunho, but the look in her eyes. She thought he had came with the thought to amend things. That he had changed. No, not changed, but was ready to deny part of who he was to make her and his father happy. To make her family happy. That he had seen the ‘light,’

But she (and him—his dad) wouldn’t accept him.

He’d gently tugged his arm free with his heart causing a ruckus in his ears. He was over that . He wasn’t planning on dating from then on because of his late breakup and his scars, but he still didn’t and wouldn’t fake it for his parents sake.  He didn’t believe in people like him getting the happiness they crave, especially living in the society that he did. But he refused to live the rest of his life denying part of who he was. What about him? Did his happiness not matter? Didf his worth as a human being not matter because of a tiny part of who he was?

The next morning as he made to leave his sister came to say goodbye. She flashed him a smile as she thanked him for coming and when she opened to ask when he would be back the dark icy look he sent her momentarily deterred her.

“Wait, Yunho, this is your parents we’re talking about here.” She tried to appeal to him running her fingers through her hair, carding her fringes back.

“Oh, I forgot they were my parents.”

Her eyes widen in shock at his sarcasm and dry little grin. He was tired of acting. Just because he was supposed to love his parents didn’t mean he did. They weren’t acting like parents.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing. I am going.”

She grabbed his arm and asked him to explain himself. “Are you saying you will only be back here when, I do not even want to think about such event, they die? For their funeral?”

“If I feel enough empathy.”

She yanked her hand away and blinked at her cold brother. She didn’t seem to be able to wrap her brain around what he had just said. “What...How dare you!” she snapped and slapped him hard, making his cheek stings and ears popped. “She is your mother! She gave birth to you. He raised you the best that he could. You owe them some respect.”

He shook his head, eyes flashing. “I do not! I owe them jack . All they’ve done is make me hate myself. Make me hate the skin I am in. All they’ve done is make me hate this world. Because of them, I feel like I do not deserve happiness. They’ve made me feel all of my life, even today, that a part of what makes me me is wrong and it needs to be murdered. I owe them !” he spat.  

Sighing he decided to just let it all out as he looked at her blanched face. He had already began anyways. He was tired of his pretentious of an sister who knew but expected him to let go of his own happiness for his parents peace of mind. Well, them for not being able to accept him.

“I thought parents were supposed to love their kids no matter what?”

“They do—” “

And accept them. Even if the whole wide world turns their back on them, parents are supposed to always support their kids and accept them as they are instead of how they want them to be.”

“Yunho,” she begged, trying a different tactic when she realized how jaded and angry he was. He was going to let it all out.

He shook his head. “They’re not my parents. I cannot be around venomous people like them. I already have enough of happening in my life that assures my depression. I do not need to add those people, too.”

“Those people,” she gasped.

He walked passed her, she turned and yelled, “Yunho, you must understand. They’re old. They already have their concept of the world and—”

“There are old gay people too. We do not all die young. Plus, when they found out about my uality, they were much younger than they are now. Goodbye, sister.”

His mother had been listening and heard everything and Yunho had been glad for that. They deserved to know how he truly felt. He felt thankful toward his sister for provocating him.

He finally felt as if he took care of a big part of his life. He finally corrected something that had been bothering him for years.

When Yunho got back to town he called Jaejoong out and they went drinking.

Yunho poured everything out to Jaejoong and cried on his shoulder as they walked under the night sky in the darkness.

When he sat next to him on the grassy bank by the river they’ve found themselves frequenting often, Yunho had finally cried there. Silent tears rolled down his cheek

His trip had drained all of the energy and happiness out of him. A wave of emotions he had been trying to drown resurface—his breakup with his boyfriend who he had dated for a year had really impacted him. He had believed in happiness and happily after with him. He shouldn’t had, he choked out as he cried harder.

He had thought they were going somewhere, they had a future, and to learn the truth had hurt him deeper than he had previously thought.

He was tired of being hurt.

He was simply tired.

Jaejoong stayed by him and assured him that he did have a future and would find happiness.

Jaejoong grew weaker towards his friend.

He slept over at Yunho’s that night and in the morning Yunho was a changed man, nothing like the Yunho he saw last night. The sensitive Yunho. He was all smiles and fun. He was back to being twenty six, young and free.