Part Eleven—Two Year Earlier…

Jaejoong took Yunho to have dinner with his parents and officially introduced him to them. They liked him and he liked them, too. But they only saw him as a friend, and that made Yunho feel guilty when he bowed at the door after dinner with the couple smiling lovingly at him and walked out with Jaejoong behind him, walking him out.

He knew how much they wanted Jaejoong to marry—they talked about it constantly over dinner and asked Yunho to tell him of who their son was dating that was making him so happy.

For the first time, Yunho knew what it felt like to want to hold on to something just because you didn’t want to see eye lit with happiness and love crash like fragile glass hitting the hard floor.

When Jaejoong stole one last kiss before they walked in the sidewalk and walked to the bus stop, Yunho’s felt a pang in his chest.

Jaejoong was oblivious to his discomfort and merrily walked next to him talking.

Jaejoong had been nervous when he invited Yunho to his house. He had desperatedly wanted for his parents to love Yunho. After all, that night, he had though Yunho was the man he would be spending the rest of his life with.

His heart almost burst with love when he received the text that he was at the bus stopped and needed some more help to get to his house. Dashing out he had gone to pick him up and all he wanted to do when he saw Yunho and waved at him with a smile was to assembled him in his arms and embraced him till they both could not breath and kiss to eternity.

One Year Earlier…

 

They happily continued on dating. Having their first anniversary and making plans to travel for their second one like they know they would meet it.

Yunho wondered if it would come. It did.

They took days off from work and had a three day vacation overseas. It was the most glorious time ever.

And they both thought if they could get to the second anniversary no matter how much they argued and doubt their longevity, they could make it to eternity.

They passed their twenty—seventh birthday and hit their twenty—eighth birthday together.

The older they got, the more frequent the talks of marriage got for Jaejoong at home and the deeper he fell in love with Yunho. It would crush him to have to separate from him.

Jaejoong’s dad had a heart attack and had to go to the hospital.

The panic Yunho saw on Jaejoong's face that day made him want to protect him and make sure he never experience such a thing ever again. But he couldn’t.

Sitting to his father's bed in the hospital holding his hand, Jaejoong listened to the old man talk about how much he hated the food there and wanted to go home.

He had just been glad to have his father back alive and up to his old tricks.

A dad walked in with his little toddler of a daughter in his arm to visit his mother who was stationed next to Jaejoong's dad, and the conversation naturally drifted there—marriage, grandkids, death, impending old age.

He felt guilty towards his parents and Yunho because he mind drifted toward making his parents happy by getting married, and making his father’s dream come true.

They weren’t getting any younger and he almost lost his dad. He wanted him to hold his grandchild before he passed away. But all he wanted was to be with Yunho and feel his skin against his and inhale his breath and eat his smiles.

His mother said she was going to take care of him when he said he wasn't dating anyone right now, scaring him to the point of his skin turning cold when she said with a smile she had files upon files of blind dates waiting for him.

He had simply smiled.

He already had who he wanted to grow old with.

His father died before he could even make up his mind if he wanted to make him live his dream because he had another heart attack and that one had been fatal.

Yunho accompanied him to his father’s funeral.

He held his crying mother while Yunho quietly gave him strength by laying a warm palm between his shoulder blades.

The whole world seemed gray and white that day. His father, the man that always seemed larger than life was gone.

He was fatherless. That night as that notion dawn into him he cried onto his cold bed alone.

His aunt came down to help her sister. She stayed for three months before she went back home to her family.

His mother hardly cracked a smile. She was like a ghost around the house.

Jaejoong felt guilty as days passed, again, toward both Yunho and his parents, now solely his mother.

He wondered what he should do. If he went on blind dates and settle down when he found a woman he could deal with, and his mother liked making his only parent happy. He would pass on his dad’s last name and blood.

He would destroy Yunho though, and he feared Yunho doing something stupid. Plus, he didn’t want to end things with the man he loved. Yunho owned his heart and had been there for years by then. He couldn't imagine a future without him.

But, as the days passed, his dilemma got worst.

He loved Yunho and wanted to be with him. If he married a woman he would be miserable for the rest of his life, but he would get a kid out of it all—but so would he if he stayed with Yunho. He could adopt or have a surrogate carry his child to term.

But, the most important figure in all of his, his mother wouldn’t be happy and not accept them and he would crush her in the process. He wanted to make her happy. She had been through so much. It was not easy to lose the man you loved.

But he loved Yunho and was contemplating losing him, how was that any different?

The months following the death he stayed away from Yunho and neglected their relationship. But Yunho didn't complain and allowed him to take a deep breath and get better after losing his sire.

He tried to be understanding.

Eight months after his dad’s death and being a year older, twenty nine, he accepted his mother’s blind dates and promptly went to every one of them.

When she would talk about his father’s desires to have grandkids and hers, too, he could not refuse her proposals. The way she smiled with such happiness when he nodded and said he would meet her made it all worth it for him.

She had been getting a bit better after his father’s death and had began to focus on his impending marriage and his future kids. She was using that as her therapy and a way to forget about her deceased husband.

He hated it, but didn’t know how to say no. And quite frankly, didn’t want to.

His heart would hurt when he would hear her cry in the middle of the night.

He went to those blind dates without Yunho knowing.

He continued on dating him, because he didn’t want to break up with him—ever.

Yunho had noticed the change in his temperament and the way he was pulling away. He didn’t comment on it, though. Yunho had thought it was all due to his father’s passing. He had been partially wrong.

The more he allowed his mother’s to enjoy the idea of him getting married and got him more blind dates, the more he hang on to Yunho—the longer their love makings went, the more tender it would get. He wanted to get lost in Yunho’s bother and never return. He didn’t want to separate from him, because the moment he did he would have wake up to his reality. And he hated it more than anything else.

In the middle of the night he would sneak out of his house while his mother sleep and slipped into Yunho’s apartment, he gave him a key, and get in his bed and hold on tight to him. He wanted to spend every night with him in his arms.

When Yunho and Jaejoong’s eyes met the day Yunho found about everything he thought he had been hallucinating. But he hadn’t. The truth was a hard pill to swallow.

Jaejoong had been putting his date into the cab after their encounter, and Yunho had been grabbing a few drinks with his coworkers per their request and had been leaving when he spied Jaejoong and he looked up, it all appeared like a slow motion scene in a movie, and their eyes met. Their hearts crashed that night because Jaejoong knew he couldn’t continue on lying anymore. And their conclusion had loomed dangerously in front of their eyes.

Later as they talked, more like argued, Jaejoong told Yunho the truth but said he didn’t want to break up with him and he loved him. He was kicked out of his apartment.

Rubbish. It was all rubbish!

Yunho slept and woke up angry that night, but his eyes remained dry. The same could not be said for Jaejoong. He slept drunk that night, wetting his pillow with his tears. He felt a streak  filling him, directing all of his pains towards his mother. He quickly killed it. But he had already felt it. He blamed his mother for his unhappy future of living a lie.

The next day Yunho’s anger dissipated and he moved on to being dejected and disgusted with life.

He knew he shouldn’t had taken a chance and dated Jaejoong. He had been right.

But when Jaejoong had told Yunho he loved him by the river banks with the water gleaming, and the beautiful shimmering water met the dark night sky, he’d thought they could have a future and this time he could and would be happy.

He had been stupid.

He knew deep down he shouldn’t had hoped for the impossible.

Once again, he would lose.

He never cried. Not even once.

Yunho didn’t pick up his calls and evaded him when he came to visit him.

When he opened his door, at the breaking point, to find Jaejoong on the ground on his knees asking for forgiveness, Yunho thought about taking him back because he loved him and was tired of being sad and alone.

However, that hadn’t been why Jaejoong was at his door, he was at his door to inform him that he was getting married. His mother liked the women he saw and he’d agree with his mother to marry.

Yunho wished he had let Jaejoong talk to him the past three weeks he’d been at his door, ringing his phone and buzzing his phone with texts. Maybe if he had he could had stopped him from breaking him.

He was extremely fragile.

Jaejoong was asking for forgiveness for being weak and a coward and not fighting society and his mother for his love.

He was at his door on his knees because he loved him and would always love him, but he was still unable to make him as deliriously happy as he promised he would. He was just simply sorry for everything.

Yunho didn't cry. Why even bothered, he thought.

Dried eyed he closed his door and locked it, leaving Jaejoong on the ground with a single word informing him of his feelings. Jaejoong should already know.

He spent the night drinking and running over his memories, feeling angry but still refused to shed a single tear.

He expected this. He knew that was how it would end.

The first time was his lover’s fault, the second time was his fault, and this third time was definitely his stupidity at work.

It all was his fault.

He should had known better. Now he had lost a lover and best friend.