This review for Connect was done by Yeoniebb42.

 

› Title [ 3/10 ]

Despite giving it a lot of thought, I couldn’t find a relevant correlation between your title and the story. My ultimate conclusion was that perhaps it was meant to reflect the two sides trying to connect but that still seemed pretty weak to me. Honestly speaking, it’s an uninteresting title. It comes across as overly common and it’s too plain to truly stand out. Given your story’s genre, I would recommend choosing a title that reflects the element of fantasy. I know you can do it!

 

› Description and Foreword [ 9/10 ]

I think you more or less did everything right here – the description and foreword were both neat and tidy as well as free of error. However, whilst the description was at the right length to grab readers’ attention, the content itself didn’t have that special something to capture mine. It could just be a matter of personal preference but I think that it’s important for you to keep in mind. c:

 

› Plot [ 5/15 ]

The story had a pretty slow start and I was waiting for a really long time for the plot to kick in but it didn’t. Have you thought about where you’d like the plot to go? Because I have to be honest when I tell you that this story seems to be lacking a plot altogether! Quite a few things are unexplained and although there is beauty in vagueness, in this story, there was confusion rather than vagueness. There was so much that could have been simply explained.

For example:

Why do the two sides have to be in pairs? (I know that it was for touring the school and you showed this to us in a later chapter but the principal should have told them instead of letting them get dragged off by strangers. And also, why didn’t they all go together as a group? Even little details like this should be paid attention to.) Why did the boys even go to this school? The story is tagged ‘fantasy’ but we readers still have yet to see any of that going on. At the moment it somewhat comes off as a cheesy romcom and there’s nothing wrong with a romcom but that’s not what the description promised us. I must stress that it’s crucial to show us more fantasy and a lot less of the humour because it’s really not working out. Buuut I’m happy to say that there was one time I laughed whilst reading this and that was here: "‘I can top.’ He said, only to watch the cat let out some sort of a scoff as he walked off." Pets always save the day! xD

 

› Character Development [ 5/10 ]

First of all, I want to praise you for describing what the main characters looked like. Writers usually forget to do this since they assume that we already know what the idols look like and that it’s not necessary when in fact it is. Describing character appearance is so useful because with that, we’re be able to make more inferences about their personalities. Well done, you! Now whilst I say that, I think you could have started describing the characters from the first chapter because I was lost very early on. Leeteuk and the other characters were just mentioned out of nowhere and they all started yelling at the same time with no indication of who’s saying what. I guessed that you were trying to show us how rowdy the bunch is but the presentatio