Sooner or later, I couldn't take it anymore. It was as if there was some sort of magnet pulling me to him. He was so close, yet so far, and I was aching to see him more than ever. I knew he left because he didn’t want to see me, but I had to speak with him.

“Sorry,” I excused myself. “I have to go use the restroom.”

I dashed off to the direction he went, ignoring the exclamations of “The restroom's the other way!”

Following his direction, I went straight down the path. I crossed my fingers, hoping to find him. Sure enough, he was sitting on the balcony, staring at the garden below. His back was turned to me, and I approached him quietly. His silhouette was illuminated by the moonlight and his skin looked terribly pale.

He soon heard my footsteps, and immediately turned around to see who it was. Much to my disappointment, his face bared nothing but blankness, his eyes showing little to no emotion. There was a bit of sweat on his forehead, but other than that, he was as well-composed as he was inside.

“Hyejin-ssi.” he tipped his head in a small bow, addressing me formally. My insides shriveled at his cold tone.

“Junmyeon-ah...” my voice cracked at the second syllable of his name.

He flinched before regaining his composure, and raised an eyebrow, as if asking me to continue. Crossing his arms, he shifted his gaze away from me when I still remained silent.

“Um, I thought you had something to do?” I asked awkwardly, already inwardly berating myself.

His answer was curt. “I've already done it. Is that all?”

“No, Junmyeon, it's been so long...” I was desperate for a real conversation. “How have you been? When did the 'Suho' thing start?”

“Five years is bound to be a long time. I've been doing well as Suho since about three to four years ago. You can just search the rest up on the internet.”

I nodded dumbly. He really didn't want to talk to me. “I missed you. A lot.”

His jaw clenched. “I'd prefer it if you'd just get straight to the point, okay? And don't call me Junmyeon. Only friends and family call me that, and I think you've lost that privilege.”

“I'm at the point right now! I missed you like crazy!” I burst out, unable to hold in the flurry of emotions any longer. “And I've lost the privilege to call you what I've been calling you for years?!”

I let out a humourless laugh. My eyes started to well up with tears that threatened to spill at any time. I struggled to hold them back, and resorted to just looking at the ground.

“Why are you getting angry at me now?!” he responded, finally letting his frustration show. “I wasn't the one who left without as much as a goodbye and had to suffer alone without any explanation! I wasn't the one who ignored all the calls and messages. I very well think you've lost that privilege.”

“I had my reasons! Do you think I'd do that just for fun?!”

“Of course, you had your reasons,” he laughed mirthlessly. “But you just couldn't tell me what they were. You just disappeared! No one had any information about you, and you didn't even try to contact me after that.”

I had trouble differentiating in whether my tears were sad or angry. “And I would have told you if I could! I loved you-”

“No. Stop,” he shook his head, as if trying to drown away my words. “How could you have loved me, when you could just leave without a trace?”

“I did, I did,” my voice cracked again, and I let a tear roll down my cheek. I hastily wiped it away. “I can't believe you even doubt me. We were together for so long...”

“And yet, it took just a few hours for you to run away from me.”

“I didn't run!” I almost yelled back, letting another tear escape my eye. I could barely even feel it. “Stop accusing me of things I didn't do!”

“Then tell me,” he said, his voice soft now. It was either because he was very tired, or he saw me crying. He had always hated my tears. “Why did you leave?”

A tear dripped to the ground and I wiped my eyes hastily. “I can't tell you. You just have to know that it was for your own good.”

“I figured that much,” he uncrossed his arms. “How could it have been good for me? The love of my life left me and I didn't know until she was already a million miles away the next morning.”

“I'm sorry, Junmyeon. I really am.”

He got up from his seat by the balcony. “Didn't I tell you not to call me that? I'll leave first, Hyejin-ssi.”

Once he left the area, my entire body wracked in sobs. My legs gave out under me and I slumped down to the floor. I felt like the night was taunting me, with its moonlit beauty. I was far from that. I really couldn't tell him; he might've hated me even more. However, I still stood by the statement that it was for his benefit. And it proved to be true, with his singing career sailing by smoothly as ever.

I hiccupped amidst the sobs, barely controlling the waterworks. I was all conflicted inside, and I was probably stuck with Junmyeon hating me forever. He didn't even allow me to call him by his name. Then what about all those terms of endearment we had for each other back then? Were all those supposed to go down the drain too?

Suddenly, I heard a sound come from behind the door to the balcony. Could it be Junmyeon? I hurriedly turned to look.

Alas, it was just wishful thinking and some imagination on my part. Hastily wiping my face, I decided to call it a day. But first of all, I had to find the bathroom to get rid of the redness on my face.

My breath was still somewhat sporadic, but I thought I did a good job of keeping it hidden. With my head bent down, I exited the balcony and tried to locate the restroom. Luckily, there were signs all over the place so I had hardly any trouble finding it.

I had barely washed the remains of my tears away when a voice called out. “Hyejin? Is that you?”

I didn't dare to look up, in case Seungwan caught a glimpse of my red face. I couldn't let her see that on the day of her engagement party. She deserved to have a happy celebration without any of what I was going through.

“Yeah, it's me.” my voice came out in a croak, and I mentally chided myself for the sound of my voice.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I hummed affirmatively, still scrubbing at my face aggressively. My eye makeup was probably ruined by now, so I retrieved some wipes from my purse to remove them. Staring at myself in the mirror, I realised that I looked like a hot mess.

“Hey,” Seungwan frowned, stepping closer to me. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” I replied, removing my makeup. “Everything's fine.”

“C'mon, you can tell me anything. What are best friends for?”

“You don't need this kind of burden right now. It's your engagement party.”

“So? Can't I listen to a friend at the same time?” she scoffed, taking out some face powder from her clutch to dab onto my face. “I only have this cushion powder at the moment, so it's a bit thin. Maybe Juhyun has some foundation with her.”

“It's Junmyeon.” I confessed in a rush. She froze, her hands still pressed onto my face before continuing, not wanting to trigger me.

“What about him?”

“Long story short, we were together for a long time when we were teens. Something came up but I couldn't tell him about it. So in the end, I ended up moving away to China and studied finance.”

“Sounds like a drama,” she laughed. “When you say 'together', how close was that?”

“We were soulmates,” I smiled wistfully. “We really loved each other.”

“I'm sure there's more to that story, and I hope you're okay with telling me about it soon, okay?” she combed my hair with her fingers and pushed it to one side, trying to make it look neater. “So- hey! Is that a tattoo?”

I could feel my eyes watering again as I saw it in the mirror. The water droplet design was still as prominent as the day I got it. It was kind of like a permanent reminder of what we used to have. At times like these, I was really glad that it was on my back so I wouldn't have to see it unless I deliberately used a mirror.

“I swear I've seen it somewhere before...” she mused, before catching a glimpse of my glistening eyes. “Aww, don't cry, Hyejin. I'm sure it'll all work out.”

“He hates me,” I mumbled. “I can totally understand why.”

“Hey now, you don't know that! You said you were soulmates, right? Then you'll definitely find your way back to each other.”

Suddenly, her phone beeped, signalling a text. She fished it out of her purse and read it silently before sighing. She stared at me carefully. “I need to go out to watch the next performance. You wanna come too? You look alright, just a little puffy on the eyes.”

I shook my head. “I actually thought of going home first. Sorry, Seungwan.”

She smiled. “It's alright. Take your time, okay? C'mon, I'll walk you out.”

The both of us walked out silently. The night sky was still dark as ever, with only the moon shining in its wake. As we stepped out into the cool air, I shivered slightly. It was contrasting to the party inside which was full of fun and life.

“Thank you, Seungwan,” I hugged her goodbye. “I'll call you tomorrow.”

She muttered her own goodbyes before scurrying back into the hall, leaving me alone. I sighed, starting the slow walk to the front of the building. I had texted Mr Park when I was in the washroom, so I estimated his arrival to be in about ten minutes’ time.

Suddenly, there was a loud trudging from the hall, and from the corner of my eye, I saw that it was Junmyeon. I quickly hid myself behind a large pillar, taking my phone out to appear like I was busy. I hoped he wouldn't recognise me.

“C'mon, Junmyeon! You have to do it!” Chanyeol called out, taking long strides to reach him. “It's part of the programme.”

“Then cancel it,” Junmyeon replied defiantly. “I refuse to sing it.”

Chanyeol groaned. “What happened? This is your hit single, you know? This is the song that brought you to stardom.”

“Did you forget the title of this song? It's a freaking sad song, and I'm not going to sing it at my friend's engagement celebration.”

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