Kyuhyun POV

Weeks have passed just like that since I’ve found out about the whole things…

I suggested the doctors to run chemotherapy on wookie, but they said not to put my hope up so much because they also wanna do that at the first place but cancelled it since wookie is already reached his last stage so the probability of the treatment to succeed is only 12%.

I’ve told my employer about my current situation. Fortunately he is an understanding man and suggested me to take a break from my work for a certain period until I settled down.

The hospice literally seemed like my second home now…

I’ve been staying with wookie and always keep him company. Donghae and Eunhyuk would also come to check on us once in a while. They seem like a very nice couple, I hope things work out between them.

In those weeks I’ve stayed with wookie… I have seen various types of symptoms he’s been gone through. He would be attacked by them no matter at day or night.

Threw tantrums, vomiting, seizures…

Just name it, I’ve face it all.

Sometimes he couldn’t see and always got hurt when he tried to walk around in that state that makes him bumps into people and things…

Sometimes he would have difficulty with his talking or whenever he wanted to express himself. I’ve lost count of how many times he’s wrongfully pronouncing my name, don’t even mention his own name…

The doctors said it was due to the swelling in the brain caused by the tumor that constantly pressing on the other part, keeping them away from functioning normally.

I’ve let go of him once and I’m never going to do it again…

It feels like I lived in hell after he left me that time…

Now, whatever comes.. I’ll never let him go.

Not anymore…

He’s threw tantrums again that morning…

He keeps yelling and complaining of how countless times already he have told everyone that he don’t want to eat heavy meals in the morning because it will make him throw up his guts, but they still serve him that kind of food.

All of his well-made breakfast provided by the hospice was now splattered on the floor…

I ushered the nurses to go out from the ward and when they did, I get closer to wookie’s bed and immediately hugged him in attempt trying to calm him up.

I my hands on his back whilst hugging him from the front. He struggle for a minute but eventually gave up after that.

“It’s okay... it’s okay, it won’t happened again… from now on I’m the only one who will serve you breakfast, how’s that sound?” I persuaded him.

“Really?” he looked at me with his doe eyes and asked whilst pouting.

“Of course, dear.. Just tell me what you wanna eat. I’ll go get them right now.” I told him with a little bit of exaggerated fighting tone which is he laugh heartedly after that.

It’s good to see him cheer up, being the old wookie that I know.  How I hoped he would always be like that…

Laughing and smiling…

“I just want something simple for breakfast… like waffle, sandwiches or something like that. Whose eat rice and meat early in the morning? You know how that kind of food for breakfast will make me have an upset stomach right? I didn’t mean to create a scene, I’m sorry…” he apologizes

 “I know, the nurses will also understand that...” I just nodded, understanding his state.

I let go of him from my grip and crouch down on the floor to cleaned up the mess that my love had made, he keeps sending me an apologetic smile while I’m cleaning the thrown foods.

“You want waffles isn’t? Just wait here for a moment and I’ll go get them.” I asked him once again and walked out from the ward.

There’s a stall that sells waffles two blocks away from the hospice, so I just take a walk to buy them.

It takes me forty minutes when I’ve already bought the waffles.

I skipped on the corridor heading to wookie’s ward feeling all giddy with wookie’s happy face in my mind when he gets to eat what he want.

But when there’s about twenty more feet before I reached there, I heard a pain screech from someone…

It won’t spare me second thought to know that it was wookie’s.

I sprint to his ward and burst the door open. I realize that my hands is both empty, I must’ve dropped the waffles accidently when I’m running here.

When the door opens, my eyes immediately scanning the room…

Searching for my lover’s figure, afraid that he might get hurt…

And he is…

He is in pain…

It doesn’t take me that long to spot him curling on the floor.

“It’s hurt!! Make it stop!!” he screamed.

He’s breathing unsteadily whilst grabbing a fistful of his own hair, his eyes are shutting tight but tears still managed to escape from them.

I hurriedly went to his side and hug him tight, I tried to hold his hands in place in order to prevent him from hurting himself further.

A nurse was also there fidgeting and standing far away from us but the doctors are nowhere to be found.

“Where the hell is the doctors?!!” I shout at her, this really angers me because my love is in pain over here but she just stand there doing nothing.

“Doctor Park was just here a moment ago, I think he was going to get the anaesthetic. He told me to stay here and watch over Mr Kim in case he hurt himself” she answered me with a shaking voice.

This place is really full of morons.

Why the doctor is the one who get the sedative and leave a woman to watch over someone who’s on seizure?

“Aahhhhh!!!! It’s hurt!! It’s hurt!! Please!! Make it stop!!!”

Wookie keeps screaming and thrashing in my embrace violently.

It must be really hurt for him…

Then the said doctor came in the room with a syringe in his right hand.

“Hold him still, the needle might get broke and hurt him more if he moves too much” he ordered me.

I followed his order and hugged wookie tighter than before, my body also get swayed a little with every movement he made...

“sshhh… sshhh.. baby, it’s okay, it’s gonna be alright.. I’m here…” I was trying to soothe him with my words but obviously failed when he keeps tossing around in my embrace.

He’s gradually become more passive and finally stopped moving frantically when Dr Park gave him a shot of the sedative.

He lay unconscious in my hug with a face full of sweats and tears…

I pick him up and put him on his bed. When everybody have gone out after checking his condition, I pulled a chair closer to his bed side and sit on it whilst holding one of his hand…

I watch him like that until I fall asleep with his hand in mine.

.

.

.

.

I woke up when there’s a faint touch of delicate fingers gently caressing my cheek…

I fluttered open my eyes to see an exhausted wookie that still laying on the bed, Its already sunset I guess because there’s a hint of the red lights coming through the window and its beams on wookie’s face beautifully.

He gave me his small smile but his eyes show the opposite…

It was full of love, fear, pain, sadness…

 “u-uh.. when did you wake up? Are you feeling thirsty? Want me to get you some water? Or you wanna me to call for the doc-…” I asked whilst my hand still holding his slender one, it looks like I’ve never let go of it when I slept. But my question immediately shutted off when he interrupted me with his.

“Kyuie… are you sure you wanna keep doing this?..

Are you sure you wanna keep staying by my side?...”

 “Dear, we already talked about this aren’t we?” I pleaded him.

“You saw it with your own eyes.. and.. and you’re bound to get really hurt more than that when it comes to the worst…” he sobs.

I took a deep breath and then look at him in the eyes that already filled up with unshed tears.

“If I never know about this or worst, if I ever leave you.. I’ll be more hurt than that when it’s all too late for me to be with the one I love, don’t you think so?..” now I’m holding one of his hand with both of mine whilst planted kisses on each of his knuckles.

“Just for once Kim Ryeowook, I’ll ask you this favour just for once… stop trying to make me leave you, because I’ll never do that…

I’ll cut off all of my limbs if that what it takes for me to stay with you, I’ll jump off the roof if that is the price for being with you...

I’ll do everything that you’ll ask me to do.

But please, never… never ever ask me to leave your side anymore… please”

I reached my hand to his face and cupped his cheek, I used my thumb to wipe the fat tears that now rolled down from there.

 “I’m just scared… it’s too painful, I don’t wanna die… I don’t wanna leave you, its hurts me a lot when I’m seeing you broke down” he said whilst hiccupping with each sentence he uttered.

I swallowed the lump that forming in my throat, and tears also escaped from my eyes…

 “you’re the one who suffer from this the most but why did you keep trying to make me go away like I’m the one who will get worse than what you’ve been experiencing?.. It is true that I’ll also feel the pain that you are handling but at least we’re sharing it together… there’s no hell I’m going to let you go through this alone…”

I paused for awhile and then look at him deep in his tearful eyes..

“I know it won’t be long, but let’s just treasure the moment that we still have and be with each other as much as we could…

At least till the time comes…”

-to be continued-