*This is the continuation of Ryeowook’s flashback

After that the three of us including donghae’s boyfriend, Eunhyuk hyung, always met for almost a week at the café where donghae’s just started worked in.

I met them when Kyuie went for work, of course.

As I wish for them what I want to prevent Kyuie from feeling my lost when I died, We secretly planned for this ‘lies’ and was going to act it out one month later.

But the plan changed and we have to do it sooner because I’ve been experiencing other symptoms of the cancer, the doctors said that it’s one of the nonspecific signs such as having changes in my alertness and intelligence.

I’ve been talking nonsense and being dumber than I’m already are.

There was a time when I’m cooking chicken soup for dinner, I’ve mix all of the ingredients that I want in the pot, such as the spices and chicken .

After that, I don’t know what has gotten into me that instead of using clear water as the broth…  

I used milk…

I know that there’s something wrong with this soup but I can’t still figure it out and just keeps stirring until it’s cooked.

Luckily I was home alone, what could have happen if Kyuie was there too?

I don’t even wanna think about it.

And here we are right now…

The first dinner we had together after weeks, how I wish that we would do this every day…

But something’s bound to happen tonight…

I guess… this is the last night I’ll be eating with him…

I just stare and play with my foods, thinking hard how I’m going to make him hate me.

I clear up my throat, just about to start the conversation.

But, he is the one who spoke first.

“Yes dear?” he asked, with a warm smile on his face...

Oh god, please…

Poor kyuie, my kyuie…

I just was going to give him hurt, why did he have to treat me with such love?

No! I can’t melt over this, I’ve to be strong, this is also for his own sake.

I put up a stoic face and finally said it

“Let’s break up kyuhyun..” I’ve never called him by his name since we’ve lived together. He must’ve been shocked to hear that…

Obviously flustered by my statement, he asked me once again…

I’m already felt like crying but still, I answered him with the same thing that I’ve uttered to him before. Unwavering…

He laugh to lighten up the mood and asked me again that if this is his birthday or what and told me to not joke around like this.

It’s hurt to see him this broken,

But still.. I can’t get my feelings to take a full control over me…

Then, I shout at him…

He pleaded me to tell him what he did that was wrong so that he can fix it up…

That’s when I proceed to the plan..

The lies…

I told him that I’m already sick of him so I’ve find myself another man which is to be Donghae hyung,and I’m going to move in with him soon.

I hope with each word I uttered to him, he will despise me to the bone…

But that’s not what really happened..

He kept demanding that what I’ve told him is all lies and the only one I love is just him, not donghae.

It is…

It is true…

This is all just lies,

I just only love him,

He is my life,

He is my soul…

I swallow up my emotion, and keep convincing myself that this is for his best…

If I don’t do anything right now, Kyuie will never get over me..

Then I did it…

The things that I’ve never imagined I’ll ever do to my Kyuie…

I slapped him hard on his right cheek

And told him that we’re just not destined together.

Then I just leave him in the kitchen to go get my luggage in our bedroom,

I’ve  to get out from here quickly before I changed my mind, before I lose control of myself...

There’s one more step before I’m completely leave, I took a last glance at my love and told him that..

He deserve someone better than me…

Of course someone who’s healthier so that they can take care of my Kyuie when I’m gone…

I shut the door and leaned against it,

Slowly sliding down when I can hear him crying from inside.

He is already wailing like a baby over a break up, what will even happen when he see my dead body on the hospital bed?

I kept convincing myself over and over and over again that this is for both of our own sake.

Now crouching in front of Kyuie’s apartment, I’m also a crying mess.

I close my mouth with my right hand to muffle up the sobs I’m making. The tears are kept rolling down nonstop that my face might looks like I’ve been drenched in the rains.

After that I went straight to the hospice, unpacked my possessions and pushed the empty luggage under the bed.

Then I climbed up my bed and waited for donghae hyung to visit me. He said that he and Eunhyuk Hyung will visiting me starting from today but it just in the evening only because they’ve got to work in the morning.

I’m not hoping much, what they’ve done is already enough.

I don’t wanna give them a burden too.

There’s a knock on the door and donghae hyung entered, then he teased me for not sleeping yet when it’s already almost midnight.

I’m totally can’t sleep because of the thought that,

Will my love be able to sleep without me by his side?…

Will he be just alright?...

-to be continued-