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Taehyung always felt like the group could be so much better without him. He always had thoughts of leaving the group but because there were actually fans who supported him and showed him love he abstained from those ideas. Today he had been filming for his drama. It was his first time and he would've hoped that his schedule would be more lenient but neither the staff nor the band agreed with making changes. They told him that it was the weight he had to carry in order to become an actor. He would lie if he said he didn't feel angry, when Namjoon was making his music, everyone worked around his schedule. Maybe it was because he was the leader but no one got mad when he was late to rehearsals or when deadlines were missed.

He entered their dorm and quietly took off his shoes, everyone was probably asleep. He thought wrong as he walked by the living room, the members sat in a circle with a stack of cards in the middle, they were all laughing. He didn't bother to disturb but Jimin had noticed and the room turned quiet, he smiled slightly and kept walking to his shared room. He quickly grabbed his clothes and took a shower. Wanting to cry, he pressed his head to the wall. He stayed there until the cold water numbed his body. Hesitantly he turned the water off and dressed, he hurried to bed and hid himself in the covers. That was his daily schedule in the last few months.

Taehyung rushed to get dressed when he read the time on the clock, he was going to be late for rehearsals, he didn't bother wondering why the other members didn't wake him up. He entered the studio out if breath, his head spinning because he didn't eat any breakfast. The choreographer spoke.

"Taehyung go stand outside and wait for me."

He nodded and turned to his group, they all looked away but Jungkook who gave him a sympathetic smile. Jungkook has always been the only person in the band who didn't treat him badly. But that was the way he was he would never look at someone in a negative way. He quickly looked away heading towards the door. He waited for what felt like eternity and his choreographer came out.

"I've given you several warnings and you ignore them every single time. Now it's all in Bang PD's hands. He's waiting for you in the office."

Before he had anytime to protest his choreographer was already gone.

Bang Shi Hyuk was especially scary when he was angry, Taehyung gulped as he sat in front of him.

"What is wrong with you these months? I gave you my trust when you asked me to let you cast in the drama. I am disappointed now. Your members work just as hard. Namjoon works on the show, he also has to help arrange the schedules for BTS. Shouldn't you be grateful?"

"I know that they are working hard but there are some personal reasons which are slowing me down. I am tired."

"You think that the others aren't tired."

"That's not what I am saying" He felt tears burn in his eyes.

"You have time to ask yourself if you're really living out your dream. I am not going to stop you from whichever decision you make."

Taehyung almost lost it. He knew what it meant. It meant that he could leave BTS. He nodded.

He entered the studio and picked up the music sheets. He had to record his parts but because of the meeting earlier he skipped that and went somewhere private. Somewhere where he could listen to his thoughts. He turned the music on and heard what was recorded so far, as always the songs went smoothly. He picked up the headphones and the mic.

"Hyung!" Jungkook called out. Jungkook worried about Taehyung, he never said anything but he had noticed the drastic change in Taehyung. He wasn't cheerful whenever the cameras stopped rolling. He went to his own corner and played on his phone. He didn't like it. Everytime he asked his other hyungs, they shrug it off as nothing. Telling him that maybe Taehyung was growing up. But he didn't want that, that wasn't the person he fell in love with. He was in love with Taehyung for a number of reasons. His smile which resembled the shape of a box. His emotive warm brown eyes. The cute mole on his nose. The fact that he can make him laugh with simple gestures and his crazy but weird view on the world. The fact that he believes that rabbits exist on the moon. Seeing his favorite hyung in this state frustrated him.

"Uh Jungkookie, what's up?" Taehyung tried to erase the sadness he felt, the younger always seemed to pick up on any little emotion.

Jungkook approached his hyung. "Are you not going home to eat? The others are worried about you." Okay, so he lied but he didn't want to confess, he's scared of rejection.

"Who are you fooling? I know I'm lost half of the time but the members don't need me."

"Of course they do, we are BTS because there are seven members. Jimin said that it isn't the same without one member."

"You know he just has a special liking for you. He said that because he was just sad that you weren't there." Taehyung said sourly, picking the sheet up again.

"You are important, the members need their ball of sunshine,  you're the only one who gets us through the tough times." You get me through my tough times- Jungkook thought. 

"Who are we kidding, I have never been a part of BTS, I was just put in here because of my looks. I've always been just a visual. Everyone has something out for them." He said what replayed in his mind constantly. 

"Hyung, you are the first to land a role in a drama." He wanted to squeeze him and make him better. How did he tell Taehyung everything without confessing? However the elder could be so clueless sometimes. Jungkook knew he wasn't the most discreet about his feelings and he was frustrated at the oblivion of the elder. "Let's go home, you're going to feel better if you have a full stomach." Jungkook took Taehyung's hand.

Taehyung shook it off before grabbing Jungkook by the shoulders. "Kookie go rest, I'll finish this and go home."

"Why can't you leave it for tomorrow?" The younger complained.

Taehyung felt this inner anger not at the younger but at life. He wished to have the talents the 18 year old inherited. "Just go home" He gritted. "You don't get it, if I don't do this then my career is over. I'll have to leave Bangtan. This is my effort for the sake of the band. " For the sake of being next to you. There was meaning in the younger which he had yet to discover, but it was more than care for the younger. The younger who's stuck by his side since the beginning of his career. He felt the lump in his throat once again.

Jungkook wanted to lean in, if he actually imagined what everything would be without Taehyung, his life would be incomplete. He just couldn't imagine it at all. He had never yelled at him, no matter how frustrated. The gleam in his eyes was gone replace with a dull stare and something painful, it clawed at his heart and even when he wanted to pull away it drew him in. There was a slight quiver in his best friend's lips as he turned away. He had lost the chance once again to confess, it slipped right before his eyes.

"I won't be too late." He mumbled.

********

The next morning Jungkook looked for Taehyung in the dorm but he was no where to be seen. He saw his hyung's around the table and called out to their leader. He was the maknae but he didn't feel any younger than them, he was also most serious at times. "Namjoon Hyung, did Taehyung come by here to eat or anything."
He shrugged. "Doesn't he have filming? I didn't see him come back last night after the recording. Weren't you with him?" 

Jungkook bit his lips in worry. Did he even eat? "I'm going out before practice, I'll meet you at the studio." He grabbed his stuff quickly and ran out of the door.

He pushed the studio door opened, to find a sprawled Kim Taehyung on the floor. He kneeled next to him before reaching out to move the strands from his forehead. He smiled silently, even when the elder slept he looked like angel.
Taehyung squirmed.

Tae, wake up." He poked him in the cheek. 

"Five more minutes." He mumbled. 

"You have to go to the dorm, today's our day off. You can sleep some more." He leaned in and whispered in his ear. 

Taehyung's eyes shot open, he tried to think of where he was. All he remembers is that he was sitting reading over the song when all of the sudden his head spin and his vision gave out. "It's our day off? I think I'll stay here a little bit more."

"You can come back after you take a shower,  eat and sleep." 

"If you won't come with me on good terms, I'm afraid I'll have to handle this with authority."

"You should remember that I'm older than you." Taehyung glared at him as he crossed his arms. 

Jungkook felt his heart bother him once again. Tae would be obnoxiously cute when he would whine to Jungkook but now he doesn't even want contact with him. He would also always pout instead of frown. However the upside down smile wanted Jungkook to pull the elder in and kiss him delicately. With such tenderness he looked at his hyung before grunting. "If that's the way you want to play, then we'll play your way."

Without any chance to argue, Taehyung was scooped on and placed on the younger's shoulder.  

Taehyung hit his back constantly and yelled in frustration. "Kookiiieeee, I'm never going to finish if I keep taking breaks."

"Short breaks won't kill you but exhaustion would. Have you seen the dark circles under your eyes?"Jungkook groaned as Taehyung cold hands entered his shirt. Maybe he did feel some type of plesure but for the sake of sanity his hyung needed to be controlled. 

Just then Taehyung hummed along to Amber's On My Own. If he had a chance he would sing the song to thousands of people. He wanted to write a song just like that, one that would explain his feelings. 

"Hyung, do you feel lonely these days?" Jungkook needed to find the problem. 

"I..I..I have you don't I?" He let out a nervous laugh.

Even if it wasn't meant in the way he hoped, it brought warmth to his heart. "I would never leave you alone." Jungkook stumbled as he began to feel worn out. 

"Let me down, I don't want to get even more hate for ruining the maknae."

"No, I want to do this."

Knowing he wouldn't win the argument he gave in but added a condition. "At least give  me piggyback ride. It hurts less." 

"You better not try to run away." As he got on his back, Jungkook approached the building. Taehyung tried to jump off but Jungkook was faster and pinned him against the wall. The tension increased as Jungkook buried his head at the crook of Taehyung's neck. "Don't try to run away from me,  the feeling of you is the feeling I like." He whispered while Taehyung tensed up. 

*******

 Taehyung breathed out heavily as he tried the move for the twentieth time. He had to practice multiple times in order to make up for the practice he missed because he had to go to Bang Pd's office. He looked at himself in the mirror. Was being in the band that important? Did he have to suffer an internal struggle just to make others happy? Also did he want to be around the younger? Seeing him go well as an MC made him jealous, he doesn't hate the younger but once again he's the golden maknae, everything he does comes out right. He let out a muffled scream. As his hands gripped his hair with frustration.

He threw himself on the floor. The studio door opened and in came the rest of the members.

"Look who's here for a change!" Jimin scoffed.

Taehyung grew into himself as he backed away into his corner. He got into position. His head began to spin but he had to ignore i