I was in love...but I already had someone.

I had never regretted being with someone IN MY LIFE until I laid eyes on that heavenly creature referred to as Zhou Mi. I watched miserably as he moved around the room watering the plants, my chin resting in my hand as I sat with Wookie in a bean-bag chair in the commons area. I sighed and rubbed my eyes tiredly.

Things with Jonghyun were not bad. Not in the slightest. Jonghyun was kind, gentle, and easy to talk to, and he never did anything that made me uncomfortable, or upset me. But lately he was acting differently than before. Ever since we had for the first time, it's like he hadn’t wanted to touch me anymore. He hadn’t given any signs that said he still desired me, and to be honest, it made me feel kind of insecure. But as I stared at Zhou Mi, my heart fluttering as he leaned down to smell a flower in front of the window, I knew that I had to stay. For one thing, I lived in Jonghyun's apartment. If we broke up I would have nowhere to go. Plus, Zhou Mi didn’t even like me, and I shouldn’t break up with Jonghyun just because I was slightly attracted to someone else.

“What's wrong Henry?” Wookie asked me, leaning slightly on my shoulder and giving me puppy-dog eyes, his stuffed bunny's ears falling on my lap. “You look like...something's on your mind.”

I sighed again. “Just thinking about my current relationship.”

He stared at me thoughtfully. “Is there something...wrong with it?” He asked.

“It hasn't been the same since the first time we had .” I whined, pouting at him. “And I don’t know what happened! I don’t know if it's something I did, or if I was lousy...” My face reddened in embarrassment and Wookie laughed at me.

“I think you’re...thinking too hard. Maybe he's just...shy or something.” He suggested, playing with one of the bunny ears with his fingers.

I shook my head instantly. “NO way, Jonghyun is not shy AT ALL. He's the type of person who would walk around downtown Seoul in nothing but his boxers on a dare. He has no shame.”

Wookie blinked at that and smiled. “I think you should just...talk to him about it...when you get home.” He declared, grinning happily. “Talking it out...is always the best way...to solve problems. That's what Zhou Mi says anyway.” He added, shrugging and flashing a thumbs up in Zhou Mi's direction, who returned the gesture with vigor. After that excellent advice, I spent the next TWO HOURS playing with Wookie and his stuffed animals, much to my dismay, until I was finally rescued by Zhou Mi.

“Feeding time!” Zhou Mi announced loudly, startling Wookie and I from our play time. As if following a silent command, Wookie immediately gathered up his things and fled to his room, leaving me staring after him with curiously. “They eat in their rooms.” Zhou Mi told me, smiling a little. “You feed hallways one and three, the meals are in individual packages so you don’t have to worry about serving sizes. Follow me and I'll show you where it's at.” Blushing a bit at his smile, I followed him obediently to get the meals for the patients, located in the kitchen that had seemingly appeared from thin air.

I stood by the door waiting patiently while Zhou Mi went inside to gather up all the meal boxes, a little startled when he suddenly reappeared and dumped a load of cartons into my arms, ushering me off in the direction of the rooms. “You are feeding halls one and three Henry, after you're done you can take off.” I stopped him before he could go back into the kitchen, a little overwhelmed.

“But I just got here!” I exclaimed, peering at him over the top of the stack of boxes in my arms.

Zhou Mi laughed a bit. “No you didn't, you played with Wookie for quite a while, and you arrived just after lunch if I’m not mistaken.” He smiled at me, making me blush a little. “We don't want to overwork you on your first day kiddo, go on home and we'll see you bright and early tomorrow.”

I frowned at his choice of words. “I'm not a kid.” I pouted, jutting out my lower lip which probably didn’t help make me look mature.

Zhou Mi just grinned. “Feed the patients and go home Henry, see you tomorrow.”

~ ~ ~

I thought about him all the way home.

Troubled, I scratched the back of my head and sighed as I crossed the street to get to my apartment building, rummaging in my messenger bag for my house key, praying I hadn't forgotten it at home this morning like I did sometimes. Jonghyun wasn't going to be home from work for another hour so if I didn’t have it then I would have to wait outside. Lucky for me, it was hidden at the bottom of my bag.

I stopped in front of my door however, my head still filled with Zhou Mi. I stared unseeingly at the brass numbers on the door, imagining how it would feel to be wrapped up in his arms. Would it be warm? Comfortable? Would I feel safe? I wondered what he smelled like. Earlier that day I had caught the scent of a man wafting off him, that indescribable fragrance that made your knees wobble and your eyes flutter closed as you basked in the happiness that was the man it came from. I shivered as a cold wind blew through my jacket, bringing me back down to Earth as I realized what I had been thinking about. I shook my head to clear it. I had a boyfriend. A wonderful one. I couldn’t betray him by fantasizing about another man like this. I heaved a massive sigh again, sticking my key in the lock and letting myself into the apartment.

As I was taking off my shoes, I noticed that Jonghyun's shoes were at the door along with a pair of leopard print stilettos.

I stared at the woman shoes, my face blank, not comprehending the situation. Silent, I lifted my head and looked in the direction of the bedroom Jonghyun and I shared, noticing the trail of clothes on the floor. Biting my lip and trying to come up with excuses for the clothes, I followed the trail slowly, clenching my fists tightly. When I reached the closed bedroom door, I waited and listened for a moment, not hearing anything out of the ordinary, and I felt a surge of relief. But on the inside, I knew what I would find on the other side of the door. However, knowing didn’t prepare me for the sight of my boyfriend of three years curled up in the bed with a small sleeping girl, also , wrapped in his arms.

My eyes widened and I raised a hand to place it over my mouth, choking back a sob. Jonghyun, who was awake, turned his head to stare at me, not showing any signs of remorse for cheating on me. “Oh.” He said calmly. “You're back early.”

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe. I just stared at him, tears pouring from my eyes. Finally, after what seemed like forever but was really only about a minute, I found my voice. “J-Jonghyun, what's g-going on?” I choked out, trying to calm down and failing miserably.

Jonghyun carefully laid the girl on the bed, pulling the duvet over her gently with a soft look on his face. The look that he used to give me when we woke up in the morning in each others arms. But by the time he was out of the bed and pushing me out of the room, that soft look had disappeared, replaced by a cold, emotionless mask as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you really asking me that?” He droned, making me flinch at his uncaring tone of voice.

I sniffled and wiped my eyes still trying not to cry anymore. “Who is she Jonghyun?” I whispered, fresh tears falling as he grabbed his pants from the floor and pulled them on before turning back to face me.

“My girlfriend.” He said casually, falling back on the couch and draping his arms over the back of it.

Crack.

I stared at him, shocked. “W-What? What do you mean she's your girlfriend!”

He sighed in irritation. “It means I love her, not you.”

Crack.

“B-But I thought you loved me Jonghyun...!” I stammered, falling to my knees in front of him and clutching his jeans in my fists. He shook me off in annoyance, ignoring my words.

Crack.

“What did I do wrong Jonghyun?” I begged. “Why don't you want me anymore?”

He finally looked me in the eye. “I just don't like guys much. I thought I did until we had , then I realized that I prefer girls. It was just kind of weird Henry, I mean, its unnatural for two guys to be together anyway. You'll thank me in the end.”

Shatter.

I shot to my feet, tears now streaming freely down my cheeks. “How could you do this to me Jonghyun!” I cried, not caring if I woke the in my bedroom. Our bedroom. “I loved you more than anything! I gave you everything I had to give you and still you...you...” My voice broke off into a sob. “You said you would always love me!”

Jonghyun seemed unfazed by my outburst, which broke my heart even more than it already was. “Everybody goes through the 'am I gay' faze in their life.” He shrugged. “I got over it. You really think I meant it when I said I loved you? I only kept you around so long because you did all the housework and because you can cook. Honestly Henry, we were kids when we got together. Neither of us really knew what love was.”

I whirled and ran to slip my shoes on, ready to leave and get away from his hurtful words. But just as I was about to run out the door I turned to look back at him. “That's where you're wrong Jonghyun.” I whispered, barely able to speak, I was crying so hard. “I loved you. But I guess I was a fool for wasting three years of my life with you.”

~ ~ ~

But I didn’t run away. It was too late for that. The devastation was too great. I felt as if the world was crushing me under the weight of reality. It was so heavy that I could barely walk. I simply stumbled on through the city, rain pouring from the sky like my tears. It seemed appropriate that it was raining. It was almost like the Heavens were crying for me. I found myself in the park after about twenty minutes of mindless walking, and I plopped myself down on a bench, ignoring the cold of the water as it soaked through my jeans and letting my head fall back so the rain could hit my face. Jonghyun had never cared about me. All of it was a lie. The kisses. The hugs. The long nights when we would just lay there in each others arms, at peace. None of it was real. The love was fake.

I felt cheated. I felt used. I felt dirty. I felt ruined.

I knew I couldn’t stay there on that bench all night. The sun was already well below the horizon and it was getting colder and colder as I sat there. I would be lucky if I didn’t develop a cold anyway since I was already soaked through to the bone.

However, the thought arose of where I could go. None of my family lived in Seoul, I had moved here with Jonghyun to go to school, and I didn’t have any friends that would let me stay. I felt new tears well up in my eyes as I considered the possibility of just jumping off of something and ending it all. Hell, no one would care. I was alone now, with no one to turn to for help. And it would be so easy to just kill myself and allow myself to forget. I leaned forward and held my head in my hands, crying softly as a desolate feeling consumed me. Complete, and utter helplessness. That’s all I could feel. My limbs felt numb and my heart hurt with every beat. I clutched my chest and sobbed, wishing the pain would just go away.

Not knowing where to go or what to do, I climbed to my feet and started walking, just deciding to let my feet take me wherever they wanted to. I stared at my feet with dull eyes as I walked, silent tears still falling, although I wasn’t sure if it was just the rain or not at that point. However, when the rain suddenly stopped pounding the top of my head and shoulders, I weakly lifted my head to see what the cause was, only to find myself under the overhang at the entrance to the Han Psychiatric Ward. Now that the rain wasn’t constantly pouring on me, the cold set in, and I shivered as I shuffled up to the glass double doors, peering through the darkness inside to see if anyone was up. Not seeing anyone, I reached out and tried to pull open the door, but it was obviously locked.

The depression washed over me, and I sobbed yet again, turning and sliding down to the ground leaning against the glass. My body shaking from the force of my sobs, I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in my arms, trying to retain warmth and failing. I don't know how long I sat there, but later, the door I wasn’t leaning against was pushed open. I lifted my head to see what it was, my eyes red and full of tears.

It was Zhou Mi, holding a flashlight and staring at me in shock. “Henry?!” He exclaimed, realizing it was me. He was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt with a jacket on, but he immediately took his jacket off and wrapped it around me, kneeling in front of me. “Henry what happened, what are you doing here?” He brushed my hair back from my eyes, his eyes full of worry and concern.

My eyes once again brimmed with tears. “Z-Zhou Mi...” I sobbed, reaching out to fist the t-shirt at his shoulders as I clenched my eyes shut. “J-Jonghyun...he...he ch-cheated on m-me...” Zhou Mi sat there with me for a moment, letting me cry before he swooped me up into his arms, carrying me into the building bridal style, making me blush despite how I was feeling.

“D-Don't...” I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck and crying into his shoulder, contradicting my words. “You'll g-get all w-wet...”

Zhou Mi's step didn't falter as he carried me into a small room and carefully kicked the door shut. “Sshh, it's okay Henry, it doesn’t matter.” He set me down gently on the bed and I looked around in fascination. There was a wardrobe and a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf that was overstuffed with books and journals, and a desk filled with papers and scattered pens and pencils. On the floor was a fluffy rug that I buried my toes in, and next to the bed I was sitting on was a small nightstand with a lamp on in, the only thing that illuminated the room. Zhou Mi opened the wardrobe, came out with another pair of pajamas identical to what he was wearing, and handed it to me. “Here, change into these and I'll go put your clothes in the laundry.” He said softly. “I'll get you a towel for your hair while you change.” He exited the room, leaving me to stare after him before stripping out of my wet clothes. I dropped them on the tile with a wet smack before changing quickly into the sweatpants and t-shirt, a little uncomfortable since I didn’t have boxers on, and way too big. I drowned in the outfit, and I had to roll up the pant legs so I didn’t trip when I walked.

Zhou Mi entered the room with a fluffy white towel just as I was picking up my wet clothes, sniffling and feeling sorry for myself. “Just leave those there Henry.” He told me, gently leading my to the bed. “Sit down and I'll dry your hair.” I nodded shyly and sat obediently on the edge of the bed, my hands clasped together in my lap. Zhou Mi pulled over the stool from his desk and sat in front of me, scooting closer, his legs on either side of mine. I was grateful for the towel on my head as he dried my hair, since it allowed for me to hide my red face.

“Thank you Zhou Mi.” I whispered, raising my gaze to watch him through my bangs. He swallowed and smiled as he continued to ruffle my hair with the towel.

“No need to thank me.” He replied, turning his attention back to my hair. After a few moments of comfortable silence, he spoke again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

My shoulders slumped as I remembered the circumstances of me being there. I gritted my teeth as tears pricked at my eyelids. “Jonghyun, my boyfriend of three years, just told me he wasn't gay.” I said bitterly. I raised my hands and pressed on my eyes with my palms. “He was with a woman when I got home tonight...” As I started to cry for the billionth time that night, Zhou Mi pulled into his embrace, making my eyes widen in surprise and my thoughts wandering away from Jonghyun for a moment.

But only a moment.

My face contorted in sorrow again and I pressed my face into his neck as I started to cry harder than before, feeling warm and safe in this man's arms. My arms went around his chest and I clutched his shirt in my fists as sobs wracked my body, all while he was rocking me back and forth slowly, my wet hair silently. By the time I was done crying, his shoulder was went both from my tears and my hair, but he paid no mind to that as he laid me in his bed and tucked me in tenderly. I watched him through sleepy eyes as he pulled an extra blanket out of the bottom of the wardrobe and a pillow from the bed that I wasn’t using.

Just as I was drifting off I managed to say, “Thank you Zhou Mi...”

And then I was gone, barely hearing his reply. “You're welcome Henry.”

Thanks for the subscribers and comments everyone! I'm still new to this site, so I'm still figuring stuff out, but thank you for reading~!