Immediately I let out a long sigh. They were expecting me to explain something I couldn’t even understand! It was frustrating to the extreme, yet I felt the guilty need to tell them everything.

            “I’m not sure what it is, but there’s something wrong with me…” I finally breathed, feeling my eyes wanting to water but holding it in. They stared at me as if they expected such a response, but they were leaning in now, patiently waiting for me to continue.

            “Lately I just… don’t really know who I am.” I choked out, feeling a tear slide. Once the first went, I couldn’t suppress it anymore and covered my face with my sleeves. I could feel my warm tears soaking through the thick wooly fabric, leaving a moist stamp on my skin. My sudden break down caused Nicole and Seungyeon to jump onto my couch and squeeze in together, wrapping their arms around me. It felt like the kind of comfort I’ve needed lately.

            “What’s happening?” Nicole asked. I kept my face buried, wondering how smudged my make-up must have been. I didn’t know how to explain how I felt without making them feel guilty or offended. I myself couldn’t make the connections as to how I became like this.

            “I feel like… I’m not good enough.” I sighed, my voice cracked as I tried to stop crying. I imagined how pathetic I must have looked and how annoying it must have been to be the center of attention. This was one issue that bothered me—my tendency to hog the spotlight.

            “Who told you that? You get the highest marks in all your classes and everyone thinks you’re a genius.” Nicole tried to comfort me, but it only made me feel worse. Was it really so much a compliment to be told that I excelled in nothing more than academics?I wanted to be thin like them!

            “You guys won’t understand!” I unintentionally exploded. My mind was racing and processing all the things they had that I didn’t. They had the looks, and they had a good family! It felt like I was the only one lost in this mess. Clearly, the two were taken aback by my sudden outburst. My eyes darted from person to person and they gasped in response. Whether it was my anger or messed up make-up that startled them, I didn’t really care. I just suddenly felt so aggravated. Seungyeon hesitantly mumbled,

            “Calm down for a sec—“

            “No! Don’t tell me to calm down! You two won’t get it! You don’t have to watch your weight so carefully when you eat! You don’t have problems with your older brothers, and you don’t have people who talk to you only because you can help them with homework! This isn’t the kind of life I want.” I blurted out all my worries at once without censoring anything. I didn’t even realize that I had become so worked up, but it was too late to change all that. They took a while to process everything I said, but as it started to sink in I could see apologetic sorrow in their eyes.

            “Your weight?” Seungyeon repeated to confirm. Her tone seemed unbelieving.

            “Every time I eat I have to consider how many calories I’m consuming. Every time I put something in my mouth I feel so guilty that I have to run on the treadmill for an extra three hours. I know you two are going to say that it’s perfectly normal to exercise after you eat, but I don’t feel normal! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” I continued, trying to make them see life from my perspective though I knew they never could. What was the sense in telling them if they wouldn’t understand?

Nicole’s POV

            I shot a look at Seungyeon, and she returned the stare as if we were speaking through telepathy. We in fact did notice that for the past month she’s been staring at nutrition labels on everything she ate, eating less portions and denying treats that she used to love indulging in. We thought it was just a phase that she’d get over, that maybe she had a certain dress she wanted to wear for graduation and wanted to stay slim. Personally I didn’t understand why she was so worried about her weight. She wasn’t even over weight and she looked average, just like the rest of us.

            “You honestly don’t need to do all this, Hara! You’re not fat…” Immediately after saying this I felt like I should have just kept my mouth shut. She gave me the deadliest glare and continued crying into her sleeve as Seungyeon patted her on the back. I might have been just downplaying her problem, but she really did seem like she was overreacting.

            “Just shut up, Nicole!” Hara yelped, her voice muffled by her sweater. I was offended, but I decided to stay quiet this time. Hara was already at this state and I didn’t want to make things worse, so I got up and went back to the kitchen to sit. Seungyeon would probably do a better comforting job than I ever could.

            In the kitchen, I rested my head on my left palm and stared out the kitchen window. The sky was now pitch black with no moon in sight, and snow was blowing in all directions, illuminated by the backyard light that melted each flake as it landed on the bulb.

            “Her mom’s coming to pick her up.” Seungyeon sighed, taking a seat beside me. I glanced into the living room to see Hara wrapped in her puffy marshmallow jacket with her arms crossed, cell phone clenched in her left hand. Her head drooped down, her smudged make-up had been removed entirely from her face and she looked a little zombified. I tried to stare without having her notice me, and honestly, despite her new-found pickiness with food it didn’t seem like she had lost or gained any weight. She still looked like the exact same Hara we all knew.

            “Oh she’s already here!” Seungyeon jumped after hearing the car horn honk once from outside and immediately left me to assist Hara. This was definitely the most depressing Christmas party ever, but it left me with a lot to think about. After she escorted Hara out the door, she returned to the kitchen table and sighed yet again.

            “What do you think is up with Hara?” She asked. This has now become a topic we could not avoid, and it was definitely more than a phase.

            “Don’t you kind of think she’s exaggerating?” I dared to suggest. This was just like Hara and what she would do in the past. She’s found cleverly infallible ways to receive attention when she needed it, and lately the neglect she was feeling from everyone could have drove her to this point. I didn’t want to dismiss the urgency of Hara’s distress but it seemed a little too sudden and unreal to believe completely.

            “Well she does like attention…” Seungyeon started to agree, now thinking along the same lines as me. Perhaps when winter break ended she would be back to normal.

            “Do you think we should do anything though?” Seungyeon still seemed worried. I thought for a while and no solution arose. There was no way we could know for sure whether Hara was playing a game, so I couldn’t see any other resolve than waiting a little longer.

            “Let’s give her more time?” I suggested, staring out the window again. Seungyeon breathed heavily and I could see her nod in the reflection of the window glass. Hara, despite being a drama queen in the limelight, was also a strong-willed person. If she was facing anything serious right now, I had high hopes for her to persevere.

A/N: I feel  so guilty for dragging this story for too long so I'm going to try to finish it really soon ^^ It should end in about 2~3 more chapters (: Yes I am playing the persona of Nicole and back when my friend "Hara" was having problems, I was actually a huge jerk and downplayed the seriousness of her issues. I wanted to originally keep all the perspectives in Hara's but it was too hard to get a rounded story with only her perspective x]