“Sprinkles… Icing flour… waffle cups…” I scanned through my list of ingredients I needed for the particular dessert I was going to make. I saw it on the food network while I was jogging in the basement and the recipe seemed easy enough to follow. Then again, everything seemed ten times easier when viewing from the TV, but I liked the thrill of challenges.

            “Ah, whip cream!” I remembered, adding it to my list in a messy scribble while lugging my basket of ingredients towards the coolers. The certain smell that the ice cream aisle pertained had a way of making my mouth water involuntarily, but I wasn’t about to give in to my temptations. My eyes ignored the bright, deliciously bold colors of the Popsicle boxes and my feet moved forward until I saw the section for whip cream. With my left hand I slid the door open and stared for a second. There were more brands and types of whip cream than I thought possible. My right hand automatically reached for the 20% low fat light whip cream but paused before I tossed it into my basket. These desserts were for my friends, not me, so it wouldn’t hurt that they gained a few pounds from it. In my eyes they had always been as skinny as twigs, and frankly, it wasn’t fair at all. I agreed with myself that I could at least try to even the levels. Infamously, I placed the light whip cream can back where I found it and grabbed the one labeled with original. This had at least 20% more fat than the other one.

          “Hara, your dad has a meeting in less than an hour. If we don’t leave now you’ll have to take the bus home.” My mom called from the end of the aisle. Her finger tapped impatiently on the surface of her watch and I tried to rush down the aisle and find the emptiest line up. I ended up settling for the self checkout. As I swiped each item’s bar code against the scanner, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt for the way I thought of things. Seeing my friends as fat as me would make me happy, and that fact scared me because I knew that it was wrong to want what was bad for them.

            “Hurry hurry,” My mom rushed again, “We’ll be waiting in the car.” She ushered my dad out the automatic sliding doors with her and I could see them making their way to the car through the tinted windows. Trying to pause my thoughts--at least for now--I tossed each item in a single plastic bag and slipped in a fifty dollar bill. I almost forgot about my change.

            I set the ingredients out on the counter and eyed them all. I didn’t have a solid recipe at hand when I made the decision to try this out, nor did I want to take the liberty to go search it up.

            “Well, here goes nothing.” I sighed, and began mixing my ingredients together, just like how the people did on the TV. My friends are going to ingest this, and I don’t even have the decency to find a recipe for what I’m making. There was something twisted with my mind, I knew, but it was my own guilty pleasure. It was the 23^rd today, and these desserts would be fresh for our little party by the time I got to Seungyeon’s house. We lived in the same neighborhood except for Nicole, but remembering that my parents were gone, I didn’t have to feel guilty about walking over to Seungyeon’s. Walking is good. Walking burns calories. It never seemed like I could lose enough of those in a day no matter how much exercise I did, and though I always ended the day feeling deader than a zombie, I delighted in the knowledge that I was indeed losing weight.  

My thoughts consumed me the entire time I was in the kitchen, and I myself didn’t realize when my desserts had been finished. All I needed now was whip cream over the icing and a few shakes of sprinkles on top to finish it all. It actually looked extremely delicious, but was it edible? A true chef would taste their food, especially before they fed it to another mouth. I grabbed one of them since I had made extras anyway and stared at it for a while. To eat or not to eat… I lifted it closer to my mouth and readied myself for the taste test. In reality, I could imagine the sweet flavor on the tip of my tongue and the icing’s sticky texture against my teeth.

            “Hey, what are those? They look good!” Hyunseung crept up behind me and made a comment with a greedy smirk. Startled, but also knocked back to my senses, I inched the treat away from my own mouth and shoved it in front of him.

            “Taste test this for me.” I commanded, adjusting sprinkles on the other few as I waited for my brother to submit to my demand. He didn’t hesitate before taking a bite, followed with a loud “Mmm”! It must have tasted good and I suddenly regretted not taking even one bite. Thank goodness he came before I did something dire. If even an ounce of that entered my stomach I would probably faint from the idea of such bubbling fat and sugar mixing with my stomach acids.

            “Aren’t you going to try one yourself?” Hyunseung asked after finishing his and rubbing his stomach satisfyingly as if he’d grown a beer belly in the course of ten seconds. He already thought I was anorexic, which I’m not, so I the only plausible excuse I could come up with was,

            “I tried some just before you came in the kitchen.” He eyed me suspiciously, and I couldn’t stand being put on the spot. He had his fun, now he has to leave. Without thinking much, I took a small slab of the left over icing with my pointer finger and gave it a gentle , swishing the icing around in my mouth to savour the heavenly taste. Hyunseung seemed satisfied with that and made his way out of the kitchen, bumping his elbow on the side of the fridge as he left. It was a good thing he did too, because I was about to have another huge internal argument.

 The icing travelled down my throat, but the after taste left a longing feeling, similar to that of an addiction. I hadn’t tasted pure sugar for such a long time I had almost forgotten how delicious it was. I my lips, thirsty for more sugar and noticed that my icing to dessert ratio was very off. There was so much left over icing left, and letting it become trash would be such a waste. Our family grew up learning not to waste anything. There was really no other use for the icing so I might as well devour it now before I come up with another trivial excuse to avoid self pleasure but there was no way on Earth I would succumb to the alluring pulls of unhealthiness that would leave me with the painful aftermaths of a sugar high. After a few deep breaths to settle my conflicting desires, I placed each dessert on a tray and covered it with an aluminum lid, just tall enough to keep the shape of my decorations.

 After getting on my winter gear, I headed straight to Seungyeon’s for the party. The weather channel said that today was relatively warm for winter, but upon stepping outside I felt as if we had landed in Antarctica. A puffy marshmallow jacket and long underwear wasn’t enough to retain any heat in my body. It seemed like lately my body didn’t generate its own heat anymore, so maybe I should consider seeing a doctor later but it was probably just another phase. I should be okay in a few more days.

A/N: Along with this fanfic I'm now working on another 1 titled "Star Light Star Bright" featuring B2ST (mainly Yoseob) and various members of U-KISS! Please take the time to give it a look if you're interested ^^

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/128877/star-light-star-bright-b2st-beast-donghae-superjunior-ukiss-yoseob-you

This won't be a very long fanfic since this was (thankfully) only a short period of my friend's life, lasting only a few months rather than years/decades like some cases do. Since anorexics do not eat, their body has no energy to emit heat of any sort, so anorexics will always feel cold no matter what environment they are in. Add a cold winter day to that and you get a human ice cube! (Okay that was kind of lame and not intended to be a joke but...lol...yeah hi XD)

Oh and if you're curious, this is what the dessert looked like ^^