title: -

word count: 955

summary: Jungkook doesn't understand all this fuss about being in love.

Jungkook doesn't understand all this fuss about being in love. Falling head over heels for someone at first sight; doing stupid things for the person you're in love with. Romantic dates, kissing, holding hands- why is it so important? Why does society- the writers, movie directors, copywriters, teachers, family members- try to tell you that romantic love is the main point of life, a thing you can't be happy without? It's a huge pressure-  a pressure that made him do things he's never wanted to do.

He realizes he may be different when he is fourteen.

It's a hard age for a person- the time when you're not a kid anymore, but not exactly an adult or even a teenager yet. An important part of this moment of life is trying. Tasting everything you can, from drinking and smoking to being involved into relationships. And while every one of his schoolmates is especially interested in the latest, Jungkook doesn't quite understand it. He's had a crush once, in elementary school. He didn't do anything about this. Mainly because he's awkward and shy around people he doesn't know, but now he thinks there might have been something more- the fact admiring from afar is completely satisfying for him and there's no craving for anything beyond.

It makes him feel concerned. He's afraid- a feeling mostly caused by the pressure everyone puts on everyone. If you're not in a relationship, you're a loser. Jungkook doesn't want to be a loser. He pretends to be interested, he talks about girls with his friends- though it makes him feel as uncomfortable as if his skin has become too tight for his body.

He realizes he may have a crush on Yoongi when he's fifteen.

Jungkook's met Yoongi through Taehyung, his best friend since kindergarten. Taehyung's not like Jungkook, he's confident and loud and probably thinks befriending every person he sees is his destined job (the more certain person's not interested in it, the more Taehyung tries and eventually always successes). It's good to have people like him in your life, Jungkook thinks. If not Tae, he'd be the most lonely person in the world.

Yoongi's the coolest person in the world, that's for sure. He might be short, but his voice and style and sense of humour is everything. Jungkook looks up to him, thinks of him a lot yet he barely opens his mouth in presence of the older. His charisma is overwhelming and the raven haired boy finds himself embarrassed, feels stupid and young and doesn't know what to do with his hands. His stomach tightens when he sees Yoongi.

He stumbles upon a term 'aromantic' when he's sixteen and a half.

His frustration grows and grows, and Jungkook doesn't know what's wrong with him. All he's sure about is that he doesn't want what most of the people do. This cute girl from his class confessed to him and he ran away like a fool. He's not even sure what scared him so much.

He finds that certain page, clicks on it mindlessly and then he's gone for over an hour. When he stops reading, everything makes a lot more sense and his chest suddenly feels light.

An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.

The way he's always felt uncomfortable even thinking of being in a relationship, the way he turned Yongsun down.

It's a common thing to have trouble telling the difference between romantic and aesthetic/sensual/ual attraction.

That girl from elementary school he liked, but had never tried to talk to. Was it really him having a crush on her or did he just appreciate her appearance? There's still a huge mess in Jungkook's head and a question's on repeat- what about Yoongi? The guy he wants to spend time with and likes to talk to, and is so overwhelmed by?

The last term causes his mouth to form a cartoon-like 'o'.

In the aual community, the equivalent of a "crush", but explicitly lacking an interest in forming a romantic couple or having a ual relationship with the person in question. It does not matter if they are "in a relationship", as long as you two can have a deep connection. A squish is an intense feeling of attraction, liking, appreciation, admiration for a person you urgently want to get to know better and become close with. It is different from "just wanting to be friends" in that there is an intensity about it and a disproportionate sense of elation when they like and appreciate you back.

Before he can make something out of it, his phone buzzes, startling Jungkook and making him jump. He grabs the device and moves his thumb over the screen, a smile forming on his lips unintentionally as he sees the person's nickname.

From: Yoongs ><
Hey, kiddo. Have any plans for the weekend?

Jungkook's near his nineteenth birthday when he realizes he doesn't to put himself in any labels to be happy. Neither does he need to suit society's expectations. He's really fed up with people gasping dramatically and asking 'aromantic? But don't you want to be loved?' as if he's just told them he's blinded himself just to see how feels like to not see. The point is, he is loved. He's got his friends, his family and Yoongi, who occupies a special place in his heart. Jungkook doesn't know what awaits him in the future, but for now he's happy, and that's enough.

so! writing really helps me to clear my mind and gather thoughts. when i have something to think about, i write about it. jungkook's been kind of used here for personal purposes.