Drink Smoke Pour up
As if nothing much is going on
I try getting drunk as if I don’t care
I try yelling at the passing cars
But why is my heart still the same?

Without any time to think
My body is going to the club
Without any emotion
Just to avoid loneliness
I’m disappearing with a strange girl outside

Tonight I’m getting loose
The crazy emotions are getting loose
The strings that tie me to you are getting loose
but I’ve been thinking bout you
The more time passes, the more unfocused my eyes get
Suddenly, your voice is in my ears
I’m getting lost because I see someone who looks like you
Was I being stupid?
Was it just my imagination?
I just went to find you without any plans
I can’t forget that memory
Even traces of you and that strange guy
Why were you like that?
You had no excuse
Instead you pushed me away
Without any traces of guilt
You ended it
But why am I still lost in you?

As expected, it was only a matter of time until one of you would break apart and give up. Truthfully neither of you could claim that the break up was much of a surprise. It wasn’t. Yet it still hurt incredibly. You thought closing your heart and building up a wall would be sufficient to keep you from getting scars. You thought he couldn’t hurt you any more than he already did. But you were utterly wrong. You could still see the indifferent and cold facial expression of his, vividly in your memory, when you told him you wanted to break up in tears. No matter how hard you tried to erase it, it haunted you everywhere you went. 

But maybe it was for the best after all. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. You were still young, It was the first time you deeply fell in love, but it wouldn’t be the last time. You were too young to truly grasp what love even was. You hadn’t found yourself yet and before you could do so, you lost yourself in a relationship. The love was there, but the timing was all wrong. And maybe if you had met him under different circumstances, if you had met him at a different time, it would have worked out perfectly. However, that wasn’t the case and there was nothing you could do to change that. 

After the break up you hid yourself from the world, trying to process everything that had happened in a span of twelve months on your own. It was the only possibly reasonable way for you to quietly find your own happiness.
But you couldn’t completely shut yourself from the world. It wasn’t possible in this digital generation. And even though it was pure torture you couldn’t help but check out news related to Dean. It wasn’t like you intentionally searched articles online or stalked his social networks. The news came to you in the most natural way. You had the same circle of friends. Words took their round quickly and rumors spread like wildfire. Almost every night you received one or two pictures of his drunken antics in your group chats. And apparently he went home with a different girl every night, He visited the club and it wasn’t hard to guess the meaning behind that. You weren’t that gullible, nor was he that innocent.

In addition to your messed up love life, problems from work and university just added up endlessly. You wanted to escape from it all, as everything grew to your head. The burden felt too heavy to carry and you wanted nothing more than to throw it away. To throw everything away. But it wasn’t possible.

Without out realizing what was happening, you found yourself in the club with you girl friends, who thought it would be a great idea to drown your struggles and worries in alcohol. Little did they know it was the club Dean frequented. However…you did. You did, but you still decided to go. It didn’t make sense and you knew it was the most stupid thing you could do. But you missed him. You missed his handsome face, his soothing voice, his nice scent and his tender touch.

As soon as you arrived at the club, you knew it was a terrible idea. A terrible mistake. You longed to see him, but seeing him didn’t fill up the emptiness in you heart. And witnessing him making out with a girl in the corner of the dance floor didn’t help either. 

You shut your eyes close, shaking your head violently and then grabbed your purse which lay on the counter. Before you could leave your seat, a male figure appeared in front of you. Your eyes widened a bit in surprise and you knitted your eyebrows together, wondering whether you knew him. 

“I’ve seen you from afar…and I thought I’d give it a shot,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his h