Japan, 2018

I smiled remember how silly I was in front of her. I could see other picture, this time is the picture of Namjoo and I. Just two of us....

I never told you before, but maybe you could assume yourself. Yes, I like Namjoo so much even now I still can remember my feeling toward her really well. Her circle never saw her as a girl. Well, she was different from other girl in general. Shopping, pink, heels, make up, she hated them so much. She never cared with her appearance. The boys said she was ugly, well I know she wasn’t that beautiful like a girl that Sungjae, Hyuk, Ricky, or Kwangmin liked. But she was special for me.

In our 9^th grade, everyone started dating one by one... it began from Sungjae.

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Seoul, 2007

It’s our third year in Middle School, everyone started fall in love. Well I already become their circle. You must be curious how, and the answer was Sungjae. Sungjae is my classmate last year and we were in same class again now. I told you Sungjae was good at sport especially soccer, that time his team played against my team. It was our physical class, so we did soccer. Sungjae team really good, I could smell a loser around me until Namjoo passed the field. She passed the field to go to library, the building is across the field.

“Kim Namjoo” Ricky was called her and waved. She waved too and get closer.

“The game is really good, isn’t it?” Namjoo asked Ricky.

“You know Sungjae never lose in soccer, but that new guy really good too. The match is really tight” Ricky explained. A whistle sound cawed, the first round is over. Sungjae approached Ricky and Namjoo.

“You here to see me?” Sungjae . She laughed while hit Sungjae’s chest.

“In your dream Sungjae” they talked quite fun I thought because I never saw Namjoo smiled that bright before. At that time I knew, she had something with Sungjae. I wiped my sweat around my face. And a sound approached me.

“You know you can win over Sungjae” it was Namjoo. “Sungjae surely great but he lose his focus easily, if you make him little angry I am sure you will win” she smiled at me and get closer. “He think he was the best, he got everything but show him that he can’t get everything  he want” Namjoo face got closer with mine “Tell him that I root for you” she whisper and smiled. Namjoo back to her position before and waved. “Good luck Taehyung” she disappeared after support me. After that, the second round turn in my hand, I told him what Namjoo said and he really eager to win until loses focus like Namjoo said. I win over him in that match. After that, he became my friend.

“You know Namjoo well until she tells you about me... so, let’s be a friend!” Sungjae said.

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Sungjae invited me to his house, it was his birthday. Everyone in our class came, and his neighbourhood come too. I could see Namjoo, Hyuk, and Kwangmin together.

“Hey new guy! Wanna talk with us?” Ricky tapped my shoulder and pushed me over them. “Hey everyone let’s meet our new friend, Kim Taehyung” Ricky introduced me to them.

“Well, I already knew him since we were classmate before” Hyuk said. I remembered what Namjoo said again in the bus after saw Hyuk.

“I am sorry for your grade that time Hyuk” I said. Namjoo laughed, Hyuk saw Namjoo and scolded her about telling me his secret.

“I think Namjoo has special connection to Taehyung until she easily told him our secret” Sungjae appeared and joined the conversation.

“Sorry... I don’t have other topic to talk beside Hyuk at that time” Namjoo defended. “And we are a bus friend, we regularly meet in the bus so we should talk at least since we are from the same school” she added.

“And you never meet Kwangmin aren’t you? This is my cool friend Kwangmin. He was good at sport too maybe next time we can play soccer together” Sungjae suggested.

“Good idea! I am in... I really wanna try someone who makes you lose” said Kwangmin.

“Oh please... he wins over Sungjae because of me!!” Namjoo talked.

“So what sweetie? You wanna play too?” Sungjae stood up close in front of Namjoo. I could see Namjoo was blushing. “You always lose arguing with me, so why try so hard sweetie?” Namjoo pushed Sungjae away and left the scene. Kwangmin, Sungjae, and Ricky laughed.

“Don’t be so mean with her... she is the only girl in our group. Please remember that she is really sensitive” Hyuk defended her.

“Well Hyuk, you always in her side... I mean I doubted your uality now. I know you never like her as a girl, so what are you? Are you also a girl??” Sungjae talked really bad.

“Are you drunk?” Hyuk shook his head. “You know Sungjae, a middle school student shall not drink an alcohol. Please stop it before you die in young age” Hyuk left to chase after Namjoo

“What is he talking about? Am I drunk? I really not touch any alcohol now”  Sungjae talk in sarcasm tone. “Ah Taehyung, you must be confused... well Namjoo is...” Sungjae tried to talk with me but Kwangmin stopped him.

“You really drunk, aren’t you? Lets go find a water and talked about Joy, how??” Kwangmin dragged him away. “And you.. please seal your mouth” Kwangmin warned Ricky. Ricky did the act like zippering his mouth.

“That’s a big secret, isn’t it?” I asked.

“Actually no... it just we try to be good friend of Namjoo. Namjoo is our dearest female friend, so we should at least keep her pride” Ricky explained.

“Namjoo and Hyuk really close... they know each other longer or something?” I tried to figure out what happened.

“No... it just Hyuk isn’t like a guy in general. Hyuk doesn’t like sport and rough play. He feels comfortable around Namjoo because Namjoo also like that. But if they are really together, everyone will guess Namjoo is the man in the relationship for sure” I could hear a chuckle. “Namjoo look like a girl around us, but she look like a guy in front of Hyuk. Hyuk never like a girl before, we all doubted his uality because of it” He added.

I saw Sungjae and Kwangmin talked with Joy, she was our classmate. They were look happy together, I sipped my juice and looked around searched for Namjoo but she wasn’t around. Sungjae like Joy since we were in 8^th grade, I knew it because he always hitting on her. I thought it was the bad birthday party ever in my life.

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That evening, I was still in our class even the class already ended. I was going to go to home after cleaning my self. I had a match for soccer this evening, and then I saw Sungjae and Joy together in the class. They were kissing, I assumed Sungjae already get her after his birthday. I wanted to say good bye but they were too intense for me to interrupt. I saw Namjoo passed our class, she saw us. I wanted to talk with her and tried to approach her but she ran away.

“What happen to her?” I was confused for a minute before run after her. “Is she already got her bus?” I said after I couldn’t find her anywhere. I back to my class and talked to Sungjae. “Hey Sungjae, I see Namjoo before but she run away after sees us. Did Something happen?” I said.

“She runs because she sees me and Joy, not us” Said Sungjae.

“You and Joy?? Why??” I asked.

“Namjoo madly in love with me since 4^th grade... but I never like her, she wasn’t my type. I try hard to ditch her away but since we are friend it’s impossible! So I always treat her bad so she can realize that I don’t like her” He explained in really bad manner.

I ran to the door and stopped. I turn back and faced Sungjae, I pull his collar.

“You are totally a jerk, you know it?!” I push him away after talk in angry tone. I don’t know why I really angry at that time, Maybe because he talked lowly about Namjoo meanwhile everyone in their group tried to keep Namjoo’s prid. He really threw Namjoo’s pride, and she talked like that in front f Joy. After this maybe Joy would think that Namjoo didn’t deserve to love.

“Ya!” Sungjae shouted. I turn around again and he threw a bag to me. “Namjoo left her bag... go bring it back to her home. Say that I am not good enough for her” Sungjae left with Joy. A diary dropped from her bag. I Picked it up, and really curious what’s inside her mind. I knew it was rude if I read it but I was urging to find out about her.

2002, Dear diary...

I am in love with someone in my class. He is Yook Sungjae, he is really handsome and kind. He also smart and his voice are really good. I heard it in our music class, and he makes me love him more and more....

 

2003, Dear Diary...

He called my name for the first time I was really happy... thanks for Hyuk and Ricky make him notice my existence... Yook Sungjae you’re mine! hahaha

 

2004, Dear Diary....

He notice me, I mean he notice my love toward him. I think Ricky already told him, he took a step away from me what should I do? I don’t want it happen… it’s okay if he doesn’t like me back but please make him stay by my side L

 

2005, Dear Diary...

We are in same school again, he become a star in our school. Many sunbaes who like him so much, I know one of them. She really aggressive to him, I can see how that sunbae follow him around. I am so jealous... Did Sungjae like her back? If yes I will be heartbroken :’(

 

2006, Dear Diary...

We become good friends, Sungjae & I.. Can you believe? I also can’t believe it. Sungjae talk with me, laugh with me and tell me about this and that. Ah... I notice someone who will be Sungjae rival. He is Taehyung, Hyuk’s classmate. Everyone start talk about him and change the direction from Sungjae to Taehyung. But I must be stupid because I am so loyal with Sungjae. I know Taehyung much better than him but still I like Sungjae the best. They said it just a teen love, it will disappear after 3 years but look how many years that I fall for him?

 

2007, Deer Diary...

I felt betrayed by Sungjae. I saw him and Joy together... back then I asked him that he like Joy or not but he said he hated her because she look like a but do you know what I find out? I know from Kwangmin that Sungjae is trying to get Joy as her girlfriend. Huh... what happen now? I am laughing like crazy because of this. Should I stay as his admirer? Should I still be loyal for him? I doubt myself… I think I can’t do it anymore… it’s too hurt to love someone who doesn’t love you back

I felt what she felt... Kim Namjoo’s heart to Sungjae...I asked Namjoo’s address to Hyuk and went straight to her house afterschool without went to my home first. It was already dark is it okay to come to her home? Would her parent mad at me? I checked a clock it was 18.30.

“It’s okay Taehyung! It’s not late night so her parent will understand you and let you meet her!” I took a deep breath before knocked her door. It wasn’t long until she opened it with her swollen red eye. She was crying a lot I thought.

“Wanna come inside? My parent isn’t home yet...” she said. It’s good that her parent not home but it’s not good for me to stay too long.

“No...” I shook my head. “Your bag” I gave her bag, she looked so surprised. She must be not realized that I was there at that time. “Are you crying?” I asked but got no responded. “Don’t.... don’t cry because Sungjae. He isn’t the right man for you” I shuttered. “I know.... I know you like him so much till you drawn in your own feeling. But he doesn’t love you, you deserve better than him” I threw out my opinion.

“Thanks” She tried to go inside but I held her arm. “You should back Taehyung” she added. I bet she didn’t want to talk about Sungjae now.

“I like you from the first day we meet in my class, the first time you flashed smiled to Hyuk, but I still remember that smiled. The smiled that make me can’t sleep.... I tried to always be there wherever you are so you can notice me. I stalked you, sorry, but I can’t help my self. I think I like you, no, maybe I love you” she looked so surprised.

“You must be kidding me... sorry Taehyung I can’t joke now” She let my grip out. But I held her shoulder and turn her to face me. I don’t know where I got that braveness but I kissed her. A 16 y.o Kim Taehyung kissed Namjoo in front of her house. Namjoo pushed me and she looked so mad.

“Namjoo I…” she got inside her home without listening to my words. “Kim Namjoo... I know you can hear me, please consider my feeling. Forget Sungjae and come to me” I shouted.

To be Continue~~

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the fic become weirder lol
I don't know anymore... i just hope the story still can explain what i try to explain...